single married separated

“Are you going out there to dance?” he asked.

It was a Friday night and I was in the mood to shake my groove thang! Yep, I might be a little old and corny, but hey, it’d been that kind of week. Not a bad week, just long and I needed to let loose and cut a rug on the dance floor! I love to dance!

I hit some of the ladies up to see who’d be interested in hanging out that night. It seemed that everyone was bailing out, but one came through at the last minute and we hit one of my favorite spots. I have a thing for hanging with the forty and over crowd! They simply just know how to party!

As I was standing at the bar dancing to the sounds of the DJ, a gentleman started dancing with my friend. Not phased at all, I proceeded to let her do her thang while I continued to dance solo. I could only imagine the gentleman standing next to me was simply waiting for the opportunity to ask me to dance, and this was his lucky night! HIs deep voice peaked my interest, and as I turned to check out the rest of the package, I had to look up! That sealed the deal. He was over six feet tall! Score!

One thing about an forty and over club, there’s not a lot of bumping and grinding. We actually faced each other and danced, even a little two-step and hand dancing. We sang to each other as the band played hits from the 80s and 90s, challenging each other on who knew the most words and who was too young for the time, which was always me!

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As we danced to the sounds of one the baddest live bands, he constantly complimented me on my height and smile. As much as I’d been tearing myself down lately, his compliments were doing more than he could imagine. I was on cloud nine, enjoying his presence, all six feet and six inches of it!

He was a gentleman, keeping his hands above the waist and moving me out of the way as people rushed the dance floor and bumped against us as we danced.  It simply made me feel protected and secure. My friends will tell you I “fall in love in the club” and this dude was winning me over.

As we danced to nearly 5 or 6 songs, he proceeded to tell me that this was his first time at Half Note and, oh yea, HE’s BEEN SEPARATED FOR A YEAR, aka HE’S STILL MARRIED! I tried to play off my disappointment by continuing to dance. I appreciated his honesty. It was almost too honest though, as in, he shares this quite often, maybe to give women a chance to decide how they want to proceed, but on the other hand drawing a bit of sympathy and/or an emotional connection. I proceeded with caution, then stopped at the red light.

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I’ve fallen for it before. I’ve been that girl. You tell yourself as they constantly convince you that the divorce is coming. You try to ignore that there are still vows he must uphold all the while hIs charm is convincing and his ring is non-existent.  You enjoy spending time with him and he makes it all about you. You even convince yourself that he wasn’t happy with her anyway and maybe you can be the better woman for him.  But the fact of the matter is, his legal status is still married.

His compliments boosted my ego and my self-esteem, but he belonged to someone else. Another woman. A woman I don’t know and may never meet, but respect none the less. It’s a girl code kind of thing, and I was obligated to oblige, but the struggle was real!

Another one of those moments when you look up to God and say, “really??”  Out of all the brothers that I danced with and talked to that night, the one that actually peaked my interest and I enjoyed the most had to be married! I keep trying to tell y’all God took up being a comedian as a part-time hustle! He never ceases to throw a joke my way!

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And because God knows me oh SO well, once we stopped dancing and I went back over to talk to my girls, before I could even think about changing my mind about giving him my number, he was gone! It was almost like a dream, or more like a test, and I passed!

These past few weeks have been tough emotionally, and although the singleness and loneliness cloud was getting a bit gloomy, I wasn’t willing to compromise my integrity.  I’m growing and I appreciate God more and more along the way.

Ladies, always check the marital status and be ok with walking away.  Although it’s hard out here in these streets for a single woman, the man God has for you will be fully available and completely yours, and that is absolutely worth the wait!

But if I see the brother again, y’all pray my strength in the Lord!!! LOL….it’s a process!

Kristin is a single, 31-year-old minister, blogger, writer, and speaker who loves love and people. Seeking to do life and dating God’s way, while transparently sharing her journey; because “Transparency Wins Hearts” (Proverbs 28:13). You can find her writing at