It’s Friday night. After a long work week and a night out with your friends, it’s time to head home. The question is do you want to head home solo, or would you rather cuddle up with something warm? Most of us have options to remedy this dilemma. There’s at least one person we can text. But if you don’t have anybody [at all], it’s cool too. You need your rest anyway. If you don’t have a steady boo that you hang with, it can be stressful figuring out who to hit up. That is after all a big decision to make. You want to text someone who is going to be worth your time, and you want it to be someone who isn’t going to bring drama to your life.

As you scroll through your contacts, make sure you hit up someone who you’ve seen, or talked to fairly recently. There is nothing more shameful than texting someone after hours and getting hit with, “Who’s this?” in response. If that ever happens, immediately move on to your backup. Don’t even think about saying who you are. There is no point. If you’re not even saved in their phone, the likelihood of you getting quality cuddle time isn’t in your favor.

Once you confirm your sleeping arrangements for the night, there are some best practices that you want to definitely consider. These tips will make your late night and morning departure easier on both of you.  They’re different for men and women, so I’ll go over a few for each. Let’s start with the ladies.

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If you are going to go over a man’s house after hours and you’re coming straight from the club or happy hour, or wherever you broke a sweat, you really want to make sure you are prepared to wake up in his bed and not your own. There is nothing worse than showing up impromptu to a man’s house ill prepared.

  1. Wipes.  You have to have them.  Period. This is not up for discussion. You can’t be out all day. Then go out all night, and show up to a man’s door with the smell of 27 songs and a liter of Ciroc Coconut and pineapple seeping from your pores. It’s not cute. When you get to his house, excuse your self to the restroom and freshen up real quick. Everywhere.
  2. Sober up. There’s nothing worse than trying to ‘cuddle’ and your equilibrium is jacked up so much that it’s annoying to deal with. It’s late, and nobody wants to be up fooling with you trying not to fall over. If you must, ask for a glass of water and have some quick chitchat before moving on to the nightcap.
  3. Don’t wear out your welcome. You’ve made it through the night. You had the s*** cuddled out of you, and now the sunlight is letting you know it’s time to exit stage left. It doesn’t matter if you wake up with his arm draped over your shoulder, or if you got a bonus ‘cuddle’ session that morning. Kindly get your self together and get moving. There is nothing more awkward than lying around thinking you two have some type of breakfast plans when you don’t. You’ll feel better if you initiate leaving instead of him asking you, “So, what are you doing today?”
  4. Pack a bag. It’s okay not knowing you are going to end up over a man’s house prior to you going out. However, if you do plan on not going back home, please pack something, anything to put on so your walk of shame is less shameful. How many times have you been out on an early Saturday morning and seen a woman walking aimlessly to her car wearing something you know she didn’t just throw on for a trip to the grocery store? Ladies, don’t get caught looking like last night while the rest of us are out easy, breezy, and beautifully enjoying the morning sun. It’s not a good look.
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I didn’t forget about you. For the purposes of this article, we’ll assume that you’re hosting. Same scenario. It’s Friday and your lady friend is on her way over.

  1. Clean up. If you know she is on her way over, at least have the decency to make sure that you have cleared a path from the front door to your room. Please make sure your bathroom trashcan is empty, and your toilet seat is down. And most importantly, ensure that there is adequate toilet paper available at her disposal.
  2. Stay awake. I mean this in two contexts. First, if you spent your Friday night at home, there is a huge probability that you’re going to fall asleep waiting for her to show up. Don’t be that dude. Do not have that girl show up and you not hear her knocking. It’s just rude and inconsiderate. Either leave your door unlocked, [depending on the neighborhood] or just stay up. Second, it would be nice for you to not fall asleep as soon as she shows up to your place. I’m sure she didn’t come over to watch you sleep.
  3. Don’t ask for breakfast. Doesn’t matter if you have a fridge full of groceries from Whole Foods. When you wake up in the morning, you can offer to cook her breakfast, but don’t ask her to cook for you. It’s almost like you want some type of payment for services rendered. If you mention you’re going to cook, and she offers to help or take over, that’s cool. It’s a win win situation.
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These are some tips from my own personal experiences that I wanted to share. Of course many of these tips depend on the people and the relationship they have with each other. If you are new to the world of late nights and early mornings, just keep these tips tucked away in special place. I’m sure you’ll find use for them at some point. Good Luck!

For more of Keita and her tactful opinion check her out on twitter @keitathejedi or at