Do you remember the Best Sex You Ever Had? Was it with a girl who wasn’t a virgin? And after what were you thinking to yourself? “That was some good ish,” or “Wait a minute, Jesus!”

Virgins wouldn’t be in such high demand if there was an abundant amount of them running the streets. So let’s be honest, “this may not be your first time, but it’s your first time with me” might be the only solace you find. No one likes a stubborn partner in the sack, but what about a vivacious sex vixen or stud? I mean, when she goes down on you, and as you tighten up before you release, she starts doing some hand motion and a slight nibble and afterwards your bed looks like Pompeii, what goes through your head?

If you’re like most guys you first reaction is probably going to be to just lay there and enjoy it for a second, but shortly thereafter as the wet spot dries it will come to you that she learned that from somewhere. Now, what I’m about to say may offend some of you, if so, skip to the next paragraph. Most men have had that conversation with a woman who asks, “How many women have you been down on?” And when you’re down there for the first time, you fake and act like you don’t really know what you’re doing. And whatever you do, you don’t try and do the…. (did you really think I was going to make it that easy for you noodles?) And at the same time most women will tighten up a little when you’re about to go in so you don’t think that have that loose gusha. And when you’re going from behind they let you get a few sessions before they start rocking back. (Fellas if you hear me, please: Close your eyes, shake your head, raise your hand and grab something only you can feel for the “rock back.”)

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And some of us, I mean, y’all who have professed to be the most renowned slayers in the sheets have experienced something that has left you feeling… confused. There’s a few questions that you never really want to have to ask in bed; 1) Baby, did you, um, you know? 2) Baby, where’s the condom? or 3) Um… you’re really good at that. Where did you learn to do that?

Always be careful of asking questions that you don’t want answered. For example she may respond, “Oh my ex used to love that, but he was a little bigger than you, so it didn’t keep slipping out.”

Truth be told, as I said before, no one wants to be in bed with the Virgin Mary, but then again no one wants to feel like they need to scrub themselves with steel wool in the shower after sex. Many of you reading this piece are now wondering if you’ve ever been in this situation before. If after sex your partner was really quiet for about 15-20 minutes and then rolled out of bed to shower or grab a towel, chances are they are thinking, “This mofo is a freak.” Lastly, while I’m on the subject be careful what you suggest into your relationship. Ladies asking your man, “What do you think about anal?” can have very strange effects on your relationship.

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Probably the best way to handle this situation is to never have the conversation. But these things happen, so here are some tips should you find yourself in that situation. Repeat the following statement, “Does that really matter baby? I’m with you now and so if you think that was great, then I’m excited to see where things can go from here.” Either that, or just say you read it in a book. Yes, I think this is a time where you can use a little “red” lie. (A red lie is when you tell a lie that everyone is aware is a lie. For example, “How many people have you slept with before?” Response, “Five.”)

That’s all the time I have for now guys, grab a glass of champagne and open tonight, I know Dr. J will.