I work …
I blog … I chill with friends … I party … I do a bunch of stuff … but I work and work hard. I come home later than I want, I check my email throughout the weekend … I let the company at the top of my business cards dictate a large portion of my life and what I do.
But what about when I’m not in the mood … or what about when I’m hurting? Oh yeah … your boy SBM has been hurt by women (I know I don’t have emotions … but hurt isn’t an emotion … its just something your body does). Can I email my boss and say “I just broke up with the former love of my life … I need some time to myself”. Or what about “I was really feeling this chic … she smashed off my line brother … f**k them TPS reports … I’m hurt”.
No … I can’t … and that sucks
I have paid time off … I have sick days … but what about mental stability days? What about “stupid b****h got me messed up in the head” days? What about “I think I’m in love … but I told myself I was gonna wait until I was older … and now I can’t think about anything but her … and I don’t feel like talking to you or that annoying chic down the hall who talks too much about her fiance the client” days”? Why do I have to lie and say I have the flu? Why do I have to say my stomach is hurting from some undercooked chicken? Shouldn’t this be written into the terms and guidelines of my job?
Because I know how relationships can affect us, and I know how mentally and physically draining they can be on a person … I am starting another SBM initiative. From the same man that proposed the Bald Kitty Movement, and countless Public Service Announcements … SBM is proposing an addendum to the sick policy of corporations and government bodies across the nation. So …
The SBM List of Acceptable Dating Based Sick Reasons
My Relationship is No More!
It doesn’t matter if your broke up with her … or if theytore your heart to pieces … take the day off. So what if you were only with him for 2 weeks … hey … that mess was serious in your own delusional head. Even if your the one who broke her heart … you need some time to update your myspace profile and sign up for match.com mentally lament over the decision and re-accustom yourself to being alone.
I got cheated on
If you did the cheating … take your stanking arse into work and flip your burgers. But if you just caught your shorty breaking off the neighbor or you just walked into your man “fixing” that hood rats internal plumbing … go ahead and sleep it off. If someone hasn’t died already, you gotta think about how to get away with “it”. If that’s not your M.O. … then maybe your going to work it out … or maybe you just need to figure out how crazy the break up is gonna be … maybe you just wanna cry … whatever it is … keep it out the office.
You think your in love
Sorry women … but this is strictly a male excuse … because women love love and deal with it beautifully. Us, on the other hand, can get nauseous, might start drinking, gotta call a bunch of people, and might just need to stare at the ceiling listening to Marvin Gaye for about 5 hours. And not every guy can use this excuse … you have to be in that “I don’t do love” (read: SBM) mentality and just magically found yourself … caught up. If you meet the strict criteria … go ahead and let it set in … then mail in your playa card … but increased productivity will be expected from your happy, “I’m in love”, cheesing 24/7 a$$ the day after.
You got an STD from your significant other
Go ahead and take a day to hide the body … don’t want one of our best employees going to jail.
So … great and all knowing readers of SBM.net … how do you cope? Do you just work and not talk to anyone? Do you make up something? Or are you the robot that is unphasable?
The movement is only going to gain traction with support. Tell your friends. And … before we go public … what did I miss? We gotta cover all ground people!
I'm completely unphasable. Sh*t happens, I keep it moving! Maybe it's just the fact that I haven't found "the one" to get me all emotional and whatnot.
Who knows.
lol this could be cool. I have had a little relationship toruble to distract me and when i'm at the paralegal job I stay in my office under the radar. I don't respond to e-mails unless they're from an attorney and go to lunch around 2:45 to avoid having anyone ask to join me. I basically spend the day in my office sleeping or reading news websites and blogs. If I must intereact with others keep it brief and only answer questions that are asked directly to me. I've done this 2x I don't think this can be done on the regualr
When I'm working with kid i'll have them read several pages from a textbook and answer questions lol. I just do this when i've gone out partying the night before and don't feel like standing at the chalkboard.
Mental health days – Amen.
We have sick/personal days, that way you don't have to lie when you don't want to make it into work. I use mine for a personal vacation every year, lol. Take's my 3 weeks of real vacation and turns it into 4 – can't beat that. Plus, I'm old, there isn't anything a new man could do to hurt me that hasn't already been tried or done. Keep it movin'.
" might start drinking, gotta call a bunch of people, and might just need to stare at the ceiling listening to Marvin Gaye for about 5 hours."
I could see a man doing this too.
I agree on those mental health days… there has been many days where I had to come to work to' up over a dude. LOL… I would just close my office door and listen to rap music. One time, I had to leave work though.. I found out this guy I was messing with had a baby on the way and I was ready to committ a murking… I couldn't think straight.
LOL!! Hilariously written…it seems as if your posts are getting better.
Well I definitely am QUICK to call in if something isn't going well on the love/relationship front. Luckily I have a job where it's not a factor, because sometimes you just need time to decompress.
But I'm usually good by mid-day and go in to work…"keep on moving don't stop nooo."
Two weeks ago, I was stressing over my "roommate." Wouldn't call him a "friend with benefits" because we argue all the freaking time, he's married to his phone…sending text messages all times of the night, and he doesn't do the chivalry things he used to do and what's the benefit in that?
I was also waiting on some big wigs to increase my salary for my Cali job offer…and hadn't heard sh!t. The arrogant jerk with the office across from my cube wants to keep his door open and belittle whomever he was on the phone with like the outsiders can hear the other end of the conversation. CLOSE YOUR OFFICE DOOR!!!
I'm missing my folks in VA. I feel like the ignorance around me was contagious and I couldn't escape it. My stomach started to turn…clear case of stressing myself sick.
I took a half day of vacation…advising my manager & coworker that I was sick.
Therefore, I concur! Add an addendum to the employee handbook.
I can work when I'm sick, or hurt cuz when Im work I generally dont think about home stuff. There should be a "If I come to work and a 2520 says something to me, I'm gonna smack his kuffi off of him day". I need one of those today
I just take PTO. One time I was feeling like sh*t because I thought dude was upset with me and I came into work but had to leave for the day around lunch. Couldn't do it. No one in my office knows the whole truth about me…. I freaking work with 10 other women, our Director is male but he's in the Chi.
For the guys… What about a chick telling you she thinks she's pregnant? And to add to that… it may not be yours? For the ladies too, your dude tells you he got another chick pregnant?
Yeah, I'm full of DRAMA this morning… and to be clear these questions do not come from personal experience, lol.
@Reign: Finding out you got a kid coming is a GGOOOOOODDDDD one. I'm mad I forgot it.
@ SBM: "One is glad to be of service." Trying to think of somemore. I've taken more than a few mental health days.
LOL that was cute. Amen @ Peyso!
Where I work, all of our time, sick days, personal and vacation is all wrapped up in PTO. We technically don't have to tell a soul why we're taking it, it's our time to take. If I have a doctor's appt or some ish (um…just the basic doctor), I might just say it to make convo, but I'm not obligated.
Also, STDs SHOULD be considered a "sick day". If you caught the gift that keeps on giving (the common cold could be considered this as well), then stay your arse at the crib! Please and thank you.
I've wanted to go home sick in the middle of the day because some chick sent me some message or did sumthin dumb while I was at work. Once I start boiling, the rest of the afternoon is a waste. Speaking of which, my head hurts thinking about it. I'm going home.
Yeah finding out that someone you love got another chic pregnant is the worst…how about finding out about that sh!t 3 days after said child is born, while he knew the ENTIRE time.
N!GGAS!
Hey everyone, I haven't been on here in a while. Well I have called off work or left early before. Now I just go to work and deal with it. If I need to shed a tear then I close the door or head to the bathroom. But if it happens again then I am going to call off work because that gives me 24 hours to get right and come back focusing on much more important issues.
SBM–all chicks do not love the idea of being in love…and the first time you find yourself in that position…you are physically ill…no way around it.
But here are other reasons that you may need a mental health day:
You find out you're pregnant a second time by your no count child's father.
Or you and your significant other work together and you find out he/she is boning the person four cubicles over?!?
(Though not true for me…I've seen these things happen I generally suggest a day off…to process…)
Match.com is real? Stop playin! 🙂
That was great..as usual.
LMAO @ "hurt's not an emotion; its just something your body does"
My coping MO is to work work work work or I'll crash; and HARD too.
And then I'd need to take the whole YEAR off and all!
I've also been known to sample a slice of chocolate fudge cake or a hundred in my quest to fill the cracks in my heart..;)..
And as for being in love; thats only ever happened to me ONCE and there wasnt any attached orchestra score or chinese new year type fireworks.
I just..looked at him one day and he looked.."different"..I cocked my head to the side to see if he'd shaved different or he'd grown his hair out or somthin..I squinted at him…then raised my eyebrows as I thought "oh! I'm in love with him! THATS what that is..hmmm"
And this all happened in like 40seconds.
lol..
Who knew 40seconds worth of realization would leave me with over a year long heartache *cue eye roll*
Yeah, I'd have to agree with this one. Every morning when I wake up I try to think of an excuse to not go in. Since I never can, I just get my black arse up and go. Real life is crazy, sometimes you need a break from it.
Great list!
I would add finding out that YOU are the side piece and this mofo has been in a long term relationship for years. I don't know how people get away with stuff like this.
OH, or finding out that your significant other has a whole other life in a different state with a wife and kids(clearly I have seen too many Lifetime movies)
psh, i take mental health days as needed…
I wouldn't say I'm unphasable, I just go to work and really burry myself in it. I look for extra projects to work on, whatever I can do so that I dont have to spend my time alone with my thoguhts.
I agree that if you're going through a rough breakup you should take the day/s off. I am a firm believer in not bringing your personal life into the office … at all.
Lol @ "you think you're in love" but only for guys who think they're love-proof … classic.
What about stalker exes who you know will make good on their promise to wait outside your job everyday until you "take them back." You might need that day off to go to court and get your order of protection …
Thanks for the first laugh of the day. She hit home with the “got me messed up in the head” one. I remember that in my younger days.
lmao. This one right here cracked me up. Talkin' 'bout staring at the ceiling & listening to Marvin Gaye for 5 hrs. So, so silly.