I’m not going to lie, I’ve heard some crazy stories about the things that men do when they want to have sex. I’ve heard everything from “JPYDO” to “after the club, ask them if they trying to smoke weed.” I laugh at some of it and I get completely frustrated at the rest. What I can tell you is that men whether they like to admit it or not have ways of working their way out of the nether regions. I had a friend in college who used to have problems signing the deed with the ladies, we always gave him tips on how to get to home base. We gave him the following 5 steps:

1. Don’t say anything.
2. If you have to talk, tell her what she wants to hear.
3. Don’t do anything wack like playing video games or watching wrestling.
4. Figure out how to put a condom on in 5 seconds or less. (Don’t ask questions.)
5. Make sure your room smells good and you throw out the trash. (I had this girl go through my trashcan one time in college… sheesh.)

Somehow, someway, he’d find a way to screw those simple steps up. Listen here, we know that women decide early on “if” they’re going to sleep with you, it’s the “when” that’s the hard part. And if you should so happen to get to the “when” zone, the worst thing you can do is fumble it like Thurman Thomas in the Super Bowl. However, men do it like everyday, b. I strolled the internet and found this article that highlights the five ways men ruin their sex lives. I won’t share the details, you can check out the article here if you want, but I’ll share my thoughts on the five.

#5. You Can’t Pressure Her into Sex

If I feel like I have to pressure someone into sex, I just stop being sexually attracted to them altogether. Ladies, if you man isn’t pressuring you into sex and you’re not having sex with him, watch out. You know how this one goes, if you won’t… someone else will.

#4. Make Sure You’re Not Disgusting

I’m not trying to put anybody’s business on the streets but the other day my mans told me that he used a wet wipe to clean his ball & chain. I died laughing, but in between the gym and home with a booty-call standing in the way, he had to do what he had to do.

#3. Your Attitude Could Be Your Downfall

This is why it’s a good idea to have a couple adult beverages before you sleep with someone. I didn’t say get drunk. I’ve witnessed people purposefully get themselves drunk in order to hook up with someone, but I think that’s a horrible decision. A few drinks will loosen you up and prevent you from starting an argument and ruining the mood.

#2. Never Assume Women Have the Same Turn-Ons as You

I’ve never expected women to have the same turn-ons as me, but I’ve never really known what turns them on. I saw an episode of ‘Girls’ where Adam got to sleep with a girl because he had been nice all week. I also think that women don’t get turned on as quickly as men so you have to start the engine early, like in the morning and hope by the time you get to night, she’s as horny as a rabbit. Other than that, I don’t know… smelly stuff, kittens, massages and long foreplay? Hey man, turning a woman on is like a Black man fixing a car; try some sh*t if it works, great, if it don’t, keep trying sh*t.

#1. Don’t Expect Her to Be a Porn Star

I’ll be the first to say, I can enjoy a good adult flick just like the next guy, but I don’t expect women to do that in the sack. I expect her to try, lol. I’m just kidding. Most men should be aware that most of the stuff that happens on the Red Tube is for show and not realistic in real life. I think what men want is for women to be open to a little more than missionary, on top and from behind.  It’s like when Patrice O’Neal alluded to that men want “filthy disgusting whores” in the bedroom. He doesn’t mean he wants you to be one, just act like one.

Those are my thoughts on the five, you can check the full article out here. It has much more insight and thoughts.

What say you guys? Can men talk and work themselves out of the nether regions? What are some stories that you have of either a man who fumbled or as men, fumbling yourselves? I know, I have fumbled a few times. If I get the time and the discussion gets good, I’ll come back in a few hours and share a story that’ll surely make you laugh. Let’s just say, in my younger days… and I’ll leave it at that.

Thank God it’s Friday people! Cheers to weekend!

– Dr. J