Exploring Craiglist Insights
For amusement, I sometimes look at Craigslist ads, particularly in the Men Seeking Women section, to understand what some men are looking for in women, amidst the prevalent notion that black men prefer white women. Among the various ads, there are many anatomically correct parts on full display in the attempt for hookups, with many married men seeking a friend. While some posts are sad, others are funny or desperate. However, one day, a particular post caught my attention.
The Puzzling Preference
I had no interest in meeting up with this particular stranger; however, what it said sparked my curiosity. He gave a vague description of himself with no photo; nevertheless, there was meticulous detail of what he was looking for in a woman, including and he was very specific about this, “I am open to all races, but am partial to non-black women.” According to what he wrote, he was a black man, so what was his issue with sistas?
Questioning Perceptions
I prefer apples over oranges. That doesn’t mean I’m biased toward oranges. It just means I like apples more. I had to wonder if was this the case for him. As a black woman, I felt like I had to investigate the reason he preferred non-black women. This was what he had to say:
It’s not so much that I’m partial to “non-black” women, as it is I’m completely partial to being loved, cherished and respected as a man, WITHOUT being “challenged” at every turn. The fighting, grief, arguing and drama associated with dating my sisters…. I’ve fought too hard, been through too much, and am way to educated to put up with “ghetto”…and, after being around that for so long, I DESPISE women who are only acting ghetto. It’s not cool, it’s not cute, and it’s absolutely shameful to throw away the gift and privilege of being more fortunate to act as if you’re not. Our women tend to be arrogant and dismissive; they’re taught this is cute, this how you be a lady, that “attitude” is what makes men fall at their feet. Our women are taught to be selfish and unfortunately, black women just aren’t up to the task. They’re too busy being high and mighty in their own minds, about how righteous, good, beautiful and independent they are. Later for all that, I need a woman, ya dig? Feel me? I’m refining the edges now that I’m older, I’m hard. I’m mean. I’m intense. I’m passionate, driven. And yes. I’m angry. Not all the time, not as a habit, but you’d have to know my story before you judge me. Now….If I haven’t scared you off, or inadvertently shut you down, I’m free tonight, about to watch the game. You’re welcome to come join me, get to know me, see what, if anything, is between us….cause I guarantee you there are sides to me just waiting to blow a woman’s mind, blow her completely away with just what and how good a good black man is and can be…Ball’s in your court love.
Dissecting the Response
I had to read it twice to make sure I understood his response correctly. In all the pessimism about black women, did he forget he was responding to a sista? The most belligerent part of the email was the invitation to come kick it, despite his typecasting of all black women with the explanation why he preferred Latina, Caucasian, Indian, or Asian women above someone like me. Even though he expressed his preference in racial terms, it still seemed contradictory given our conversation about black men prefer white women. In my rebuttal, I didn’t know whether to put the CAPS LOCK on or just laugh, but my response was as follows:
I can certainly understand your points, about “non-black” women you have dealt with. I have heard this adaptation of grievances, stereotyped views of how “all” black women are perceived, due to those who choose to be “ghetto” or less than stellar women. I am actually bi-racial, a mix of Asian, French and African American. Even with a diverse background my skin is coco and my eyes are brown. I consider myself a black woman. I haven’t had the best experience with or dated the most elite selection of men of color myself, but I love me some brothas. I would never categorize “all” brothas in a broad-spectrum enough to say, I would “prefer” a non-black man- maybe that I would “prefer” some with intelligence, common sense, ambitious drive and attributes, other than a concentration on behavior associated with race. White women and Latina sistas lose their cool, like the rest of us and last I checked, just about everyone can have the occasional disagreement. If you are a woman in this world, if you don’t stand up and “challenge” or fight for what you believe in, you will get railroaded and run over. I understand the time and place appropriate and it’s when these boundaries are overstepped, which you may be referring to, but that opinion is based on your experience. You noted some of your qualities as; hard, mean, passionate, driven, intense and angry. Not angry all the time, but like David Banner when he becomes the Hulk. I may be pretentious in thinking, this is what you meant can be expected from you, if you are exceed beyond your limit as anyone else would be. So…..this being, I probably wouldn’t want to see you angry, then should I assume according to your logic of women of color, men of color are the same? As a black man that you are angry, even by your own definition- temperamental, loud and combative? Maybe you should revaluate your comments to, it has been your experience, what you describe in women, you’ve dealt with. Instead of assimilating the idea, this is how all women of color conduct themselves.
Engaging in Conversation
I wished him the very best of luck on his journey to find someone he preferred. As for me, a single black woman, I’ll stick with the apples, and if I so choose to be tempted by the occasional banana or orange, so be it. I don’t discriminate among fruits; in the end, they’re all the same to me.
About the author: SimplySophie: I am the former Vice President of the Seattle Chapter of the Association of Professional Women; graduated from Tennessee State University, with an emphasis in Communications and Journalism. I am an author, occasional ghostwriter, blogger, and freelance writer. Tightening my writing skills is a constant pursuit, reflected in my diverse projects. Currently, I’m immersed in a book endeavor, with aspirations to transition into television or film writing. Engaging with SBM articles provides valuable insights into the male perspective, enriching my understanding.
Find her on Twitter @Napi_S.
Have you encountered someone, a man or woman, with thoughts similar to the man in this author’s post? How did you handle the situation? Did you give them a chance to explain why they felt that way? What reasons did they offer? What are your thoughts on people who proactively seek to date outside of their own race?
Y’all already know how I feel on this, but yes I’ve come across a few, and I’m not here to change the world. They just don’t get called back. I’m certain some “lucky” lady will make him very happy.
However, if any man is so brave to answer, I do have a question. I have heard that “I’ve worked to hard and accomplished too much to have to deal with ‘problems'” line a lot from that ilk. Why is that? Why do “you” believe a certain level of success deserves you a (problem-free? Docile? I don’t exactly know what he means) woman? This is really an honest question.
@Maris
There is nothing about this question that screams “troll”, but when I cannot hear you ask the question, I see how people would take it the wrong way.
1. American Black Men are really the only group of men where a Barack Obama & Ray Ray (a bum) from the block have the same chance of getting the same cute black woman of value.
That is not a common occurrence is other communities.
2. The whole point of a man becoming successful in life is to
A. Have a fly woman on his arm
B. Leave resources/legacy for his children to inherit
And if Above Average looking Black Women are choosing bums to procreate with, there is really no incentive for a black man to be successful to attract a black woman.
But other races of women will gladly take that black man off the market.
3. The bigger question @Maris, is why do black women feel it is okay, to give responsible (black man who takes care of his kids), good-natured (man who attempts to love & cherish his woman) black men HELL romantically, but yet
Give the “Stevie Js of the world” (whether he has money or not) all the respect, chance after chance?
Black Women will defend these black men until these black men decide they don’t want to be with you anymore.
In conclusion, if a black male is killing himself to beat all odds in this country to become successful, why would a black male even consider giving this type of man a hard time? #SeriousQuestion
The reason is quite simple, because this is wha men NATURALLY expect from women. Better yet, allow me ti answer this question by asking you another.
Have you(black women) ever asked yourselves why you are the ONLY women in the euros who have to go around professing your independence and so called strength excessively?
Have you ever asked yourself why no other man in the world says he is looking for a STRONG AND INDEPENDENT woman ?
Once you HONESTLY see answer these two questions you will see that it is black women who are abnormal in their dating habits and expectations. Once a man reaches a certain point in his life the last thing he wishes to deal with is a sharp tongued woman. And quite frankly, when you have a plethora of options you tend not to deal with the undesirables on any level.
Black women sing the mantra about being independent because far too many of them have been abandoned by black men. They hear a lot of noise about how women are a "drain" (in one way or another) and they proclaim their independence so that someone else will consider them different from the women who are considered less than good enough — you know the ones who are considered loud, uncouth, ghetto, welfare queens, etc. What amazes me is how indignant that word makes so many black men. As though they do not see the same cycles of abandonment from their brethren and do not understand where these deep emotional wounds emerge.
Well for one it should not be every black man's problem to heal the wounds of what some other black man caused. The same way women get offended when a black man has bad relations with some black women and then suspects ALL black women of it, YOU ALL HATE THAT!
So you should be able to understand why we look at black women sideways when there are constantly speaking this I don't need a man rhetoric, especially when they only speak it TO BLACK MEN. It might be different if black women behaved this way with all men, but they reserve this only for us.
@Nic Nac
You mean the black men, black women chose.
You mean the black men, black women overlook.
Own your choices in men.
The Black Man in north america already has too much stress on his back and enough obstacles to overcome in daily walking life. He doesn't need his home to be a battlefield as well especially when the battles are over petty and childish issues. We don't expect a life without problems but we do expect some type of understanding that everyday shouldn't be a battle just for the sake of battling.
My recent post NEW SLAVES
The Black Man in north america already has too much stress on his back and enough obstacles to overcome in daily walking life. He doesn't need his home to be a battlefield as well especially when the battles are over petty and childish issues. We don't expect a life without problems but we do expect some type of understanding that everyday shouldn't be a battle just for the sake of battling.
My recent post NEW SLAVES
There are more educated black females (with class, not GHETTO) actually 7 or 8 for every educated black male according to statistics, it’s a “COP OUT” because it’s easier to say it’s the black female than to take responsibility for 70% of black children being abandoned by their fathers, ashamed to have nappy hair “JUST LIKE” black females, control freaks, carry more stds (esp hiv) than any other group and chronic liars & cheaters more than other groups, look up the statistics on all this before you believe that hocus pocus and men are good at telling women what they wanna hear & feeding their egos esp that they are better than other women. They just want easy access to good credit and are mentally pimping females in a new arena because black women already know the manipulation by isolation game.
When I read the title to this, I first thought was “WHO GREENLIT THIS SH*T!”
Then I realized a bi-racial, black identified woman was responding to a craiglist posting. And then I calmed down my excitement.
My post will be long, cause I want to cover everything.
Comments
1. You can sum up black women’s conversations & insecurities into a handful of topics. These are the topics that routinely get 100+ comments in most popular blogs (ask the blog owners about site traffic, I have no idea)
• Marriage
• Complexion
• Hair
• White Men
• BM who date interracially (read: White Women)
So, for those who are tired of talking about these topics, just to let you know, your fellow sisters are interested.
When you are a radio jock, you gotta play the hits. Or your competitors will.
2. I feel that craigslist BM 100% as an Urban American Upwardly Mobile Progressive Black Male.
These days, if a black male of my caliber wants to date sisters successfully in 2013, I have to abide by these guidelines. Chime in, if you agree or disagree.
I should get with Black Women who
A. Had a strong father figure growing up (absent or inadequate/weak males won’t cut it)
B. Raised by a non-black mother (alot of single black moms poison their young black daughters & teach them to exploit black men specifically)
C. Are not from the United States (Women of Color)
D. Has done extensive traveling
So, it is what it is, brothas should open their dating options of a global level anyway.
3. Black women of value are fine. Any woman who takes the time or is fortunate enough to learn about what attractive men value in women, and conform to those standards never have any problems getting the men that they want.
So, I know that if I don’t find a valuable Sista to date, they are so rare, that the ones who are, are doing fine romantically, and I can just date whatever non-BW I find compatibility with.
If a worthy black woman falls into my lap, then cool, but I ain’t going on nobody scavenger hunt to find a Claire Huxtable in a room full of K. Michelles, Sherry Shepherds (Abortion Queen) & Nenes.
——–
In conclusion
Post like these chiming in about brothas who date other races of women fall into the Fake (Female) Negro Outrage or just Big Office Talk (Scandal).
Because brothas are FULLY JUSTIFIED for dating out, and sistas KNOW good & well (just like The Death of Chivalry) why brothas are continuing to vote with their feet.
Good Day. And I expect nothing less than a lively thread.
…."but I ain't going on nobody scavenger hunt to find a Claire Huxtable in a room full of K. Michelles, Sherry Shepherds (Abortion Queen) & Nenes. "
…nice!
The irony about this comment is that it is usually the same black men that go for the ratchet "turnt up" women over the claire huxtable's because they're more exciting who later complain about how Black women in general are loud and angry. -_- Honestly, if you are finding yourself constantly around the K. Michelle's of the world you should take a closer look at your surroundings.
+1000
My recent post A Satire: What Black People Must Do To End Racism
I agree wholeheartedly. I find it so amazing that so many "good" brothers find themselves always surrounded by ratchet sisters. Yet so many good and decent sisters are walking around single as the day they were born.
Stop looking for diamonds in the mud.
According to a popular song from an alternate universe…
"Bad girls ain't no good. Good girls ain't no fun."
– Maurice J. Blige
And
"Bad girls ain't no good. Good girls ain't no fun."
-Wale
Because brothers know that they have failed black women miserably.a man is measured on how he protects and provide for his offspring and women.Every other race of man protects and provide for their offpringindin men provide for Indian women,white men murdered and put his women on the top of the food chin at the expense of black people in America. Chinese men protect and provide for their daughters, .I know every country has its woes but in mass every culture fights and protect s their omn nd children black men can barely protect themselves.Instead of getting their immunities intact,they run off like punks trying to prove they are real men with nonblack women who knows nothing of their culture tier struggle or the black man himself. These black men try to morph themselves in to real men by proving for nonblack women ,who already have the aid and protection of the men in their communities.These women at told by these cowards that the problems are that of the black woman ,although he leaves her to fight white racism with young black children, while he whores around only wanting liberation to himself. These men are treacherous .Being with another race o women is called Love at the demise of black women and children who are struggling to survive in a hostile system the black man hasn't defeated himself. The black man is looked at as the weaket man on the planet to other men.Real men always ask me why do black men abandon their black children? It's embarrassing have of the time I don't know what to say.the point is a black man will play in another persons yard even though his house is on fire! The warning is when you destroy your own house to live in someone else's house,the person who invited you in can throw you back out.History will repeat itself because the black man has never kearned the lesson of loyalty and unity with his own true mate.
Here is the thing that black women have to understand. Booty and boobs are universal along with a cute face. Most men are attracted to attractive women no matter what race it is. If the opportunity is there, men will take it. Latina and white women at the very least are curious about black men, but many do find us attractive and would date the right one. With that being said black women have a smaller margin for error. If a guy gets hurt really bad by a black woman or black women its a lot easier to swear them off when he has a latina or white woman as an option. Men are already bad at handling heart break, you add that with the fact that women of other races find black men attractive and it leaves sistas at a disadvantage.
Women struggle with heartbreak too. Oh wait… perhaps that heartbreak might explain why some black women are angry and struggling with their emotions… because they are dealing with emotional wounds that have no healed. Someone is usually picking at the scabs and telling them how unworthy of love they are.
A lot of sisters have been abandoned by the black men in their lives. Only to become women who do the best they can in a world that doesn't respect them, and are told by more black men that they too will abandon them because of the actions of some.
Bad cycle we've got going here.
True it's a bad cycle but men get told to "man up" if they speak about heartbreak, where women get a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear. We've all been rejected and had our hearts broken but brothers get punished if they hold on to the past and sisters, well, they get a pass.
Is it fair? No, but life's not fair. The lesson most men learn is to keep quiet about the pain they've suffered lest they be ridiculed.
Everyone is a victim on this site, huh? I was told by a Black straight man that Black men feel they are "God's gift to women.". I guess this mentality is true reading these bitter riddled responses. It's too bad Blacks are viewed as sexual objects before we are ever considered human in America. Some Black men eat all that lustful attention up. It's sad that the attention is not healthy or balanced. If your choice in a mate is from your issues with rejection you will be tarnished for whatever woman you go after. I suggest counselling, it will help you in your self-image and help heal you from your past relationship hurts.
I really try not to waste energy discussing black men who exclude black women based upon their past experiences. Those men are surrounded by negative energy & choose to make their judgements about women based upon limited interacton, fear, bitterness & anger. I'd rather focus on all the incredible bruthas who love & are committed to finding an amazing black woman in the future, no matter what their past may've looked like.
"I'd rather focus on all the incredible bruthas who love & are committed to finding an amazing black woman in the future, no matter what their past may've looked like."
Amen!
it can all be so simple….people get so worked up about rejection in any aspect they feel they have to combat it even if at the end of the day, they don’t care that much.
Tristan, I think what this author is saying and what some sista's seem to have a problem with is not so much black mens preference for non-black women in and of itself, but the Reasons Why they have this preference. Understandably its difficult for many men to understand this because men's thinking is so much simpler. Not simpler as in stupid, but simplistic in reasoning and logic.
Men are more concerned with the facts, just the facts, they could care less why and/or why not when it comes to women and relationships. With most women, the Why is just as, and sometimes more important than the facts. Fella's regardless of whether u agree with this thinking or not it is and will probably forever remain the case with many women.
Understandable, but men will probably continue to not care about the why. Especially when the why usually brings a subliminal attack on us(black men)
I'll just plop my cosignage here…
There's really nothing else to be said about this.
this right here is everything!
There’s no cheat code, or filter to a good woman. Scorned, arrogant women come in every size and color, it’s backwards logic to presume that Oh if I leave sistas alone that’ll double my odds….good luck with that bruh (c) Jigga. Sistas are often depicted as sassy, irrational and for every girl who plays right into that stereotype there’s plenty who know when/how to defer.
As for the writer, I get the curiosity in this instance of writing (I presume) but in general, Why do sistas care so much about the ninja that doesn’t want them. it’s basically wanting what you can’t have, debating your worth to another man you wouldn’t want anyway is silly. If a black woman was like I only date white men because they are educated and got good credit, I’m in no way moved to screenshot my credit karma page liike Hol that heaux.
I hear ya. I figure folks date who they want to date, I know I do. If you don't do sistas, OK. It's not my job to convince you that you should. I'm over here filling up my own dance card. *shrug*
My recent post Do something that's worth the risk
but in general, Why do sistas care so much about the ninja that doesn't want them. it's basically wanting what you can't have, debating your worth to another man you wouldn't want anyway is silly.
This confuses me as well. Although I wouldn't say it's limited to sistas.
It’s not about you not wanting us (as individuals) is that instead of you just silently going on with your non-black woman and living a happy life, you have to bad mouth us in the process. Now yes there are some blk women who see a blk man with a non-black woman and it automatically rubs them the wrong way. But I’ll say most of us could care less. Also black women already have a hard enough time as it is. We don’t need the extra bad mouthing from blk men.
I don't know. This logic seems circular in nature. I hear and see plenty of bad-mouthing taking place by both sexes, black men and black women. If I sat around worrying about all the black women who don't want me, I wouldn't get much done.
But to be more clear, what I was trying to get at was this: it seems like women – not always just black women – want all men to want them, but only want certain men to approach them. Who cares if some men/women don't want you? If some men/women, who don't even want you in the first place (and you likely don't want them either) talk bad about you, who cares? Seems like a "stick and stones" debate at some point. Just doesn't make a lot of sense to me; it never has and probably never will.
I’m with you. Yes there are some women that suffer with “not being chosen”, or even worse some feel they should have the right to be choosey yet everyone should choose them. While sticks and stones work to a certain extent, with black women already having such a one dimensional negative image of them constantly being portrayed to the public, it doesn’t help when our own men run to co-sign. Plus let’s not act like on a public level black men like being disrespected or bad mouth by black women. Think about how quick people come to defend black men on something like “twitter” when a woman talks about them being “aint shit”, yet when the reverse happens it should be sticks and stones.
Personally I could care less, if you don’t want me because of ignorance or because you simply aren’t attracted to me is fine.
Plus let’s not act like on a public level black men like being disrespected or bad mouth by black women. Think about how quick people come to defend black men on something like “twitter” when a woman talks about them being “aint shit”, yet when the reverse happens it should be sticks and stones.
I gotta disagree, although I hear this all the time. Basically, the mantra seems to be "when black women are attacked…no one helps" but "when black men are attacked…everyone helps." That's def not the vision of the world I see. However, I think this is simply a matter of perspective. 1) No one likes to be attacked, period. 2) We all clearly have a vested interest to pay more attention to issues that we feel, rightly or wrongly, directly impact us. I'm not a woman, nor am I a black woman, so I can't speak to how much or little black women are "attacked." I can, however, say that it's not like black men are exempt from attack nor do I feel like every time, black women are running to the forefront to defend me or black men. I honestly feel like that's more of a divisive rhetoric than a unifying one – "let's see who can throw the biggest pity party" doesn't seem conducive to benefiting anyone, man or woman.
Good discussion though. I just think we're focusing on a micro-issue of a macro-problem. That said, I still think all of this is representative of the minority, in my humble opinion. For the most part, I don't see the kind of divisiveness off-line between black men and women that occurs, seemingly daily, on-line.
"Good discussion though. I just think we're focusing on a micro-issue of a macro-problem. That said, I still think all of this is representative of the minority, in my humble opinion. For the most part, I don't see the kind of divisiveness off-line between black men and women that occurs, seemingly daily, on-line. "
agreed. Most hot topics get discussed in extremes, there's usually a very realistic middle ground that people don't acknowledge.
Most hot topics get discussed in extremes, there's usually a very realistic middle ground that people don't acknowledge.
Truth, and because of that, the hyperbole in the conversation turns people off to hearing those viewpoints. I know personally when I see men or women begin to indulge in hyperbolic statements to make their point, they don't have much of one to begin with.
"Why do sistas care so much about the ninja that doesn't want them." THIS is what I wonder all the time. smdh.
Pride…everybody's got it.
Besides even though we can get the majority (i.e Tom, Dick, Harry, Juan, Tito, Miguel) we still subconsciously want our own. It stings but we're still "GOOD".
THANK YOU!!!! I'm always like lol! Lets have a garage sale and let em' have them 😉
Credit Karma is whats hot, I was paying 6. 55 for Credit Report every month when I could have been getting for free. I'm slippin when it comes to staying on the up and up but my Credit Score will have you thinking im a 45 year old white man.
My fiance told me that she didn't care about brothas or whoever that didn't want her,it was the negative stereotypes that pissed her off. Look at the comments on alot of youtube videos and websites. I didn't know this until my baby came into my life. She has a brother who is like Tommy S. on yt. JUST LIKE HIM. I want to punch that fool so bad…. It impacts women ALOT brotha.
You got dudes telling their non black women(simps) that black women ain't ish and they believe it. My fiance is in the masters program in college and her lab partner is with a brotha. She is rude to her and ask her rude ish. I am about to approach the situation with the school because she is a simp and out of hand. When she came to class with her engagement ring on she had something to say about that. I think shes Mexican. There are SO many dudes and women across the world who think horrible ish about black women AND MEN,but you don't see surverys.studies,polls,new specials,and videos about us. It didn't make me less to other races. I don't her Minaj and Beyonce talking about black men ain't shit on the radio basically.
I don’t think it’s about success or lack thereof, it’s something men feel they have to earn rather than being granted it outright. I don’t deserve trust issues, or to be reminded I’m expendable, or pass a bunch of tests. I’m a man who prefers black women but damnit if y’all aren’t paranoid as hell sometimes, going into relationships with doubts and assumptions hoping to be proven wrong.
+1 He's on fire!!!(NBA Jam voice)
Black men who prefer Latina women ( non black Latina women) , white women or other are fine with me. I just laugh when I see them in divorce court with their perfect non-black woman taking half of all their ish. Or when their non -black woman leaves them because they no longer have the wealth she met him with. Or it’s even better better when I see those same men name random reasons why they don’t date black women ie ( BW are loud, BW are insecure , BW don’t cook , BW don’t work out) yet will date a non black woman with all the same qualities. Shrugs
The overwhelming majority of black men in divorce court getting half their possessions taking is being done by black women. I don’t know why black women like to pretend that it is non black women taking black men to the cleaners. Black men should FEAR black women.
@Obvious either way some of you act like non-black women are some type of savior. I think some black men (not all) feel they shouldn’t have to meet certain standards when they deal with black women. They feel we as black women should just be happy their around. Yet those same black men have no problem meeting the expectations of non-black women. Trust non-black women don’t want a no degree having, making less than 50+ a year, has a child by another woman, don’t have their ish together, can’t make a solid commitment black man. They might get the d!ck from a brotha that falls in one or many of those categories, but marry or commit to, not a chance in he77.
I disagree with the last part. As a black man I think what is happening here is that non black women tend to know how to convey her expectations in FEMININE AND RESPECTFUL manner. This actually makes men WANT to meet expectations and make women happy. It’s funny you should mention this because i actually had a similar conversation about this recently.
Let me give you the PERFECT EXAMPLE, hopefully you (black women) will take the lesson instead of trying to debate it.
A person has a child. He buys the child a gift, very inexpensive but nonetheless bought it JUST out if love and affection for that child. He gives the child the child the gift and the child responds about how it isn’t good enough, or it’s cheap and he doesn’t want it.
What do you think the reaction of the parent is going to be?
It’s not going to I’m sorry I will do better next time. More a long the lines of you are ungrateful and it WONT BE A NEXT TIME.
Now if the child had shown gratitude, happiness for the gift the parents natural reaction would be to do it again. Perhaps do even better than before. This is the nature as to why it seems as if black men are more willing to just go all out for non black women.
Non black women understand and FULLY know the power they yield in there femininity in regards to men. Too many black women are trying to gain power with men buy being ” strong, loud and abrasive”
THIS IS WHY NON BLACK WOMEN OUTDO YOU ALL
NOT CUZ UR BLACK
NOT CUZ UR UGLY
BOT CUZ OF FACIAL FEATURES
BUT BECAUSE IF HOW YOU SPEAK AND BEHAVE WITH US
PERIOD!!!!!!!! The sooner black women learn this lesson and take heed to this supreme wisdom the sooner you will see better relationships with black men
You can sit around and blame black men of self hate and the other made up lies that you all reiterate to make yourselves feel good, but until your behavior changes and aligns with that of normal women we shall not change. Stop blaming other men, stop blaming your mom for what she taught you, change the way you speak and act with NO MORE EXCUSES AS TO WHY YOU CANNOT.
And please don’t come with the tired deflection argumen about how all women are the same, that’s a FUCKING LIE. Non black women would never speak and behave the way you strong and independent black women do.
Note: this is not up for debate. As a man I have better knowledge to the feelings and thoughts of men than any women will ever have.
In that ealier scenario, who is the child? The black man, or the black woman? Are we supposed to be raising you? Are you saying that black women are not good at "training" our black men….and white and latina women train black men better? Are you really insinuating that you personally need a white hand to help guide you towards appropriate behavior towards women?
You startin' to sound real ratchet, Toby.
If you can't figure this simple example out, then worrying about black relationships is the least of your problems.
Every time I see an angry black man rant about black women, I see a hurt and insecure man. Women of all races will cuss you out and leave you, hurt you, and betray you. I have seen some asian women who are a lot more hardcore than angry black women but it is a stereotype that asian women are the most submissive women. See how stereotypes are not true!
I think the difference comes in how some black women love their man. Non-black women tend to baby the hell out of their men but when they step out of line they go the f**k off. Black women will be by your side through other babies, cheating, rich and poor times but they might not be as affectionate. It's just a different way that they show love. Black people (in my circle) were not very affectionate growing up-men or women.
A male friend of mine said when men leave home they are looking for their moms in their wives- someone to love them and be affectionate but put them in their place when they step out of line. Black women (again just the ones I've been around-my sphere is small) tend to do the exact opposite. They let their men walk all over them in the name of love but won't give them affection. It leads to both men and women being angry and their needs unmet. This is not to say this is anyone's fault in particular- just a huge misunderstanding.
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Non-black women tend to baby the hell out of their men but when they step out of line they go the f**k off.
Is this not a stereotype? So its okay for black women to stereotype?
@BalancedLady
Sounds like you support the male argument.
Black women have to change up their skillset.
Non-black women are a better look for a segment on the black male populace.
And y’all have made it very clear that you like the way you are, you have to deal with the men that want you.
Even if the pool is small & shallow
Good day.
I make 70k dumb ass and why are you preferring to all black men? Obviously, you like to judge all black men. I bet I make more than you and that is without a college degree. Just because you got a degree doesn’t make you intelligent. I got good credit, a brand new car, and I will get a house. Not only that I got more money in the bank than your monkey butt got. You the white men’s bed toy and you won’t say anything bad about them. You sound right ignorant just like the majority of black men. Yeah, I left my black female who was knocked up 6 times and had 3 kids for a latina. I brought her gold ear rings, bracelets, going to take her on vacation, and etc. No, I wouldn’t do nothing for a black female because I know I would be wasting my time. Black women have the sense of entitlement.
If you’re going to play that game. White men should fear white women, Latin men should fear Latin women, and Chinese men should fear Chinese women. The majority of bitter divorces are between couples of the same race. Your argument when thought of in this frame obviously doesn’t hold water.
Although this is an extreme list, if you feel only black women are trying to take half or more from these "unsuspecting black men" you have to be crazy. White women (and a few men) want their due too, don't get it twisted.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_most_expensi…
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Although this is an extreme list, if you feel only black women are trying to take half or more from these "unsuspecting black men" you have to be crazy. White women (and a few men) want their due too, don't get it twisted.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_most_expensi…
My recent post Show me something:Why she isn’t taking you seriously as a suitor
Although this is an extreme list, if you feel only black women are trying to take half or more from these "unsuspecting black men" you have to be crazy. White women (and a few men) want their due too, don't get it twisted.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_most_expensi…
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The point of the divorce comment was to show you that white, Latina, Chinese whatever woman will do you dirty. If you’re a black man that thinks’ women of a different race are better, so be it no sweat off my back. But please believe, loud, insecure, angry, bossy, bitchy and overweight (since some of you love to say “blk women don’t use the gym enough” )comes in all colors.
If you're really concerned about your material wealth–draw up a pre-nup. Problem solved. The problem is most folks think pre-nups are for the super rich. In a country with a divorce rate hovering around 50%, you better protect yourself.
I see your point. But when us black men date other women,don't think it's because of a stereotype. I have a black fiance and she and I both were raised by our mothers. We came out great. ha ha I never dated a women who wasn't black because of "LOUD and 'Whorish" "mannish" "fat" "beastie" black women. If men and women don't like something,don't make a website. Just move on! I am black male and even I am sick and tired at seeing these loser ass black men making video after video. Heck,I even see non black men doing it and dudes don't seem to care. When white girls on yt made videos about sorry black men sistahs huddled up and caped for us!
ROTFLMBOO!!!! EXACTLLLYYY!!! It's very, very sad how the world, white supremacy, makes the Black man and the Black woman against each other, or always in disagreement with one another. We have to unite as ONE! Until we realized that finding AND defining, the root to OUR relationship problems between the Black man, and the Black woman, and UNITING as ONE, possibly the Black man and the Black woman would sustain, and combine in their relationships. #Still Love the GOOD Brothas who LOVE the Sistahs
I was raised by black parents. Had my dad my entire life, everybody has a right to date who they want. However it doesn't matter if he's white black or whatever women look for men like They dad. As well as men look for women like they mom. From my own experience men are offended by my expectations, I'm sure it's cause no one taught them how to be a man. Ijs
I love to hear the arguement about how every black woman is this, that and the other and that's why I date outside my race. Yet to say all black men are lazy, good for nothing, all about impregnating and boning and chick with a pulse results in her just being bitter! *Rolls eyes so freaking hard*. The smart people know that these are not the norm, just like saying black people only love chicken, dancing, and hood rat activities. If you want to date out side your race because of a preconceived notion by all means! That shows me that you do not know how to navigate through rough terrain to find a perfect spot.
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People like that are looking for the easy way out and Frankly I wouldn't want someone like that. It's one thing to date someone because you fell in love with their core being, but to date someone because they past the paper bag test is another. Life is tough, I need someone who can help me through it versus giving up because it got "too rough." There was a point when I was a teenager and I felt offended that I was undesirable because of a skintone that I could not change, but now? F**k it. At this point I can't lose sleep because people want to discriminate against their own. Have at it, but trust me, interracial couples get divorced just like intraracial couples.
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@PayneWell
I like that argument too.
We have been those this so many freaking times.
The difference is that black women give these bums all the lateral in the world, only when these black women are taken to the cleaners by these guys, THEN & only then does the bashing of all black men begin, not before.
Now, she is interested in the men she overlooked to get to that deadbeat.
If men picked strippers & prostitutes & then complained about poor treatment, he would get laughed out the room by both genders.
So it is not the same.
The black woman who marries a true-to-the-game con man & then gets played, is the rarest occurrence.
Since black women are not getting married like that anyway.
This justifies why men should get for Women of Color overseas.
Black women cannot admit that there is a major problem among their ranks.
That’s okay, but you can’t feel bad about black dudes refusing to sign up for that.
Put the Mollies down. Please
DATING BLACK WOMEN SHOULD BE LIKE VISITING THE “GARDEN OF EDEN”
NOT LIKE VISITING “THE EVERGLADES” SWAMP.
Life is tough, especially for black people. But my sexual partner, someone who I am spending an inordinate amount of time with & being s*xually intimate with more often than not, should not the Bane of my existence.
If you don’t get that point, I have nothing for you @PayneWell
Being discriminated because you are DARKSKIN is way different from being discriminated because you are not ATTRACTIVE (see: Bria Myles , I promise you men or women are not talking about how i wouldn’t date/deal with her because she is too dark) or the more relevant issue, you are a lousy relationship partner
You can stay in your fantasy world & continue to date subpar black men.
Or you figure out what kind of black men you like, and emulate the attractive women (the intangibles, not her looks) who grace their arm.
Good day.
“Black women cannot admit that there is a major problem among their ranks.__That's okay, but you can't feel bad about black dudes refusing to sign up for that.”__I have no problem admitting that there are problem within women, however, to assume that men are just a by product of a woman’s doing and has not hand in it is where I laugh at it. We are a product of each other this is why we can never agree. You continue to point fingers yet do not admit that men are the perfect vision that you think they are. I have never said solely men are the issue, and I will never say solely women are the issue, because we both are the issue. However, instead of me sitting back and point fingers and just giving up I choose to do something about it. You love to say how f**ked up the female gender is but never, NEVER do you call men on their B.S. So I guess that sentence applies to you. I give fault where fault is due.
“Life is tough, especially for black people. But my sexual partner, someone who I am spending an inordinate amount of time with & being s*xually intimate with more often than not, should not the Bane of my existence.If you don't get that point, I have nothing for you @PayneWellSaying you want a partner that cherishes you is not a issue in fact see my point where I state the following:It's one thing to date someone because you fell in love with their core being, but to date someone because they past the paper bag test is another.”
Be happy, I get it. I think we all deserve that. But to just blow someone off because of their race is where I raise a eyebrow and which is why we are still having this debate until this day.
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“Life is tough, especially for black people. But my sexual partner, someone who I am spending an inordinate amount of time with & being s*xually intimate with more often than not, should not the Bane of my existence.If you don't get that point, I have nothing for you @PayneWellSaying you want a partner that cherishes you is not a issue in fact see my point where I state the following:It's one thing to date someone because you fell in love with their core being, but to date someone because they past the paper bag test is another.”
Be happy, I get it. I think we all deserve that. But to just blow someone off because of their race is where I raise a eyebrow and which is why we are still having this debate until this day.
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@PayneWell
Well, alot of these subpar men are coming out of homes of single mothers.
And alot of these single mothers purposely set themselves up to be that way.
They are not married women who abandoned by their husbands.
What do you want me to say to that @Payne.
Maybe so, but if one part of the community refuses to evolve for whatever reason, you gotta chuck the deuces & wish them well on their own.
The problem here is that you have only been blogging THIS year. I have been commenting on SBM since 2010.
But let’s get on the subject of BLACK men, because I don’t think too well white men and I have insufficient data on other races of brown men.
The mainstream white media & black women distort the truth about black men, alot of times, I have to defend the BULLSH*T that y’all spew. The inaccuracies.
We are murderous criminals.
We are on the down-low.
We are in jail.
We are rapists.
We are racists.
We are deadbeats to our children.
We are abusive to our women.
We are players.
We give our women diseases.
Our women are surpassing us by leaps & bounds.
We really like, want a majority date white women.
Those are the gist of complains by all
Also, black men are not complaining to the decibel level of black women.
But here are my collective black male criticisms.
Money/Finance/business/group economics is not are #1 concern.
Creating a child without the proper finances is our #2 concern
Picking the right woman to procreate with is our #3 concern.
Being an excellent s*xual partner is not our # 4 concern.
We are a huge reason why fat black women continue to exist, because the lower class among us , don’t have our finances together.
And lastly, we should have a no-tolerance for poor treatment from anybody. And be strategic about handling those who treat us poorly. White people, black women, etc.
We have to learn marital arts at an intermediate level.
Good day
Well, alot of these subpar men are coming out of homes of single mothers and alot of these single mothers purposely set themselves up to be that way. They are not married women who abandoned by their husbands. What do you want me to say to that @Payne.
Could someone women make better choices in partners? Sure! But just because they aren't together doesn't mean they cant co-parent. I refuse to believe that every woman is preventing that man from being in that child's life. Why are some of these men not fighting to be in that child's life? I've seen it both ways. I'm pretty successful from a one parent home, and i'm sure some of the men that post can agree that just because they were raised by a woman doesn't mean they are poor men.
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Well, alot of these subpar men are coming out of homes of single mothers and alot of these single mothers purposely set themselves up to be that way. They are not married women who abandoned by their husbands. What do you want me to say to that @Payne.
Could someone women make better choices in partners? Sure! But just because they aren't together doesn't mean they cant co-parent. I refuse to believe that every woman is preventing that man from being in that child's life. Why are some of these men not fighting to be in that child's life? I've seen it both ways. I'm pretty successful from a one parent home, and i'm sure some of the men that post can agree that just because they were raised by a woman doesn't mean they are poor men.
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Well, alot of these subpar men are coming out of homes of single mothers and alot of these single mothers purposely set themselves up to be that way. They are not married women who abandoned by their husbands. What do you want me to say to that @Payne.
Could someone women make better choices in partners? Sure! But just because they aren't together doesn't mean they cant co-parent. I refuse to believe that every woman is preventing that man from being in that child's life. Why are some of these men not fighting to be in that child's life? I've seen it both ways. I'm pretty successful from a one parent home, and i'm sure some of the men that post can agree that just because they were raised by a woman doesn't mean they are poor men.
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"Also, black men are not complaining to the decibel level of black women."
Yes boo, on every post you make it known. You complain, but do not do anything to help repair relationship. But hey, we all have purposes that we serve.
I can agree with the last part I got it. But when people are trying to show you hey, i'm on your side, you fight everyone, then claim it's you. You tear down the women who are on your side, but then says hey you guys are all like this. We as a community are not as f**ked up as the media would have us believe. All black men aren't in jail and what i have been saying for posts is that all black women aren't out to get you. That's my 2 cents for this and i'm out.
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The problem here is that you have only been blogging THIS year. I have been commenting on SBM since 2010.
Irrevelant, my history has no correlation to your attitude. If it's a positive message, it's a positive message. Promote it.
These single women homes are not always trying to prevent men from being in the child's life. You act like all women do not want the man to help raise the kid. Are there women like that yes! However, for us to feel just because she's single the man shouldn't want to help raise the kid is where we are both laxed in the judgement. I don't understand why a man would not have that internal moral compass to want to raise his seed and fight for his children.
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Adonis,from a black MAN. Go date a man or whatever white woman you want. Go brainwash her family about the horrible black woman. I think you need to come to terms that you hate the sistahs. Why are you keeping their name in yo mouth? Leave,go elsewhere. Just don't join the blackwomenaintshit website and continue to bash there. My fiacnes bro is like you,but he keep banging black women and isn't married to his asian/white queen that he loves to much. My "dad" left my mom after 4 years or marriage. My half brother is 2 months younger than me(yeah,figure that out). My mom don't bash black men. He never paid any child support and lived in St Lous while we were in Chicago dodging bullets. IS she bitter….NO
I wish more people would do what this man is attempting to do. I say; good for him. Nothing is worse than the constant complaining and still yet they continue to date black women. Is it painting black women with a broad stroke? Sure. Maybe he’s allergic (hypersensitive immune response) to black women; I know a few who are. But, taking our minuscule experiences and making broad strokes is how we make most decisions.
I just wish the complainers would do more moving on and less waxing on about what they don’t like. He’ll find what we all know that, "all women are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart."
Here is my thing, if a woman says "i'm tired of always dealing with no good broken ninjas." No one will say that, that is an issue with black men today. They will say, "well why do you keep dating those type of dudes?" Why wouldn't we apply them to those mens situations? If they keep running into these types of women, why are these men only pursuing these type of women? I agree that everyone wants to be loved. I love a black man all day long, but if a white man comes up to me and we are clicking all the way around, hell yeah i'm swooping him up. It's the discrimination that always rub me the wrong way and the down talking.
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Here is my thing, if a woman says "i'm tired of always dealing with no good broken ninjas." No one will say that, that is an issue with black men today. They will say, "well why do you keep dating those type of dudes?" Why wouldn't we apply them to those mens situations? If they keep running into these types of women, why are these men only pursuing these type of women? I agree that everyone wants to be loved. I love a black man all day long, but if a white man comes up to me and we are clicking all the way around, hell yeah i'm swooping him up. It's the discrimination that always rub me the wrong way and the down talking.
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Read my above post as I have already obliterated this deflection argument that MOST BLACK WOMEN LOVE TO USE
I would use obliterate a bit loosely in this scenario.
My recent post Show me something:Why she isn’t taking you seriously as a suitor
Why would anyone want to ride through rough terrain when there are many other paths that have the same result and are much more enjoyable?
I mean you black women argue that all women are the same, so if I can get the SAME GOLD on a breezy walk Way why would I search for the gold in a needle stack?
@Obvious
I do not understand it. But alot of black women feel like it is a good thing to put their men through hell & high water. And we should be honored to take the abuse.
Or worse in @paynewell’s case. We are weak if we don’t take the abuse.
And that was a GREAT catch. If black women & other women are the same. Then that bolsters my argument on why not to date black women outside of s*xual liaisons.
Wow!! How did you get that? All i'm saying is that if you went through 3 black chicks and you had a bad experience and then you swear off all black women, how is that even logical? If you have 3 bad jobs in a field you love, you don't quit working that field if you truly loved it. You keep looking for a job that fits you. Obviously you two misunderstood(shocker). No one said anything about taking abuse and you know good and well that was not the point of my post. I made a blog specifically about how women can treat their men well and you came out your way to talk about how woman screw up ….. That lets me know instead of you promoting "yes this is how men should be treated" you want to sit back and complain. Guess what people are notorious for complaining about shiggedy but not doing anything about it? The same black women that you love to talk about in your posts. But you tried it.
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Because life isn't easy terrain sir. If you met a lady and you were on top, I would think you would want her to be with you if you drop to the bottom. Versus leaving you to find better terrain. Easy does not equate better.
"I mean you black women argue that all women are the same, so if I can get the SAME GOLD on a breezy walk Way why would I search for the gold in a needle stack?"
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So you are saying that a man should want a woman who is more difficult to deal with because in case he falls to the bottom she will do I with him?
Whether in on top or bottom my personality does not change. A woman should be steadfast with her significant other no matter what LIFE throws at them. So it still makes sense to be with the more happy and enjoyable woman, because I damn sure would not want tO be with a difficult woman when life gets difficult.
So your rebuttal makes NO SENSE
So you missed the boat completely but when you say things like "you black women" there is no fair shot at all. So lets agree that you will date non black chicks because you don't have patience to find a black one who fits you and we will agree that not all black men and women are the same because if they were all similar to you I think we'd be in a bind.
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@PayneWell
You have people (women) who will stay down no matter what.
You also have people (women) who will leave as soon as thing don’t go their way.
And then people who vary among the spectrum.
Neither is good or bad. They are just human beings with different strategies on how to approach relationships.
I respect the intent of both, and will choose the type of woman that best suits me or the man in question.
———-
I think I misunderstood you earlier point about difficult women.
I believe men (outside of 12 pt Bucks of the world) do not mind when you are in a relationship & naturally a relationship has its difficult & dull moments, and you would hope that the people in question work through it.
I believe @Obvious has no problem with that scenario.
—-
But the idea that the difficulty & combativeness is coming from the woman in question. Nawl.
You can give that to a simp. Or the average white male who has it easy in America, or even the dysfunctional black dude with mommy issues & absent male leadership.
But an upwardly mobile black dude isn’t trying to catch hell from his main lady on a daily.
Women are here to add on to a already good thing, not take away.
And either you are adding on, or taking away.
Goodnight.
I can agree with all of this. All I'm saying is to assume that a non-black woman is going to be less difficult than a black woman is odd to me. Once again, it comes down to going towards who checking for you. If a man says who you look difficult and i prefer someone who isn't perceived to be difficult, I am going to go that way. However, I have met some men who want to be in that combative relationship, but yet does not want the girl who would seemingly make his life easier. Thems the breaks!
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@Obvious unless someone is bowing down to you, you will not believe anything I say so I take everything you read with a grain of salt because all of the things you have name is what I am not. All of my girlfriends are black and they are not that. However, My white girlfriend will cuss a man out and use all the weaknesses he shared with her, against her. So my situation nulifies your thoughts because it's supposed to be EVERY black woman who is disrespectful and ALL non black who know how to treat a man.
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I compare it to this. When you can get gold easily, your less likely to see it's worth because you can get more of it. If you have a jumpoff, and she stops messing with you, you are not crying because she left, you can just go get another one easily. You don't treat a jump off with care. I mean yeah she's a woman and you should just respect her, but probably not because she's so easy to get. However when you have to dig through hay, and concrete, and other avenues to get the gold, you are more stingy with how you are going to spend it. You aren't out here buying rims. You will invest that gold for something better (if you are smart). If you find that good woman who is worth more than rubies, you are going to bend over backwards to make sure she knows her worth.
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I despise when black women come with these weak an tired arguments. The exception is NOT THE RULE.
If someone comes and says a lot of black men are in jail, me replying that I know black men who are not in jail DOES NOT CHANGE THE VALIDITY OF WHAT WAS SAID!!!!
What is in black womens brain that they can’t comprehend this.
The one white girl you know does not change the rule.
Which can be used in your argument. Just because you've dated 10 women(I'm being generous) who were all black and you had bad experiences with all of them how does that become a rule when there are millions of them? You insult intelligence, belittle black women constantly but yet they are the problem? You come with a f**ked up attitude but its a black woman's fault I'm sure. Got it sir!
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She does because I'm sure she isn't the only white girl in the world who does it. Black men being in jail is a pretty small pop. But because people see it on tv or have met a few guys who went to jail they tend to make generalizations you know like you are doing
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@Obvious unless someone is bowing down to you
Do you mind explaining what you mean by this statement?
"I don’t discriminate, because in the end they’re all fruit." This pretty much sums it up.
But hey, Everybody has their preferences and knows what they like and don't like. Gotta respect that and respect folks reasons regardless of whether we agree with them or not. To each his/her own.
At this point, I really don't care. If she makes you happy do you. Just don't drag us in the dirt when you meet ms snow white.
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I agree
Honestly, the fact that you have to say that is just sad.
Black women have to learn how to disconnect from these losers.
Just as they did with us.
QUESTION:
For all the men who feel that non-black women are just their “preference” (again no shade off my back), and plan on marrying and having children with them, how do you feel about you black daughters (mixed) with these non-black women. I mean your still black meaning 9x times out of ten your daughter will come out looking like you, meaning 9x’s out of 10 the world will perceive her (and she will probably see herself) as a black woman. Then what?
And what about your granddaughters. Most of the mixed black girls get scooped up real quick by black men. Guess what that even more black women who you will have to love, and encourage. How will you tell them about themselves?
Black men who date and marry non-black women have no problem loving their offspring–the mixed black women that they father with those non-black women. It's the black women those men have to deal with on a romantic level. Those are the black women who drive those cats crazy. I know one. He has two daughters and a son with a white woman and he spoils his daughters rotten.
I think another question is how will you deal with men that your daughters/granddaughters are involved with stereotyping and excluding them in the way that you did? Keep in mind that the author is biracial.
Typically, following the preference statement is a list of reasons why the man doesn't care to date sista's, (because inquiring sistas wanna know so they ask why). The reasons why is what sista's have a problem with because; they feel like those reasons can be applicable to Any woman of Any race or culture if you catch her on a bad day. They feel like those reasons are universal to women as a gender and should not be solely limited to "only black women." And there is some truth to this. Just like we (sista's) are not the only race with fat azzes. I've seen plenty of white (non-mixed) Asian, and Indian (Middle Eastern) women who are "big booty Judy's."
“ they feel like those reasons can be applicable to Any woman of Any race or culture if you catch her on a bad day. They feel like those reasons are universal to women as a gender and should not be solely limited to "only black women."
The real question here is why this same convo doesn’t arise with other races of women.(at least at this level of intensity) Is it that they don’t talk about it? Can I go to a white dating blog site and read the same thing. Most would answer, that it seems to be predominately an issue that only BM have with BW. To simplify it to the means of a bad day here and there is, I think, disingenuous.
Personally, I love me some confrontational ish. I’m able to put it in context. I don’t feel less respected or cherished by being challenged But, just because contextualize it that way doesn’t mean that others will. I just hope more people would go and find that race that fits their relationship style and stop complaining about it.
At any rate, I agree Trist that this subject that has run its course, and discussing it repeatedly will not warrant the desired actions from men.
Men, solution for you is to stop answering when women ask you "why you don't date sista's". Simply Say "thats just my preference. Just like you have a preference for strawberry ice cream over vanilla, because you like the taste better or for whatever reasons, this is my preference." And leave it at that.
Keep your reasons to yourself.
Ladies, beating a dead horse will never bring it back to life, so let it go.
And now you know, and knowing is half the battle! G.I. JOE!!!!!!
"As a black woman, I felt like I had to investigate the reason he preferred non-black women. "
^^^This right here! WHY?
You know…one thing I'll give some brothas credit for is that when they aren't being felt and know they are being rejected outright, they adjust fire and move onto the next target. Please someone explain to me why many sistas (after dude explained himself and stated his preference up front) that you have to go "investigating?" Like, what's in it for you except you'll find out a stranger's reason for why he finds your skin color/culture/size/etc. undesirable? I've never understood the motivation behind having to know the reasons why you are being rejected. Suck it up and move on to the next sista loving brotha.
Please believe the flip side to this is that you will find an equal amount of puzzling and worthless ads on the "Women for Men" section of CL. You have out of shape and frumpy fat women asking for chiseled and in-shape men. You have plenty of BBW sistas asking for SWM. There are plenty of ads where sistas are stating they do not want anything to do with BM whatsoever, but you know what? That's their right. I never go any further than reading it though. It would be worthless to ask her reasons why she doesn't want my black arse. Not only do I not care, it's not like I'm going to change her mind. Folks need to just let stuff ride sometimes.
It's funny to me (in an ironic & satirical sorta way) that we (and latina's) are the only race who seems to have this problem, or maybe we are the only race that is so extremely vocal about it.
I wonder if white men started flocking to black women, and other races would it piss off white women to the same degree.Things that make you go hhhmmmmm…….
Ironically i've never ever heard a white woman complain about white men prefering too many black women and them feeling some type of way about it.
You also don’t hear white men going “I’m dating black women because white women aren’t 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9.”. I just hate that some black men who date women of another race feel they need to go public and spread the message like they’ve found the cure for cancer. You found someone you love … Great… She’s not black great… now move along. (Same can be said for black women who praise white /non-black men)
Girl,, I know some black men who hate to see black women with white men. So for men to say they don't understand always is crazy to me! I have a male friend who gets turned off when he learns that black women dates white men.
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That is true Paynewell. I've heard men badmouth sista's who prefer other races.
Another question is why do people feel they need to even explain themselves and defend Their Choice. We all have Freeedom of Choice. You can be with whomever you want.
As a race we do need to stop the bad-mouthing of our own people. However, nobody should be required to defend themselves regarding who they choose to date, love and marry.
Folks need to mind your business. I could care less what woman is with what man, as long as she is not with My Man. Then and only then do I have a problem.
It's a preference, yeah it rubs me the wrong way, but i wont be doing any posts about it or organizing events to disuade or prove my points. I got more important things to think about, like reviewing these applications for cuffing season. 🙂 JK! i KID! WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE!
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It's a preference, yeah it rubs me the wrong way, but i wont be doing any posts about it or organizing events to disuade or prove my points. I got more important things to think about, like reviewing these applications for cuffing season. 🙂 JK! i KID! WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE!
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I don't know the answer to this, Bree. But it would appear the relative comparison would be white men "flocking" to Asian women. I place "flocking" in quotes, because only 10% of black men even marry inter-racially and that includes all races, not just white. I'm not sure how white women feel about this, but Asian women do have the highest interracial marriage rates between white men.
Exactly, but you can't do anything about it when the ones who are complaining solely direct their energy into focusing on that 10% instead of the rest that marry black women. This becomes a "casting pearls before swine" situation that I've learned to stay away from. If people want to focus on being unhappy, let them. If they want to miss out on those who do want them because they focus on those who don't, let them. It's a choice.
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WIM idk about those stats. I know many interracial couples. They are in my family in fact. My grandfather is biracial, and my great grandmother is multi-racial. I couldn't possibly knock interracial couples because I wouldn't exist without them. Hell, many of us wouldn't exist. My Asian bff is married to a black man and they have 2 beautiful kids. I think in certain area's like big Metropolitan suburbs and cities like: Philly, Jersey, NY, and the DMV there are lots of interracial couples. Probably not so much in smaller, more rural southern cities and states though.
Another thing to be mindful of is unlike the black and white race, many other races marry based on class and/or caste, ie social status.
Meh. We've rehashed these stats a thousand times and the Census Bureau is a Google search away for everyone. If everyone's "personal experience" dictated the reality of the world, we wouldn't need to have these discussions, but I see what you're getting at. I just disagree, but I respect your opinion.
Now that I've taken my time and slowly reread your comment I see that you said "marry" and in that you are correct. Most people do end up marrying "their own kind." However, many many, many people have dated outside of their race at least once.
I stand corrected on the stats. 🙂
"Ironically i've never ever heard a white woman complain about white men prefering too many black women and them feeling some type of way about it."
This is because white men in large swatch DO NOT prefer black women and if anyone is observant of their mating habits, many of their choices in non-white women are Asian (Far East usually) and secondarily latinas. White women, are aware of and classify this as "Asian/latina Fetish" among white men, but I have never seen it discussed as much as BM pairing with WW. It's safe to say that many white women (at least her in our country) are in competition with Asians and then latinas.
I know CPT. that statement was purely rhetorical.
Although, if it ever did actually happen, I don't think white women would complain about it half as much as black women. Idk maybe they would. But I know a lotta white women and I just can't see it.
They have interesting conversations about this.
http://xojane.com/issues/asian-fetish
i was reading this like "omgsh, this is really what they think of all of us isn't it?" then i had to use my logical mind and remember that a lot of people THINK they know the majority because they spend too much time watching tv. if you've ever done actual research you know media and the internet can be decieving. The black community has some serious issues on it's hands, and if the leaders of the community (black men) are giving up on the other members of their community (women and children), then our eternal bondage has been achieved smh
I concur completely. This issue goes beyond just dating. Most of us have fallen victim(including black people) to what a black woman or man is like. I do think this kind of behavior (slandering black women.. i.e. "saying they are too difficult and whatnot" is perpetuating these stereotypes. I do not care or mind if black men date other races but I want them to understand the deep roots of this issues. I want them to reject what the media says of what a black woman is like, and accept the woman based on her individual traits.
And I want them to realize due to the education and employment gap, there are not a lot of "Claire Huxtables" walking around. And as black people, we all have our issues with self esteem, and being constantly rejected in White America.
@Christina Denise Clemente
I get the media & it’s deliberate deceptiveness.
But what about the black women we interact with everyday.
Family, friends, strangers, etc.
If the media was just straight up LYING. It would be easy to reject.
And if you know this place where there is nothing but quality sistas, please give me the geographical coordinates.
You probably live in the hood and have no connection with classy black women.
When you refer to Black women you interact with, are you speaking of your mother, sisters (if you have any)? Because I don't even know any Black women that are loud, ghetto, head rolling finger snappers and I'm a Black woman!!
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@BellaTrice1
I am speaking of some of the BW in my extended family.
Not all.
My point is, BW are not being all the way honest.
Just as I can easily name the ratchet black chicks, I can also easily point out the classier educated black women. I think most people can TRUTHFULLY say the same; however, from their experiences, only want to acknowledge one of the groups.
We all fall victim to believing stereotypes; just only some people are smart enough to admit it and correct it.
@goo105
I am glad you were more fortunate. Have at it
I can't be offended by the guy's comment for these reasons (in no particular order):
1) He posted an ad on Craigslist…why can't he get a woman of his choice in person?
2) If you take out "Black" women and insert any other race (Italian, Hispanic, etc.) it would still make just as much "sense". What he seems to be complaining about you can find women (and men) that act out in every race. There's plenty of reality TV to back that up.
3) He says "but you’d have to know my story before you judge me." Oh, so he doesn't want to be judged but he's judging Black women as a whole?
4) He's actually inviting the author over to his house that very night! They haven't met. That's dangerous AND if a man invites you over his house THAT soon, that already lets you know how much he DOESN'T respect you. Yet he's looking for a woman worthy of respect.
He doesn't sound like a guy I'd date. No matter the race.
My bad, I assumed he was at home since he said he was free that night and about to watch the game. He could have been at a bar, so omit my #4 just because he didn't officially say where he was.
but I was feeling you too! The people who scream the poor qualities of another person are usually the ones who probably aren't quality themselve. If you are top notch you don't have time to create a reason to tear down women.
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Being discriminated because you are DARKSKIN is way different from being discriminated because you are not ATTRACTIVE (see: Bria Myles , I promise you men or women are not talking about how i wouldn't date/deal with her because she is too dark) or the more relevant issue, you are a lousy relationship partner
Discrimination is what we are talking about in reference to non-blacks and black women. Attractiveness is subjective, just because I don’t find you attractive does not mean you are not. To guess that one dates subpar men is a big guess and pretty erroneous unless we are to assume that all men who do not look like Morris Chestnut is subpar. Hey I think I’m very attractive, but I have learned that you can be the ripest peach in Georgia but there are still going to be people who don’t like peaches.
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@PayneWell
I am not saying colorism is not an issue, and darkskin women don’t have it rough dating wise.
However, you have to update your argument.
Alot of times, as Streetz has pointed the Dwayne Wade looking dark skin women are complaining about not getting chose. But when you go to the Bria Myles of the world, they get attention everywhere they go. Regardless of the fact that there are some people that don’t like what kind of fruit they are peddling.
If all darkskin women were having the same exact dating problems, then maybe we can dialogue, but alot of times it is just the older, uglier, fatter with children darkskin women who are screaming the loudest.
Harsh but true.
Good day
I have no agruement to it. Gary Owens, said it great, "it's not about who I like, but who likes me!" Lol I can't make anyone like me, and honestly who would want to?
Plus at 16 years old i wasn't fat at all.
The point you made was that a man discriminating against black women for a non black woman, is not the same as a man discriminating againt a dark skin woman for a light skin woman. I was just saying that it is. That is all!
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@PayneWell
Again, where are these myriad of case where a black man is leaving a cute darkskin woman, for a subpar lightskin/white woman.
I would love to know.
Until then, this sounds like an UGLY GIRL argument. Not a lightskin/darkskin argument.
Personally, I don’t believe darkskin women have dating problems.
I believe you want men who don’t want you. Which was most average American women of all races complain about.
That is not you being discriminated against. That is entitlement. Which men feel the same way about the women that they want.
So, when you are being intellectually dishonest aka crying wolf, nobody is going to take you seriously.
Good day.
That's cool, you know you being a dark skinned woman and being privvy to their issues just like I can say that men dont really have a difficult life. I actually met a guy when I was 16 years over the phone and we were vibing and he was talking to my girl and saying he liked me. Then when she started to describe me to him it was a "oh i don't date dark skinned women." I can't make this stuff up.
At this point you are holding on to the dark skin/light skin situation. I see my pic I don't believe that I'm ugly neither do the men who approach me, but beauty is subjective, so who knows.
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"Have you encountered someone, man or woman, with thoughts similar to the man in this author’s post? How did you handle the situation? Did you give them a chance to explain why they felt that way? What reasons did they offer? What are your thoughts on people who proactively seek to date outside of their own race?"
1)female version; only on twitter
2)indifference.
3)the beauty of twitter is that you can sit back, and read a timeline to gain insight, and move accordingly
4)the same tried and true reasons why BW don't rock with BM.
5)i'm indifferent to the choices BW make relationship-wise. i hope whatever they choose they end up with health, wealth, and exactly what they wished for 🙂
I just feel like life is too short to even concern myself with why somebody choose to date/screw/marry who and what they prefer.
It doesn't make it rain or shine in my world. I notice others of us [in our culture] seem to take much issue with other folks choices.
I also feel like life is too short to waste time explaining or apologizing for one's choices.
Time doesn't stop – why should I? ya feel me 😉
I was making a comparision between the two. Just as you complain about black women are this that and the other, it sounds like an entitlement issue with you as well. If someone doesn't dig me these days, that's it. I don't down their race, or their gender, i keep it moving. To focus on the whys is pointless. In my previous post i didnt focus any more on the skin tone. Just drew the comparisons. That is all! 🙂
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"The problem here is that you have only been blogging THIS year. I have been commenting on SBM since 2010."
Irrelevant. My history doesn't dictate your attitude. If it's a positive message, you promote it, point blank period.
"The mainstream white media & black women distort the truth about black men, alot of times, I have to defend the BULLSH*T that y'all spew. The inaccuracies."
However, all information about black women is accurate? Got it. Thank God there are women that know their worth because the media and some black men such as yourself will have them believing otherwise.
My recent post Show me something:Why she isn’t taking you seriously as a suitor
"The problem here is that you have only been blogging THIS year. I have been commenting on SBM since 2010."
Irrelevant. My history doesn't dictate your attitude. If it's a positive message, you promote it, point blank period.
"The mainstream white media & black women distort the truth about black men, alot of times, I have to defend the BULLSH*T that y'all spew. The inaccuracies."
However, all information about black women is accurate? Got it. Thank God there are women that know their worth because the media and some black men such as yourself will have them believing otherwise.
My recent post Show me something:Why she isn’t taking you seriously as a suitor
"The problem here is that you have only been blogging THIS year. I have been commenting on SBM since 2010."
Irrelevant. My history doesn't dictate your attitude. If it's a positive message, you promote it, point blank period.
"The mainstream white media & black women distort the truth about black men, alot of times, I have to defend the BULLSH*T that y'all spew. The inaccuracies."
However, all information about black women is accurate? Got it. Thank God there are women that know their worth because the media and some black men such as yourself will have them believing otherwise.
My recent post Show me something:Why she isn’t taking you seriously as a suitor
Those men who do, I applaud you! Marriage doesn't ensure that the child will be in a two part home. Look at the divorce rates! I demand a man to marry me and we divorce and now i'm a single mother, but hey at least I got married first. And yes adonis marry men can abandoned their wives. Marriage isn't a magic circle that makes everything better.
Futhermore, how the h*ll are you writing these books and it's not making you break it up into sections? I am amazed by that!
My recent post Show me something:Why she isn’t taking you seriously as a suitor
BlockQuote /BlockQuote within the PAC-man parentheses “”
It makes debating & reading infinitely easier
“” = Pac-man parentheses
I really hope I remember that, but something says I wont! Argghhhhh THIS CAN'T BE LIFE!!!!
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@PayneWell
First of all the divorce rates are mostly initiated by women. And the reasoning is mostly FINANCIAL. So, that is more of a woman & legal issue. The divorce laws suck, and incentivize women to break up families for financial gain.
That doesn’t mean that women get into marriage with the wrong dude down the line. (Which I respect & sympathize with those women) but alot of women are hustling when the marriage takes a bad turn.
I promise you if you remove the financial incentive in divorce law, alot of women would think twice before divorcing, and divorce rates will drop sharply.
———-
Now, black women for the most part are not even making it down the aisle.
So, you cannot even tell me about something that collectively y’all don’t make a priority to involve yourself in.
To fail at something, you have to try it first.
My reasoning is simple, most men will commit under the right circumstances. And are sincere about their choice. Right or wrong.
Also, if a marriage fails, and you chose well in the type of men to become one with.
Co-parenting can be easier than most.
And you are entitled to alimony in addition to child support. (Whether it is unfair or not, that is not relevant, being a wife trumps every other title in the eyes of the law.)
Now, the reason why you would even talk about failing marriage is the same reason women fight to keep abortion so much.
You want to be irresponsible s*xually. That is very selfish to your children.
And the men who would wanna marriage is not trying to deal with that kind of baggage.
Women have no choice but to date practically or suffer the consequences of poor mate choices.
Which I am here for both.
Peace.
I'm confused about this because most of the black men I see are coupled with black women. Statistics also show this. Why is this an issue? Where is all this coming from? Black women look weak whining and crying about this all the time and it's kind of embarrassing.Please put on your big girl panties and learn to check for who's checking for you. I'm good with black men. Too many of them are checking for me to sit up here and care about the few that aren't.
The majority of black people are with other black people but the mass media and the internet would have you believe otherwise. Just wait until black history month rolls around. You'll get the 5011 "Why are so many black women single?" articles.
Thank you!!! I never had a black man shortage that the media likes to have black women believe.
Why even care what the author wants. He clearly is a BAMMA for looking on craigslist to meet women. Point blank we all have preferences and if he doesn't like black women, that's him (better for me cause I love my black queens). If a sista tells me she only dates white men, I would have no ill will towards her because we all should focus pass race and date whoever makes us happy.
**********************
waitaminute!
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I need to address the oft-repeated claim that black women arent as docile & submissive as women of other races, and that they can cop an attitude real quick, and that this is somehow a bad thing. Now, I dont know about you other ninjas, but I absolutely LOVE that shyt.
A black woman being all strong and independent and stuff makes my chest swell and my nostrils flare up. What kinda pansy dude cant handle a woman with a strong attitude? She's only giving you an attitude to make sure you still have your balls. If you can't handle it, then she's better off with a dude who can.
Why are so many of us men so focused on taking the path of least resistance? Them other chicks are easy mode. Black women are hard mode. Don't shy away from the challenge like a little punk.
Dude, thats EXACTLY what my man says!
#BlackLove4Eva
That was a sly setup.
Most men with lives and options don't have much time, interest, or energy for actually seeking attitudinal women. Men who are confident about their worth and masculinity don't want to be "tested" by their women, let alone challenged on this by other dudes–as I'm sure you know.
I'm too lazy to go through the archives and find the exact links, but this reminds of 1 post that talked about relationship bloggers and another talked about the actual statistics about black marriages. But I recall 2 particularly poignant facts from both of them.
A) When asking for an explanation about opinion, consider the source: I personally think black men who prefer to date interracially tend to fall into 2 categories – they grew up in diverse areas and never consciously chose women by color period. To them, fine is fine. Or they got their heart broke a few times by a specific type of woman and now see every woman as those women. The former, black women just have to accept that for that guy, you just don't fit his definition of fine. He's not singling you out because you're black, he's swearing you off because you won't look good on his arm. It's really that simple.
Now for the latter, women just gotta stop being bothered by these types. No amount of preaching or guilting him will make him forget whatever heartbreak he experienced from THOSE black women. He's making a conscious choice to not re-visit that experience through any black woman. It is what it is. You can't save him, let him cook.
B) We date who we want to date. But who are they marrying though by a clear percentage? Black Women! Yeah, interracial dating may seem like it's such a big problem. But if you wanna be real, black men aren't doing anything w/ Latinas/Asians/White women that they aren't doing w/ black women; which is having babies out of wedlock and in relationships w/ no real expectation of marriage.
As some of the other commenters up top said, why ignite your own fake offense/outrage when the man clearly said he's not interested in your kind? Take the L and keep it pushing
I know right?
Black women need to get theirs and let the drama slide off their backs.
Most of those guys aren't our types to begin with and the ones that we "think" are…really aren't.
I've said it before but I don't really put a lot of thought into who black men date. I'm just worried about who is trying to date me. But when I hear black men that say this type of stuff, I do generally think that they are jaded and bitter. I have a very close male family member for instance who thought this way about black women until recently. He had two black wives under his belt and is currently married to a latina. This chick could do no wrong when they first hooked up. He acted like that chick was the best thing since slice bread. Despite her messing up the finances so bad that they got evicted and all of their bills were backed up(cause he was giving her the bill money and she was blowing it on whatever) he still claimed that she was better than black women because she made him "feel like a man." To him that meant, not talking back and emasculating him or whatever.
continued. but i think he has seen the light. In reality, it wasn't about black women or not it was about the type of women he was letting into his life. This man takes no responsibility for the type of women he keeps around. This latina is no different than the other women in his life. If he ever wants to break the cycle, he must look within and stop blaming his problems on black women. and now i guess latina women too.
Funny, my white bf thinks black women are the most desirable. Different strokes…
It's funny because mine does too. He likes the sass and the attitude.
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Honestly it's whatever floats your boat. If you've had better experiences dealing with non black women then it is what is. In the world of Hollywood you see lots of black celebs with white women, now with that it can be merely a 'status' thing, but I'm not them, however I wouldn't doubt it. It's all about what makes you happy.
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Honestly it's whatever floats your boat. If you've had better experiences dealing with non black women then it is what is. In the world of Hollywood you see lots of black celebs with white women, now with that it can be merely a 'status' thing, but I'm not them, however I wouldn't doubt it. It's all about what makes you happy.
My recent post To Conceive Or Not To Conceive Out Of Wedlock, That Is The Question
Please. So what. Plenty of men of other races are realizing how valuable, and what an asset black women are and are dating and marrying us now. So as far as those black men who don't understand how valuable black women are—it is their loss. Maybe they'll figure it out what fools they've been once it's too late, and the white man has all their women…see George Lucas and Mellody Hobson. Hello!….lol
and the white man has all their women
This mess is funny
In spite of the amazing things we have accomplished as a group (I can't think of any other group of women that faced so much, yet collectively made so much progress educationally/professionally). Black women get more flack than anyone for everything. We are constantly told we are not good enough: not smart, pretty, docile, womanly enough; destined to be successful and single, etc. It's sad to see this message is often repeated in our own circles, with so many black men co-signing that black women are undesirable, that other women are "better;" it's disheartening, especially coming from those very men who are supposed to be our protectors and leaders.
Ladies, do NOT buy into this BS. There are plenty of men (of various races – black, white, whatever) who will love and appreciate you and all that you have to offer.
Once again a "forest from the trees" scenario. When I hear these arguments from the ladies I can't help but to want to point out that this is what we feel when we continuously hear about the 'no good brotha." Yet when that point is made, I don't summarily dismiss it like there aren't any men who perpetuate the stereotype. However ladies refuse to acknowledge that element that fans the flames of rachetness! Without that you can't have an open, honest dialogue. It just keeps on being antagonistic and counterproductive. True, people are free to make their choices, and no race/gender/class should be excluded arbitrarily. Honestly speaking, we do it to each other both men and women because of systematic mental/spiritual conditioning. We have been conditioned over many generations to be suspicious of each other, to hate each other, and to undermine each other. That is why these conversations even exist in the first place.
Reading many of the comments from black women and I must say you're not wrong in believing what you do, however I think we all need this reminder: you can be the sweetest peach in the world, but there will still be those who don't like peaches. For whatever reason, we love to harp on those who don't see things the way we do. Why? As a black woman why care about a man that doesn't care about you? And then respond to spite… with spite? Whatever man y'all got it.
I will say this: I LOVE black women. I love the true strength that you instill in me. I love that you'll challenge me to be the best person I can be. I love the support you offer when I'm not at my highest point, and the encouragement to become better than that. Sure there are bad eggs that are completely diabolical and self-centered, but those h-words get no play over here. It's all love over here as long as your love is exemplified through your actions instead of your intentions.
I did not realize the mystery/mystique of race was still present. It seems to me that the article's subject simply needs to stop dating @&&holes, not necessarily Black women as a whole. If all the Black women he dated had the awful traits, it is time for him to perform a self assessment? He may be subconsciously choosing a behavioral type regardless of race/ethnicity. Men are men; women are women – you like each other, so RELAX and go on a date. Good luck in your romantic endeavors, everyone!
I read some comments but had to stop. As a woman who thinks that everyone should be blessed with love, I don't begrudge any person finding love wherever they find it. I do think its odd that black men often don't have enough faith in their black sisters to believe that we're all not that way. As a sister who loves her brothers dearly, I honestly find it disturbing and unsettling that brothers fall into the same stereotyping mechanisms as the rest of the world. But honestly, who cares what a jackazz has to say about why he doesn't like a black woman? From his own description, he's getting back what he puts out. He has a spirit of meanness and hardness and yet when that is mirrored back to him, he fails to see himself. How is that man then to be perceived as worthy of being the head of anyone's family unit?
Personally, I am blessed and fortunate to have found love with a wonderful black man. He has my heart and I have his. It is one thing to decide that you want to date women who do not look like the women in your family. It is another to decide that every black women you meet is unworthy simply based on her genetics. How is that fair to any of us? At any rate… allow that man (and all others) to have the dream love that they wish for. It is better for them to move on, than to get with a black woman that they would be incapable of truly loving and respecting. She deserves better. And better is still out there.
I think men and women should date whomever they want. Be Happy…but you don't need to justify your choices by degrading an entire race. I interact closely with white and latina women everyday and I often wonder where in the heck this myth comes from that they all are docile and non-confrontational…If you are a black man who chooses to only date non-black women…enough said, your choice, your life. Black men and Black women have been tearing each other apart for decades….and frankly is has gotten old. Live and Let Live. If a person is happy with who they are with…good for them. Instead of challenging their choices lets go out and find our own happiness!
I think brown and dark-brown skinned black people outside of the continent Africa will be a minimalized group withing 50 years. No other demographic is moving away this fast from their origins as black people outside of Africa do. In the end the Chinese will take over and they will attact the weakened black groups first and operate from Africa, because they are taking over downthere as we speak. So yes. Let's keep mating with others and in 100 years black people will be what Jews are today… but then without the money.
Why do black men act like non black women are their saviors and only they can bring them ultimate happiness?
Black men have the highest divorce rate of ANY race of man in interracial marriages. Many white women end up single mothers with biracial children. While many black men jump from one gullible non black women to the next. These women going through the same drama that black women deal with every day. The white hype is just plain B.S.
Honestly, I don't care if a percentage of black men prefer to date outside there race. its your choice. But please stop stereotyping or poisoning black women on blogs. And for those that do or will one day have a bi-racial daughter or son? Your child is still considered black. For any black man to stereotype a black women like that either was not raised by a king & queen. more of a joker. my parents who are fully black and have been married since I was born have showed me that black love exist, and my younger sibling who dates a white women, doesn't date her because of the stereotypes of a black women. Its because he is interested in her. You can't call yourself educated if your mind is easily manipulated by stereotypes.
I wouldn't say the black race is beyond repair, being a black male, I feel all races have their own share of issues back that is another topic, I can agree to disagree on the issue you are stating but drama comes in all relationship there is no perfect couple there are only couples who are committed to one another that have successful marriages, or relationships, we are flawed as a human race regardless of how successful or how much money we have but we can't be judgemental, There are truly some good woman out there in the world that have good hearts and are waiting for a good black man, we have to do the searching, as it says in the bible a man that finds a good wife finds a good thing, also nice guys need to really learn patience it is one of our strong qualites without it we would be impatient and bitter willing to settle for anything.
As for the ghetto, dramafide (not sure if that is a word, Lol), loud mouth black woman out there we truly can't judge them, example if you picture a young girl growing up in a not so good neighborhood who only had a single mom who was uneducated never had a positve male in her life to influence her was raised by television and the bad environments, you can't really be surprise as to what they become when they get older. Some of these woman need a positive male influence who is nice and charming and not afraid to speak the truth. I have seen honest nice guys turn a so called ghetto girl into a respectable woman who learn the values and respect of a positive role model, now don't get me wrong I said some not all, but really everyone deserve a chance, we have been so brain washed that we look at looks and body types, I mean we are men after all but we really should be looking at the heart.
I would so choose an okay woman with a good heart even if she has kids then a very attractive woman with no heart at all. Nice guys there is a time to be nice and at time to be honest, women don't need a nice guy 24/7. We need to step up cause we sure are good at complaining about not finding a good woman but will not put the effort to give them a chance because they don't meet our standards, really life is too short to be picky, now I'm not saying settle for anything but give them a chance you will know if they are good for you or not but read the book first not just the cover. Hope this helps any nice guy out there who truly wants to find someone and all the fake nice guys (please stop destroying our endangered species.)
It is his business if he prefers non Black women. Most Black men in America prefer non Black women if you haven't noticed. His preference is not offensive to me or any other Black woman who loves herself and believes she deserves a good man. Yes, I am a single Black female and I have decided that I am for interracial dating and marriages because not I hate Black men. No, I love Black men. But I think it is time for Black women to widen their options and date outside of their race.
Black women deserve to be happy and be in a committed relationship just like any other woman.
Black men that prefer lighter/non black women….
This is all about the self hate the black population of America have, and that every single one of them that have a chance to whitening its line, does it. Just like there where no dark black man got to know a woman of plaçage before after her white master died.
And I can not blame them. I would have done the same if I where black in USA, where white privilege is everything.
@Jezebel: EXACTLLLLY!!! That really is what it is!! Slavery, rather we as African Americans/Blacks want to accept it or not, was the MOST DESTRUCTIVE plan that has scrutinized and depopulate the Black race. Slavery in America has created friction between the Black man and Black woman, when the father of his Black family was sometimes sent to another plantation away from his family, leaving the mother, grandmother, and children alone to fend for themselves. This is what created the "fatherless" child in majority of Black family households, that continues into our society today! This is just one of the many examples that created friction between the Black man and the Black woman in their relationships. Thankfully, I was blessed to not have to experienced this coming from a two-parent household of PROUD African American parents, and family!!
This whole article has made me think about the song by Jill Scott; "How It Make You Feel." Well actually I have been thinking about this song a lot lately. The lyrics are little something like this: "…tell me how you'd feel if I was, if I was gone tell me how you'd feel…cause if there was no me, there would be no you…..no mother, no daughter…!" Any one who listens to Jill Scott know that she tells the truth about Black relationships and that's why I LOOVE her, and her talented singing, and musicianship skills!! This song is one that MUST be listened to!! This song sums it up for me! Just listen to the lyrics…you'll definitely understand! Be bless my Sistahs and Brothas!
This conversation is played out. But at the same time it's long overdue, if that makes sense.
Just without all the emotion. And bitterness. And whining. And opinions. And stereotyping…hmmm
You know what, maybe it can't be done so it needs to just be shut down. Some of these Black women make all of us 'look bad' and it's crazy, because the (progressive) Black women I know don't (grovel?) after men like lost little puppies.
I like a good debate like anyone else, but when personal feelings get in the way it becomes a mess. And then somehow, the female with the craziest POV is labeled as the representative for all of us.
funny as hell
Black women are so thirsty for white men that it is funny to me. If race doesn’t matter like you women say all the time then doesn’t that mean white men are abusers, cheaters, and etc as well. You call all black men lazy, insecure, criminals, and etc. Funny thing is that none of that applies to me. Then if I did take black women out to dinner, gave them money, spend quality time with them, take care of their bastard kids, and all that other junk they still would say that white men are better. White men don’t even do half the shit I do for black women. That is why I say they are thirsty for them. But I don’t really care. I just have sex with them and just it. No, white men don’t flock to Latinas. Hispanics mostly marry hispanics. Blacks mostly marry blacks. Whites either marry other whites or asians. You don’t see many hispanics dating outside of their race.