All along it was a fever
A cold sweat hot-headed believer
I threw my hands in the air and said, “Show me something,”
He said, “If you dare come a little closer.”

There are some lucky people who meet the person of their dreams and go on to lead a normal life. Normal lives aren’t the norm anymore. In a society that’s plagued with people trying to find love and a lifelong companion, it’s not easy. In fact, it’s rather hard. Where do we turn when our problems are bigger than us? The newsfeed, that’s where. None more relevant than Chris and Rihanna’s relationship; it’s the story of many our lives.

First they were dating.

Then he hit her.

Then they were on jet skis.

Then they were officially broken up.

Then the media slandered and persecuted Chris for as long as they could.

Rihanna wept.

Then Chris got a bunch of tattoos, Rihanna did too.

Then they started talking again. (Isn’t this how it always starts?)

And now they’re back together.

Go figure.

For most of us, this is how our relationships work – sans the hitting on each other. Adults should keep their hands to themselves. We’re together, we arguing, we break up, we reconnect, we’re back together, and then we “lather, rinse, repeat.” The cyclical nature of our relationships with the people we care about is nothing short of a mystery. We’re not all like Beyonce and Jay who seem to ride off into the sunset like a perfect couple. We’re all for the most part like Chris and Rihanna and trying to figure it out. We don’t choose who we love. Love is not rational, it’s not intelligent, it’s emotional and it taps into a part of us that is hard to make any sense of it.

You’re hearing rumours about me
And you can’t stomach the thought
Of someone touching my body
When you’re so close to my heart
I won’t deny what they saying
Because most of it is true
But it was all before I fell for you

Lil’ Wayne asks a question, “How To Love,” but do any of us really know what that means? How many people have perfect love? How many of us haven’t argued all night and decided to temporarily quit only to turn around the next day and apologize and reconcile? However, I’ve figured out that maybe there’s some lessons in the situation that is Chris Brown and Rihanna. Check out this short list of things that you’ll have to accept about being “crazy in love.”

  1. No relationship makes any sense to anyone who’s not in it.
  2. When you’re not together, you’re not together. Get over the things that happen in that interim.
  3. The only way relationships really work is when you stop caring about what anyone else has to say about it.
  4. Sometimes neither of you has an idea what you really want outside of each other. You also have no way of rationalizing it.
  5. Everyone has to make a decision that you’re going to choose love over pride.
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At some point, we accept that relationships are dysfunctional.

Don’t believe me? Think about all the relationships you’ve been in over the course of your life. The good to great ones, required a lot of work that wasn’t easy no matter how hard you tried. Our friends are the same way and as friends we’re all trying to navigate our way through those relationships. That’s the exact reason that sometimes when someone asks me for relationship advice, I have to answer with, “Man I don’t know, just do what you feel is right.”

At a certain point in our lives we come to realization that we’re not much different from anyone. I made a lot of traction when I stepped out and said, “Maybe I’m just different.” But I’m not much different than anyone. Chris and Rihanna’s relationship is played out on the public platform, but when we look at our own interpersonal relations with the people we love it’s not much different.

Quick, go ahead, text him or her and forward them this post.

We’re faced with the reality that maybe this makes us ordinary. There’s not much wrong with that either.


I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it’s not a fantasy
I still want you to stay…

Dr. J