Being with Someone but Your Heart is Elsewhere

We have all been the proverbial rock in a hard place at one time or another. The past few days I have been in some thought about love. I’m very aware of how strong an emotion love is. I also understand that love doesn’t always correlate into relationships at all times. Many aspects of our lives are circumstantial. I realized that there are times that you are being with someone but your heart is elsewhere.

The list of reasons for this could really be long as hell. What prompted me to write this piece today was the fact that I have never been in such a situation. So like any intelligent person would these days, I took to Twitter to get a barometer of what a situation like this would be like. What I ended up getting was two totally different answers, and I wanted to examine them both.

Question: Have you ever been with someone but your heart was somewhere else? 

Janine:  Well it’s hard because I think about the person a lot; I even yearn for them to contact me. I try to focus all my feelings and love on the person I’m with and hopefully the next one will fade out of my mind.

Arielle: I left; I did what my heart was telling me to do and what felt good to me. It was what made sense then.

Obviously, we’re all different, so I can only retort from a point of who I actually am. With Janine’s response, I can certainly understand her. If you’re with someone currently you feel a certain loyalty to them. The idea of leaving someone for a past love can seem a bit mean. At the same token, I always say that this game doesn’t come without casualty. It’s all part of how things go. Janine believes the more she focuses on her current lover the less she would think about the past one. What is evident is that the past fellow is still heavily on her mind. I don’t know the particulars of that past situation, but what she theorizes has not come to pass.

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Arielle, on the other hand, followed her heart. She said she made the move that was truest to her. If I ever found myself in this pickle I’d probably lean more towards how Arielle handled things. When you really love someone I think it’s perfectly fine to see that through. If your prior relationship wasn’t one of a toxic or violent nature then I think you should test the potential for your emotions.

Everyone has their views on exes. I know that they vary and some are very brash in nature. As a man, I understand that if I’m with a woman and I’m constantly thinking of an ex then something should change. I would just want to see the finality of something; knowing whether or not it was meant to be or not.

Have you all ever been in a situation as described here? What did you do? If you haven’t, what would you do? Let’s start the discussion, where should our loyalties lie? With ourselves or with someone else?

DamnPops is a guest writer on the staff at SBM. His bio: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

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