Like a fine wine…

The other day I was having a conversation with my friend. Not surprisingly, we got to talking about women. Ok, who am I kidding? All we talked about was women. As a man, you talk about women a lot but as you get older, you talk about women differently. Being a (decent or above looking, moderately successful or above income generating) man in your late 20’s to early 30’s is a strange period. You might hit up a happening spot and there will be women in there who are interested in you. These women may range from 21 to 41. There’s no way around it, this can get complicated if you don’t know what you’re looking for. I’ll get back to this part of the discussion in a minute.

Later in the day, I was watching a Louis CK, who for the record is hilarious, comedy routine from his stand-up called ‘Chewed Up.’ I’ve included a clip from this routine where he discusses the difference between women and girls. Also, for the record, this video is not appropriate for work so if I was you, I WOULD NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO AT WORK! If you lack will power, I suggest you pull this video up on your phone, lunch break, or while wearing headphones. That’s my disclaimer for the day.

I like women. Women, women! Girls? I’m done, long time ago. Twenty-two-year old girls? God bless you. Go do a shot or whatever the f**k you do with your time. *takes imaginary shot* WOOOOO!!! That’s not me anymore. – Louis CK

During this clip, Louis declares that he is tired of girls. He’s fine dating women, but he’s gotten to a point in his life where he has moved beyond the desire to date girls. Most men know there is a clear difference between dating a woman and dating a girl. Don’t get me wrong, girls are fun but that’s generally all they are, fun. Smart men don’t pursue relationship with girls; they pursue relationships with women. As Louis notes, they don’t call it Women Gone Wild for a reason, because women don’t go wild, girls do.

There’s just a difference between girls and women and it’s not about age. There’s a reason why they call it Girls Gone Wild. You notice there’s no Women Gone Wild,  because no one would f***kin buy the Wild Women DVD. Because when girls go wild, they show their t*** to people. When women go wild, they kill men. – Louis CK

Getting back to the discussion with my cousin from earlier, we both concluded that we too are moving past dating girls. What we are looking for in our lives is a woman. There was only one problem. We weren’t sure where you go to find women and avoid girls.

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I don’t like to prescribe a definite age for when a girl becomes a woman, but you know it when you see it. There is just an unspoken difference between the way a girl carries herself and the way a woman carries herself. They walk, talk, and act different. They’re built different. There’s a confidence that women have that girls lack not because they don’t have confidence, but simply because they haven’t had the life experience needed to gain the type of confidence women both effortlessly possess and exude. As a man matures, he often begins to prefer the company of women over girls. Like earlier, I won’t prescribe a definitive age for when a boy becomes a man either, but I’m sure women know the difference when they experience it too.

The thing is, unless you marry young, there is a point in everyone’s life where the places boys, men, girls, and women hang out overlap. At this point, you have to learn to decipher the subtle differences between the two or you’ll end up with a girl when you were really searching for a woman.

As I was talking to my friend – and I’m sure many of you can relate – I realized that it might be time for us to employ a different strategy if we planned to meet a woman. You see, for a number of years we’ve simply enacted the no plan plan. We’ve both met great women and fell in love, but the consistent factor between all these women – and some girls – is the randomness of the event. We weren’t out looking for a woman, we stumbled on one. In other cases, we were fortunate enough to date a girl that grew into a woman in our presence – sometimes because of us; other times in spite of us. However, we never made a calculated effort to meet a woman. Quite frankly, I’m not even sure we know where to find her.

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It’s very possible that a random occurrence is one way to find a woman. It’s worked for centuries, but just because something has worked doesn’t mean it’s the best strategy. It certainly isn’t the most efficient. If it was, we’d run into women consistently  instead of by chance. Many of us know that when you want a different result you have to solve for a different problem. This reality is something we have failed to adjust to over the years. Despite all that has changed around us, which includes but is not limited to the type of woman we want in our life, we haven’t changed much about how we go about finding her. Many of us might go out less, but when looking for Mrs. [fellas, insert your last name here] we fail to change our means of pursuit, then we wonder why they don’t match our expectations. It’s obvious the playing field is changing, yet many of us have failed to implement a new game plan. Put simply, most of us don’t want to play the game forever but we still have the same style of play as when we were rookies.

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But, just as you fall into the depression-like grips of a quarter-life crisis and begin assuming all hope is lost, you finally meet the woman of your dreams – she’s all you ever wanted in a woman, you laugh together, you cry together (like a BAWSE, of course), she’s perfect for you in every way, except one way… What way you ask? I’m glad you asked!

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As you were busy navigating the treacherous road toward meeting this woman while skillfully avoiding the temptations of girls scattered along the road of life who can only but briefly distract you with what you want but not sustain you with what you need, you find yourself banished into the abysmal darkness of…

THE FRIEND ZONE!!!

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