Bedroom eyes you don't wanna see.

I like s*x. S*x makes me feel great. I probably think about it at least 30 times a day (more like 100) and each thought is usually different than the previous. There are so many positions and scenarios that run through my dirty mind that I could make a female psychic blush, giggle, and cut me the bedroom eyes 10 times over. My friends have a variety of nicknames for me because my mind is so dirty, and it isn’t usually a bad thing. I can take just about anything and turn it into something s*xual, but I usually exercise self control and try to keep it clean.

Contrary to popular belief, I don’t just sling D anywhere. As entertaining as it would be to watch my bunz count skyrocket into the 60′s, 70′s, or 80′s , I worry about the repercussions of too much random hardbody thronxing. For the average guy my age and with my “affiliations”, I’d say I’m on the low side of things. But don’t get it twisted, that doesn’t make my bedroom shenanigans any less entertaining. I was engaging in some bedroom tomfoolery chatter over the weekend that had me rolling. We were recalling some of the most reckless things that have happened in the sheets. The type of things that make you pause for a second and wonder what the f*ck is going on. And yeah, reckless and freaky is relative. I know. Anyways…

See Also:  Love Changes ... and Best Friends Become Strangers: Four Relationships Destined to Fail

Example for the ladies:

You’re having pro wrestler type sex with a dude and you’re feelin’ his Michael Phelps game. You think he’s about to finish you off with backshots to the future, and without permission you feel him trying to manuever into the “exit only” orifice.  OR, you’re doing something to him and he squeals for you to slip a finger into his A. What the eff do you do when this happens? Pause? That’s an understatement. Do you immediately dry up and cease coitus? Do you just acknowledge his request and then ask questions later after you wash your hands? Awkwardness.

Example for the fellas:

You’re beasting a chick and highly satisfied with your performance. She yells out in a burst of excitement the following: “Gimme that fried chicken d*ck!” OR, a chick that you respect and have s*x with gets excited and tells you to let go in her grill without delay. As for the former, is that a compliment? Do you pump it out and then ask her about her choice of words and dietary habits afterwards? As for the latter, how do you respond to such a random request? You know that once you sling that yogurt you’ll never look at her the same again. What do you do? If shorty’s a jump off, the answer is probably a lot more obvious.

See Also:  You Can’t Always Save the Damsel

For those that aren’t yet having s*x, since it seems that there are a few of you out there, I’m sure you have your own variation of something awkward that could go down in the bedroom or on the couch while you’re gettin your spoon on. Let’s assume you at least bless the microphone. How do you respond if he says “You take that sh*t right now!” and pushes your head down? Do you squeeze him where it hurts or do you just stop and say “What the eff!?” Ya see. There’s a scenario for everybody!

These things may sound extreme or not so extreme depending on your freak level, but they happen. How would you respond to a random sexual request or outburst that you weren’t comfortable with or expecting? And if bold enough to tell, what’s the strangest request or attempt that’s been made and how did you handle it? It’s okay. Just say it happened to “your friend”. We won’t tell. And lastly, if you gonna type something reckless PLEASE USE ASTERISKS!

Certified in Pumping, Thumping, Slamming, and Cramming,

Twitter: @slimjackson Website: www.threewaystotakeit.com