How can you learn unconditional love if you’re married to a woman who meets all your conditions? – Paul Washer

This is a quote one of my friends posted on his Facebook wall a couple weeks back. It got me thinking. I’m single and there are attributes I’d like a woman I date to have. Many of us probably get caught up with the things we deem necessary. This quote showed me that maybe sometimes we’re too concerned trying to find someone who has it all.

Love should be tested.

I think a series of challenges is what really tells you how you feel about someone. Women can grind our gears in a whole bunch of ways. Men can do the same for women. Maybe he leaves the seat up constantly. Maybe she never gives you a chance to have a useful debate with her. Maybe he doesn’t take enough “gram” pictures with you. These may seem like trivial flaws, but they’re contemporary examples.

Chris Rock says in an old stand up that “You’ve got to love the crust of a motherfucker.” And in essence, that’s what the opening quote pretty much means. When we love, we really have to love the great things about someone and their shortcomings.

We have to bear in mind that as much as we like ourselves, we ain’t perfect either.

We won’t know what real love is ’til our partner becomes vulnerable enough to have all their flaws seen. This is a barometer I’ve used that you should consider if you’re confused. It separates love from infatuation. It also takes work to get there.

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How do you guys feel? What measures do you use to know if you really love someone? Have you thought you loved someone only to look back and realize it was something else?

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status