“I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T … Do you know what that means man?” – Webbie

Every few months, or weeks, I redefine what is sexy to me. Sometimes I want that super intelligent woman who challenges my intellect and provides me with mental stimulation. Sometimes I want a super-driven Type A personality to compliment me, while keeping me on my toes and forcing me to accomplish more. Every once in awhile, a phat ass and cute smile is all I want at the end of the day. Well today, my #1 desire has changed … yet again.


I yearn now for an independent woman. I want someone who is looking for a partner, not a sponsor. Someone who has her own money, can and does take care of herself, and doesn’t need anybody to “save her”. She knows herself very well and is comfortable in her own skin. She loves when I compliment her, but doesn’t live me doing it … because she already knows she has that essence and doesn’t need me to confirm it. Her finances are on point, or better than mine. She has already made a plan to achieve whats she wants on her own, but realizes the benefits of dual income. She has her own opinion and will share it, but in an intelligent and understanding way that can’t help but make you sit back and say … damn. If she wants something, she looks to get it herself instead of first thinking “who can give it to me”. She has her own friends and respects the fact that we both have our own lives outside of the relationship. She doesn’t curse me out for giving my friends one weekend out the month, cause she wants to see her girls anyway. When we’re in the mall, and she needs to bend down, she puts her purse on a bench before she asks me to hold it … because no guy wants to hold a purse … and the bench is right there.

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Now … I know there are a lot of problems that come with independent women. Some like to let you know how insignificant they are and that they don’t need you for anything. They may ask things of their man that aren’t traditional and some feel is emasculating (he needs to cook, be able to clean, and dress himself … well). Some are so set in their own ways, they don’t see any point in compromising … so it can be her way or the highway.

But I don’t care … I am truly tired of girls looking for a savior to “take them away” from all this. I have met girls who refuse to do anything for themselves and I’m tired of it. They look to me to provide everything except the air they breathe … and please realize I’m not just talking about money. The #1 requirement from now on is: You must have your own friends! I have friends and things I want to do by myself sometimes, and you should have people outside of me who bring you joy in your life. When you depend on one person for all your support and sanity … you are setting yourself up.

On the other hand, there are people who want that a dependent person. They want to provide everything and “upgrade” their woman. She doesn’t need her own money, because he has it. He wants someone who is willing to depend on him and need him and let that be known. He wants to take care of someone, a dependent. She shouldn’t be working, because he does. And when it comes to any major decision … she needs to ask him and what he says goes … he doesn’t need another opinion, just a yes. And if that makes him happy … do you … but the only person I need to take care of is my future child.

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Really … this is more of a personal rant brought on by personal things … but its so true.

Is it just me? Whats more appealing … an independent female or a dependent one?