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After we got back together things were going strong for a good four months before we began to hit rough patches. I can’t remember exactly what caused this particular argument, but we were mad at each other for a couple days. The fact that I can’t remember what we were arguing about let’s you how trivial it was. I remember on a Friday evening I was having work done on my car and I called Stacey to see what she was up to. I ended up getting her voicemail and I left a message letting her know it was silly to be arguing and that I wanted to take her out to dinner.

I got a call back about two hours later and she sounded pretty dry.

“Yeah I left town to visit my friend from college for the weekend.”

“So you’re just gonna leave town and not let me know that you were going?”

“I didn’t see the point.”

“Oh. So where are you?”

“I’m in North Carolina.”

“So, is this friend from college you’re visiting a man or a woman?”

“Tunde, I went to Spelman.” (Sidebar: FYI, I’ve coincidentally dated quite a few women who’ve attended Spelman including my current girlfriend. One of my best friends also went there for undergrad as well.)

“Don’t try to play me. I know how it is with Spelman and Morehouse.”

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“Tunde, I went to Spelman.”


***Backtrack a few months***

My ex-girlfriend before her sent me an email that was entitled ‘Crush Calculator’. It asked you to input the first and last names of your top three crushes and it would calculate the odds you would have of hooking up with each of them. Only once you did that, it said it was a joke and the three names would be sent to the person who sent you the email. It didn’t work on me because when I got the email I could only think of Stacey and I left the rest of the names blank. I still thought it was funny so I forwarded the email to a bunch of my friends. The response I got back from Stacey was jarring to say the least.

“Stacey’s 3 crushes:

  1. Tunde A_______________
  2. Bradley C______________
  3. James T_____”

Imagine my shock as I tried to piece together exactly who these guys were. When I confronted her on the response she said: “Those are just guys I have crushes on, you don’t have to worry about them because they aren’t accessible.” If I had the knowledge back then that I do now, I would have pressed the issue more but I was too naïve and too trustworthy.

****Fast-forward a few months after Stacey’s trip to see her college friend. ****

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One Sunday morning, I was at her house and we decided to go to the grocery store to pick up some groceries to make breakfast. I put the groceries in the back, but I noticed that some of the milk had leaked through the bag onto her leather seats. As we pulled up to her house she stopped her car in front of her house she let her window down to grab her mail from her mailbox. While waiting for the garage door to open, she looked through her mail and let out a sly laugh. I noticed, but I didn’t’ say anything.

As we were putting the groceries away, I grabbed a couple of paper towels to clean up the mess on Stacey’s backseat. On the counter she had placed her mail. On top of the pile was a birthday card envelope (I assumed it was a birthday card because her birthday was about a week away). The return address was from Charlotte and name was Bradley C. I have a very sharp memory and it immediately clicked in my head that this was the college friend that she went to see a couple months back.

After I cleaned up the mess in her car I asked,

“So Stacey, remember that college friend you went to see a couple months ago? Was that a guy or a girl again?”

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Without missing a beat, “Oh yeah that was a guy.”

“So you lied to me? “

“No. I said it was a college friend. I never said it was a guy.”

At this point, I felt like she really thought I would believe anything that came out of her mouth.

“So when you went where did you sleep?”

“In his bed.”

So now I know she has a crush on this dude, she flew from out of town to see him and she slept in the same bed with him. I know if I had those three circumstances in my favor with a very attractive woman with a body to kill for, its code X and I’m hitting it all weekend.

Looking back at our relationship, I can say that was point where I stopped giving a f*ck. I had never cheated on my girl until that point. We had been through our ups and downs but I believed she was the woman for me and I honestly thought that she was the woman that I would marry. A lot of people (including Patricia) had met their life partner at Meharry and why not? 95% of the students there were black future doctors. Put that many attractive, intelligent black people in one atmosphere and its bound to happen.

To be continued…