*Enter the scene*
SBM and his good friend Denise are driving through the local bar section of their Alma Mater, a Primarily White Institute in the ACC. There are currently Lets take a look at their conversation.
Denise: *pointing out the window* “Ugh … that just makes me sick.”
SBM: “Please tell me your not talking about what I think your talking about?”
D: “I’m talking about him right there!”
SBM: “Please tell me your talking about the guy throwing up on that dog.”
D: “No, I’m talking about that black guy talking to that white girl! What is he doing?”
SBM: “Idk … finding out the time?”
D: “He is disgracing every black man everywhere … that’s what he is doing!”
SBM: “We represent some 10% of this campus. Dude looks like he is more in tune with white culture also … whats the problem?”
D: “Ugh … don’t let me ever see you doing that.”
SBM: “Their in abundance. Why can’t I?”
D: “Well we won’t be friends anymore and I’ll tell every black girl here you have herpes.”
SBM: “Racist!”
If there is one thing that I learned during my time in college is that white people have given up the title as the most racist group of people in America. Sure you have small sects which still want to “exterminate” us, but their kids are great. Their all nice, introducing themselves, letting them call them crackers and whatnot, and just so interested and intrigued by things we see as normal (like a wave cap … a 2 week explaination). You still run into a healthy dose of ignorance, but overall the race boundary has started to come down a lot.
All of the other minorities are too worried about only representing 3% of the school and too busy getting in touch with their parents culture through cultural societies and other events.
But there is one group that continued to discriminate and hate. One group that continued to spew their hate filled message to every ear that would listen. One group that worked hard to errode Martin Luther King’s dream along with the dream of countless black athletes men in search of “something new”. So, besides financial derivatives and the laws of polymorphism … I learned that:
Black Women are the most racist group in America
Yes … pure racism … when it comes to dating at least!
As a result of the programs I particiapted in, the make-up of my school, and the virtual rainbow coalition that was my dorm freshman year … I’ve befriended someone in all of the major races (except Native Americans … where are ya’ll hiding?). As race always comes up at some point, when it comes to relationships … their almost always open to dating outside the race. Even if its not their cup of tea, they often pine for someone outside of their own race and rarely ever detest others for doign it.
But not when you ask a “sista”. For a black person to date a non black person is a crim worst than spitting on Martin Luther King’s grave. It’s worst than not knowing who Bernie Mac is. According to them, it will get your black card pulled quicker than admitting to never watching “Good Times” or detesting “Sanford & Son”.
I wish I had some insightful explanation, some humorous reasoning, or just something to explain this disdain for interracial dating by black women … but I don’t. They’re crazy … throw rocks at them.
And that’s it … I’m out!
lol @ "but I don’t. They’re crazy … throw rocks at them'
Like I said on 3ways when they did a post on interracial dating if you love a white girl/mexican man/korean woman date them. The problem is when you "only date______" (puerto ricans, asians, whites, latinos etc…). I find it sketchy when anyone only dates a particular race or ethnicity. I think as a black person black love is ideal but I don't say I only date blak guys. I talked about my dating phases on here b4. As of right now i'm back into Indian dudes. Does this mean I only date Indians right now. Nope. But I do turn my head a little more towards the Indian fellows. But i'll still go out with a brotha or an Arab or European.
I can't lie though i've never dated an Asian from the far east. But perhaps if I found a Chinese or Japanese dude attractive we could kick it
I'm attracted to all races of females and I would date them I suppose.
But theirs just something about a girl who looks like me, cooks/eats the foods I like to eat and listens to the music I listen to that I can't find in a female that isn't black.
That's just me simple and plain.
@MDUBB – you sure about that? Have you ever tried? 🙂
@SMB – lol @ this post! I love to date outside of my race and inside of my race too. There are great things to discover about people that don't look like you. One thing I know for sure… we are all more alike than we are different.
This post is just hollering for one of the old commenters… Bet you SEVENTY FIVE dollas he shows up.
Anywho, SOME of us to catch a 'tude when you date outside the race because SOME of you guys try to make us feel like the other race is somehow better or easier to deal with than your own sistas.
This is just one of those topics that makes no damn logical sense, but it just a fact of life and is here to stay, like black people's use of the N word or the "man = player vs. woman = hoe" double standard. I'm generally a live and let live person, because what that person does is not affecting me (my man loves all this african-american goodness, and I only want a guy who loves and appreciates all this african-american goodness), but I agree with Satya and Nicki that it irks me when someone will only date outside their race because they perceive their own to be inferior.
[Devil's advocacy in 3…2….1….] Unfortunately, the generally accepted standard of beauty in this country is european, so can you really be too surprised if a dude wants to just go ahead and get the real thing? Why run your hands thru perm fried or hawaiian silky weave when you can get the real McCoy? I stay out that whole rat race and go for the niche of guys who like and appreciate sistas as God made them. So if a guy wants to date white girls… hey, more power to him, because it's not like we'd be a fit for each other.
Chris Rock said it best. (most) blk women dont like to see blk men with wht women because…. (most) blk women are not attracted to (most) wht men. I often women how wht women feel when they see a wht man, with a blk women?
Blacks are already the most watered down race in america… why not build something beautiful with your own people. *I lived in south dakota, that's where all the native americans are*
@Ziggy: That is true and I wonder the same.
I myself don't really care because love is love given the crisis in the dating scene. I've been attracted to guys of other races but they never seem to talk to me, know that I think about most black guys don't either.
If given the opportunity I'd be open to it. But I think when it comes to dating outside our race we become even pickier because if we're going to do it he has to be on point… well I think that's my taste in general, lol.
I don't think Black women are racist for a number of reasons LOL…what I do know is that alot of black women are inherently loyal to black men, altho that loyalty is seldom returned……
Kwana in DC, I'm giving you a standing ovation for THAT comment!
"Black Women are the most racist group in America
Yes … pure racism … when it comes to dating at least!"
LMFAO @ this hot mess. Why are ninjas acting like they were born today? Ya'll know why we choose to date you primarily. It's because of our loyalty to you! The openness to date 2520s (because really, dating other minorities isn't much of a problem…okay, maybe Asians…but that's another topic) was only in response to ya'll rejecting us by the thousands. I expressed such during the ThreeWays Interracial Dating Blowup recently. So, it's less about hating YT and more about loving ya'll too much, ya dig? The need to salvage our community shouldn't be too surprising given our history.
Also, and I have to note this on behalf of my older sister because it's an interesting theory that has stuck with me. She told me that 2520 men are more reluctant to marry a Black woman out of fear of pissing off their parents. Usually men are the ones required to "hold down" the family…to "carry" the family name. They are more concerned with keeping it pale than the women are. It's different if they want a big booty to grab onto temporarily, but marriage? So, yeah, that's a pretty valid theory. Of course it can't ring true for every possible scenario, but it's something to think about. Things that make you go hmm.
*takes bow and courtsies on off to the left*
But loyal to whom? I see the very worst of our "race" (I prefer ethnic group) get most of the love and support from our sistas. So loyal, yes, but you have to be a total f*ck up to get that type of love.
ts.
You're right, dcblkmale, Blacks are the most watered-down race of people…..
By definition, black women cannot be racist. The term "racist" connotes some level of discriminatory power over others, and lets face it, on the scale of who has the most power, influence and respect in America, black woman have historically been on the bottom of that totem pole. It also seems that while other racial groups tend to stick together and let their family trees flourish, Negroes seem intent on making ourselves extinct. Black men need to stop with the bitchassness and keep it real. If you don't marry a black woman, trust me, you'll probably regret it down the line. I can think of several men who married non-black woman and say they regret not having someone who better understands their plight.
"So if a guy wants to date white girls… hey, more power to him, because it’s not like we’d be a fit for each other."
@Anesidora I COMPLETELY agree.
I once walked down the street with a black male ex-friend(you'll see why in a minute) and we ran into two white women we knew. They were roommates. One was an adorable brunette, that hands down, everyone(white/black/indian/asian/etc) we knew thought was more attractive than her blond roommate. "[Brunette] is so cute," I commented. He replied "Too bad she's not conventionally attractive. If she died her hair blond, she'd be cuter than [Blond]…" He continued to explain to me how beautiful blonds with blue eyes were; how they were the prototype…
I was 20 when that happened and before that moment, interracial dating NEVER bothered me. I spent the next year insecure and self conscious (although I'm beautiful) on an all white campus feeling like this is how they must all feel. I couldn't understand, and it hurt like heck, that someone could ONLY see beauty in something that was so far from what they were. I was HEATED!
Then I realized I don't like brain washed mofo's anyway- it took a while to get there, though. Now I date whomever and I don't care about who dates whom. THE END 🙂
CPT.. I disagree, take a step back and look at the WHOLE picture and the bigger truths here..not every black man is a total phcuk up….
The only downside to that loyalty, is that it will leave alot of sistas ass out tho and thats whats sad and tragic….just not enough good ones to go around as it is, just amongst us already, and thats where the anger/disgust from black women stems concerning black men and women of other races etc
my $.02
@Kwana in DC and Cheekie I also think it has to do with the loyalty factor. As Black Woman through EVERYTHING we been through throughout the years going all the way back to slavery we stick by our men. And a lot of the time it isn't reciprocated. **shrug** To often I hear some Black men say they are tired of dealing with tired Black women but they act like we not tired too? But we still keep trucking. Poor Halle in a recent ESSENCE interview had to plead with Black men that she had tried to make it work before settling with her white man. More power to her.
@NickiSunshine CO-SGINS!! I'm all for loving who you love but I hate to hear a black man say they are dating non-black women because they dislike black women. That is some bullshyt. Its even worse when they go further and tell these non-black females the reason because then you get these women who think they KNOW black women. Its ridiculous and works my first, last and all the nerves in between…
you know, i used to be this racist person but i no longer am.
i have a friend that i work with who is THE coolest white chick ever. she doesn't try to "act black" and she's very comfortable with her whitness. her boyfriend is a 6'6 black man who's in law school. at first i wanted to look at her funny but then i was like, she's a really good person and regardless of her color, she deserves a really good guy, regardless of his color.
hell, i'm even tryna date white now!
@Kwana: I agree with CPT … usually most of the loyalty goes the straight up n****s and phuck ups. Actually … I don't even know if I call it loyalty … I think the Chris Rock quote is right … ya'll just don't find "others" attractive.
@dcblkmale: I might plan a trip out to South Dakota … I just want to talk to one in person.
@Nicki: That's a fools bet. If she hasn't already ready, she'll prolly get the email soon enough from someone. And just because someone says a Yamaha is faster to ride than my Honda Motorcycle … but I don't get offended.
I completely agree with you. Most black women are close-minded and racist about dating. However, has it ever occurred to you that because you are black, the black women feel comfortable speaking to you about their racist tendencies. Your (smart) white friends are going to THINK racist things and then voice them to their other white friends, not you.
This post is quite hilarious to me being that I am an Black woman you speak of. Luckily, I was not offended by this post because it doesn't apply to me. I have love for all races and I am open to and have dated varying colors of the rainbow.
Also, don't be so naive. Just because you don't hear other races scold each other for dating outside their race, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I have a close Indian friend who feels comfortable enough to tell me he dates outside his race but could never marry any other race.
LOVE LIVE LAUGH
"NickiSunshine CO-SGINS!! I’m all for loving who you love but I hate to hear a black man say they are dating non-black women because they dislike black women. That is some bullshyt. Its even worse when they go further and tell these non-black females the reason because then you get these women who think they KNOW black women. Its ridiculous and works my first, last and all the nerves in between…"
@Somethin Special: EXACTLY!!!!!
"If she hasn’t already ready, she’ll prolly get the email soon enough from someone. And just because someone says a Yamaha is faster to ride than my Honda Motorcycle … but I don’t get offended."
@SBM: Think harder honey.. I'm talking about the guy.. U know who it is!!!!!
@Felonius Monk – you are completely right, by the definition of racism, black women, given our socio-economic status in America, cannot be racists. The proper term should be prejudiced, but that's not as important.
I know tons of black men who say they don't date black women b/c of whatever stereotypical reason. Now that is prejudice, just because you date outside of your race, does not mean that you are immune from being prejudiced. If you date based on stereotypes, whether it be about your own race or about the race of the other person, you are no different than the person who refuses to date outside of their race b/c of the same reason. It's the same prejudiced ideologies the outcome is just different. I'm sick of black men touting their interracial dating as if it immunizes them from being prejudiced, racist or whatever you want to call it.
I'm also sick of black men saying that black women want the "bad guys," this is not true at all. I can't remember who said this in a post previously, but I couldn't agree more. Black men want a certain type of black woman and when this type of black woman is not interested, complain and say black women are interested in the "bad guys." Ignoring the black women who for whatever unknown reason (usually looks and complexion) are less desireable to them. So that is just nonsense, just say "the black women who I wanted to be with, didn't want me back." Don't blame it on us supposedly wanting the "bad guys."
Being attracted to your race is not being close minded, its what you are attracted to WTH…., nor is it racist, who really cares what white folks are anyone else outside the ethnic group thinks in reference to black women being attracted to black men more so than any other race…imo thats a good thing and would be more so, if more black men were about something other than getting their dycks wet…
I agree with Nicki Sunshine and Something Special that LOVE is LOVE and I don;t find all white men unattractive, they just don't make Hugh Jackmans, David Beckhams or Orlando Blooms everyday LMAO
I just found this blog a few days ago- hilarious topics and commentary. Given recent events in my life, I feel compelled to comment on this one.
I just got out of a four year relationship with a black male. We were engaged, now we're not. Long story.
Anywho, it's been 3 months and I've just decided to get out there and start dating again, so I randomly decided to see what was up on Match.com. This guy winked at me and he was cute. Very light skinned (as is my ex), but cute. In his profile he described himself as "mixed" which I take to mean 50% black and 50% white.
We chat on the phone and after a while, he lets me know that his mom is Italian and his dad is Russian/Jamiacan, but not a black Jamaican (I thought all Jamaicans were black, but apparently not).
About two days later, I randomly had a thought: This is a white man! It was like an epiphany. I have never dated anyone but black guys. But, when I decided to get back out into the dating world, I said I wasn't going to limit myself (why should I? Black men don't limit their dating pool). So, tomorrow night I'm going on my first date with a white guy.
Granted, I may have been caught unaware that this was about to happen, but now that I've already agreed to it, I realize it's not really a big deal. He seems like a cool person and he's dated black and latina women his whole life. He's probably going to be more comfortable about it than me, actually!
Long post, but I thought it was relevant!
@Ash: See … this is what I'm talking about. Its not a big deal at all … enjoy yourself … you were attracted to him as a person … not his race or lack of race. Shed you racist ways … lol!
@Nicki: Oh yeah … he's married now though to a sister … he can't talk anymore.
@Ladebelle: Preach of equality … King is still alive in all of us!
@Silent: Maybe they do talk more in their circles … but they have seemed to come along a long way … at least at my school. Unlike them hating females …
@KDC, remind me to give you a high five/up TOP for that one cause personally that's my reason for not crossing over yet. If only more white man looked like Orlando Bllom lol…
@Silent, That is so true. In the West Indies a lot of the countries are made up of Indian, East Asiain, West Asiain, Black and White but mostly people see the Black Jamaicans/Guyanese/Trinidadians/Bajens etc. But even within our small countries they might mix and date you but they sho nuff won't marry you. The most mixing I see is in Jamaica and Trinidad but in Guyana I hear way to many "My family has shunned me" when indians and blacks mix especially. But they don't broadcast it as much that's all it is.
I think it is very sad that we are generalizing black women as racists. I see it from both sides of the spectrum, espically since I am a black woman. I have often looked at a brotha and wondered why he was "talking to that white girl" or why he was "with that white girl", but then I started to date white men and saw the same reactions I had been giving previously. Once the shoe was on the other foot I realized how ignorant I had been. It has nothing to do with color but more with the love. If you are happy with that person by all means date them, have kids with them, whatever. It is 2009 and we are still stuck on pigment. I do wish that more black women were available for good women like myself, but I figure if God wants to be with a good brotha one will cross my path, until then I geuss I will continue to get my swirl on!!!!
I read your blog faithfully and I had to comment on this one albiet late.
I live in DC, which as you know is a conglomeration of cultures and ethnicities. Having lived the majority of my life in diverse communities, I’ve learned to appreciate people for who they are. I believe love is love and love truly has no color. When I see a black man with a white woman, I do react a little, because there are so many beautiful black woman who have their stuff together that get passed over. Based on general observation, black men hold black women to a higher standard than white women. I would have no issue if Tyrone the lawyer was dating a white woman who was an upperly mobile professional, with her own house and car, no kids, and she was a “dime piece”. THAT is the threshold black men have for black women. However, Tyrone is dating average looking white woman, who may or may not have finished college, and rents an apartment with roommates. I have black men that won't date me because I'm too dark, but they will date a white woman. At the end of the day, if a brother wants to date a white woman, so be it. I’m interested in spending my time with someone that is interested in me.
The truth about "Black women most racist" is simply that deepdown they know, to MOST non-blacks they are NOT attractive. So as a pre-emptive self-protecting stance, they cry out loud that inter-racial dating turn their stomach! I believe most people know this fact, except since it is so painful few want to say it, except–eh, black men and women standing on top of roofs for the whole world to hear that they are chased by non-black members of the opposite sex, and they are DISGUSTED! And they only want their OWN brudas and sistas! But wanna bet? Show them (in private of course) that you are interested and see their response. Believe me, I am talking personal experience, and, I NEVER have to test them (black women), they try all means to get close to me, now that is uncalled for.
hmmm, 'Noles??
Stop calling people RACIST just because they don't agree with YOU and whatever your self back patting liberal attitude causes you to say. Everyone (Black/White/Purple/Green) need to to stop throwing the word RACIST around so freely especially when most don't even really know what it means or the difference between racist, bigot and prejudiced. And if someone IS racist/bigoted/prejudiced related to dating, socializing, etc. SO WHAT! That is their right just as you have a right to date the United Nations of Races for whatever your reasons. As long as those that do not agree with you don't act upon their beliefs/preferences to the point where anyones rights (legal or de facto) are affected, they have a right to think/feel whatever they want.
It's not loyalty. (What the hell does that even mean in this conversation…?) It's preference. Most black women prefer black men. Actually most women prefer their own race of men to other races of men anyway.
Most men, however, tend to not care so much…
Now a days the general feel I'm getting is that a lotta black women aren't really all that shocked and appalled by this anymore.