I said where are my slippers!
Sheronishaquan Jenkins: Um, what are you wearing?
Jamal Jenkins: Excuse me?
SJ: What is it that you think you are wearing to bed?
JJ: The same thing I wear to bed every night. What are you talking about?
SJ: Please say out loud what you have on.
JJ: Uhhhh … boxers
SJ: And what color are they?
JJ: *looking dumbfounded* They’re blue.
SJ: And do you really think you are going to wear blue boxers to bed when you see me in a red nightgown?
JJ: *in the midst of the meanest side eye ever seen* Excuse me?
SJ: You heard me N****A! If I am wearing red to bed, you know that you need to match with your wife and get some red on right now!
JJ: *passes out as he forgets to breathe in response to the shock of what has happened*
For those of you that follow the saga that is my personal life, I am without a job as I wait for school to start. As a result, I get to indulge in one of my favorite pastimes … watching daytime judge shows.
On one particular entertaining episode of Divorce Court, a husband seeking divorce from his controlling wife mentioned the above scene. Oh yes … I did not make this sh*t up. There is really a woman out there that demanded her husband come to bed in matching underwear. Of course this was one of many.
So as another service to the public, I, SBM, will share 9 surefire ways to spot a controlling woman.
She eats the big piece of chicken
I’m not sure there is any quicker and surefire way to let a man know he isn’t running a gotdamn thing than to take his big piece of chicken. Double points if she eats it right in front of him and asks “Did you get enough to eat?”
She gives you an allowance
To be honest, I don’t care if she is the only breadwinner and you’re between jobs … if you come at her every weekend looking like Oliver Twist as you recieve your pittance … run.
She slaps you
And after she does it she just looks at you sternly and says “I told you I wanted 7up … not Sprite!”
She has a powder room, office, and studio … and you get living room privileges
If you don’t have you’re own private place where you are living, you’re getting controlled. Every man needs his bat cave.
You’re allowed to see your friend one weekend a month
When you have a strict visitation schedule with the friends that you have had all your life, it’s time to get some help.
You’re not allowed to go to the strip club
You might disagree … but that would make you wrong. That is all.
She comes in the room and changes the game to Friends reruns
Just typing that one upset me.
She allows you to masturbate
Straight outta “Saving Silverman”. She’s tired, so she hands you a bottle of lotion and grants you permission to kill some kittens. GTFOH!
She takes your sh*t
“What do you mean your Xbox? I think you mean my Xbox … nukka! And get me my big piece of chicken while I play madden.”
Now, I know some men like controlling women. There are some men out there, we call them simps, that like a woman to be in charge and make their life easier. They don’t want to run the house, don’t need to be the breadwinner, and are fine with not wearing the pants around the house. This website post is not for them.
Men … be weary of this chic making you change your boxers before bed. Women … stop it!
What defines a controlling women to you? Are there some cases when a woman should be controlling? Are controlling women not really that bad? SBM Fam … speak.
SBM aka The Man aka Running sh*t
![For Those Who Think Young [Guest Post by @8plus9]](https://singleblackmale.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/3lw.jpg)
Um, Laughing My Ass Off Slowly As I Roll Over Dying
I'm not perfect but I'd never. Big piece of chicken? I love chicken and all but I'm not disrespectful like that.
Controlling women will do like that Crazy Deranged man did in You So Crazy. Storm into the club in her footies looking for your @$$ when you put on your "Fxck em, Fxck em boy" outfit to hang with your boys. >_< These women… Ess Em Ayche.
Oh and if no one gets that example above, I meant the public embarrassment. Inf front of family, friends, coworkers, bosses, ANYONE.
I've seen this happen once… man even I was embarrassed for dude! that's just all kinds of wrong!
Hahaha, I seen that episode of Divorce Court! That was the worlds most crazy mess I ever heard! Me personally I don't understand the need to be so controlling, pretty much disgust me. I firmly belive you should never be with one you don't respect as your equal…
*looks guiltily* taking the biggest piece of chicken is wrong? o_O…I can't co_sign that lol…but for real I died at' she allows you to masturbate' Rotflmaoooo…seriously that's all kinds of wrong.
It's funny I once dated a guy who complained I wasn't controlling enough…to him my laid back attitude showed I didn't care…I looked at him like 'are u mad?' but he was serious…I was like 'I have no reason not to trust u…I refuse to monitor you…we're good'. But then I figured that since I've got a low key fetish for clean cut guys with very very short hair so I'd let him know…he made a big fuss over that…ranted and raved that it wasnt his look blah blah blah so I was like 'you asked but whatever!' but from then on anytime I was meant to see him…he'd have been to the barber that morning to get a clean cut…go figure! Lol
tsk tsk Shubby! How dare you take the big piece of chicken… and eat it in front of him! *in sarcastic tone* Lol
Its funny how they'll give you all these excuses but at the end of the day like you said, he'd be at the barber shop getting lined up cuz that's what you like!
I get that ALL.THE.TIME.
I'm very much a boyfriend is an addition to my life not my entire life so I'll fit you in but apparently for some guys that's not good enough. Meh- do you what you wanna do. If you aren't cheating or disrespectful then I'll see you when I see ya holmes.
This is so real – a lot of dudes mistake a woman's "permissiveness" for disinterest. It's so tragic. It's like you have to make a fake fuss over minor things just to show them you care. Sigh.
This is hilarious! Right now I am thinking to myself, "Do I come off as controlling?", maybe… but I don't care and NO I am not single. It takes a special kind of man to deal with me.
I have to firmly disagree that a woman that does not let her man go to the strip club is controlling. Like I have said before I don't understand the hype.
And I used to let my ex masturbate ALL the time. I could not handle his sex drive nor did I want to. If left up to him he woulda slept in me…literally (he told me that once).
"And I used to let my ex masturbate ALL the time. I could not handle his sex drive nor did I want to. If left up to him he woulda slept in me…literally (he told me that once)."
#Muerta!!!
That ish is too comical… Like LOL!!! For reals!!!
That #slayed me…lol!
Wow…i hope he's found someone he could sleep in, lol!
You can have the big piece of chicken any time, as a matter of fact, have 2 big pieces of chicken! Chicken isn't in my list of foods I eat so go'head, knock your self out…
Women like these sometimes need a good shaking and have them snap out of it.. cuz it's some of the women like that that will traumatize a good man that will turn into a simp and we don't like those as much…
Funny post tho lol and the opening was #ToDieFor. The name! Had me laughing at myself for trying to pronounce it! SMH LOL
I bet if it was the big piece of empanada or enchilada or an effin taco you'd wile the eff out woman! lollol
This right here!!!! Had me laughing and then I choked! Pause. You stupid! LMAO!!!
U still aint deny it tho…lmao
Lets say I'll make sure there's enough for both of us and still some left over! I wouldn't go crazy tho, not a huge fan of enpanadas but the rest, we might have a civil discussion on how many one wants lol
Taco, Burrito, Arroz con frijoles, salsa, tortillas, guacomole, cervesa, etc etc etc right? I c u Lola!
All of that and desert! And then some!
I love this kinda food! Can I come to dinner!? LOL 🙂
Come right on over!
I know they're out there….but, I personally don't know any women with these kinds of issues…nor any men that will tolerate it.
As far as the chicken…why can't the woman have a big piece of chicken too? How about I'm frying up three chickens and I am having a big piece of chicken to…is that okay fellas? geez! LOL 🙂
I say masturbate if you will or must..it doesn't bother me and I may encourage it..if I see fit. lol.
I used to not mind my dudes going to strip clubs..when I was naive..now, I know better…too much ish goes on at strip clubs…there is too much temptation…why put yourself thru that fellas…LOL..don't answer that?!
Its not that a woman has to eat little baby wings. You just cant have the biggest piece of chicken
I feel you — but I am having the big piece of chicken..and I am also preparing enough for you to have your share too…that is all I'm saying.
Cuz like Redlady said some women are just greedy..it has nothing to do with control…and I am greedy but I also love to cook and in abundance…so, any man of mines is going to be straight on the chicken front…lol.
I'd trade that big piece of chicken for a whole boat load of slightly smaller pieces but dont expect me to give up that piece of chicken if you making some scraggly piece of chicken
THeres no more temptation at the strip club then there is for a woman daily living her life getting hollerd at by every man in her path. Actually your constant advances are MORE of a temptation and more prone to have something go down…
basement.
Why dont chicks be getting this?
I get it Peyso!
"I used to not mind my dudes going to strip clubs..when I was naive..now, I know better…too much ish goes on at strip clubs…there is too much temptation…why put yourself thru that fellas…"
Cosign. I call strip clubs "poles and hoes"….I know too many men who have recieved fellatio and such at the strip clubs. YUCK.
Stupid is.. Is as Stupid Does!!! (Forrest Gump) Sorry but I can't fault these women for being controlling, it's up to the MAN to put his timbs down and stomp that sh**t in the butt. Trust me EVERY woman knows how far she can go with the shenanigans in regards to her man.
Super Cosign!! I can be pretty controlling but I only run a relationship as much as that man I am in the relationship with lets me….P*ssy Ninjas getting walked all over (sorry its impulse) but I LOVE a man that is able to take charge and tell me "No"! There is nothing sexier than a man who puts his foot down or just takes control as the LEADER of a woman!
OHHHHHHH Put me in my place again baby…Tell me NO again (*toots it out to be spanked*)
What?? Too Much??
I can definitely agree w/ this list. I swear if a woman took the big piece of chicken, I will be pissed. I dont 100% agree with "She allows you to masturbate" b/c just as you have needs and you expect them to be handled, there will also be days that she's just not into it. However, if she lets you do it 2 days in a row, then you need to kick her to the crib
As far as the big piece of chicken is concerned, does it have to mean she's controlling? Maybe it just means she's greedy. (Just putting it out there).
Exactly!
naw….she controling
thats one of those silly " I know it means more to him than it means to me things so im gonna do it my way anyway and he cant tell me what to do things". Alot of the controlling things are so small and petty you dont even register them untill you are wearing matching underwear and you eating small peices of chickens
1. I don't eat chicken, but I will
buyfry my man some, and he can have it all.2. The woman on divorce court is crazy, and she was probably crazy before they got married. He should have had one of his female friends talk to her so he could have avoided that mess.
3. I know women who try to control every aspect of the relationship, which leads them to attempt to control their man. Its sad, because a lot of men allow these controlling women to have their way instead of nipping that ish in the bud early on. How many times have we heard from some of the fellas here that its just easier to let the woman choose the restaurant or something involving another aspect of the relationship just so you can avoid an argument? Give a controlling woman an inch, she'll take a mile…
Bottom line is some men like these types of women. I can't explain it. I think they like the drama and the constant arguing.
I've had to dump a women before for this type of behavior. She was trully shocked I told her step. I was shocked that she actually thought I was the type of dude to put up with that ish. Told her straight up to go back to her ex or find some weak dude that will tolerate her ish.
After reading this post…i just dont know what to say. Outside of matching underclothes, she is me. I even eat the big piece of chicken (im pregnant). I control the finances, the PS3 and the remote and he better not say anything about it.
As i constantly remind him when he makes a feeble attempt to complain—aint nothing about me changed in the last 8 years you have known me—-and he just married 6 months ago.
1. His friends are worthless waste of space….i know because they were my friends too before we started dating.
2. He cant manage money….the fool bought a video game before he paid the light bill…..people like him NEED an allowance.
3. I love strip clubs—he doesnt..(?)
4. I am BETTER at EVERY video game that comes through our door. Eh, he learned.
5. I do not allow him to masturbate—while im home.
"I do not allow him"
Theres jjust something, as a man with his own life and brain, that irks me about that line. Allow? Word? True…
Allow…yeah, that was maybe not the best term. I do not like for him to masturbate.
i had an ex who told me she didn't want me to masturbate at all. i told her unless she was going to appease me every time i had the urge then she shouldn't worry about what goes on over here. smh she was pissed but she got over it.
allow and let. some huh?
when did our S/Os become our children?
I wish a muf*cka would….
No offense and this is based only on your response but it sounds like both of ya are unhappy. It sounds like he has a controlling jawn that wont let him be an adult, let alone a man. And it sounds like he's a gump who either likes to be controlled like a child or just doesnt have the balls to say something about it. (And quite irresponsible). I know that this isnt true (why woud you date each other then?) but this is how it sounds…
actually we are both pretty happy. A relationship is defined by the 2 people within it and although we dont see eye to on everything—there is no one i would rather be with. We fit–before he was my husband or boyfriend, he was my bestfriend. The same things that an outsider would shake their head at are the same things that keep us together
I figured that this was the case, just couldnt read it from your comment
And it sounds like he’s a gump who either likes to be controlled like a child or just doesnt have the balls to say something about it. (And quite irresponsible).
There are quite a few of these kind of men lurking around a friend of mine is married to one and HE LOVES the fact that she is the MAN/WOMAN in their relationship he is quick to tell you "Go ask my wife, she knows I don't or "Let me tell my wife" or Just put everything in her lap altogether to deal with. Now is she happy about this HELLZ NOOOO but she has no choice in the matter. He's always been irresponsible which is so UNATTRACTIVE.
"He cant manage money….the fool bought a video game before he paid the light bill…..people like him NEED an allowance."
…. *lmfao*
Sometimes there are SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES when the woman is FORCED to take the reigns 110% and be in total control.
Exactly! He used to control the money—til he played with the bill money. I need my lights like i NEED the big piece of chicken.lol
And then this is why we hear the following on the news:
"today a young black male killed his pregnant wife. He is claiming insanity due to her controlling ways. The defendant claims that he just 'snapped' at her ways by not letting him have any friends, controlling every aspect of his life to the point where he couldn't even masturbate…"
Let the man breath! I know you said that you two are happy and all, but quite frankly, it doesn't sound that way by the little that you've said. H*ll, I even became frustrated!
lol….
"The defendant claims that he just ‘snapped’ at her ways by not letting him have any friends, controlling every aspect of his life to the point where he couldn’t even masturbate…”
THAT was hilarious! I spit my water out…now I need a napkin……
couldn't be me. *shrug*
more power to the men who like/allow these women in their lives.
"She eats the big piece of chicken
I never understood the "big piece of chicken" thing. Doesn't a chicken have two breasts, two thighs, two legs, and two wings? Sounds like a big piece of chicken for him and her.
"Every man needs his bat cave."
QFT. She can do what she wants with every other room in the house, but I have to have my room with the big screen TV, with a place to hang all my NBA jerseys.
"She slaps you"
Slap me one time, it's over. No exceptions. Because if I don't leave, my only choices are to accept it like a punk, or Chris Brown her and go to jail.
"She comes in the room and changes the game to Friends reruns"
That's why every house needs two TVs minimum.
"She allows you to masturbate"
If she constantly does this, the best way to p!ss her off is to always leave the computer on your website of choice, or go old school and buy a bunch of magazines and DVDs and leave them out. Bonus points if it's a website full of blue-eyed, blonde-haired white women, that will really p!ss a black woman off. Then let her know if she doesn't want to fulfill her wifely duties, STFU.
CoSign…
I still don't get what the big deal is about the "big" piece of chicken…
Comming in the room and turning the game off is just plain hostile. You gets cussed out for that ish.
"Coming in the room and turning the game off is just plain hostile. You gets cussed out for that ish."
I have done this before with my ex. At HIS condo while his boys were over. I had been calling him for hours regarding a minor emergency, then arrived at his place, let myself in to find them playing Madden, drinking beers, eating Wingstop. I lost it!! I turned off the game, snatched his controller and asked why he didn't answer my motherphucingphonecalls. I had all of them apologizing saying they didn't even hear his phone ringing. I never had this problem with him again.
Don't ignore my phone calls, a simple text of "Hey babe what's up" would have spared him from the embarrassment.
That could have easily backfired.
You don't play! That was made real clear! LOL 🙂
yep could have easily backfired depending on his mood.
You are right, it could have backfired. But I don't play! My ex is NO punk, however the reason it did not backfire is because he knew he was wrong. Something I loved about him (and still do) is that he can admit when he was at fault. I apologized later to him and his friends for ruining their man date. At the end of the day its all about respect.
No offense and this is based only on your response but it sounds like both of ya are unhappy. It sounds like he has a controlling jawn that wont let him be an adult, let alone a man. And it sounds like he’s a gump who either likes to be controlled like a child or just doesnt have the balls to say something about it.
_________________________________
I agree there are many men that like to be babyed and taken care of by their women. But I try not to judge cause I think we all tend to choose partners that tolerate whatever pathology or bad habits we have.
This is true Jay….over the years i have noticed that my mother-in-law is the lawmaker of her home. Her and her husband have been married 30 years. I honestly would not expect for my husband to be with a docile woman. All the females that he dealt with (back when he was my homie) that had submissive personalities didnt make the cut.
When i was laid back about stuff he complained so i turned it all the way up. Truthfully, I dont even like telling my 8 year old what to do. We just agree on stuff. My husband just like to hear me repeat stuff.
As a Libra male… we need controlling women in our life. Trust me, left up to a Libra, NOTHING GETS DECIDED. We'll mull over chicken or steak for hours and then just go to sleep. As me where I want to go eat and i'm a man, we like options, as a Libra… I can't decide.
Other thing about Libras, we just don't give a f*ck. I could care less, so make a decision and i'll go with it.
Only other thing is… Libras hate someone telling us what to do all the time, so you have to tread lightly. Make some decisions, setting the pace, is not the same as telling us what to do. Make me feel like it was my idea, lol. Don't tell me I can't go to the strip club, if you do, i'll be a VIP member at Spearmint Rhino.
I just can't see why a man masturbates when he can just have sex with his woman. If you won't have sex with your man… here's a horoscope for you… he's going to cheat on you.
"I just can’t see why a man masturbates when he can just have sex with his woman. If you won’t have sex with your man… here’s a horoscope for you… he’s going to cheat on you."
Word.
But I find it hot when a guy masturbates and he lets me watch… #justsaying
Dr J: "If you won’t have sex with your man… here’s a horoscope for you… he’s going to cheat on you."
Cosign. This is another example of how someone can explain what I say in a much more succinct and straightforward way. I guess that's why the Doctor is a blogger and I'm a commenter.
“If you won’t have sex with your man… here’s a horoscope for you… he’s going to cheat on you.”
Then that's HIS problem. To my knowledge my ex never cheated on me. Its not that I wouldn't have sex with my man but he wanted it like twice a day every day while I was in undergrad, working full time….last time I checked my first name wasn't energizer and my last name isn't bunny.
So basically you're saying you had sex with your man just not as much as he wanted. No one expects you to have s*x with us as much as we want. Men think and want it about 54-11 times a day.
@ Dr. J….Yes that is basically what I am saying. I just wanted to make it clear that sometimes it was too hard for me to keep up. I am glad some men understand that because not all do.
then you can't get mad if he decides to "handle" his own business.
@MadScientist It never bothered me when he and Palmela became acquainted when I was exhausted. However, I always tried to make up for it.
im a libra female and i would rather have things go my way than to go wrong.
1) You're a female.
2) There's a big difference between What and How… I don't want things to be done wrong so i'll do them my way too. I'm also an only child, but who's counting…
i would probably attribute this more to you being an only child than a libra male. i'm a libra male as well (9/30) and i don't want anyone controlling me. matter of fact i despise the fact that anyone can tell me what to do as an adult.
Let me put it like this…
If you are a true Libra, then by nature you are indecisive. What I meant by controlling is that you need someone to make a decision. And what I called out specifically is that we don't want anyone telling us what to do, but I personally like a woman who has an idea and knows how to go with it. Makes my lif
I am an only child (and cancer, I don't think it's relevant) and I am used to have my way.
No need to say it turns me ON when a man tells me ''no'', I instantly have a big smile on my face ! (looking silly). Plus it challenges me, because I keep trying to make him change his mind.
I am not controlling unless the man is boring but it's definitely to tell him ''I quit you''…
I always silently pass judgement when I see a guy and a girl on a date or doing pretty much anything together, in public, and the man is clearly emasculated. It's sad to me. The dude just has that look on his face like… "My being here has absolutely nothing to do with me… I'm just going along for the ride." She walks 2 steps ahead of him at a faster pace, so he's tyring to keep up. He's putting stuff in the shopping cart at the supermarket and she's telling him to put it back. She's buying the tickets at the movie theatre and he's just standing with his hands in his pockets – and it's clear, this isn't a one off thing… this is a normal date night.
I just couldn't live like that…
I don't think it's right when women go out of there way to try and emasculate their man…..He is THE MAN let him play his position…..if he can't handle that position..then he needs to bounce…the woman taking over his position for him isn't the solution…..that is tiring.
And even worse really..is that some men allow this to happen to them.
I'm not a controlling type of gal at all…I just can't do it. There is no greater turn-off for me in life than a man I can bend to my will.
If you're not at least a little unruly I can't get it up for you.
Co-sign 10,000%
I Likes a man with a Vertebrate!!!
Nuff said…
Now I want chicken.
Best comment of the day!
What is up with you and this big piece of chicken deal? this has to be the second post with mention of it! lol!
I'm not controlling (though i have moments)…and i even have a hard time speaking up at times. I definitely want my man to play the position of the man…last thing i want is for my man to feel emasculated while with me.
I'm controlling but only enough to see how far my guy will let me take it. (and then he punishes me for being a bad bad girl lol)
But after I see you won't let me walk all over you, we're all good.
Like SBM said, "some men like it."…and I like those men.
*kanye shrug*
Dr. J is correct about the libra male =)
Good blog,I love it^ haha ^
"This is hilarious! Right now I am thinking to myself, “Do I come off as controlling?”, maybe… but I don’t care and NO I am not single. It takes a special kind of man to deal with me. "
The calling card of a controlling narcissistic woman who's parents didn't raise her right.
If you aren't a narcissist, then you would care. Narcissism is a huge personality problem (its a disorder). You should seek help if you really don't care.
Saying it "takes a special kind of man to deal with you" is code for "I'm difficult" and I need a beta man to control, because I conflict too much with a man who wants to wear the pants in the relationship.