****** Admin Note ******

I don’t know if everyone else has noticed the “falling back” of SBM on the site, twitter, and email.  I haven’t been commenting as much and have been off the scene a lot.  Well, the true reason for it is … I’m moving to Atlanta.  By December I should be a happy ATLien and all the stress involved with working, applying to Business Schools, and moving to ATL has removed me from my peoples more than I want.  Don’t worry though … It’ll get better.



Because I haven’t done it in so long and I have been slumming at life answering emails I have decided to do answer a reader’s question.  I know there are several that are still in my inbox waiting for some enlightenment, and all in due time.  For now, let’s help this poor soul … because as I always say … the truth isn’t going to come from me but it comes from the comments.

Don’t be shy … I know you got something good to say.

Hey SBM!

First, just wanted to say I read the blog all the time and love your writing! Great advice and discussions! 🙂

I’m in a contemplation and need some advice from you brilliant men. I haven’t had s*x in 14 months! (ahh i know!) I just kinda stayed away from men (in that department) after a bad break-up with my ex, and I wanted to see how long I could go. Well, I’ve set a record here! lol. But now I’m ready to get back out there and date, and I’ve been talking to this guy for a bit now. We were friends in high school and we got down then. We are reconnecting and I’m sure things are gonna go down, because he is a good friend and now we are going towards a relationship. My question is if I should tell him that I have been celibate for 14 months? Is that a turn-on or turn-off to a guy?  Is this something I should just keep to myself? Or is it something I should share with him because he is someone valuable in my life and I would rather have s*x with him first than some random guy?

Any advice would be much appreciated! 🙂

From a “born-again virgin”,


Wow … 14 months.  The daily pain you must indure has to be just … well .. unbearable.

See Also:  SBM Answers: Am I being shallow?

I take that back.  I once had gotten really fed up with this one FwB, and as a result I gave it up for about 5 days months.

Anyways …

First and foremost, make sure your ready to get back in the game.  Whether you tell him or not, it is not sexy to bust out in tears in the middle of getting it and then needing him to stop to take a “personal moment”.  Not only is that weird as hell, but guys don’t like to stop once we start (a life lesson for all you “mind changers” out there!!!).  Since you think this may turn into something, but your looking to give him the bidness before he signs the contract, be sure your ready for all that may come on your end as a result.  I know you women are all emotional n sh*.

Now that you have decided he is the one to break your back hiatus (sheeeet … this is a full blown leave of absence from the game) we are back to your initial question: Should you tell him?  Well … like always … I’ll try and keep it simple.

Do it if you feel … he won’t care.

I mean … really … who cares how long.  You had a bad break up, you gave it up, and your now over it.  I do think it matters a little, and he might think about it for all of 30 seconds as he unwraps the rubber, but I can’t imagine any guy not smashing because you have been holding out.

See Also:  SBM Answers: Freaky Deaky Pictures

Bonus if you tell him: He’ll treat it a little more special and he might feel good that he is bringing you in.   You sound like you like him and things are mutual, so he sounds like a nice enough guy.

Anyways … bring it up like nothing … then go get your box beaten.

Good people … am I right?  Guys … would you care?  Would you not want to know? Ladies … what would you do?

– SBM aka Would I still remember how to swizzle after 14 months aka I really don’t care how long

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