black man yelling into phone

Over the years, I’ve penned a few pieces on Texting etiquette as it pertains to dating (“dating text messages rules”). I’ve always been of the school of thought that the person who pays the bill, makes the rules. I am not oblivious to the challenges that texting causes in relationships or dating. It can be the cause of serious tension with most people choosing to outright stop texting. I see texting as a benefit, not a distraction. I think more people should do it, but the only way to do it is to do it right. A lot of people try to use texting in the wrong manner.

For example, since they can’t get their man to have a deep conversation about where things are going, they ask them via text.

I get hung up when people ask if the time it takes to reply to text messaging is any indication of the level of interest. It can be and it also cannot be. Just like there are women who prefer to talk on the phone over text messages; men are just as entitled to feel the same way. Also, there are some people who just do not like snap communication.

They tend to mull over a response, at times drafting several texts before finally clicking “send.” And then, there are people like me who read a text message and think, “That is ridiculous, I’m not replying to that.” To each their own. Sometimes the ignored text message saves you from yourself. Forcing communication is never a great tactic.

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Nonetheless, I wrote a piece over at MN about Text Message Etiquette and how or if text messaging can be an indication of a man’s level of interest.

Is The Time He Takes To Reply An Indication Of His Level Of Interest?

I’ll admit, I’m one of the worst offenders of text etiquette. I’ve long thought that the person who pays the phone bill is the only person who has the power to decide when and how to respond to text messages. I’m a constant offender of the “ok” text, even when I’ve received a great deal of text prior. I don’t read into things that deeply, so a text that’s quick is seemingly the most appropriate. I encourage all to remember that SMS stands for short messaging service. It’s not a place where a dissertation should be written. In all of this, it continues to confuse women wildly when men don’t respond to text messages, take too long to respond, or respond curtly.

A few weeks ago, it was brought to my attention that the way you communicate with someone is very indicative of how you prioritize them in your life. If you’re really interested or into someone, you’ll move mountains to make them a priority. Therefore, when I get a text from a woman that I’m really into, I try my best to respond immediately. At the embryonic stage of our interaction, relationships, or courtship that will happen within minutes. (Save, for some of us who don’t have our phones with us when we’re at work. I would adjust this statement to say, “at our earliest convenience.”)

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In return, when I’m texting someone and they tend to take a long time to respond, I think the same thing. I think that our suspicions are always deeply rooted in what we would do under similar circumstances.

I’ll give you some quick hits about how dating text messages rules work:

1)      If I text a woman and do not hear back for hours, I’m suspicious that she’s taken a “I’ll get to it, when I get to it” approach to our communication. When she responds, if it is not accompanied by an explanation, I turn this suspicion into a fact.

2)      If I text a woman and do not hear back for days, I never text her again.

3)      I refuse to be a repeat text offender. Unless the message needed to be spread over multiple text messages, I never text twice without a response.

As I always say, fair exchange is no robbery. Meaning that I cannot expect anything more or less from the people I’m texting with and they should be able to expect the same out of me.

Click here to read the rest of the article where I acknowledge that certain circumstances make women uncomfortable and explain my perspective on those circumstances.

What do you guys think about texting and dating text messages rules? Can the two ever have a healthy coexistence? Have you chosen to eliminate texting from your dating? Have their been times when you spent minutes or hours confused at a reply or awaiting one?

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– Dr. J