“I Think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul. This world is so guarded and fearful. I appreciate rawness so much.”

The above quote was “screenshotted” by me from instagram. It speaks almost directly to what I’d like to get into today. I have become an avid listener of the Two Guys One Show podcast. It’s hosted by @IamRichJones and @Wisdomismsery.Back on episode thirty, “Wiz” made a poignant comment while answering a listener’s question. He said that he believed when we love a new partner we love them differently from the previous. It’s possible that I always knew this. But it was different actually hearing it;  it spoke to me.

There are fears we have after our first heartbreak.

Coming to grips with what has gone on is one challenge. Another issue is thinking about what comes next. How will I know it’s love this time? What if I don’t feel the same energy the next time? Both of these are valid questions. Only you can answer them after giving yourself some time. The fear we have is illustrated in the opening quote. We can become guarded and not give ourselves a chance. But when you do  open yourself up again you’ll feel liberated. That weight can be dropped to feel transparent with someone again.

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We get through our fears by having constructive experiences.

The times after breakups should be used for a few things. We need to take time to understand what happened. There should be time for questioning what part you might have played. And lastly we need to know how can we avoid this exact thing from happening again. When you’re able to take those three things away from a breakup I think you’re able to open up once again.

When it’s time to love again it won’t be exactly the same.

Sure you’ll feel butterflies. You’ll most definitely text your partner right before bed. But how you love should and will be refined. You can still love hard. But you’ll also have a better idea of what you’re feeling emotionally. Furthermore, this is a new partner. You have to love them differently from the rest. You will certainly appreciate the new things that they bring to the table. The new things that they bring out of you will surprise you as well.

I think there are so many opportunities to love throughout our lives. Different people appeal to different facets of who we are. We are very complex people under the hood. Ironically enough, the older we get the less complex our qualifications are for partners.

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Don’t associate love with the breakup.

Associate love with what you remember as good and honest times. Associate a breakup with a breakup. See where things went left. I write this to encourage people to not be down on love. I also write this today to tell you all that the love you feel today will be the Xbox One version of a love you felt back on the 360. The lessons we learn through breakups, coupled with new people in our lives will change everything. It’ll create a new experience every time until we get this bad boy right. Be encouraged, be open to loving again. And be sure to use your single time as time to prepare for someone amazing. Have you loved differently every time? How do you even know when you’re in love? Tell me all about it.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status