When you find the one you feel like you’ve been waiting for all your life, it’s not surprising that you’d want to hold on tight. Your relationship is something that should be cherished, and you’re likely wary of anything that could harm it or take it away from you. But sometimes, the person in the relationship can be so concerned with keeping the relationship, that they actually begin harming it.
It can also be difficult to stay positive about finding love amid reports about how often people commit infidelity. Just recently, AdamEve.com shared survey results indicating that one in every three people admit to cheating in relationships. So, again, how does one stay positive here? But then there’s also this question: At what point do normal insecurities become too much?
Everyone occasionally has jealously flare up or pangs of doubt, but there are ways you can help deal with these emotions instead of letting them impede on your relationship.
Talk About It
It’s important to have self-reflective conversations with yourself before talking with your partner in order to learn how to better manage your emotions and thoughts. The next time you feel your insecurities creeping up, first ask yourself why you’re feeling this way. Has your partner done anything to cause this? Is this feeling counterintuitive to the state of your relationship?
If you still find a specific issue nagging at you, calmly bring the issue up with your partner. Dr. Jeanne Segal contributed to an article on HelpGuide.org, which stated that the most important aspect to positive communication with your partner is being able to listen. When sitting down and discussing your concerns, you have to be open and receptive to what your partner is saying. Challenging what they’re saying as untrue will hinder the conversation, rather than lead to a positive conclusion. And remember, your partner has nothing to gain from lying to you about their commitment. They are with you because they want to be—no one is forcing them.
Learning to Trust
One of the most important aspects of a relationship is trust. If you can trust your partner, then their words of reassurance should be enough to put your mind at ease. If you still find the issue in the forefront of your mind, it could be because you’re not as confident in their sincerity. But if they haven’t given you any reason to doubt them, it’s a good idea to reaffirm whether or not your concern could be due to your own insecurities.
Do you trust your partner in every other way besides how they feel about you and your relationship? If so, it’s likely that you’re just experiencing some self-doubt. If you feel you can’t trust them in other aspects, there could be deeper issues that you both need to discuss.
Ask for Help
A study on insecurities from PsychologyToday.com reported that if you find yourself questioning why your partner would love you or you’re unable to believe that they do love you, “your emotions and actions” will be influenced by your insecurities. “You can’t believe you could be truly loved and so you test your partner every chance you get” in order for them to demonstrate their value, according to the article. They also said that it’s possible these thoughts and subsequent actions can lead you to sabotage the relationship because you believe your partner will leave anyway.
If you find yourself constantly testing your partner or even convincing them that they don’t love you, it might be time to ask for some help from a neutral party such as a counselor. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. If anything, having a place to vent and work through problems will make you a stronger person overall, and it will strengthen your relationship for the better.
Relationships should make your life happier, not keep you up at night concerned about the commitment of your partner. Ask for help, talk with them about it, and get in touch with the reason behind your emotions. You, your partner, and your relationship as a whole will be much better in the long run.
This is a guest post by relationship and health writer Sherri Goodman. As you can tell from her avatar on Twitter, she was partially inspired by Sex & The City‘s Carrie Bradshaw in addition to her own life experiences and research.
Good points. Insecurities run deep. It is a turnoff. We all have them but they shouldn’t run you. You’ll always sabotage relationships if you don’t get a handle on your insecurities. Doing self-reflection to try and get to the root of it will help. If you still can’t figure it out, please be open to help, as the article mentioned.
I think there is some truth to these points. I have been with someone for quite a while now. I will admit that in the beginning I was insecure just because I did not really know him and was not sure what kind of guy he was. I was very afraid of getting hurt and kinda jealous at times (I really hate to admit it but I was). For me I think trust is hands down the most important thing. When I decided to trust him and I knew he trusted me, all the insecurities and stupid little fights went away. It takes time but it did work.
Totally agree, we all have insecurities but you shouldn’t let them run you…if you can’t trust the person your with there really is no reason for you to continue.
Diva, I so agree with that. I’m not going to be in a relationship and constantly be punished by someone’s insecurities. Sometimes those insecurities are due to past experiences, other times its deep-seeded in other things. Regardless, I ain’t carrying your luggage for you. But if you’re willing to actually work on it…I can work with you…otherwise, that is just not a good place for either of us.