break babies

I have been through a relationship or two, and I can say for myself that I am not one who takes “breaks” in relationships well. In my mind you don’t break, you work through it. In speaking on anyone else’s relationship decisions I try to remain as unbiased or neutral as possible, but I really wanted to share some thoughts and start some dialogue in regards to these “Break Babies.”

In recent news we have all heard about Dwayne Wade and Ludacris having children outside of their current relationships/marriages during an agreed upon break… allegedly. A break is a break and for most people converts a relationship into two single individuals. That is unless two people agree upon a break with specific guidelines.

Breaks in relationships (even marriages) often come for a myriad of reasons (e.g. Infidelity, communication breakdown, etc.), but they are carried out when two partners decide that the relationship needs to be reevaluated. Partners are not seeing eye-to-eye, something has compromised the relationship, or one person has things that need to be worked on. I would like to believe that there are words exchanged and decisions made by two partners. Couples discuss the time-frame, expectations, and guidelines. When I have entertained a break in past relationships, my girlfriend and I have communicated what would be acceptable and what would not. I know from my own personal experience that it is not acceptable of me or my girlfriend to have sex with anyone else while on break. It can sabotage what we are trying to build. I see a break often times as an opportunity to let someone go and see if they come back to you or vice versa. In the case of Dwayne Wade and Ludacris, they came right back, but that’s not always the same result for other relationships.

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Most people are focusing on the obvious observation of two high-profile male celebrities being on break and capitalizing on the opportunity of consensual sex with another woman. I am quick to remind people that men and women are both capable and do participate in the same activities. Man or woman, while on break, has the capacity to reach out to someone for a physical connection.

Some people enjoy being alone, while others don’t. Some people choose to masturbate, while others have multiple partners. Like DamnPops said, “Your physical needs and emotional aren’t always in tune.” Consensual sex may not always involve emotions, but when you’re working on the longevity of a relationship with another individual, your physical connection to them is very important, right? We all have the power of choice, but we all exercise it in different varieties. I just wish men and women would make better decisions when it comes to conceiving babies. New life to me is precious and should not be something that people create just because. New life being conceived should be a well-thought out process prior to the sexual intercourse that takes place.

The one glaring observation that I feel is going overlooked is the absence of the use of condoms in these situations. This proves to me that two black men and two black women made the decision of not using condoms while engaging in sex. It is known that the men were on breaks from their current relationships, but I am not privy to the status of the women involved. This is rampant in many communities. I have had tons of conversations educating people about the importance of getting tested, for not only HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus), but STI’s (Sexually Transmitted Infections) as well.

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I totally understand that sex without condoms feels really, really good! I am aware of the consequences too: conception of a child, possibility of contracting HIV or an STI. The results are not merely popping a pill to stop a baby from being conceived or to make an infection go away. It’s also not about carrying a life-threatening disease and taking your medication to stop a virus from weakening your immune system. We are all aware. Any decision right or wrong has consequences, and we have to deal with them. Just because you have more money does no’t ease the burden. Dwayne Wade’s circumstances are not any different from Tyrone’s and Gabrielle Union’s struggles internally just like Shanequa.

Would you leave or stay with someone if they conceived a child while on break? Do you even believe in breaks? If so, have you taken one that actually worked out?

Amir