That devastating moment when you get caught for Possession with Intent. You thought you were gonna enjoy recreational use of a woman’s romantic and sexual energies, and keep your freedom at the same damn time.  Or maybe, as a woman, you enjoyed the financial attention a man paid you, in denial of the fact that it was really an advance against future commitment. Now you’re in their custody, with a record as an offender who broke the laws of love. Let me be the first to tell you that it is not easy to get that charge dropped, and your name cleared.

What is worse is that the good ones who fit the description are now being profiled, tried for negligent possession and sentenced for ill intentions. Skepticism has become evidence, and potential relationships are being arrested in their tracks on suspicion of wrongdoing. In reality, it’s a person’s intent that should determine their sentence. Loved Ones, it is time to reexamine our views on Possession, and Intent.

I get it. It is intoxicating to have a woman fulfill your every sexual desire, to have all of her energy available for your leisure. When she’s down for whatever, doing whatever, sending you adult pics at work like its whatever – it’s like that first hit, that first line, the first pill. I imagine that it must feel similar as a woman, to have a man willing to devote his every resource to your disposal. You call him up when your boyfriend is trippin, and he always answers, giving you soft encouragement and kind reinforcement. He’s always there to make up for whatever you are lacking at the moment, be it emotional or material. How convenient.

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But you must understand that people rarely give the most valuable parts of themselves with no expectation in return. Do you really believe that that woman is going to continue to give herself to you while you live your life without her? Do you honestly think that that man will not begin to demand more of your attention and affection, and eventually your loyalty to him alone? Do not be naïve enough to think that you can enjoy these privileges at no cost to you. You will set yourself up for a severe sentence, which can range from nine months to life, or in extreme cases, death.

The latin phrase is quid pro quo, and it means “This For That”. The exchange of goods and services is the oldest business principal around, and it applies to relationships as well. We each have perks that come with being ours, and we exchange them for benefits that we find equally valuable in others. But the key word is exchange – not extract, not exploit.

The underlying issue is that nowadays, people have major issues with possession and control, and we are rebelling against it without regard to a person’s intentions. This is not a male problem, or a female problem. It is a generational abnormality, where we have championed independence to the point that co-dependence is looked upon with disdain. If you have to answer to someone, it is considered weak. If someone holds power in your life, your wings are clipped, you’re neutered. And of course, you’ve been hurt before, so another heartbreak would be devastating. Cue the violin.

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I understand that you have to balance being cautious with being open. That is a legitimate concern: making yourself available, but not getting taken advantage of. The key is to choose someone who has demonstrated your best interests in mind. For that, you gotta give them a piece of you, to see what they do with it. It’s like measured risk, a free sample of your product. Then observe. From there, you can measure their intent and make the decision to cuff em or let em go.

But you gotta roll the dice. Possession in love is a fact. You cannot enjoy the many privileges that accompany love and monogamy without adhering to its rules – and yes, surrendering some of your own freedom for the greater good. What you should be aiming for is to be possessed by someone whose visions for you align with those you have for yourself. If you want to remain untamed and unchained, fine. Just remember that you will also remain unclaimed.


Jontae Grace is a writer, and cunning linguist.

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