A few weeks ago I logged in to moderate comments when I came across one from a user named “Taylor” on a former post, Rise of the Lazy Man. We didn’t mean to censor Taylor’s comment but since he used more flagged words than a little bit, the system automatically held his comment for moderation. You can read Taylor’s (slightly edited, mostly safe for work) comment below.

Dear Taylor

I hate to admit it, but I saw a little bit of myself in Taylor. I think most young men have varying degrees of Taylor in them. No offense to Taylor, but he’s the type of man most of us try to overcome as we grow older. He’s also the guy that mothers and fathers warn their daughters about. Hopefully, over time, Taylor will grow into a well-rounded, fully functional, positively contributing member of society. Although I don’t know Taylor from any other stranger on the Internet – and he has no reason to listen to me – I still decided to share a couple thoughts with him (and men like him) that I wished someone shared with me  when I was a 21-year-old young man with a mindset like Taylor.

Youth is Wasted on the Young

Youth is fleeting Taylor. You won’t be 20-something forever, and when you look back on your life you’ll be surprised how quickly it went. This might be difficult to process at 21, a time when you literally have your entire life ahead of you. But, when’s the last time you sat around daydreaming about when you were 11? It seems like forever ago doesn’t it? The same can easily happen at 31 if you’re not careful when you’re 21. Be sure what you’re doing now is something you’ll look back on with pride in 10 or 20 years. Are you taking advantage of your time or are you wasting your time? I can’t answer that question for you. It’s something you have to figure out for yourself, but I imagine there’s something better you could be doing with your time than engaging in random hook-ups with women you seem to have a moderate amount of real interest in.

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The Road to Hell…

…is paved with good intentions. Let me be clear Taylor, I’m not judging you. For a period in my life, I was you. However, I would be remiss not to point out that the best laid plans can be easily derailed. You say you’re in college and you plan on going on to graduate school. That’s admirable, and I sincerely hope that works out for you. I just hope you’re protecting yourself, physically and emotionally. The thing about random hook-ups is they can lead to permanent consequences, and not just the obvious ones like kids and STDs. Some of the not so obvious consequences are the emotional and mental impacts. After a lifetime of random hook-ups and unemotional trysts with women in your youth, it might be difficult for you ever to see women as more than random hook-ups and objects to be conquered. This will do a disservice to you and any healthy relationship you might hope to foster in the future. If you’ve only ever seen women as objects to fulfill your sexual needs, it’ll prove increasingly more difficult for you to ever accept  that the woman that will eventually become your wife can bring more to your life than temporary, physical pleasure. In actuality, a (good) woman can bring a lot to your life. More than I could ever hope to describe in a 1,000 word post, but she can only do so if you allow yourself to fully embrace all the benefits that a woman and a healthy relationship can provide you.

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You Are Who You Date

Taylor, you seem to be frustrated with the fact that it’s difficult for you to completely trust women when already committed women willingly sleep with you and, “This along with my history of dating women who are cheating, needy w*****s has kind of ruined the idea of a relationship for me at this time.” Based on this sentence, I have a few comments: 1) sorry, but that’s your fault. No one is forcing you to sleep with committed women just like no one is forcing these committed women to sleep with you; 2) similar to the saying, “you are what you eat,” you are whom you date or whom you choose to date is a reflection of who you are or what you feel you deserve; and 3) admittedly, when you’re young you can blame the dating pool for providing you crappy options. Maybe it is the dating pool’s fault, but eventually, you grow older and you can’t take an “ignorance is bliss” or “I didn’t know any better” approach to life. Eventually, you have to own the consequences of your own decisions. Stated bluntly, if you continue to date <redacted>, then maybe you just like <redacted>, believe you can’t do better than <redacted>, or <redacted> are the only type of women you can be successful with due to their own personal shortcomings.

I don’t know you, but based on your comment, it seems like you purposefully target the smaller sub-section of committed women and [morally questionable women] to justify your own jaded views on women as a whole. Basically, the type of women you pursue creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, which allows you to feel fine about projecting your misguided views on all women. I’m by no means saying that all women are good, because they are not. Yet, I also cannot say all women are bad, because most women are not bad, and if you keep attracting or being attracted to bad women, eventually you need to take a look in the mirror and take a personal assessment of why that is.

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If it’s difficult for you to figure how you should act in a given situation, I have a little rule of thumb. I ask myself, “How would I want my son or daughter to handle this situation?” Taylor, would your future son be proud of the 21-year old man you are today? Would you be proud if your future 21-year old daughter brought home a man like you? If you can’t proudly answer those questions in the affirmative, then it might indicate that you need to change into the type of man you want your son to grow up to be and you would want your daughter to date. Although you might not care, the women you’re dating right now are someone’s daughter, sister, niece, and eventually they might be someone’s mother or wife. Towards the end of your comment, you say you’d like to get married and have kids some day, but I would seriously advise you to aspire for more in a woman and from life than to find a “regular sex buddy.”

Check here for page 2 and the final tips for Taylor and other young men.