I was walking to the train a few days ago to begin my morning commute when I walked past a young lady who I would say was dressed nicely. I didn’t say anything to her, I didn’t give her any forward looks, but for some reason she did everything in her power to never make eye contact with me. I know why and this isn’t about that. I sat down on the train that day and I decided that if there was one question I could never answer for one of my male readers it would be “how do you approach women?” The only answer I have for them is, “I don’t know bro, wait for them to approach you.” As if that’s ever going to happen…

Here’s what I know does not work:

You can’t approach them on the street.

Whatever you do, never approach women you do not know on the street. If you are unaware of the reason behind it, just google the popular search term “street harassment.” Everything you need to know is there. The male population will have no further comment on whether we think that’s a good idea or not. We will respectfully remain quiet and not talk to women we do not know on the street.

If you were looking to approach a woman you didn’t know perhaps you could meet her at a bar, lounge or club. (I only list all three because Lord knows how people classify the places they hang out at these days.) The problem with this is there’s a great chance, as in 90% or better, that she only came there to hang out with her friends. If she actually did come to meet men, she most likely came with a friend. Women don’t like going to bars alone because it makes them look like hoes. They haven’t realized how awkward it is for a man to approach two women to talk to one. They also haven’t realized that two men approaching two women is also weird because nothing serious can come of that. I’m not going to see a girl that’s the woman of my dreams and say, “Hey bro, let’s go talk to those two chicks. I want you to be a part of the story of when I met my wife.”

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You could approach women with whom you’re already friends. This is provided she or you hasn’t decided that dating inside your social circle is bad business. We all know the pitfalls of dating in our circle and if you don’t listen to Babyface’s legendary song, “And Our Feelings.” until it suddenly makes sense to you.

You could let your friends set you up in a situation to approach women. For example, you could go on blind dates with people your friends think are right for you. But then you’d be faced with that same old feeling everyone has on a blind date. That, “No… just no… why did you think I’d like this person?” feeling.

tumblr_inline_mfh1vytuTr1qh7z34You could approach women at work. This way you know them but you’re not friends. The only downside is when it doesn’t work out; you can’t quit your job because you quit your relationship. I guess this is why they say, “Don’t shit where you eat.”

I came up with a short list of places that we don’t need to waste a lot of time analyzing if you can approach women there:

  • You could approach them in the grocery store – Yep, you’re picking out meats and she’s buying tampons.
  • You could approach them at a wedding – And then you could deal with the drink in your face because she thinks you’re just trying to get laid.
  • You could approach them in an ice cream parlor – Sure thing, DMX. (Depending on your age, you may not get this joke. It’s ok. Honestly.)
  • You could approach them at a community service function or church – But that makes you either a bad Christian or a disingenuous philanthropist.
  • You could approach them at the bowling alley or movie theater – It’s dark, it’s loud, it smells and you rolling up on somebody in those circumstances raises your creeper alert to the extinction level.
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All this boils down to a sad conundrum in dating: it’s almost impossible to approach women. They have to approach you. If they don’t know you, they’re scared of you because of what you might do. If they do know you, you’re in their social circle and off limits*. I was talking to a guy when we tried to find places where you can approach women. Later that day a woman complained about being single and that she couldn’t find any men to date and I looked at her, “Child please.”

Actually I did find one place where it’s okay to approach women… a blog.

Let me know if you guys disagree or agree. Also, don’t forget you could possibly meet your boo today in the comment section. Don’t believe me? It’s already happened several times over.

Dr. J

*I put an asterisk here because I want to remind you that I do not believe the “Friend Zone” exists. It’s a mythical place that people go when they give up. Most men just need to Philippians 4:13 the situation and make it happen.