should a woman's past matter

 

Twitter at times  can be one of the most useful tools ever for a writer. For me, it seems to give me random inspirations. It was last week that I came across a tweet from a young lady. It wasn’t directed at me, it was just her thinking out loud. I won’t disclose her name, but it got me to thinking. Now I may be paraphrasing but it read: “There’s this guy I really like and we really get along great but he says we can’t be together because of my past.” Now for the record, when this young lady refers to her past I don’t know what she’s referring to. I can put two and two together and have a good idea of what she’s referring to. I don’t know this woman. What I do know is that she seems to have known this guy for a bit and that she feels that her worst days are behind her. After having read that I happened to see a tweet from @Grownzone that read “Be honest about your past, but never honor it above your present & your future. Love YOU more in #2014 #Nextdecisionbetter.” That tweet  echoes many of my sentiments in a nutshell.

As a man, I’m very much aware of how men internalize a woman’s past whether it be infidelity, promiscuity, or deceit. I just feel that we can’t treat all cases the same for a number of reasons. First off I simply think that we all deserve the opportunity to improve our lives.

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No matter what we’ve done, we deserve a chance to get things right.

In this woman’s case I’m not saying that this guy should have to take her on. I am saying that this young lady deserves the chance to be happy like anyone else if she has grown from past experiences.

I know scenarios like this always come down to a matter of preference. I know many of the fellas who do read this site might feel like “fuck that bitch.” You’re well within your rights to feel however you like. It just boggled my mind that we can define a person totally solely off a part of their life. We do this while not considering any other facet of their being. Is a sexual history the only barometer at which we should measure compatibility of mates? Does nothing else matter? Better yet, isn’t it possible that people can change?

I participated in a twitter chat last week called #menchat run by @Iamjaymayo. The debate on that night was good girls vs bad girls. This debate is one that’ll always come around the bend. A main part of the discussion was clearly defining what was a good woman and what was a bad one. With the scenario I have brought forth today, I ask if a good woman can turn bad and vice versa. If it is possible then should the woman in my story be given a chance?

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We have all done things that we aren’t proud of.

I guess I’m sticking up for the ladies who are just trying to get it right.To be fair, as a man I will never be scrutinized as much as a woman. I just feel like men as a whole think there’s only one way to skin a cat. We think we have all the answers. We can perfectly weed out bad girls from good ones. It’s reminiscent of me telling ladies that they can’t weed out all bad men through celibacy. There’s never a foolproof way to know it all.

Ultimately it’s our choice who we decide to commit to.

In making that choice I think it’s important to note that it’s your happiness and her happiness that matter. I’m a firm believer in making decisions for yourself. If things go awry, then there’s a lesson to be learned. It’s alright to note that things can end up really well as well.

To my ladies reading this, have you ever been in this situation? What I see here is a woman who isn’t shying from her faults. She embraces her truth and in that has some disappointment. Have you ladies ever missed out on a guy due to what he considered being a checkered past? If you can’t get with my thought process I understand. I just wanted to voice my concerns on the topic.

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Must a period of a woman’s life follow her to her dying days? Let’s talk about it.

These are my words and I make no apologies….happy new year!

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status