“So you’re a church girl,” he said.

I laughed to myself. Here we go.

“No, I’m Christian who happens to be a woman,” I said.

I’m a preacher’s daughter and grew up in church all of my life. Now I’m fully aware of the stereotype and misconceptions that come with being the “church girl”. Let me see if I get this right. We’re freaks. We say we go to church. We shout on Sunday mornings, but get us in the bedroom and we have you shouting “thank you Jesus” and throwing up hail Mary’s. Waiting until marriage is a cute theory but let’s be real, who does that these days!?

I do! At least that’s my goal and I’m striving. For clarification purposes to all men, just because a woman claims to be a Christian but may sleep with you, should not discredit her Christianity or her morals and values. Sounds a bit strange or hypocritical? I’m speaking only from my perspective and experience.

I’m an affectionate person. I love love and I love to display it through hugs, kisses, etc. Blame it on my Capricorn sign or simply just the way God created me. When in a relationship, because of my faith and desire to be celibate, it’s a struggle that gets the best of me from time to time. I meet a great guy. I put my belief and desire to be celibate upfront. He accepts it and states that although that may or may not be his desire, he will oblige. But every once in a while the flesh of passion rises and I succumb to my own desire of pleasure. I feel a bit guilty afterward (that’s called conviction). I repent and strive to do better.

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We have the “talk” in which I explain why we can’t do it again and we must set boundaries for the relationship. But then it may happen again from time to time. I know this drives the man crazy. And I’ve absolutely realized that it’s not fair to the guy. Its a roller coaster ride that is fun at first, but then it just gets annoying and makes you sick.

In defense, for those who may be Christians, the struggle between spirit and flesh Is so real, particularly with dating. Its the same concept between right and wrong. Doing what you know is right and doing what you know will make you feel good for the moment. Its called being human. Just because a woman is a Christian does not negate her desire for intimacy and sex. Sex is great and the ultimate form of intimacy when with the right person. But understand that the struggle is not just about sex, but what are we really saying about God. How is that being portrayed to the guy I’m dating? Am I feeding into the stereotype? Am I giving him a bad view of Christians? Am I drawing him to the church or away from the church? (Like the church doesn’t have a bad reputation already) Did I mention the struggle is real!?

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Speaking of the church. Dating is such an under taught concept that begins and ends with “don’t have sex before marriage.” But what about the in between. How do we do we do the whole dating thing God’s way? Many of us are left to our own interpretations.

Fellas, listen. It’s not our desire to get you all excited and aroused and then leave you hanging with frustration and agitation. It’s not our desire to lead you on or misrepresent Christ. It is our desire to be in a healthy relationship that pleases God. On behalf of all Christian woman who love God but struggle in the area of abstinence, we apologize.

Ladies, we must take responsibility for our actions and our struggles. We must be upfront with our belief and desires and stick with it! The guy will either respect it, challenge it, or go with the flow until he gets fed up. We must develop self control and boundaries. We can’t get upset with a guy who only wants sex when we constantly give it up, praying about it later, then inviting him to church. Wondering why we don’t go out much. We know why. Mr. Right will not only oblige our desire to wait until marriage, but will have his own standards and boundaries that will align with your same belief.

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Fellas, “church girls” are actually great women to seek after. We have our struggles like every other woman, but if she is truly a Christian woman who goes to church and has a relationship with Christ, she will not seek to frustrate you, but build you up and be more of an influence than a hindrance. Besides, the stereotypes of “church girls” may hold a little truth, and from what I hear, most men want a lady in the streets, but a…., well you’ll have to put a ring on it before we complete the rest of that statement!

– Kristen Kimble

Kristin Kimble loves love and seeks to do it God’s way. Transparency is her middle name! 

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