frustrated black woman

Men, you all have an interesting way of asking questions. Although I know your intentions are good, they do get overlooked from time to time. I think that deep down in your manly hearts, you mean well, but sometimes ’tis better to wonder than to ask. You know when you’ve asked a woman a question, and just as you finish you realize you should have kept the question to yourself? Yep. Those questions.  The questions that don’t get you answers, rather they get you the look of death.

Let’s be honest, if it has to do with the way women look, you probably shouldn’t ask. Just don’t. Save yourself the trouble. It’s not worth it, I promise. I think many of the questions you have about women are rhetorical anyway. When you ask questions like, “Why do you spend so much money on your hair?” for example, you know you really don’t want to know why. This is just a passive aggressive way to say, “You really don’t need to be spending so much money on your hair, put something on this light bill.”  We don’t ask you why you continue to brush your hair when it doesn’t need brushing, do we? Let us live.

Although the communication between men and women is an ongoing struggle, there are small steps that each of us can take to close this gap. For the purpose of today’s efforts, I’ll address the men, and offer a list of questions that you should make an effort to stay away from:

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1.  Why do you wear make-up?                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Translation: I like you better with less make-up. I like natural beauty.

Women wear make-up because it’s fun. We can totally create a brand new face for any occasion, and it always enhances the way we look. It creates a more polished look, and shows there was some effort put into our look for the day. Lashes are in, pouty lips are in, and eyebrows definitely give us an opportunity to show our personality. The thicker they are the better!

2.  When is the last time you worked out?

Translation: You should hit the gym.

Pardon? You know this question is just begging for an altercation. Now unless you already know this girl is a beast in the gym, or her IG has transformation pictures on every single post, you should avoid this question at all costs. If it’s your girl, and you think she could use a few work outs, there is nothing wrong with a little encouragement. I say find a way to include her in your own trips to the gym. As a couple you could even start your own get fit challenge.

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3.  Quit looking so mean, why don’t you smile?

Translation: You look nice and I think I want to get at you, but I can’t think of anything else to say.

Ah yes. The age old failed ice breaker question for the stranger on the street. I’ll keep this simple. If you want to say something to a woman, just say, “Hello, how are you?” Leave it at that. If the conversation is meant to keep going, believe me it will. By you insinuating that a woman looks “mean” is already an insult. Aside from that, you have no clue what is going on in her life. She could have just gotten some horrible news, or maybe she’s not having a good day. This question is rude, and it’s insulting, so stop asking, ‘kay?

4.   Why are you acting so emotional?

Translation: This is too much. Man up.

Women are emotional creatures. You know this. Find a way to handle our emotions because we will likely never choose logic over emotion. We’re just not wired that way. Handle with care, and tap into your softer side. It’s for your own good.

5.  Why do you wear weave?

Translation: I don’t like your weave. It itches. Where are your edges? I don’t want it on my chest. It smells. What does your real hear look like? I don’t know who you really are. I prefer a natural look. Take it out!

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Ok, this is tricky. I totally get men’s issues with weave. However, to us, weave is an accessory. Similar to make-up, it’s another way to express our individuality and change up our look. Some women choose to wear weave for an eternity. Some women only wear weave for certain occasions. I know some men address this in the very beginning of getting-to-know a woman. Some men are usually upfront about their weave preference, and I don’t see anything wrong with that.  All I’m saying is, if you don’t like it, address that in the beginning. Don’t wait until 6 months in and start complaining about that Brazilian investment.

These are just some of the questions that I find annoying as a woman. I know there are more. There have to be. I also know that 9 times out of 10, if a man asks any of these questions to a woman, the outcome could be brutal. Why even go there?

Ladies, how do you feel about my list? Any other questions that get under your skin? 

For more of Keita and her tactful opinion check her out on twitter @keitathejedi or at