By Dominique Cobb

The hating single friend is the worst kind of hater, mostly because your shade is so well developed that you don’t even notice that you are throwing it. You assumed  that  you were happy when your best friend entered into a relationship. After all, that’s your homie… your right hand… your ace boon coon.  If their happy, you’re happy, right?  Sure, if you weren’t single, but since you are, you just might be the hating single friend. Here are the 4 Tell-Tale Signs:

1)      Anticipating the demise of the relationship: “If y’all break up, is it okay for me to still hang with the crew?”

Your bestie’s relationship has some major benefits for you. You have been introduced to a new group of people that you genuinely enjoy hanging out with and have started to regard as friends or at least close acquaintances.  You might be saddened by the thought of potentially ending your friendship with these folks to spare your bestie from discomfort in the “unfortunate” event of a break-up. Your concerns are valid, so you may have thought it was an appropriate question. You thought wrong. Knowing the answer to this question might be beneficial, but speaking of the termination of a positive thing is generally regarded as rude.

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2)      Resorting to teasing every chance you get: “Girl, you’re sprung” or “Boy, she got you whipped.”

You mad? You’re single so you may be unaware/have forgotten that when people are in a relationship they should be emotionally invested in their mate which is sometimes expressed by engaging in behaviors/actions that are appeasing to ones mate.  If your bestie and his/her significant other wore matching t-shirts everyday for 5 months, it is what it is. If their happy, your third party opinion does not matter. If your homeboy single-handedly carved his and his girl’s initials in every single tree in your city he would definitely be sprung but his girl would most likely be appreciative. His girl’s opinion > your opinion. Relax with the teasing; it’s a way for your hating self to subtly say that your bestie’s romantic behaviors are atypical of a normal relationship.  Let the two of them define what they want their relationship to look like.

3)      Trying to provoke guilt: “I don’t ever see you anymore.”

Not understanding that the significant other should indeed have priority over you is a hating single friend foul. Just because your friend can’t make it to every ladies night or spend the whole Saturday watching football does not mean that you are forgotten or that their relationship is unhealthy.  You have to learn to share.

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4)      Asking hate-laced questions: “Can you just go one day without talking about him/her?”

If there was to ever be a dumb question that would be it. If you want to go a day without hearing about him, let’s dive into the juicy details of your love life. Oh, wait…Seriously though, your bestie listens to you repeatedly talk about things that you are excited about in your life, rather it’s your job, your pet, your family members, or even television shows. Why would you try to censor your bestie’s conversations? When was the last time you asked your bestie to stop gossiping or being negative? Don’t worry, I’ll wait. Asking your friend to not share the positive details of their life makes you a hater.

The root of hating is jealousy, which has never brought a single person closer to their desires. Instead you should try celebrating your friend’s happiness. Your time is coming, just wait on it.  In the meantime, you can jot down all of the annoying things that people in relationships do and vow to never be like that.

Have you displayed any of the signs of a hating single friend? Admittance is the first step to recovery.

I’m a God-fearing woman, striving to live every day with passion and intention. I don’t have all of the answers but I could probably still teach Cupid a thing or two. I’m passionate about relationships, because the dynamics of relationships /marriages shape culture, change our paradigms, and leave a stamp on our generation and future generations to come.

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Dominique Cobb

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