So it’s another Thursday and another featured blogger. This comes from “The Late (not so great) 20’s,” a great spot you should check out. I read this post and feel compelled to reply, but I need to highlight her work. Sadly, I disagree strongly, with mean black women.
Won’t go into details, but if a guy talks to you in a club, HE IS INTERESTED! It is a club. If it was Walmart, or maybe in line at the DMV, or somewhere you go every day… while he still has the right to approach you, this argument makes a little sense. But sorry … if you have a BF … don’t give us young brothas hope … it crushes our fragile hearts … and now I’ve bought a drink for someone I won’t take home (a crime against nature). Mean black women, please don’t mislead us in these situations.
Why Are Black Women So Mean?
You’re angry from just reading the title aren’t you? lol This is a topic that is always up for debate; most recently on a post I read on Stuff Black People Hate. The issue? Why are black women so unapproachable?
Rather than counter-argue, and defend my entire race…. I’d prefer to share an experience I had recently.
A friend of mine accompanied me to a club I’ve been curious about. It was just the two of us, not a herd. Anyhow, we were kickin it, chillaxin in a corner when a man approached me. He was mildly attractive, white male, friendly demeanor so when he approached I was not defensive or instantly agitated. In fact, I engaged in conversation with him for 20 minutes or so (could have been longer). We laughed, joked, etc. He was headed back to the bar and asked if I wanted anything. Initially I said no but he pushed (so much so that I sort of wondered if I should accompany him in case he tried to slip me something) and eventually I accepted the offer.
He returned with my drink and we chatted it up some more. I have to say that I honestly thought he was a cool guy and never anticipated the following;
Him; “So we seem to get along well, maybe we can have dinner sometime? Can I take you out?”
Me; “Oh, I am so sorry. I am actually in a relationship right now.”
*Stares at me like I stole the oxygen mask off his dying grandmother
Him; “YOU WHAT? Man, I wish you would have told me all of that before!”
*Stare at him and wonder if it is possible he slipped a knife past the metal detector
Me; “I’m sorry, it didn’t come up. I thought we were just kickin it. Didn’t realize you were interested.”
Him; “If you weren’t so cool, I would ask you for my money back.”Mmm Hmm….THAT my dears is why mean black women tend to be a little standoffish. Being nice just gives the wrong damn impression!
BTW … I would have asked for my money back.
its easier and more glamorous to be mean than to be nice for our sistas.. thats why.
If I have to hear "Id rather be an angry black woman than a bafoon" one more time im gonna vomit.
I have ben trying to come up wit theories about how the ABW came about.
I guess our fathers and uncles failed our generation. I see people often joke with our resident ABW about her having a penis, but the comment never makes sense to me because men arent mean or viscous but the ABW can be and constantly is.
It makes me think at times that the fear of being swept away and never having anything is what grips the ABW to do what she does.
I will tell you this is the main reason why the black female marriage rate is dropping and divorce rate going up. As a black man datting in his 30's I am finding more and more ABW's, and each time I run into one I say to myself … god as beautiful as you are and as succesful as you are how can you be single at 33 years old? its always met with some side story about how men are intimidated by her and theres no "good" black men.
in the end it always comes out that they just are angry and bitter and not really suited to be with anyone except for themselves. theres a reason why your single.
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/79522
in this case… not only would my black woman… not have her ass out in the street and in the club she shure isnt going to accept a drink and spend 30 minutes with another man…. woman dont you know how that can make us appear to others!? I dont need to hear your cheating… i just need to hear it… for it to become a reality.
stay yo azz home.
sheesh. yeah SBM I gotta agree its a never ending spiral that starts out with a woman trying to be "fabulous"
your gonna go out and look cute… and laugh and accept drinks from a man hitting on you…. why? because your fabulous and like the attention. but when you do something wrong and get told off you say thats why you should be an ABW? so ….. umm… why dont the spanish asian and white women have this mindset?
My $0.04:
I think this has a lot to do with the area you're in, the age of the crowd and many other characteristics. I've had quite a few men in the past buy me drinks with no other intention besides having good conversation. Heck, a few married men have sent drinks to my entire table full of women just as a way of saying "you ladies are beautiful…enjoy your night".
People put way too much emphasis on buying a damn drink. Point being: if you don't have it to spend… don't spend it. Whether you like the woman or not.
…anyone got a box for this boy's soap…i think he broke his. blah blah blah…enough Hasani damn, it's not that serious.
…and u were doing so well. *sighing*
I agree with Ms. Freckles. If 15 bucks is gonna make and break you without the possibility of taking me home. I suggest you keep your dough and put it with your grocery money….um was that mean?
oh Mik shout out to the momma post yesterday. I was thinking about that this morning. Of all the places my momma could have been when I was like between 0 and 15 (cause my momma was hotter than he%ll then) she actually chose me over the street and finding her boo boo. thats apart of my gratirant tommorrow.
Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I know when 99% of black men approach me and start talking, they manage to slip in the "do you have a man" question within the first 2 minutes of the conversation (ex. So where's your man?/Is your man in the bathroom?/Who'd you come with?/Your man let you come out looking that good? etc.). I've found that his is not some information that you just blurt out at the beginning of the convo ("Hi I'm _______ and I have a boyfriend.") because then you get dudes that get defensive talking about "I didn't ask about all that I just wanted to talk to you", or if you cut the convo short in other ways as not to "waste their time" (either cuz you have a man or they look like Craig Mack) then you get treated like (and sometimes actually called) a bitch. Personally I just try and avoid eye contact period when I'm not in the mood to be hollered at….. but then again, you become the standoffish bitch. *sigh* It all ends in us being a bitch no matter what, that is unless we go home and fuck your brains out. Then we're nice. J/K. Kinda.
I talking about how I hate "drink man" and therefore just don't allow men to buy me drinks, and I had a MALE friend tell me once (and not a nice male friend….. a self professed asshole male friend) that if a guy is going to take a woman's time talking to her, that a drink is a small price to pay just for that amount of time. Perhaps it's because he's a lawyer, and for us time literally is money. I'm sure y'all won't agree with that, but coming out of HIS mouth it spoke volumes.
The best way to solve this problem is informed consent…… ask us UP FRONT if we have a man, and if you then want to proceed with the convo, that's on you. NO hard feelings if you decide to say "Well nice meeting you" and walk away quietly. But DO NOT monopolize our time for 30 minutes and then not offer a drink. That's just un-gentlemanly-like. And buster-ish. Like your momma didn't teach you any manners (I know I'll teach my son that). It's not about thinking we are "fabulous", it's just common human decency that doesn't just apply to the club scene.
I dont need your approval to be doing well. I am a man regardless with or without your support.
I have my own soapbox and wont get off it, better to preach than to perch.
but the conversation isnt about my speaches and my self righteous overly moral self as you guys put it…
its about why the outbreak of ABW in america.
I dunno if its just a regional thing…. I have cousins in NC and a sister in Atlanta… all are infected with ABW.
@Teacia – LMAO @ a box for his soap.
@Comeback – Naw, that wasn't mean. That was truth.
@Anesidora – You are doing the most with "just trying to avoid eye contact", lol.
@ Hasani – Ummm… the correct spelling is "SPEECH". Knowledge is power!
I actually agree that she should have said something, I for sure even as a female don't want to have someone posted up for a half hour or any of my time. I dont really feel the need to "kick it" with you, heck we already in the club "kickin it" so lets not add flames to the fire. If u come to the club, and your spoken for, don't let men buy you drinks unknowingly is just not fair to us single sistas lol.
@comeback lol, I wanted to give a longer speech about that, seriously I was feeling it when I thought about my old church friends and how they all had babies, with no fathers n such. I always thought how did this happen??
then I looked at they momma, was like oh thats why! shit take care of your damn kid!! and stop looking for your husband!! ok now im mad wooooosahhhhh. "think happy thoughts"
seriously comeback I lost a lot of my good/best friends because of neglect from their parents. Now my mother was far from perfect but she put me and my brother over EVERYTHING and didn't even think about not doing so.
Its a true reflection of her, my brother is at Tuskegee University in his second year of college in the engineering program, and im preaching the debt gospel lol. Mom momma gets mad props!!!
"Its a true reflection of her, my brother is at Tuskegee University in his second year of college in the engineering program, and im preaching the debt gospel lol. Mom momma gets mad props!!!"
Thats real and true. I have friends that I grew up with whose fate ended up being the same as their momma. And I suppose my mother missed out on alot too cause she was still kinda young and fly, but your legacy is your children. And she didn't make the best decision in the world when she hooked up with my daddy, but I guess she was going for redemption when she rasied me. And word life she is my Michelle too. Take your Michelle to lunch this weekend (if its in the budget) and thank her.
oh big ups to Michelle Obama whose about to put style icon the late great Jackie O to shame in that teal blue she;s been rockin lately. Go girl.
Question: Was it obvious the guy had a romantic interest? Doesn't this count as being led on?
Well I personally don't make any assumptions when a man buys me a drink. I don't assume the follwing:
1. that I will give him my number, even if the appletini is good
2. that he is interested in the COMPLETE package
3. that I will like him when my drink and/or our conversation is done
Men need to recognize this and maybe BUDGET for the assumptions. Work a little overtime if you must. But don't blame a woman if after you chat over her canadian ice wine that a) she will even like you and b) that you are taking her home and c) that she won't throw a real or invisible man in the mix.
lastly most men need to understand that the club is not the ideal place to look for your next girlfriend. I Rarely take men seriously in the club.
@SBM – I'm wondering if at some point in the conversation that the man hinted to being interested in the woman… also, if he ever bothered to ask her if she had a special person in her life. I mean, realistically… if a man does not want to buy drinks for a woman that he has no possible chance with, then he should ask in the first 3 minutes of conversation if she is involved or not.
Don't go to the casino if you don't have money to gamble or can afford to lose. Ya know?
"Don’t go to the casino if you don’t have money to gamble or can afford to lose. Ya know?"
YES!!!! its a gamble that even if she;s single that she won't invent a man, that you dont discover she has 12 kids, or that he even knows how to make his subjects agree with his verbs–aside from her even disclosing her dating status…its still a crap shoot.
Any man who even attempts to pick up a woman in the club is only looking for a one night stand. I mean really, what sophisticated, educated, hard workin black woman do you know would actually take any man in a club trying to pick her up seriously. We grown women leave the 'datin in da club' mentality to the young ones. I look at it this way, you're going to the club to hang out relax and have a merry ol time. NOT to find your soul mate. For the record I have ran into ABW (my sis is the poster chile), but I dont consider myself to be one….may a DBW-disappointed black woman
I can only speak for myself and I am a bit standoffish and it is because when I try to be nice, I have to deal with "where yo' man?" or something after it…. sometimes women just want to be nice, we are not looking for a date. Sometimes, conversation is good… I like talking to people, but it's just that… TALK.
Wait for me to flirt or give you that come hither "vibe" before you go into the "where is your man" stuff…..
I think some women get that attitude from so many dudes harassing them when they go out. I guess some women get tired of men coming at them with B.S. SBM is right. If a guy does approach you in the club he is interested.
@Anesidora: I do the same thing "AVOIDING EYE CONTACT." I work downtown, so whenever I'm out on lunch or for a run, I have my ipod on blast…. a compliment is not making vulger grunts when I'm walking past, or damn, or umph. I don't want to hear it… so I don't. And keep my eyes straight forward… this may be giving off the wrong signal, to a good man… but it helps weed out the applicants that NEED NOT APPLY.
I just read a blog post yesterday about men feeling that the woman is obligated to give them numbers after they buy them a drinks: http://confessionofsbw.livejournal.com/1086.html
I don't see why men put so much stock into buying drinks anyway. There's one particular guy I know that if we go out together and some of my friends show up. He buys them drinks without expecting anything in return. Him and I are just buddies so it's not like he's trying to impress me or them.
I'll go check out the post at Stuff Black People Hate.
OFF TOPIC – We should be celebrating – http://sheliagoss.com/2008/08/28/today-is-history…
The man in the story played himself. Why would you talk for 20minutes or longer in a club to her. Get her number and be on your way. That dude totally wasted his time. Then he bought a drink. Did she say she was thirsty? If so I'm sure they have water. When I am out I only buy drinks for my male and female friends.
"OFF TOPIC – We should be celebrating -"
YAAA WHOOOOO!!!! theres a party goin on right here (at my desk).
freckles said:@ Hasani – Ummm… the correct spelling is “SPEECH”. Knowledge is power!
oh god… let me "check dis nigga"
"Question: Was it obvious the guy had a romantic interest? Doesn’t this count as being led on?"
I don't make ANY assumptions about what a person's intentions are, because then that comes across as arrogant (again…. bitch). Some people are just flirty by nature; some people wouldn't know how to flirt even if they had a 146 page manual.
And I agree…. the drink is not the golden ticket to the number. Part of conversation is determining if you LIKE someone enough to want to talk to them at a later time. And because so many man can't accept "You're not getting the number because I'm just not interested" we often have to invent a man at the end of the convo to make them go away. And I agree….often a drink is just that….. a drink. My ex husband probably bought more drinks for my friends while chatting with them when we were out than he bought for me, and my male friends always buy me drinks (and vice versa, when I got it).
@Humble_One: Women I know (who are not ABW, either…. I don't deal with the type) don't give out their number just after "Hi how are you can I get your number?" It takes at least a little investment of time, again, to see if y'all click.
@humble: what is wrong with talking with someone for 20 minutes or longer in the club? maybe its because I go to lounges but i have held a good hour long and sometimes longer convo with a gentleman and yes he did buy me a drink or 3 and eventually I said "sir, water is all I need" but the convo was good.
Additionally, if you are going to buy a woman or anyone something for that matter you should do it because you want to not because you hope to receive something from it. I do things because I want to not because of obligation or to get something out of it. I think if people followed that rule instead of having hang ups about buying drinks and petty ish like that then there would be a lot less angry people in the world.
and I agree with Ms. Freckles.. its all a gamble. One minute the convo may have been great. The next minute you may tell me that your unemployed, living in your mama's basement and borrowed your fly suit from your boy. That is when I magically develop a boyfriend, a cold, or an emergency so I can make my EXIT!
any man who attempts to pick up a woman … is atempting to pick up a woman. not a one night stand.
I have only had ONE one night stand in my entire life and I was a notorious club head back in the day and am no stranger to going out now.
I hit on women to hit on women. but there are just a bit too many women who will play and toy with a man just for amusement and because she can….
this was an example of clear abuse of power and not regarding the man as important/insignificant.
Humble… no you cant say black women get attitude from men approaching them, is there any more of a fetish right now in america than the asian woman? I cant think of a single race or culture of man in america right now who wouldnt bed a philipino woman in a heartbeat. ever seen an angry asian woman? ever see an asian woman yellin at her husband who is twice her size in public? ever see a Korean woman slap her husband upside his head in the mall and then mush him in the face? ever see the asian woman take your drink the tell you to fuck off?
ya didnt think so.
*sigh*
The guy messed up. He didn't build enough attraction and then tried to force drinks on her. He can't get mad at her cause he screwed up. Suck it up, and come back better.
Rule of thumb is to never buy women drinks – unless I know them beforehand, or it's a very special occasion. In fact, I usually [jokingly] suggest a girl I just met buy ME a drink. It works, surprisingly.
I don't want to sound scandalous, but he could have worked his way in – boyfriend regardless – if he created that *spark* Every woman on this board knows what that *spark* is.
there are black areas, and there are white areas. Successful people work the gray.
are the two single black men the only people with any sense of morals in this room?
me and humble agree with SBM…. the chick was wrong
no dont talk to the guy for 20 minutes
and no dont have your ass in the club
damn shes feeding into the stereotype like crazy.
"there are black areas, and there are white areas. Successful people work the gray. don’t want to sound scandalous, but he could have worked his way in – boyfriend regardless – if he created that *spark* Every woman on this board knows what that *spark* is."
and touchdown!!!!
I don't see where a friendly little conversation should lead to all that…I mean if the guy at the grocery store likes you and brings your bags out and talks to you more than he should and you don't give him the number and can't give him a tip then does he say I should take these bags back in the store?
LOL…I think not. I agree that sometimes you might just have to be a little standoffish to get your point across.
@jaclynn: BRAVO ! BRAVO!
You get a standing O
@SBM…why don't you start a movement. Go ahead and have them give out badges at the door that identify your relationship status. How's that? What the hell do you want from us? I mean, don't you think it would be a bit presumptuous if I just blurted out in the middle of a conversation without being asked "hey, i have a man"…mind you, the chic in your scenario TURNED DOWN THE OFFER OF A DRINK MORE THAN ONCE…that might have been a que. And, ya know, men ask a whole lot in return for a drink…i mean, seriously, how much do you think this $7 is worth? do you really think I should just give some strange man my phone number b/c he saw fit to bestow $7 on me? yeah right…i'll buy my own drinks, thanks.
But, in general, i agree..black women are standoffish and have bad attitudes in the club…it's not cute, i thought you came here to have fun…why then do you have the Mean Model look on your face all night?
On the other hand, I can honestly say, though, that men can annoy the hell out of us in the club and make us act that way. I mean, do you really think its a good idea to blow on my back as I walk by you? Who told you it was acceptable to run your hands through my hair? I don't know you, you could've just picked your nose! Seriously dude, why exactly are you palming my a$$? Um, don't you see me dancing with somebody, why then have you decided to wrap your arms around me and embrace me like I know you? LAWD!
Well I'm in the South AND I don't drink…but I have noticed that men down here offer w/o first asking if you are betrothed to anyone, or at the very least in a relationship.
Since my standard reply is, "no thank you…i don't drink," they usually follow up with can i get you a coke or sprite…something. Now i usually will take the sprite and engage in light conversation, but it doesn't take 1 or 2 minutes afterwards for them to ask if i'm single. If i'm not most will still continue in conversing…maybe it's because a Sprite is only a buck. Maybe men are different down here b/c the drinks only run you about $5 or $6 bucks($3 on a lot of nights)…$8 for mixed assortment of alcohol and about $10 for a double.
@Breelicious: Oh my gawd… blow on your back???? Wow girl, you are surpassing me…. LOl. I've never had that one happen. That is so sad…. some men need etiquette classes.
Hell now that I think about it maybe this goes back to a regional thing, b/c men in the South will buy a round for the entire table, or whoever your with…their standard question is "what are you and YOUR GIRLS drinking on"…especially if I am "dating" a guy…when out they cover the liquor tab for everyone including the entry fee.
A couple months back I was walking in the theater for my normal Sunday ritual of a catching a flick while this guy(whose name i don't remember) was walking out. He actually asked me what movie I was going to see…unbeknownst to me bought a ticket and came in the theater looking for me…all the while not knowing if i was single. Before the movie started I told him I was in a relationship…he stayed anyways and watched the movie(the one he had just seen) and left afterwards thanking me for my company. It was $5 buck to catch the matinee…some people think it's worth the small investment for the POSSIBILITY of something more. And this is why I will NEVER leave the South…just does too much for your ego…lol.
I have to interject here … it seems that there is an extremely big focus on the actualy buying of the drink.
People … forget the drink!
The real issue here is that this guy went to a club looking for women interested in dating, one night stands, marriage, etc. and when he found someone he vibed with and seemed genuinely interested by, he found out all his time was wasted.
For the women, suppose your sitting there, talking, flirting, and just really feeling this guy sitting at the bar. you have so much in common, he is very cute, and you've already thought how your married name with him sounds (as you all do …). Then, as you gain the courage to say "why don't you take my number" … he tells you he is actually engaged and just was enjoying your company. Wouldn't you feel a little bamboozled?
Bree I've had the blow on the back and shoulder thing done…and if i'm in the right mood maaaan, yes sir…lol. But that's usually a jump off type action in my opinion…the question whether or not i'm feel froggy. *ribbet*
"Then, as you gain the courage to say “why don’t you take my number” … he tells you he is actually engaged and just was enjoying your company. Wouldn’t you feel a little bamboozled?"
….and therein lies the problem mister. If i'm chatting it up with a guy and he DOESN'T ask for my contact info then it's safe to assume he has good reason and I shouldn't force the issue or myself on him. Maybe he and his got in a fight and he just needed to clear his head.
This is why I don't believe in approaching men, b/c they know what they want, and if they want it bad enough they will speak up regardless of the rules they normally abide by.
@Anesidora: "And because so many man can’t accept “You’re not getting the number because I’m just not interested”
OMG…i was at the gas station one day and a grotesquely fat dude with brown teeth (not golds) dressed like a colorful skittle followed me out and said "can i ride with you" i said smiled politely and said, "no", he said "why not", i said "because i said no"…put the gas pump in my car and sat in the car with the door partially closed…this fool comes to my car opens my door, leans into my car and said "can i have your number", i said "i'm sorry, no. but thank you"…he said "why not", i said "well, because I said no"…he said "oh, so you got a man" I said "no, i don't"…he started walking away (finally) and said "well then why can't i have your number"…WTF!!!! See, it's sad we have to make up freakin stories for why we just aren't interested. My homegirl was like "you should've just told him you have a boyfriend" My deal is, I should not have to make up lies…if I don't want you to have my number, I don't have to give it to you or come up with excuses! Why do they treat us like we owe them something!
And I'm sorry, I don't care what you guys say about the situation SBM posted…SHE TURNED DOWN THE DRINK…HE INSISTED. And why so serious is right…for the right person, he coulda slid right in regardless of boyfriend…perhaps had he not been so pressed to buy her a drink his story would have turned out differently. I mean, he was pressing it all hard like the drink was the downpayment on the phone number…dayum.
@SBM: Calm down. No I wouldnt feel bamboozled because when women are having a convo we are having a convo. We dont look for there to be a something in return 75% of the time. I have had a convo with a man at a sports bar. He bought me a drink. We talked. We laughed. We cheered for the team. Later it came up that he was indeed MARRIED .. just coming to watch the game in peace away from the kids and home. I didnt feel bamboozled i was actually impressed he said something about the wife and kids.. granted this was hours later. but I was like to myself "what a nice man" thats it .. no hurt feelings.. not BUTT hurt about it as you men would be..
@Anesidora – I thought women knew upfront if they are going to give you their number or not. I've never made a connection with a woman in a 20min conversation. IMHO only the slick sly bulls**tters can make a connection with a women in a club in that amount of time.
SBM: why are you making comments wait for moderation?
"I mean, he was pressing it all hard like the drink was the downpayment on the phone number…dayum."
Lol @ Bree. Seriously, it needs to stop…now once on Bourbon St. a chick walked by me and spilled a little of my drink and the guy who bought it was still walking by me and licked it off. Que sera, sera. Didn't bother me in the least and I never saw him again!
BUT on another night a guy wanted a hug and I wouldn't do it he pushed down. Mothaf*cka even if I wanted to get you on a different night you out your whole damned mind. Thank you.
still waiting in moderation
In regards to moderation … I'm not doing it on purpose. The whole system likes to do what it wants and sometimes randomly innocent words get picked out. Its not the best system in the world …
Just so everyone knows … no one (right now) is being blocked. I love you all too much (well … some of yall).
I have a theory about how to transform yourself from being an Angry Black Woman. In fact, I wrote all about it yesterday. check it out
http://blackfemmefatale.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/…
@Bree-Girl…I'd have whooped ass.
i say let's used hoodwinked instead or run a muck…i don't think anyone would get flagged then…lol.
@sbm: just checking ! 🙂
@teacia: will do
I think you all are taking "conversation" entirely too serious regardless of where is happens at. To rule out any misconceptions… INQUIRE ABOUT THE PERSONS RELATIONSHIP STATUS. There are ways of doing it in conversation so that it doesn't seem so obvious.
@Humble_One: I completely feel you in #22 (yeah, I'm catching up). Thats my same sentiment about buying drinks in the club and wrote about it before (listed in the related posts links …).
I just don't buy into this "pay for your time" bullsh*t. If your not enjoying the conversation … leave. Why should I have to "wet your palette" in order to talk to you for an extended period of time. If I'm at the strip club, I feel you … time is money … but unless you got on glass heels and can make your ass jiggle … you can buy your own drink (unless you came with me or I know you … thats different).
SBM that's a good point:
I don't see it as a waste of time…It is what it is. For that moment, at least you were vibing with someone. I'd test drive a Ferrari even though I KNOW i'm not driving it off the lot. Yet 🙂
We get caught up in phone numbers, drinks, outcomes, and trying to "game" each other that we forget to actually enjoy the moment we're in, and the connection to that other person.
The best way to achieve an outcome is to release all expectations of that outcome.
Why not just have fun.
WHY SO SERIOUS!?!??!
"but unless you got on glass heels and can make your ass jiggle … you can buy your own drink ."
…you know u might find that in the clubs down here and not be in a strip club…what say you then pimpin…lol.
why so: i did tell you that i loved you yesterday right…lol.(dammit let me stop b4 i get into trouble)
@WhySoSerious: I feel you too in #28. Good conversation is what counts and all that is needed. If I'm asked for a drink there is no way in hell I'm buying one. Girls who I know outside of the club, or I came with (whether their friend or interest) can get some libations, but I just can't get with spending money on strangers and potential bucket heads off the "gamble". Its some bullsh*t.
@SBM – Word. Thats why I dont talk to women at the bar. The dude in the story insisted on buying her a drink too. I dont get it. Most of the time women get in for free so they should have enough money to buy their own drinks.
@Humble: No, we know within the first 20 minutes if you have the potential to get some ASS (and that does NOT necessarily mean that night). 😉 But that's assuming that it turns out that we somewhat like you as a human being….. and it's possible to like someone as a human being but not feel that chemistry. And no, it's not the "slick" ones that can make a good first impression. I pick up vibes off people based on what they choose to talk about and how they say it, and just their general demeanor, and "slickness" is a HUGE turn OFF for me. *runs home to shower*
@SBM: No, I wouldn't feel bamboozled. If I have a good convo with someone when I'm out, then that's good enough for me. I don't go out with the intentions of picking up a man anyway, but if it happens, it happens. I'm perfectly content with chatting someone up, having a good time while I'm there, and that's it. No further expectations. It's ALL a gamble….. you don't get pissed off at the slot machine when you get 2 lemons and a cherry, you put in another quarter and keep on pullin'. It's just the nature of the beast.
And to all the guys who refuse to buy women drinks….. oh well, your loss, because someone else who's a little more gentlemanly will. It's competitive out there, my damies.
Men of the blog:
I didn't buy a drink for three straight years. I didn't know how to walk up to the bar and order one. Simply because men in my fair and damned near blown away city buy drinks for you and your girls and your girls girls if that means you'll be impressed.
Case in point…one night I went to a bar where my friend was the shot girl…so the Brazilian man who was currently attached my hip was buying drinks for me and my friend the shot girl whom he had to tip. At the end of the night he didn't have any money left. Since I don't speak Portuguese but understand Spanish (which he also spoke) he said "Vamos a Kenner". The hell? Just cause you spent all your damned money doesn't mean I'm going home with you.
I am the mean girl in the club…I used to be the give a guy a blank in the club..but when I ran into them again..that caused problems (In dc..its always the same people in the club…no new faces)
Anyhoo…when on the dating scene..thats a risk the guy takes when trying to get with a girl…..REJECTION..and I have the right to refuse your advances if I want to…see im meaner..normally I just say IM NOT INTERESTED..which results in the guy tryin to slap me…which results in a big brawl in the club (true story)
and Since I didn't ask you to come and talk to me…please dont make it my fault that you didn't get my number before you wasted your 20 minutes talkin to me
and besides..I just saw you leave the other girl that you were talkin to 30 minutes prior to your behind tryin to talk to me..so I dont feel special …and you look like a slut
Also I am mean cause I dont want to lead a guy on AT ALL..had bad experiences with that
"Buying a drank" is about control. Sistas want brothas to do as they wish purely for entertainment and control purposes. Why is that women feel it's ok for you to shower them with dranks, gifts, and compliments while its perfectly alright for them to not do a damn thang…even if they already got a job AND A MAN!
The chica in the story had a man and she was at a "nightclub" without her man chatting it up with some dude. Women just want to be entertained at the expense of men..
It's a c – o – n – SPIRACY dammit!
Good Morning!
I personally do not like clubs and would rather talk to someone than be bumping humps on the dancefloor with a stranger. Mr. Man in the scenario should not have assumed that miss lady was single just because she engaged him in conversation.
Now…what was she supposed to do? Say talk to the hand…I'm "spoken for" so don't waste your time – after a modest hello? Um, no. You never know what you will get out of a conversation with someone. They may own their own business (or vice-versa) or be well connected, etc. Whether or not they have a mate may not interest you but the network can. I'm all about networking 🙂
@Conspiracy-You are so right. Absolutely correct. We need to stop cause that's selfish…well I guess I could start buying men drinks if they'll accept…it wouldn't be such a bad thing.
@Teacia
"This is why I don’t believe in approaching men, b/c they know what they want, and if they want it bad enough they will speak up regardless of the rules they normally abide by."
This is not true. If I want you but you are with your girls or I see a lot of men approach you, me and a lot of dudes will fall back.
"Hell now that I think about it maybe this goes back to a regional thing, b/c men in the South will buy a round for the entire table, or whoever your with…their standard question is “what are you and YOUR GIRLS drinking on”…especially if I am “dating” a guy…when out they cover the liquor tab for everyone including the entry fee."
I think those dudes need a serious intervention from us brothas up north.
dang I can't keep up today!!
argggg
Well here's my take on the conspiracy theory…men you're ALWAYS going to lose out. At the end of the day, you're going to lose more than a woman would…get used to it and GET OVER IT!!!
There are going to be times when you have to sacrifice your desires and feelings to keep your woman happy…and you know why, because we don't think the same…our rationale is different. You're going to spend more money(or waste) while courting a chic and at anytime she can just bounce…and there's nothing you can do about it.
It's the way it's been for AGES…and it will never change…because even when you find that special someone YOU won't feel like a man unless you're providing, so why should we treat you like one if you're not(i know that's gonna start some shit but i digress).
i believe in chivalry….nothing worse than you walkin toward the bar …a guy wants to talk to u..u say "im goin to the bar" and he says "I'll talk to you when you get back"
😐
Humble: I don't do insecure men, so if you're not man enough to approach me in the midst of it all then you weren't worth your weight in gold anyways. Trust that you will have ample opportunity since real women will find a moment to split from their girlfriends and do a few laps ending somewhere in a quiet corner giving you just the opportunity you need, if you don't take it again you're not worth my energy anyways.
And the fellas down here hold it down just fine…I think the cohabitating and marriage rate is the highest in the South…so they must be doing something right. Sani baby I need you to find the statistics for me…lol.
Going to gogo's as a teen has caused my aversion to the whole club atmosphere. I still don't think the "buying a drink" think is that serious…..guys should never feel obligated to buy drinks for girls in exchange for good convo or whatever; it has nothing to do with chivalry….just my opinion.
True2me: LOL LOL LOL ROTFLMAO!!! Ok your bitchassedness post got me over here ROLLING!!!! Yeah you are definitely mean…quietly I feel like that sometimes but it depends on the person.
@Teacia: "i know that’s gonna start some shit but i digress"
I think you're right. See, women are smarter than men – especially in the dating and mating game. The goal: get everything you can and risk as little as possible. Outside of childbirth and child-rearing women got the "Game" on lock.
Brothas take the risks (introduction, drinks, digits, convos, dates, proposal) and brothas have to pay the big ticket items (drinks > dinners > trips > gifts > ring > more gifts > 50% on divorce) while women just kind of sit back and chill. Maybe they contribute on the house part or they may already got somethin.
I thought the game had changed after bras got burned. I don't have a problem taking risks or investing in something. It's just that the return ain't the same these days…
@humble one – "I think those dudes need a serious intervention from us brothas up north."
no way jose. i am from the north and hate the fact that when i go home and go out up there, the men hold up the wall like they are SO fine and dont need to talk to anyone. they think that the women are supposed to fiend over them just for even being there.
in the south, then men are on it. they go for what they want and I like that. men up north are stuck on themselves. i actually only like northern men if i meet them in the south. it seems like the south forces them to step outside their egos and make a move.
@fefe-well said
Belle I completely agree, my friends always carry cash to the club to buy drinks…men usually interject but no one trips…except my one friend Keda…man I love that girl…now she epitimizes the title "dime."
She owns 2 hair salons and when we go out it goes a little something like this, we're sitting at the bar and a dude comes up that she knows, he asks him to buy her a drink, he only has a $50, he gives the whole thing for a $6 drink, another dude walks up she does the same thing, he gives her a $20, her ex in there trippin b/c she getting a lot of attention, he orders us food and a bottle and moves us up to the VIP away from the other dudes, dudes in the VIP section sends us another bottle…at the end of the night she leaves with $80 more than she came with…lol…good stuff…and this happens all the time.
@Humble: Yeah … that southern "whats your table drinking" is that supreme bullsh*t.
@Conspiracy: Welcome to the foray, and your right … it is a conspiracy. You will find that plenty of the women here feel that their time in the club is "worthy" or a drink and that we need to be paying. Its like Riley from The Boondocks said "I don't get it … if I'm paying … doesn't that make her a h*"
@The Women: What is this asinine fear of saying you have a man? I do that sh*t all the time when I have a gf. If I think someone is interested (and lets not be stupid … its pretty obvious) you just throw the fact in.
For example:
Girl: "Hey … that color really looks good on you"
Me: "Thanks. My girlfriend says it works with my skin tone".
Thats it. Now she knows and can act accordingly and I didn't have to blurt it out and I worked it into the conversation. Was that so hard?
Ok thank you "notifications button'
I agree with fefe, dudes in Michigan hold up the wall like its gonna fall if they move, they act like they are to good to approach you. Now I haven't been many places but I have come across a couple southern folk and they just are nicer, period and not trip if they say hi or let me buy you a drink.
But as sbm said its not about the drink itself, its the fact that she totally wasted his time. Guys are not in the club to ask you how you man is doing, they are in the club to holla, so if you arent about that then make it damn known!!
So I can get a man!! shit!!
wooo freakin sahh!
@SBM-No it's not so hard, but how many women here have heard, "what ya man gotta do with me?" It takes forever to get a "I can respect that"
@Teacia-Wow. She should just out like it's her job lol…and kudos to pointing out people down here stay married longer…maybe it's because of the greens and cornbread on their tables LOL
@Conspiracy: ain't that the truth…the return has definitely shifted. the fellas on here complain all the time about the new millenium women wanting chilvary but also the freedom to do as the please. i think it's an imbalance that needs to addressed and corrected.
hopefully we will begin to do this on September 17th…Black Men Appreciation's Day!!!
SBM – For example:
Girl: “Hey … that color really looks good on you”
Me: “Thanks. My girlfriend says it works with my skin tone”.
psssh, Shaddup, please. You sound like a tool who just got a girl for the first time in his life (and ure tryna flaunt it in some way – like ha ha u cant have me). A man can't compliment a woman or vice versa without sounding like they are trying to get with them now? That sounds like some ol' HSA (remember that). and you sound like u think u're too all that for me to compliment you without some intention. that's an awkward response man. She didn't ask you what do other ppl think of the color.
Cuzzo I agree, that is kind of an assuming and ackward response.
@teacia: the love is appreciated 🙂 Good to know someone does, after this crazy week
Guys up north are different because women up north are different….
Went I [briefly] went down south, I was greeted, treated like royalty. And you know what, I wouldn't have a problem snatching asteroids out the sky for a woman that would appreciate it. I feel the mentality down south is "what a woman can contribute"…
….not "what they can take"
like up north. It's a bit more, how can i put this…selfish here. A lot of dudes don't want to actively pursuit or do things for the women up here, cause the whole mentality is "as a woman, ima get whatever I can get and be out" You know why that is? It's cause
IT'S SO COOOOLD IN THA D!!!!!
"Wouldn’t you feel a little bamboozled?"
No, I wouldn't because some people are flirty in nature; some people are "PEOPLE persons" and have that natural ability to draw you in and excite conversation. I wouldn't assume anything and I wouldn't feel like I got bamboozled.
lmao I feel the same why so, Its cold as hell in the D, but I still feel yall act like yall are to good to say hi seriously!!
If you stop we will stop, spit hand shake
OMG Mikki I thought it was just me. I think it's the whole Midwest! Dudes are SOOOOO standoffish! And it's so unnecessary.
First of all, SBM, great blog. I’ve stumbled across it a couple of months ago and enjoy the topics and the conversation. Although I’ve only commented once in the past, your blog is a daily stop now. You have a great forum for single black professionals to banter and exchange ideas.
Now, with the obligatory ingratiation out of the way, the woman who wrote that piece of drivel has lost her mind. You thought he just wanted to kick it? Who goes to the club to make friends? If that was the case, a man would just kick it with his friends. If that was the case, you would see straight men buying other straight men drinks, just to “kick it in the club”. SBM is 100% correct: if a man that you do not know and doesn’t know you approaches you in a club and offers to buy you a drink, assume he is interested until he states otherwise.
If you are not interested, you can respect social niceties and let us know that in a respectful manner. Do this before the man starts purchasing drinks so he knows he isn't being led on. Being nice is one thing. Accepting drinks with no intention of getting to know that other person classifies you as a golddigger.
@Teacia: Thanks for acknowledging the mis-alignment my sista. However, because you are a woman this is simply a "decoy and delay strategy". Appreciate a brotha for a day whilst you get appeciated for a life time. Game recognized.
Seriously, though, a brotha that was chivalrous way back when would come home to head, a clean house, and dinner on the table. Now you can expect to come home with a headache, a house that needs to be cleaned, and a # 1 from McDonalds. I'm loving it…(not).
@ why so: yeah i was up north last weekend and i was greeted people on the metro and they all looked at me like i was crazy and was laughing and shit, i even took a pic of a random dude on the train. it's weird, people looked me dead in the face and had no intention to speak, so i made them speak….man yall need yall some tropical weather.
@jaclynn: i does what i do…to progress the cause of course. 🙂
I actually hate that im a Michigander because that stigma that us Detroit women are such uptight gold diggers follows me like the ebola virus.
@Teacia
"I don’t do insecure men, so if you’re not man enough to approach me in the midst of it all then you weren’t worth your weight in gold anyways."
Thats funny. I didnt know that if you are "man enough" you will approach a woman no matter what the condition is. I dont know too many dudes that will approach a women while she is in the wolf pack.
"if you don’t take it again you’re not worth my energy anyways."
How much energy are you exerting when you are being approached?
Another point that has to be addressed: the ability to purchase a drink without going bankrupt is not the issue. The point is a man wasting his time and money, and a woman who will use a man to get what she wants. I can afford to pay twenty dollars for a pair of socks. I can afford to take everyone in my office out to lunch. But why would I do that?
As Comeback stated, there are no guarantees. Everyone over the age of twenty has figured that one out. But just as a woman wants to weed out the undesirables, we men would like to do the same, without having to buy a drink to determine if she is a complete waste of our time.
I would never buy a drink for a woman who approached me, unless she bought me one first or we had a conversation of at least thirty minutes. If I approach her, I would never buy her a drink without at least five minutes of conversation to determine if she is crazy/has five kids/worships Satan/etc. This is not an indictment against women. This is something men have to do by necessity in this day and time to filter out the manipulating women trying to drink all night for free.
@Hugh: " If that was the case, you would see straight men buying other straight men drinks, just to “kick it in the club”."
…yeah again that happens down here…niggas just buy bottles and drinks for whoever is around. i think it's the heat…lol. but i was at applebees with a very funny suitor last summer, we were at the bar talking when he started conversing with this guy sitting next to us, he then ordered him a drink. this guy always did stuff like that. he was visiting me in orlando when my sister and husband came up the same weekend, we all went to chilis and he literally ordered about $40 in drinks for him and my brother in law and proceeded to pick up majority of the tab. now this was just a regular guy with a regular job…a good one. but its the norm down here to spread the wealth.
@Mikki – You think you have it bad? Try being a man from Detroit. A lot of dudes have went OT and been mad greasy with women. I've met women from the east coast to west coast that didnt have favorable opinions of us.
Humble: The energy that follows sweetheart…and trust me I exert plenty.
And yes if you were confident you would walk up and say, "excuse me ladies but can i steal your girl for a minute."….no chic in her right mind would turn down such a polite gesture and now you have her friends on your side. maaaan step your game up fellas…damn.
Hugh Jazz you are exactly right my brotha.
Humble I am so sorry lol
@Teacia-I think you're right. We like to be social and have a good time. We can't help ourselves. It is what it is.
@Hugh-I think you're right it does seem that women are trying to be more manipulative these days especially in the club.
"there are no guarantees"
Which is why Im still trying to figure out why so much expectation is put in a club. Where people can create their own realities. Joe Sample wrote this called "Street Life". "You let the people see just who you want to be…A 10 cent masquarade"." The club is the biggest houdini trick going.
why not open that experience up to other types of places.
@ Jaclynn – Guys are quick to say "“what ya man gotta do with me" and those are the men I avoid. They will be the main ones cheating on you if you later decide to get with them. Telling a man you have a man seems to be a challenge to them and hardly deters them from pursuing or insisting on buying a drink.
@ Teacia – I love our men in the South. Gentlemen through and through without a doubt.
@Teacia-Also, you are right saying Can I steal your girl would have her girls like damned who is that and wow he's fab
@Shelia-Don't I know it
I agree with Comeback…it is the club after all…that fact alone comes with preconceived notions that people put too much weight into.
I can't remember the last time I went to the club to meet a guy…the reality is that I like dancing, I like hanging out with my girls…and mostly I'm paying to hear the DJ spin records in a way that my body can react to rhythmicly.
…i'm just saying.
awwww mikki i thought you would have seen the youtube video already…you're a fellow detroiter, get on your game sweetheart! hahhahaa
Look up the video "it's so cold in the d" by T-Baby. Prepare to laugh and or cry
Yes, I do think the drinks for the whole table thing is way extreme. A guy is not supposed to buy drinks for a woman, his game should be enough to get a date without that.
With the wrong woman, yes, the game is a lose-lose for a man. He will incur all of the risk, and when she's done with him, get all of the bullspit.
But with the right WOMAN…the risk will be nothing, because it will pay off. I'd risk the WORLD to have a woman like Michelle O. by my side. Cotdamn that lady is the prototype lol.
LOL @ "No chick would turn down such a polite gesture."
It happens all the time. It's considered the "Impenetrable Circle of Trust" for a reason.
I agree Teacia, if you go to the club to get your shimmy shake on then no sweat, thats what a lotta females do anyways, and if thats the case, don't hold up a man trying to holla, or buy your drinks.
and don't get offended if when you say you have a man he snaps back or gets mad for wasting his time, just brush him off and keep shimmy and shakin since thats what you came there for anyways.
But anyways I need to move to the south so i can experience the southern hospitality at its best.
WHY SO can you put the link on here, i cant get the video it myself i got eyes on me!
@ The Comeback Girl – I'm trying to figure it out too. If you go to the club to pick up a woman (or man), you get what you get.
@whysoserious – There are plenty of women like Michelle O but men pass her by.
Cosign on Michelle Obama = Prototype.
The ladies of SBM seem to agree that men should expect nothing at a club. What do women expect to happen at a club?
Shelia preach girlfriend, Michelle's are everywhere but they usually get no love, because 1. they aren't giving up the va jay jay to just anybody and 2. they aren't walking around with booty huggers cutting off the circulation to the brain!
and can somebody please explain to me what the "Michelle prototype" is exactly?
I need to make sure we aren't confusing what is seen on tv with the real life Michelle, I mean people runnin round acting like they know the chick….
Mik and Shelia
I think it makes men feel better that they actually DON'T exist…like the mythical unicorn I talk about all the time. Without the fantasy you would have never had my little pony and mattel would be in Chapter 11 and 13 right now.
lol true comeback so true
@Teacia&Mikki-I love to go out and dance as well…especially after a long week. Then you don't really wanna be bothered.
@Antidater-I think you're right she is. I find Michelle Obama to be a great example of a black woman holding it all down and it is my prayer that I can do the same. Furthermore, at a club I don't expect anything because it's like the men there are strangers…do you expect random dude on the street to buy you lunch just because? No so you shouldn't expect all that foolishness from men.
@antidater – When I go to the club, I'm going for good music and to get my groove on – on the dance floor–nothing more–nothing less. Usually friends and I will meet up for happy hour and they might bring some of their friends and the next thing you know there's a party–sometimes numbers get exchanged–if it does, fine; if it don't, that's fine too because I'm there to just hang out and have a good time.
mikki
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aktLRiWXfqg
but yo, there's nothing like going into the impenetrable circle of women, seeing who you like most and using your ninja tricks to extract out of her group….
talk all of them up, create a little tension/competition, some *spark*, and have your pick. You've not only got the girl you want, you've got her friends on your side. Women like guys who are socially validated and buzz amongst their friends will work in a guy's favor. Plus, women rarely go out alone.
It takes balls, balls made of steel and brass and brawn. If I'm gonna get rejected, it better be cause I went for the foinest woman in the club…
wit da biggest booty – whyso.
ok hereswhat everyone seems tobe skipping…
you accepta drink from a dude who ishitting on you… you KNOW he is because your not 12 your 30.
this is wrong
but forget all that,….. why r u in the club and not home? how is everyone missing this part!?
Well, Ritz Carlton commands big bucks for going above and beyond your expectations. Women may not "expect" to get in free and drink free all night but getting those benefits for looking hot would make for a "delightful" evening. Thus, you may want the "dranks" even if you don't expect them.
can you imagine if guys like me treated women like women treat men?
I mean seriously.
why do black men seem to respect women more than black women seem to respect men?
of course taking your drink means nothing… shit… that appletini is ONLY $17.50!
I should use this as a reason to extort gifts out of women who like me….. to get a new pair of nikes from softer targets like Single mothers who would do anything to be nice to a guy… or to fat chicks, we all know fat chicks gotta buy drinks for guys and give us gifts! yeah lets start a movement that we will use ABW's like they use everyone else this year! Ill start the movement fellas, just folow up
@cuzzo: "You sound like a tool who just got a girl for the first time in his life (and ure tryna flaunt it in some way – like ha ha u cant have me). "
agreed. Who does that SBM. thats clearly not how u slip it in.. wacka wacka wacka wacka
and again I will say:
if you are going to buy a woman or anyone something for that matter you should do it because you want to not because you hope to receive something from it. I do things because I want to not because of obligation or to get something out of it. I think if people followed that rule instead of having hang ups about buying drinks and petty ish like that then there would be a lot less angry people in the world.
@HNIC: Don't forget that if you can't afford to drop $17.50 for the appletini for a chick you don't know and may never see again you are probably to broke to holla or even continue breathing.
(Did I just add fuel to the fire?)
Ok Why and Mik we need to have a video discussion…
does this video open with a man dead on the floor? Do yall remember the "self destruction" ?? Maybe they were tryna do a a nod to that video.
MIchelle obama is lightyears away from most of the sistas who now claim to praise and want to be like her….
hell you cant even respect your own man enough to keep you ass out of the club and in another nigas face….. you make me sick dont even mention my princeton queens name out of your mouth until you can have half the morals … much less pedigree that she has.
morals being the key part
Anti: you know what I love about the Ritz, that they say "my pleasure" everytime you tell them what you want. The valet guy was going to get my car, and as I handed him my stub he said my pleasure and ran to get the car, upon returning with my car and totally out of breath he held the door open huffing and puffing it was my pleasure…I LOVE IT!!!
…and that is why i'm getting married at the Ritz on Amelia Island which is a few miles outside of Jacksonville.
@antidater: "Women may not “expect” to get in free and drink free all night but getting those benefits for looking hot would make for a “delightful” evening. Thus, you may want the “dranks” even if you don’t expect them."
This isnt true! I go out because i wanna go out. If i dont wanna spend hella money at the club I will pregame with the girls. When i get to the club if I'm not on the prowl I will keep low key and buy my own drinks. THe men I accept drinks from are the ones I've been talking to at the bar or randomly in said establishment. i dont accept every drink but some men are pretty persistent.
I also agree with TEACIA. There are certain men who I adore who ( are my man or my interest at the time) when they are out awknowledge they are out and will come and cover the table for me and my girls. Buy a round for us or just treat us period. They dont do it to be flashy or showboat but if they are drinking with us, having a good time they wanna make sure we keep the party going.
im trippin off of this video..she's singin' "how the fu$k do we pose to keep peace" like its really saying something and like she's not cussin. Its not cute. But I guess she does get a "A" for effort.
what I dont understand is why men think that an effing (I said effing cause I dont know how yall feel about cursing on here)..why an effing 8 dollar damn drink is supposed to impress me any damn way…I can fart out 10 effing dollars …are you kidding me :|…seriously …like for real for real
you gon bitch and moan about 8 fucking dollars of a drink…if you trippin off spending 8 dollars of your rent money to be chivalrous in the club then you dont need to be tryin to date a woman…point blank
I know its not the "right" thing to say but if you can't even afford an 8 dollar drank..i dont want to date you no way..thats the way I look at it ..and NO I dont want no man to pay my bills..but I damn sure dont want him trippin off an 8 dollar loss..u better get out of here
most f you should worship Cindy Hensley McCain.
You want to be rich and you want to be beautiful and you just want a man with lots of power and money to keep you laced with gucci and in line.
oh and lets not forget … having not a shread of morals in you and stealing a husband from another woman.
the morals part is the key there.
her skin color may read "enemy" to you but her actions and accomplishments mirror your own.
o and fellas
if you can impress a girl by giving her an 8 dollar drink or two…then..she probably aint about nothing…so…run from those types
@ teacia..man..that stuff pisses me off….wtf you mean Im not as sick as you
bite me …
"I do things because I want to not because of obligation or to get something out of it. I think if people followed that rule instead of having hang ups about buying drinks and petty ish like that then there would be a lot less angry people in the world."
And Jolie gets the standing O!!!
…don't do something nice for us expecting us southern girls to get up and make you get grits, eggs, bacon and pancakes and then get pissy b/c we don't feel like doing it at that moment. do it because you want to, b/c making us happy is your top priority…and trust that you will get yours in return.
i never understood that about men. i give because i want to, i don't keep a running tab on my generosity and it won't ever be brought up unless you start to question it. and telling me that i should do something because you did something for me will only get your feelings hurt(my man is great so this does not apply to him 🙂 ).
Saying "my pleasure" sounds down right "servile". I can imagine saying that to my wife whom I love…not the chick that I just met at a club (I wouldn't be at one of those anyway – I do lounges and networking events).
what clubs are YOU in where a womans drink costs 8 dollars?
Sorry I dont linger around hood rat joints. if I was in a place like that and I decided to buy shanequa a drink she better feel blessed and keel over with her legs spread much less give me a number.
Im talkin about real women in a real establishment.
why am I as a black man buying any womans drink anyway?other than the latino female every other female race earns more money on average than we do!!!!!! sistas need to buy us drinks.. we carried yall for 500 years can we get some love now that your on top of the mountain?
lol @ why so, im totally lost on the video, but I bet my ass will be walking around singin it lol….
shame shame
comeback I don't think the man on the floor was dead I think he was just sleep aka homeless or something.
@true2me: So…lemme get this straight. Guys should buy women drinks expecting nothing in return AND when they do it doesn't really matter because $8 (or $18) is nothing.
It's hard for a brother to have TONS of respect and say "my pleasure" you when you don't value him, his time, or his money…
@Conspiracy: sorry i missed the earlier comment, my energy was just redirected to it. so here's the reality, we as a WHOLE don't appreciate your asses much these days…i say you should take it as a sign that the tides are changing. we acknowledge our shortcomings and want to BEGIN to make it right, we can only do that one day at a time, but it starts with ONE day. i'm hoping that one little measly day will begin a process that will invoke a generational shift back to the way it should be.
…now you can either take the gesture that we are on the right track and appreciate that we are woman enough to identify our shortcomings and attempt to adjust them OR we can just continue to say "f*ck you we got this" and keep it moving. your choice.
my vote is for the proceeding thought…what say you mister?
why should the value us? they are our superiors now antidater.
we should not get mad when the sista we date is in the club
buy them drinks because they are fly…. expect nothing in return… but worship her because she is a queen.
HNIC
IM JUST AVERAGING THE COST OF DRANKS…..8 DOLLARS IS ABOUT AVERAGE
IN DC…I THINK A VODKA AND CRANBERRY IS ABOUT 9…SPECIALTY DRINKS ARE 12 AT LOVE THE CLUB (ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR IN THE CITY AND VERY CLASSY MINUS THE ASSHOLES AND HOODRATS)
AND DONT BUY DRANKS THEN….BUT YOU COME OFF AS STINGY AND LAZY TO ME PERSONALLY AND NOT AT LEAST OFFERING ME A DRINK IS A DEALBREAKER
AND WHERE ARE YOU GETTIN YOUR STATICSTICS ABOUT INCOME 😐
FURTHER..WE CARRIED YALL BITCHASSEDED GETTING WHEN YALL SICK OR GET A PAPER CUT ASSES THROUGH THE YEARS WHILE YALL COULDN'T KEEP YALL SALAMIS TO YOURSELVES…SO BUYING DRINKS ISN'T EVEN THE HALF..EL CHEAPO….LOL!!!!!
BUT..U AREN'T TRYING TO DATE ME SOOOO…WHO CARES..LOL
AND CAN YOU ELABORATE ON WHAT IS A "REAL ESTABLISHMENT"..I MEAN AT THESE "REAL ESTABLISHMENTS" DO THEY SCREEN FOR "HOODRATS, HOOTCHIES, GANGSTAS AND HOODS" ???
I dunno but for some odd reason I take "the buying a drink" very seriously maybe I am just outta touch or it just doesnt happen so often that I still get a shock when it does.
Whether its 8 dollars 10 or 20, the drink is sayin "hey im interested". It doesn't always mean I wanna sleep with you im guessing/praying. I find it sweet that a man will buy me a drink hell, but I get offended when woman are acting like a man "Should" and when dudes get upset the first thing a female will say is fuck u and your damn drink.
If you don't want the dudes tryin to holla don't accept the drink or whatever you need to do.
and this whole thing about a man being cheap, i will say I can't be mad at him for being upset about his 8 bucks, he works just like i do im sure he could do something else with his 8 or 10 dollars than to spend it on the notion that you are gonna play him and he gets nothing in return. Again thats the risk you take. But I wouldn't go calling him cheap or wack.
"most f you should worship Cindy Hensley McCain."
a republican sugar momma…i bet you WOULD like her.
Wow…a lot going on here.
@Teacia-A toast to Ritz's everywhere.
@Jolie-Absolutely.
@Antidater-Lol…you're right it does sound that way and it should be reserved for women whom you truly care about.
I will say someone took me out to dinner and spent $18 on a Slow and Comfortable and then spent $10 on a cucumber martini that I didn't even drink….Now I was sitting there thinking.."this guy is being awful nice to me" and I offered to cook him dinner. It was great. From then on out…I don't think I ever wanted for anything…I don't think either one of us kept a tab on anything but for me it's nice having someone to do nice things for. That's my thing…I just wanna see your face light up, whether it's dinner or a new shirt.
Ummmm Anti sweetheart it is servile, he was the "help"…and I'm talking about the Ritz, not the real world. No man should be so spineless as to where their only response is "my pleasure" to anyone, including their wife.
@Comeback-ROTLMAO…hehe and to boot..she's also a former drug addict whose had a few strokes.
ANTIDATER
WHEN YOU OFFER A WOMAN A DRINK U TAKE THE CHANCE…IF SHE AINT ASK YOU TO BUY THE DRINK..HELL NO U SHOULDNT EXPECT NOTHING..NOT A DANCE NOTHING
*takes off all caps..sorry I was in the middle of working and was too lazy to take it off and retype*
anyway…..
naw..u shouldn't expect nothing..any woman with high self esteem can't be bought for not 8 or 18 dollar any damn way
i can't count how many times some loser thinks he's about to impress me by offering to buy a drink I can probably get the bartender to give me for free (cause I used to club so much I know them) and I take the drink, say thanks and walk the fuck away
im just not that easy..sorry ..i wish other women wouldn't sell themselves so short either…
If Im geeked up about a 8 to 18 dollar drink…then im too broke to date my damn self….lol
why dont we just all buy our own dranks and stfu!!!
LOL!!!
lmao @true2me 5^^ I agree that is the best way lol
lol @ teacia
mikki I feel you
If he needs his 8 dollars..then he shouldn't "waste" it on something that may not happen..he shouldnt offer to buy it and he should expect that he may get rejected all night cause he can't "afford" to chat it up with certain women …and I really dont think he should believe his 8 dollars is goin to buy him some ass or a phone number anyway..thats real assholish to think that…ilk …and just gross…lol *or 18*
@true-lol
@Teacia: "I say you should take it as a sign that the tides are changing…what say you mister?"
I say "Turn Baby Turn!" The problem is that times are a changin…but women they are not (in some ways).
Call me paranoid…I just think women are smart and taking advantage of old benefits. Opening doors and buying dranks sounds very 1950ish. I can't meet a sista in 2008 if she kickin it like it's 1958.
hnic….what do you mean you not 12 you 30
huh???
True2me you are right just don't waste the money and find a better mack game.
and conspiracy your right its 2008 just buy your own damn drank shat!
can we get a poll from the men
why do yall by drinks???
i like the old fashioned ways…except the part where women have to be prudes
@Teacia
"And yes if you were confident you would walk up and say, “excuse me ladies but can i steal your girl for a minute.”….no chic in her right mind would turn down such a polite gesture and now you have her friends on your side. maaaan step your game up fellas…damn."
Do you really think this will work in Detroit? I doubt it.
@Antidater
"LOL @ “No chick would turn down such a polite gesture.”
It happens all the time. It’s considered the “Impenetrable Circle of Trust” for a reason."
Right. It must be a totally different world in the south . That circle is like the pioneer wagons and indians.
mikki we know the answer to that..they buy dranks cause they trying to get us drunk enough to take us home
so two 8 to 18 dollar drinks = pussy for less than 40 dollars
whooo hooo thats the jackpot
one 8 dollar drank = impressing some girl with low standards *not always* = pussy for cheap….whoo hooo
lol
and THATS why i dont let a man buy a drank impress me….oh..by the way..other men have told me this
lol…so YOUR SECRET IS OUT..LOL!!!
@true2me: I agree … Buy your own damn drink and we'll both be happy.
I can't stand some of the bullsh*t I hear when it comes to buying drinks. Your time aint worth more than mine, its not the f*ckin money either. Next time a chic asks me for a drink or hints at it I'm gonna throw the $8 in her face and say "here" and then watch her pick it up.
Its not the money, its the fact you think your worth more than me and so deserving.
Mikki said it best when she said she appreciates the gesture. She's not dropping to her knees to polish him off at the bar, but she recognizes that its a real gesture and says "I'm interested".
Damn … Got me worked up and getting in touch with my old self …
can we talk about men and good smellin Cologne? This dude just walked past me and i got a whiff of something that made me want to do some bad thangs to him
Conspiracy what part of the country do you reside in? You guys up north all sound like post modern philosophers…just so damn pessimistic. You can't be in the south hooping and hollering like this.
…now with that having been said, i think your right…except the women are changing as well, and this is where the problem lies. we want men to stay the same and hold on to traditional values, while we set out to conquer the world only thinking about self.
again i say this is a regional thing b/c there aren't very many major metro cities in the south, so our goals and ambitions are a little different(for the most part), slower, softer, more emotional and less financial.
@Mikki – You are on point with your post #134.
"i like the old fashioned ways…except the part where women have to be prudes."
True@me: this is what the fellas are talking about, you can't be old fashioned and new millenium at the same time…you gotta choose. it just doesn't work both ways.
Men's Poll: Why do you buy women drinks?
A) I am a Simp.
B) She looks like Beyonce.
C) I wanna hit.
D) I wanna holla.
E) Eff that!! I don't buy drinks!
– – – – – – –
I''l take E.
@SBM – Thats is exactly how I feel. Your time is not worth more than mine. If this is how you want to play it cool. In that case a dude should get a receipt with a 20minute return policy. And that still is a problem because that is mild tricking and I don't trick.
"Next time a chic asks me for a drink or hints at it I’m gonna throw the $8 in her face and say “here” and then watch her pick it up."
Wow SBM…really…it can't be that serious.
Man am I glad that I don't drink if niggas gonna be acting all ignant and sh*t(remember astericks are our friends:shout out to VSB moderation)…lol.
No it absolutely doesn't. You can't sit around and be like…please put me on a pedestal and treat me like the paragon of virtue while I go out and conquer the damned world.
And SBM-I wish somebody would throw $8 in my face. I would just say well I'm glad he likes throwing his money in the air and walk off…lol…that would make my night
And Mikki-there's nothing like a good smelling man…whether it's his natural scent or Acqua Di Gio or Obsession just anything. Ohhh before I have to fan myself. LOL
"Without the fantasy you would have never had my little pony and mattel would be in Chapter 11 and 13 right now."
LOL The Comeback Girl
"why dont we just all buy our own dranks and stfu!!!"
@true2me – that would solve the issue.
"can we talk about men and good smellin Cologne?"
@Mikki – Girl, I still remember when I first got a whiff of Polo Sport (years ago). My friends and I were sitting at the bar and this white guy and his girlfriend walked near us and that man's scent was intoxicating. I had to ask what he was wearing so I could get my boyfriend at the tiime a bottle.
@Antidater – I'll take E) please.
@Jaclynn: Amen! May the hearers AND doers of the word be Blessed!
Humble I say yes…test it out this weekend and report back to us.
Anti sweetie come on back home down south…we miss you down here, they're tainting your soul up there…lol.
Oh lawd, not the trick argument…lol, I thought we just used that to describe athletes and wealthy professional down here who are ALWAYS paying for a chic's time and attention. Tricking is definitely reserved for mass quantities of money being spent on a chic that's not your girl…like rent and sh*t. If you paying my bills(but i'm doing me) then you a trick, if you buy me a pair of shoes then it's just a kind gesture. Man I love the south…lol.
SBM: THATS A TAD BIT DISRESPECTFUL. AND YOU GET HYPED UP OVER UH .. NOTHING
JACLYNN: i LOVE CUMCUMBER MARTINI'S! They make them in DC at the Ritz Carlton at the LA Sports Club connected to it. They sometimes have happy hours .. yummm! Maybe I need to go by there today and uh .. BUY MY OWN DAMN DRINKs .. unless a man with a nice suit and a french cuff shirt offers to buy my second..
Oh how I love french cuff shirts and nice cuff links.. MELT!
I guess a nice for word for trick would be "sponsor"…*sighing*
"…meeeeemories, like the corners of my mind…light and water colored meeemories of the way we were."
Man why the hell did someone just mess up my whiff of cologne with some damn microwaved fish!!
people suck!
I couldnt even fantasize for 5 damn minutes without somebody messin up. See more reasons why i need to be self employed
"I’m gonna throw the $8 in her face and say “here” and then watch her pick it up."
tell em why you mad son!!! this sounds hella angry. I wish a man WOULD. It stay right there until some pressed girl picked it up.
@Jaclynn
" No it absolutely doesn’t. You can’t sit around and be like…please put me on a pedestal and treat me like the paragon of virtue while I go out and conquer the damned world."
You need to do the knowledge with women. Some of them dont understand this.
@ SBM – everybody's time is valuable and unless the guy is the one signing my payroll check, then he can't pay ENOUGH for my time. Whatever a person does–if you're doing it to get something in return–you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
It's foolish to throw away money with the economy being the way that it is.
@ Antidater – E sounds good. More men should save their money and they would be less frustrated (maybe).
Wow…Humble and Anti-I am going to buy you both a drink. No scratch that I am going to take you both out and the whole night is on me.
@Humble-I will start class on Tuesday @ 8am lol
@Mikki-Cause that's how it works…work sucks.
@Teacia-Dont' get too sentimental.
@Anti: Give me a capital E!
Well, throwing the money still might count.
@Jaclynn: Not in the air .. All ones thrown directly in the face. But I wouldn't do that to you … Your a sweetheart.
@Teacia – In Detroit we use the word sponsor. It holds the same weight as tricking.
I will be visiting my hometown in the Sunshine state soon. If I meet a Southern lady down there I just might not come back to DC. jk lol.
"…tell em why you mad son!!! "
HA HA HA HA…OK, he does sound a bit uhhhh regressed(read: soft p*ssified h*e tricking b*tch *ss nigga pinned up anger).
welp its official everybody buy your own dranks ok?
Now Shelia I disagree, everybody does something for a "Reason" I work so I can get a pay check, I wash my ass so I can smell good and be clean, I date because eventually I want to find my husband.
someone actually said that to me and i almost slapped his ass "your talking to me for the wrong reasons" nigga I don't need 50 million friends on my myspace i just need one boo and if your not trying to be that keep it freakin moving pulezz so the right man will find me.
Anti just make sure you stay out of Carol City…that it unless you're coming down to Tally for homecoming.
Famu-famu-fam-gotdam-u alright alright alright.
….Belle you should come to, we can make a rattler weekend of it!!!
everybody has some variation of Quid pro quo, its just the way of the world.
the club is not the place for a man to be just "Giving" without nothing in return im sorry thats just silly
As rule everyone should know NOTHING RESULTS FROM THE CLUB. If you're in the club looking for your soul mate in the club, I'm sorry but you're nuts. Its a place to have fun and nothing else. Are we seriously saying that there are rules for etiquette in the club of all places? Men should treat their money like women treat their kitty, don't go around giving it to everyone. If you do and you find out the person didn't deserve it, well that's on you.
AMEN Miki!
True2me: "what I dont understand is why men think…an effing 8 dollar damn drink is supposed to impress me any damn way…I can fart out 10 effing dollars …are you kidding me"
I think you’re missing the point. The issue isn’t the monetary amount spent, it is the appreciation of the gesture. Why would I spend a nickel on a woman who doesn’t give two squirts of p!ss about me? I’d much rather use that eight dollars and take a homeless person to KFC so he can eat a decent meal. The homeless person would even have the decency to say, “thank you.”
Buying drinks for a woman who doesn’t care that you’re alive just because you can afford it makes about as much sense as “making it rain” in the strip club just because you can afford it.
dang…a girl goes to lunch and misses ALOT…*Sigh* i don't have time to catch up
@HNIC: um…McCain's wife is actually the breadwinner in the family sweetie
@SBM: you're really hyped up about this drink situation. I think there's something wrong with any woman asking a dude to buy her a drink…it's just impolite in my opinion, but I'm drowning in southern ideals of charm and manners so…As for dudes that offer to buy me a drink (which I usually turn down but then he insists) he still shouldn't expect a damn thing from me…I didn't ask you to buy it. I've VERY seldom given my number out in the club whether you buy me a drink or not and luckily it has been my experience that none of the men who bought me drinks were all up in arms when I turned them down, sweetly. They enjoyed the conversation, had a good time dancing, and for a few minutes got to be in the company of a real nice girl…i guess they figure it was worth it.
The rest I haven't read so…i'm going to sit back and spectate for a while.
oh and @whoever brought up the "it's so cold in the D" song…MAN my homeboy sent that youtube video to me last week…it is by far THE FUNNIEST SHYT I'VE SEEN this year!!!
What if I happened to grow up * near Carol City? What of it?
HEY! Don't you be talking 'bout my beloved Alma Mater!
What you know about the Marching 100!?!? The Great Band Ever. Period.
oh and i have to say…it's nice to have more men on here….thanks fellas!
Men’s Poll: Why do you buy women drinks?
A) I am a Simp.
B) She looks like Beyonce.
C) I wanna hit.
D) I wanna holla.
E) Eff that!! I don’t buy drinks!
Antidater, I’ll take D, and that is only after having a conversation to see if her head is on straight and that she reciprocates my interest.
Ok, I've calmed a little. I'm in the doctors office and they go me waiting like their doing me some favor and like I don't need to get back to my office. Some lady just left after waiting 2.5 hours.
But really, this one sided give me the world and u might get a little something if I feel like it mentality if f*cking sickening. Almost every guy on here has agreed and its reminding me of why I was once angry.
So, I will continue to be the nice gentleman that I am and let my special someone know she is appreciated … But if I catch one of these golddigging, buy me a drink, massage my feet (you believe some b*tch in the club actually asked me that while sitting) type of females … I'm throwing money directly in her face and telling her "there … I paid … Enjoy the drink" and then walk away.
But I do love me a good woman something serious!
@Antidater: wait…was somebody talking ish about FAMU?!?!?! I need to scroll up and read through these comments…DON'T TALK BOUT MY SCHOOL!!!! lol
alright let me try this again
men going to the club and buying drinks = to get possible ass/ or a number to atleast get ass at a later date ( date currently unknown) but hopefully soon.
women goes to club = to dance and hang with the girls and to get drinks paid for because they think money should be spent on them because we spent all night trying to look fly and we don't have enough to buy our own drink cuz it was spent on the hair n nails.
after this im done. for Goodness sakes ladies its a freaking club! u know why the hell men are in there so stop playing like u are Mr BEAN ON PBS!!!
SHAT!
Bree, naw I told that negro to come on down for homecoming…he can't read…must be that freedom air that got up there in DC…lol.
And Anti if you grew up near Carol City, I know for sho you won't be looking for chics there…you can call it hatin'…I call it reality…lol.
Awww sh*t! Don't tell me we got some Rattlers up in here on SBM!
@SBM: "massage my feet"? hahahahaah!!! she couldn't think of shyt else to say and thought that shyt was cute…don't let the bad apples spoil the bunch suga plum.
What the heck is a rattler
Oooooh negro you slow. Yes there are a few lovely ladies of Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University, 1997 Princeton Review College of the Year, under the direction and guidance of one Dr. Frederick S. Humphries…lol.
Yeah I bleeeeed orange and green up here in this piece!!!! And of course so does Bree, especially since she is a local…lol. (j/k)
""Now Shelia I disagree, everybody does something for a "Reason""
@Mikki. Of course people do things for a reason but some things you do, you shouldn't expect anything in return. Do it because you want to do it and leave it at that.
If you're going to play the slots, you're going to win some or lose some. Shake it off and keep it moving.
This whole buying drinks in a club thing isn't really that serious. If you're passionate about not doing it or unsure of who the woman is – I would tell the guys on here like I would my guy friends – don't do it. Keep your money in your pocket.
@Teacia: I am telling you that I went to FAMU. I haven't been to Homecoming in a minute, though. I may fall through this year…
Btw, I didn't grow up "in" Carol City and I although I don't think I will be picking Ms. Anti from there…the rib shack on 27th Ave used to have the best chicken & collard greens dinner in the area. Mmmm! Too bad they closed it down.
@SBM-Thanks doll..you can come out for drinks too!
Wow…I wanna home to homecoming Teacia! My school didn't have a damned football team.
Mikki it's our college mascot.
"When the dark clouds gather over the horizon….rattlers will strike and strike and strike again"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWMVhCGIDjM
yeah boy…this that sh*t!!
oooooooooooooh ok
thanks!!
carry on
@Antidater – FAMU was one of the few schools that could give the SU marching band competition back when I was in school…so I give y'all props.
am I the only girl that is 100% okay with buying my own drinks at the bar?
and if you think black women are mean at the bar you haven't run into me at the bar… :o)
Wow Teacia! I was about to start spitting the Doc Humphries cheer myself! You beat me to it!
"am I the only girl that is 100% okay with buying my own drinks at the bar?"
@QB – You're not the only one. To me it's not that serious.
Yeah man, when he went into this spill during halftime you couldn't help but get hyped up…it's a shame they pushed him out of office…yeah he was a drunk and his wife was a crackhead but they held the school together so well. *sighing*
Provost James only drove it into the ground, people started embezzling money, we lost our accreditation for a minute…man, well it's good to know they're on the up and up again.
…and in the past 11 years I only missed one homecoming, and that was because i was popped bellied. But I will be there this year as scheduled, with my homegirls in tow. Thank god i still have friends who live there, b/c the r*pe u with those hotel prices.
@ Shelia: GTFOH WTBS!! Southern's overblowing style. The year that those Jaguar hooligans tore down our goal posts, the marching 100 whipped A$$ in an after-game Battle of the Bands. I don't wanna hear it. Btw, has the SU marching band played in the Superbowl, the Grammy's and the French BiCentennial celebration?
@QB – I don't have a problem…men just always did it.
"Btw, has the SU marching band played in the Superbowl, the Grammy’s and the French BiCentennial celebration?"
…preach my brother Anti…oooooh I love me some rattler pride.
*sidenote* let me get my @ss back to work, i've been lalligagging all day, caught up last night and i don't know how to act today…lol.
There will be NO RATTLER PRIDE HERE!
Can't stand ya'll FAMU mofos. Almost as bad as them gotdamn Bisons.
I swear this doctor got me bout ready to walk outside and just choke somebody.
Ummm yeah. Gotta keep ppl in Tally. It's not like flights to Tallahassee Airport (through Atlanta) are cheap either.
lmao Teacia u aint lyin my boss left for the day and I aint doing shat!!
and today i just like sayin shat for some reason.
"The year that those Jaguar hooligans tore down our goal posts, the marching 100 whipped A$$ in an after-game Battle of the Bands. I don't wanna hear it. Btw, has the SU marching band played in the Superbowl, the Grammy's and the French BiCentennial celebration?"
@Antidater – I'll have to ask my boy Tre about that because he went to FAMU and still goes to most of the games and of course we have those SU/FAMU marching band debates at least once a month. LOL…I don't keep up with SU like that (been almost 18 years since I graduated from college) but I do know they are also world travellers so I'll have to get another one of my boys to give me the stats since he was part of the Human Beatbox…lol
Good times though–I went to the football games only for HALF-TIME. Those were the days.
Mikki: Lol…shat actually is funny as hell…cause i hear it being said…lmao.
Anti: fly to jax and then drive over and ride over with a friend in jax…everyone has at least ONE friend who lives in jax from famu. i know like 20 folks who went to Fam who currently reside in Jax…and that's just off the top of my head. You can get a flight from DC to Jax for $72 each way 2 weeks in advance on Delta…lol.
…i'm just saying.
SBM don't hate b/c you didn't go to FAMU…not everyone has bestowed that honor…lol.
@Shelia: I still have love for you…even if you attended or hold admiration for Southern.
@SBM: Don't hate. lol. Maybe we should use this blog to fix the health care system? We could build a model to reduce the average expected waiting time and the queue in every doctor's office?
Oh and sbm I responded to that email that was forwarded to me, thanks but i hope i didn't scare them away with my response.
I wrote about on my blog too incase anybody else wants to know.
http://www.anitrasplace.net
i was trying really hard to be nice, and im 100% I can't write blogs about the issue without being to bias and some how offending folks. So I am gonna try another way to get my point across, hopefully the new way works out.
@SBM: I would be slightly disappointed in that scenario…but not enough to think he was inconsiderate for not saying something sooner, nor enough to say he had tricked me into wasting my time. I would probably think something along these lines of: “i should’ve guessed he had a girl, he’s just such a catch” and “well, that just confirms the good ones still exist” and “well, it was at least an enjoyable conversation”. it’s not serious enough to blow the rest of your evening.
Sheila this Tre you speak of when he attend FAMU?
I just had a bison wrap (no..that that strange meat from howard..but actual bison)
very tasty..but I think its making my mouth itch
oh..and GO BISONS (i went to howard for like 57 years…lol)
Teacia I know, I recall a good friend in particular saying it and I laugh every time.
Infact I think I should call him just so i can laugh some more.
is having a bridge card the new "in thing" for college kids cuz i swear my roommate made it seem like they get passed out like candy.
I think im getting college fever….everyone please pray it passes….
@QB: i'm perfectly fine to buy my own drinks…that's why i work, so i can buy myself things.
@Teacia: no need to lol or j/k…i'm proud to be from Tallahassee, it did a good job of breeding the wonderful creation that is me (as i toot my own horn)…I come from a long tradition of rattler pride, though I am the first generation college student, FAMU has employed generations of my family…my grandfather followed FAMU's football team everywhere they went, my grandmother was a janitor there (a damn good one)…and still today, they are signing the checks of my mother and brother…and hopefully if Dr. Ammons keeps it up, the school will rise to its great state again and I'll allow my daughter to experience a balance of the great education and the 4-7 year party that me and my friends got! LOL
@SBM: don't be hatin on us rattlers cuz u stuck in the Dr. Office, now had you gone to visit an alum of FAMU, you'd be in and out by now…hahaha!
@Antidater: i'm still mourning the loss of Airtran…I mean, flights from Tally to Atlanta used to be $50 each way, now I have to drive home for 4 hours each way and spend quadruple that on gas to go home…*SIGH*
Mikki my coworker who is SUPER lazy says it all the time…i've been knowing him since middle school…he's also a rattler…whooo hooo.
…but i love it when he calls down here and he's like yeah u know i ain't doing shaaat…lol. i think i'll call him also…lol.
yeah..the site has got me on the lazy tip today too…i've probably billed 1 hour worth of work today…lawd jeesus…it's only my third week! ya'll some bad influences.
@Antidater – lol…gots love 4 u 2. I give respect where its due and FAMU got my respect.
@Teacia – Tre was there I think from around '88 to 92 or 93.
@true2me: Your a Bison? Well that explains a whole lot.
LOL.
Teacia let a gay dude say it, and its more like shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddd
lol
@ My Rattlers: Yall need to stop. We know how to multi-task. Calling your department to hold a spot for you in that "must have" class while waiting in that long @$$ financial aid line that almost went out the front door of Foote-Hilyer! Ahhhh! The good ol' days!
Sheila…nope don't know him…we had a few Tre's there during my time as well(shout out to Bree).
@Antidater: were you in SBI? "We could build a model to reduce the average expected waiting time and the queue in every doctor’s office?" this sounds like some Quantitative Methods of Business right chere! LOL
@teacia…why u gotta put me on blast? lmao…i was about to tell you it's not that Tre, he doesn't go to Famu's games, he coaches football himself so…
Any other HBCU Alumni? So far we have Antidater, Teacia, Breelicious and am I missing anybody?
There's a site (sort of like myspace) that one of my friends told me about for HBCU and I've actually reconnected with some SU classmates I hadn't seen or talked to in awhile.
Here's the link for the one for FAMU: http://www.rattlerroundup.com/
Anti: yesiree…good ol Foote Hilyer…had to go down there to pay for an old parking ticket a few months back, those mofo's wouldn't release my transcripts until they got their $60…geesh.
Ummm…so I went to a small white school for college…damned should have gone somewhere with a bunch of black folks 🙁
Um SBM… A lot of my friends went to HOWARD and I'm there for GRAD SCHOOL .. my fifty eleventh degree.. SO UH!!!!!!!!!! shaka shaka shake d's nuTS! HU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and FeFe went to HU… FEFE … SBM is talking some of the ish! ………………
(gchats all bisons)……
I wasn't in SBI (except for this one Investments class I took). I was pulling all nighters at the E-school (Engineering School).
I think folks in SBI were too busy going to forum and socializing for that sort of heavy-lifting (JK).
Uhhh Sheila yeah, I was member #168 on that bad boy when it started back on Jan. 30th…lol…we got this.
Oh and Sheila you forgot about Belle, she's also a rattler.
And Bree I see that negro there with Morris and Sterling ALL the time…well that's homecoming…so i guess it's a little different.
SU or any other HBCU band has nothing on us….THE MARCHING 100 ARE THE ORIGINATORS, that's surround sound baby!!!
@Jaclynn – up until college I went to school with predominately white kids and although I could have gone to any college, I decided to go to an HBCU for several reasons–I wanted to go to a predominately black school and because SU has a good engineering program and law school.
SBM…I WENT TO HOWARD..BUT I DIDN'T GET THE FULL HOWARD EXPERIENCE..I COMMUTED AND WORKED..SO I REALLY DIDNT FEEL LIKE A COLLEGE STUDENT ONLY WHEN I WENT TO CLASS
BUT STILL IM PROUD
AND HEYY….WHATS THATS SUPPOSED TO MEAN.."NO WONDER"
SERIOUSLY ???!??? 🙁
Parking tickets!? "If" I had any parking tickets near the time of graduation I cannot confirm (nor deny) how they magically disappeared prior to graduation. This disputed amount was nominal .
@Shelia-It's been like that my whole life…so for awhile I didn't get my black identity…now that I found her…she ain't going nowhere.
@Antidater: boy E-school students are such nerds and always want to think they're the only ones doing work in school. Hey, don't be mad at us cuz they taught us how to juggle numerous projects, meetings, AND a life…see that's why the say engineers have no personality! LMAO…seriously, I originally planned to go to E-school but decided to do Finance instead…it's all FAMU love.
@Teacia: yeah, homecoming would be different…his Pop Warner boys play on Saturdays so I can't see running to Tally all the time. why did u have to bring him up anywayz DANG…i may have to make a trip to Tampa…i mean, it IS a long weekend…..
@Shelia: You're an engineer, too! Awww sooky sooky now!!
Man I was SBI first semester and said hell to the naw…had to change my major…eventually became a slacker and settled on Crim Justice…hence me needing another degree for my Pub Admin master's program…I got like 179 credit hours, a Crim Just degree that ain't doing sh*t for me forcing me to go back to school and rack up more credit hours, 54 in total towards another bachelors and a masters and i'm never going back to school…NOT NEVA!!!
…that is unless I pursue a Ph.D. which I highly doubt.
Oh and I'm at a predominantly white school now and man ol man what a difference.
@Antidater – Yes indeed… Electronics (EET)…even was a member of Tau Alpha Pi Honor Society (I found my pin the other day buried down at the bottom of my jewelry box).
@ Teacia: Yeah. I went to grad school at a PWI (predominately white institution) myself. The experience kind of sucked…I did learn a lot (maybe because you learn more in grad school than you do in undergrad) but I think that attending a PWIs can be highly overrated (unless you absolutely have to go there because they are the only folks who have your program of interest…oh…and $$$)
@Teacia-LOL….
@Anti-EH I hope so…I'm considering an MBA AND I'm thinking about doing that with law school and I freaking hope I learn more because for 150K I don't feel I've learned crap.
Bree…scratch that itch girl…u know that celibacy sh*t is overrated anyways. And I didn't bring him up Sheila inadvertantly did…lol.
…ok, well it's about quitting time for me folks. good to know i managed to do all of my work and chat on here most of the day…must be those orange and green milti-tasking skills instilled in me.
Mikki: my homeboy just called from upstairs…girl he just said, " you know i ain't up here doing shaaat gul." LMAO!! LOVE IT!!
Man it's about that time for me to pick up the kid from school…a privilege that I thoroughly enjoy.
If I went to a FAM alum for my medical needs I'd be fearful of my life.
Him:"What's that there?"
Me:"Its a scrotum"
Him:"I know, but what's in there."
Me:"Nuts"
Him:"Almonds or Peanuts?"
Me:"U went to FAM, right?"
Him:"Wow. Are you psychic"
Me:"NURSE!"
Oooooo Sweet Jesus! ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS! GOOD LAWD WOMAN! Man! That's a lot of money for an edumacation!
Jaclynn: Hell to the NAW!!!
SBM: you know ur a fool right…lol. HATER!!!
Anti: it's just the first week of classes and i've already learned hella sh*t from the syllabus alone…this isn't going to be as easy as i thought…no cake walks this time around.
@SBM: No worries. FAMU's medical program was "stolen" by a near-by PWI. The Foote-Hilyer Administration building used to be a 100 bed hospital for the old Medical program. We do have an EXCELLENT Pharmacy program.
Guys calm down $150k is nothing when u pulling 6 figures right J?? Please say right!!!!
I MISS THE ORANGE ROOM & SOUL TRAIN!!!
As a PWI grad and growing up in a super black area all my life, going to a PWI with a healthy black population is the best. It prepared me for the real world.
In addition, when I left I could actually read and do math.
LMAO.
I swear … I'm gonna stop.
@Mikki: Give me a GED and let me keep my $150k in my pocket. We are paying more and more for an education these days while cost of living is on the rise and salaries are either flat or declining.
@SBM: hahahaah! u are stoooopid!!! too funny!
@Teacia: wait…i'm celibate?
also @Teacia: yeah, you should decide in your first year or so if you want to be in SBI…I slugged my way through slowly but surely and now that i'm putting my degree to use, it all makes sense.
@Antidater: cosign on the pharmacy program!!! and btw, all of my friends that went to FAMU's law school passed their respective state bar exams on the first try! Another school that was "stolen" by the very same PWI…we got that one back though…along with the Engineering school you were so fond of…they're still trying to steal that one.
lmao Anti I know I was being sarcastic, I would pray anyone that goes 150k in student loan debt is a doctor or well paid engineer of some sort, hell any job that pays over 100k to start will do!
but 150?? I don't even own a house thats 150 lol, damn thats a lotta money.
I think my college fever just went away, thank you Jaclynn
@ SBM: LOL @ Real World. Do you mean that show on MTv?
The Real World is what you make it. Perception is reality. I know that giving to my alma mater is about more than a school, it's about my people. I didn't merely attend a college but rather I had an experience wherein I was inspired, educated, and uplifted for four years and then released into the "Real World" to do great things.
But you're right about reading and math – some of those (athletes in Division I schools) folks just leave college and still can't add 2+2…damn shame!
Man isn't FSU the worst…yeah I figured I'd out their asses since you guys were side stepping it…lol.
Yeah they decided to share the Engineering School with us…how gracious of them. FSU/FAMU Engineering School…why the hell does their name get to go first.
And we have an EXCELLENT nursing program, the best in the state…which my aunt is the Dean of…shout out to Dean Lewis. Shout out to the law school in the O'…almost gave in to the urge while I was living in Orlando…but thankfully I digressed.
Yeah keep your money, it's not worth it anymore, state colleges are the way to go, they're inexpensive and your earning potentional to debt ratio is better…but that's just my opinion.
Peace out folks!!
…what was the topic about again….hmmm…oh yeah niggas ain't sh*t but hos and tricks…lol.
@Teacia: See, them PWIs don't play!
Really, I love the "theory" of HBCUs, but damned if the implementation doesn't get a little f*cked.
And I'm not an advocate of just any ol PWI. UMD (my alma mater) had a huge diversity initiative, a healthy percentage and number of black folks, and was highly ranked with good programs.
And I hate to say it to fellow engineers, but too many HBCUs just slum at tech and sciences. How do you get a Computer Science degree without programming a 50 hour project and staying up all night. *sigh* …
I just heard a parent talking about they kid wanted to go to a private school that cost 60k for a degree in music, I wish a mutha fugga would tell me they bout to spend 60k on music, matter fact let me get you a karaoke machine, a cam corder and you can sing, dance and produce whatever you want on youtube, for 50 bucks and say we went to college for it. Ok?
" I didn't merely attend a college but rather I had an experience wherein I was inspired, educated, and uplifted for four years and then released into the "Real World" to do great things. "
@Antidater – I'm teary-eyed over here…I couldn't have said it better myself.
"lmao Anti I know I was being sarcastic, I would pray anyone that goes 150k in student loan debt is a doctor or well paid engineer of some sort, hell any job that pays over 100k to start will do!"
I think thats pretty standard for most med schools. even some MA/Ph.D programs could get you there, but I would be hustling like a pimp to clean that slate.
Colleges with expensive-@$$ tuition should give all graduates who pay over $100k (especially in loans) a friggin money tree and little beans that grow to the sky and help them retrieve golden goose eggs.
lol @ comeback like a pimp, I am so with you girl
lol @ anti with the golden goose eggs, can someone say willy wonka on the brain?
@Antidater-Tell me about it. Loan payments suck.
* Anti thinks I know I shouldn't but I will *
I have something in a golden wrapper…but it ain't from Willy Wonka.
ROTFLMFAO!!
*dEAD*
@Antidater-You know I know what you're referring to…and I told you gladly…catch me on the G-Spot
Mikki please I work in non-profit. LOL…
Anti that comment has to go down in the history book of "CRaziest shat ever said on sbm.net*
*rubs Jaclynn on her back* its ok girlfriend we gonna find u a rich hubby lol
@SBM: On PWIs and Diversity: Many universities have marvelous "diversity" programs. So do corporations. Diversity is about statistics. HBCUs are about the experience and not just numbers.
That being said, a decision to attend college has serious implications. Young people "come of age" in college. Your mind is shaped by your experiences in college. I've noticed a serious difference of perspective and code of behaviour between HBCUans, Ivy Leaguers (I guess that's me too), folks who've attend State schools, etc.
@Mikki: I guess that's why I said it. Totally random…
@SBM & Jaclynn – Are we the only ones that attended and expensive PWI?
@Humble: I had the PWI experience for grad school.
@Antidater
"That being said, a decision to attend college has serious implications. Young people “come of age” in college. Your mind is shaped by your experiences in college. I’ve noticed a serious difference of perspective and code of behaviour between HBCUans, Ivy Leaguers (I guess that’s me too), folks who’ve attend State schools, etc."
I've heard this before. Even my ex claimed this. What is the difference? What is exactly do you miss by not attending a HBCU. I have always been curious about this.
Hello All,
First, THANK YOU Ms. Freckles for having my back! In all honesty, I didn't feel at all like he was hitting on me, the club was pretty empty so it seemed like everyone was engaged in side conversation. Was every man hitting on the woman he was talking to?…I doubt it. He was a genuinely cool cat. We are all adults, I don't think I conducted myself in a way that was disrespectful to my man. He does not mind me talking to men, I don't mind him talking to women; it would be naive to think your significant other goes without speaking to the opposite sex until the come home to you. I wouldn't put myself in a position to make him look bad and I expect the same from him when he goes out. No one wants to hear "I saw so-and-so in the club and ______"
Someone mentioned that I should have said something, so I wanted to pose a question to the group; When do you slide that in there? When he says "this seems like a real slow night", do I respond with "yeah, my man would have hated it"? When he said "you're girl looks like she's having a good time", should I have responded with "yeah, my boyfriend says she knows how to have a good time no matter where she is"? Amidst a good adult conversation do I cut him off after 3 minutes and say "sorry I cannot speak any longer without mentioning that I am unavailable" When do you throw it out there?
I didn't say you "missed" anything. I said that perspectives may be different.
@Antidater – What perspectives were different? Do you mean b/w black and white students? Can you give a few examples?
@DorchestersDaughter:
The problem starts with the attitude that you can just "kick it" and it is somehow this guy fault for sticking around and buying you drinks and being upset that you are unavailable. Your man may not mind you chatting it up and dancing with other guys…but what are those guys going to think? Maybe that you're available.
But for you…not telling him you're unavailable sooner… he unnecessarily spent time and money. You may expect nothing…but you shouldn't expect that someone in a nightclub wants to talk to you because they like to converse. You can take that to a book club.
im a umich grad. Electrical enginerdin baby!
GO BLUE
*** sings our fight song, the best fight song in the world ***
It was the toughest experience of my life. I fought hard for that education and would not be denied. I didn't have a drop of school pride till I got that sweet degree.
that bison meat wrap did a number on my tummy
GO HU!!! (how ironic SBM)
@Humble: Well, in terms of perspective I would think that Ivy Leaguers would have a bit of a chip on their shoulder; HBCU grads would have a strong sense of community and self ; and State grads would have benefited from being in a diverse setting while still managing to enjoy life.
and for the record, fellas, I did not ASK for the drink. I declined the offer THREE times. I have never asked any one to buy me anything…point blank. I have too much pride for that, I am a Caribbean girl..mi nuh beg nobody nuttin. Besides, I don't know about anybody else but spending $8 on a martini would not get you into my pants.
"$8 on a martini would not get you into my pants."
ive seen chicks get down for a happy meal…i don;t think thats more than 6 bucks
Comeback a happy meal cost like 3
As for this whole Ivy League thing…since that the closest definition for what my school is, I will say I don't think I have a chip on my shoulder from it at all, I just think the institution itself does things to its minority students which I find unacceptable.
@Comeback: Scratch a happy meal. How about for a box of fried chicken? Sad, no?
Way to go Why So, umich is no walk in the park, I am down here with the rowdy ass msu kids!!
They don't learn ish round here all they do is party all the time!!
sbm can u show me how to turn off this notification comment thingermagig? Some reason i get the same comments twice and i can't make it stop!
we already concluded that we all gon buy our own dranks dd
@why so serious – another engineer in the house…I think that makes 4
See I told yall I loved black engineers yall soooooo represent!!!
oxoxoxox
I think Michelle Obama put it best when she said she felt like a visitor on Princeton's campus. That's how I felt at Columbia.
I am just going to represent for my lil brother at TU in the mechanical engineering program he is a sophomore so everybody say hi n give him a shout out!!
Teeeeeeeeeee U YOU KNOWWWWW!
oh my bad
"@Comeback: Scratch a happy meal. How about for a box of fried chicken? Sad, no?"
popeye's, kentucky or church's…sike let me stop yall and get back to work.
No matter what school you went to you folks on SBM make me proud. We're all trying to better ourselves. We are able to go to any school and major in whatever we want because of the blood and sweat of those that came before us.
Let me stop typing before I start singing We Shall Overcome 🙂
@Antidater-Absolutely. Sometimes I look around at the people around me and then I look down at my arm and I almost think I should be cleaning something.
Beyond that Michelle's dissertation was fabulous and after I read that I read an article about how her first roommate's mother wanter her daughter out of the room with Michelle…because well..why should her lily white daughter have to room with a black girl…regardless of how smart or talented she was. And now that same woman is voting for Obama.
@Shelia: Amen Shelia! I didn't want to mention too many specifics on differences because at the end of the day we are all just people trying to improve ourselves. We look better together (HBCU/Private/State/Ivy/Elite) than apart. 😉
Umoja!
@Comeback: It was actually a "Guthrie's Meal " or a "Gut Box" as we would sometimes call it. Deliciously battered and fried chicken tenderloins served with french fries and special Guthries sauce. Folks from Tallahassee know about this. I guess this ranks way above a happy meal. It's much tastier and more filling. But still…sex for chicken? Damn.
While Guthrie's is pretty good, it's not a fair trade.
@Jaclyn: That's pretty serious. The shock and awe I see when people know that I went to Columbia is not more about incredulity than anything else IMHO. I don't care, though. I appreciate the fact that I was raised in a good family and that I had my HBCU experience (oops! didn't mean to bring that up again). It surely helped to keep me grounded in grad school and in the professional world by having a strong sense of self and confidence in my intellectual capabilities.
Hmmm. I'd like to quote Goodie Mob's Soul Food on this: "the stomach comes before sex". But "Sex for Food" sounds like another UN "Oil for Food" program gone awry…
@Antidater: AWWW DAYUM…YOU HAD TO BRING UP THE GUT BOX!!!! Man i need to go home!
@Sheila: that's right girl! it's some impressive folks on this blog…everybody working hard and moving forward in life (except for today, everybody is on this blog hoping we don't get fired tomorrow for non-productivity, lol)
@Everyone: ya'll some fools, thanks for giving me something to do on this lazy day that should be declared Friday so i can have a longer weekend!
@Antidater: my homeboy when to FAM undergrad and a PWI for grad school, he says the same thing. I went to fam for undergrad and grad school (my program was actually a hybrid of the two) but i'm probably going to GSU or FSU when I decide to get my PhD
@Antidater-And you know what…as long as you can hold your head high with pride and integrity, there shouldn't be any problems at all. Being grounded in self is a huge step toward being the type of person who can move mountains instead of crumbling under them. Not just that but I absolutely hate when people discount an HBCU education (happens a lot in NOLA and we've got THREE within 10 damned miles) HBCUs have turned out some of the best and brightest BUT on the other hand I wish people wouldn't automatically say, "Oh so you're at Xavier because I'm black." I just wanna scream "come out of the box, please"
i seriously wish i had time in my day today to read all of this. I hate being so busy!
Well, I am learning not to fault people for ignorance. Stereotyping is a form of anchoring to reduce risk. It's a hard lesson…but life becomes easier when you accept that you WILL encounter ignorance, indifference, and intolerance but meet them all with reason (Marcus Aurelius).
@Antidater-You are absolutely right. It's just so weird when I met someone on the street and they ask me where I went to school and when I say it their face just lights up. Now sometimes that comes from someone who remembers when none of the people on this blog could walk through the front door of the University of Alabama much less Columbia, Princeton, Yale or Harvard.
And on the 45th anniversary of the "I Have a Dream" speech I am damned grateful to the people who laid those bricks for me to walk on.
@why so serious: i can't say it enough…I HEART YOU!! I love UMich…I wanted to go there when I was a kid…I had the poster in my room, and then my Junior year I found out that all my friends were going to FAM and I changed my mind…after all I had never been amongst the folks…so I was ready for my black experience…lol.
@anti: the gut box…ahhh the memories…leaving The Moon "let out" and then waiting in traffic for over an hour just to turn into Guthries parking lot…yep those were the days.
*sigh* … how we as black folks can't get around together and have an intelligent conversation without it ending in talks of chicken …
LOL … but really … 3 wings and fries with Mumbo Sauce … thats real chicken. I tell ya right now … I'd be willing to give up my goods for 3 wings and fries.
And shout out to the other PWI state schoolers! *taps chest with fist*
Damn SBM that's all. Wow. I thought you at least had my girl buying steak lol
Lenny's carryout Jaclynn…so sad. *smh*
@Teacia-Sorry about that earlier. It's this whole timing thing…the moon betrayed me:(
Lenny's? That shit don't even sound right.
yall betta stop talking bout food b4 you know who come on here giving us the nutritional dietary requirement lecture and how a white woman could make it baked and better.
@Comeback-Girl you ain't never lied. But I do believe my mom and uncle can make sh*t better than any white women out there. Yep and that's final.
@Comeback: Scratch "baked and better" – sometimes you just want "fried and yummy" dammit. It's gonna be a long, lovely holiday weekend…get your grill on and eff the scale!
@Antidater-Eh…I hope so..I personally would like some ribs, but this health conscience household is talking about some kinda hotdog with pineapple in it. I love turkey meat…so I guess turkey dogs it is! By the way Anti, do you cook?
bbq chicken, macaroni and cheese and some collard greens! hmmm..maybe even a twice baked sweet potato! yummmmmmmmmmy
YES WE CAN!!! YES WE CAN!! Man I wish I was in Denver…*eyes starry and wide*
John Legend and Will.I.Am are the BEST!!!
*with Teacia YES WE CAN YES CAN!!!!! Girl me too…I am just staring at the TV dreaming about it.
*with Teacia YES WE CAN!!!! YES WE CAN!!!!! Girl me too…I am just staring at the TV dreaming about it.
Me too Teacia. I have the TV on CNN now although it'll be another 2 hours before Obama speaks.
oh ladies how jealous i am of you that you are no longer at work and get to watch him speak… I can't wait until November when we get to vote and elect the first black President of the United States Of America (for some reason it sounded better when i spelled it out instead of just putting USA)
*sigh* MAN I wish I had planned better so I could be in Denver right now!!! MAN, get it stevie!!!!
Breelicious – Stevie Wonder had me dancing in the den.
@Bree wouldn't it be amazing to be in Denver right now? I feel the same way about planning better!
awww, Al Gore!!! you were ROBBED in 2001!!! ROBBED I TELL YA…
How about me and my mom met Al Gore back when he was the VP, my mom told him "you smell good"….hahaha…that woman is hilarious.
QB if you have internet at work, go to CNN live, you can watch it all thats what I am doing!!
I declare today I don't give a damn thursdays cuz nobody has done any work all damn day!
seriously!
Obama so has this race in the bag, look at all them damn people!
this is so cool to watch, I haven't watched a speech since this all started and im happy this is my very first one on this historical day.
Mikki you are so smart! You would think the girl working for the telecommunications company woulda thought of that… it's been a long week. thank god today is my Friday!
Mikki, I've been watching all the speeches this week–first time ever watching the DNC speeches too.
There are 3 generations of women watching this…first time I've seen my grandmother get excited about speeches too 🙂
LADIES!!!! This is the best night of the year next to November 2nd of course
"Breelicious – Stevie Wonder had me dancing in the den."
and how did most of take 6 get FINE…how did that happen.
lmao QB its all good now we are both on!! Only reason I knew is because my co-worker was always watchin live soccer lol then Shelia said CNN it all clicked together and I had the Aha moment lol.
See im not that slow lol
I know we are busy watching history being made but I need some advise really quick….
I got a message today on a site where I've be dabbling in online dating and this guy who ive sent 2 whole messages to… just saying was up, i like your profile, the usual. He sent me a message today saying that if i 'wanted to talk to him I need to call him and stop trying to hide behind technology' he left his #.
What do guys think of something like that
Ok…Comeback I was looking at Take 6 thinking the same thing!!!!
Stevie was killing Signed, Sealed, Delivered…and did yall see J Hud sing The National Anthem….she blew it up!!!
This is the first time I've watched the DNC as well…and man I'm mad I'm not there…however I will be in DC from Jan 10-20 to watch the swearing in and the exchange of government….going with my school pub admin program. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!
YAY for CHANGE!!!
Indiana I'm easily pissed off at stuff like that. I think he has a point. I think that if you dig someone you shouldn't be building up a email love. Phone and face to face is what should be happening rather quickly, so you dont fall in love with the "idea" of a person. However I don't like his message to you if thats word for word. I take little clues like that early on to mean that there is a red flag.
why did he have to say it like that. its all in the delivery. And he delivered it wrong. Next!!!!
Indiana u don't know him like that…i say don't do it…if u do block ur number…that negro could be crazy or just looking for a jump-off. If he can't respect ur choice, keep it moving…it's dangerous dating online…u gotta protect urself.
@ Teacia…yeah at least two members went and got extra cute. And two did some type of fine azz trick.
Indiana if that is how he put it then i would say see you later. I agree with Comeback that you shouldnt spend too much time just communicating through email/online.
also you should remind him that talking on the phone wouldnt really take away the idea of "hiding behind technology" since phone service really is technology too…
haha listen to me preach on about phone service. damn i need to go home. Anyone wanna buy some unlimited long distance or high speed internet? My advisors could use the sales. hahaha.
@Indiana-That's terrible.
@Teacia-Jennifer had us crying. OMG Now you have me wanting to go to DC in January and probably every body else too.
IndianaJones you have to be careful. He sounds kind of blunt. If you're not ready to talk to him than don't. Whatever you decide to do–thread lightly and be careful.
Yay My STATE IS POPULAR!!!!!
maybe now my house will sell shat!
this was his exact message: Ballplyr21 wrote:
I don't like being called Phil and also last I checked I'm not most people. I'm not a advocate of hidng behind technology either so a long winded text session is out of the question as well. If you are wanting to do the ol' Q and A thing with ya boy you will have to do it the old fashioned way. I'm not trying hear about how crazy folks are these days that has nothing to do with me. I'm not trying to make you wifey I just want a live conversation the blanks could possibly be filled in from there. The great things about phones these and I'm sure you know this is that they come with a end button. I say that to say this if at any point in time you or I are not feeling the conversation we can hit that end button and that's the end of that no harm no foul. Ball's on your court ms lady.
ok Im working on a post about these dang gone national black republicans that keep sending me emails about MLK being a republican. I think I got on some list after voting ONCE or twice for a republican in my LIFE. And one was black. any way did yall know that Denzel washington is a republican???
bottom line they are politically harrassing me…and I want them to STOP the maddness and suspend this bs until after Obama is elected. It aint time to be politically diverse right now.
Teacia I can't wait for JHud's CD to drop. That girl know she can SANG.
Indiana oh hell nawl!!
bastard!! bitchasspunkass!!
oh my bad
what a jerk NEXT!
"maybe now my house will sell shat!"
girl when I come to the D we gonna do a house blessing. Send good fast selling spirits all up and through.
BTW guys I'm watching it on CSpan…CNN cuts out all the speeches and focuses on a lot of commentary.
I love CNN but I want to hear what the ordinary citizens and all the speakers have to say…so either u can watch it on CSpan or CNN.com.
The Comeback Girl – they should take you off their contact list once you let them know–there has to be a law about unsolicited contact like that.
IndianaJones – just read your post with his message….one word for you-NEXT. He comes across too pompous (I think that's the word I'm lookng for). He's already starting off on the wrong foot.
yeah I LOVE CSPAN now…everybody I know wanna hear CNN talk about what socks everybody got on. Dammit…when aint no body talking just pan the audience. I can make my own commentary about what everybody is wearing.
Amen Shelia
tell him you don't need to waste any more of your TECHNOLOGY ON HIS DUMB ASS!
Shelia I agree. Im going to call the office tomorrow. But Im so annoyed even about this MLK thing. Too much is at stake by trying to go off and preach about Harriet Tubman freeing the slaves and voting republican.
Teacia/Comeback – I might have to switch to C-Span.
Mikki: LOL LOL LOL!!! "shat" never gets old…lol.
Sheila I can't wait for it to drop either…I love her voice…I'm trying to figure out where she got her lungs from b/c I want a pair.
Comeback: The one that was in the camera with the small s curl….oh lawdy lawd.
Jaclynn: Jhud she had me over here speechless
Indiana: I say call him and block ur number, he sounds real as hell…but he could be crazy.
@Indiana – yeah…go ahead and hit DELETE! He has an attitude problem and hasn't even met you!
@Teacia – I'm watching CSPAN too just because a few days ago I got tired of all the commentary
I'm so sad I missed J Hud, I'll have to catch it on youtube. I need to make plans to have my ass in the place when Barack gets sworn in…let me start saving my pennies RET NAH!
@comeback – i'm not sure where the dam.n republicans got my email address but they were harrassing me for a little while too…augh! AS IF!
I almost holla'ed when I heard that woman say she voted for Nixon, Reagan and both Bushes…and I can't do it anymore…Thank God.
@Teacia-Girllll….whew my heart is beating fast as hell over here. I am getting so excited I could cry. EEEH I so wanna be there!
@Indiana-Boo n*ggga—tell him to go Obamaify himself then you can talk.
Jaclynn I did holler…and when Barney Smith aka Barney Rubble came on the stage I was like wow no black folks…they represented everyone but the Black community. I'm a little upset about that. Barack better hold this shit down. I know he has to play down the race thing and what he will do for us until after he gets elected but dammit man…come on nah…shat.
Thanks ladies for the input…I 'preciate it. I'll let cha know what happens
To everyone watching the DNC… does anyone notice how all the music has a soulful sound…. "things that make u go hummmm"
Nigga Obamify yoself fool…Jaclynn I'm stealing that shat.
Thank the Lord girl. I don't know why there are no black people, I think it is to illustrate that although he is a black man, white people are following him…even people who are lifetime Republicans.
Ain't no stopping us now…we're on the move….!!!!
#352…. number #352? Okay I can't answer for every black woman. I was always told dress like a lady and smile and the men won't be scared to approach. I don't know if that works or not. I've been standing in blasting sun and hair everywhere and been approached and in some instances I've been dressed really well, all dolled up and the men will speak like 3 times but never approach me. I don't know what it is. It's a hit or miss. But I'll say this if as you are walking towards her she looks standoffish or she looks at you but turns her head….that typically means… she's not interested already.
Go B.
Indiana I was just about to say that's the only thing that makes it ok for him misunderrepresent us…he's sending us sibliminal messages…we hear Bama baby…lol…we hear ya pimpin!!!
No problem Teacia-It's the new mantra…
yeah, really. are just not putting the black folk in the stadium on tv or what… i KNOW there has to be some black folk doin a soul train line up in there somewhere
uhhh i meant underrepresent…lol…wow, ok i'm focusing on the TV again…lol…Barack is about to speak in a minute.
Girl dey in there with the fried chicken…somebody got a beer…I just know it.
Teacia, I thought it was a Teacia-spin on a Bushism.
Indiana there are hella black folks all up and through there and they're putting them on the TV every few seconds and yes they were soul training it up…lol. Just none at the podium…that's what I was talking about.
AHHHH SHYT!!! GETTIN HYPE LIKE IT'S GAME-TIME!!!! BARACK THE VOTE!!!!!!
I can't stop smiling!!! My cheeks hurt!!!
@Bree-Girl…my heart is beating so fast and I'm starting to shake….omg…so soon
Jaclynn….my heart goes out to him, I wish his mother was here to see the MAN she raised…and see what she taught him he was capable of
@Bree-Girl I almost need to wipe away tears…I just want it to be okay and I wish she was too and I thank God he has a woman standing in the crowd who knows no matter what he'll be a father and husband and more importantly a child of God. I could not ask for more in a black man or in a President.
WE CAN DO ANYTHING
GO BARACK!!!! HE WAS BORN TO BE PRESIDENT.
VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE
@Jaclynn: i'm such a wuss…i started crying when he walked on stage…
BARACK THE MUTHA FUCCING VOTE!!!!
….OOOOOH WHOOO THEY DON'T WANT ANY….DEY DON'T WANT NONE!!
Damn, sucks to be John McCain…he he he.
@Belle-Yes we can.
@Bree-Girl, every little thing is gonna be alright.
@Teacia-I would just give up.
@Jaclynn: i'm just a wuss, a compassionate, a romantic, and ridiculously sentimental…i'm overwhelmed that tonight in a country with a looong history of slavery and discrimination there are millions of people white, black, and other standing on their feet shouting the name of a black man, hoping simultaneously that he will be our leader and at once calling for change…i couldn't help it….my mom called me, the first thing she said was "stop crying" she already knew, lol.
He is a baaaadd mutha…. his new slogan should be "BRING IT!"
"shake dem haters off"!!
@Bree-Girl you just like me. I can't help myself…one of my best friends says she's in love.
LET ME BE CLEAR…BROTHAS FOR OBAMA!
IF YOU AINT TAKIN CARE OF HOUSE&HOME, IF YOU AIN'T PAYIN TAXES, IF YOUR PANTS ARE STILL SAGGIN 'ROUND BOUT THE KNEES – YOU GETS NO HEAD THIS WEEKEND!
DAMMIT CAN I VOTE RIGHT NOW! RET NAH!! I'M READY, PLEASE LET ME DO IT NOW!!!!
Belle: OBAMAFY YO'SELF FOOL!!!!
Wooooooooow, I think he touched on just about everything…and I'm so happy that he addressed this being the 45th Anniversary. I think he actually answered to EVERYTHING!!! If his numbers don't go up there is no hope for this country after all.
@Belle…HAHAHAHA!!! TOO FUNNY!!
@Teacia…you wanted some black folks at the podium…welcome The First Family! LOVES IT.
…bring on the commentary…i can't wait to see what those cynics have to say nah!! bring it on biatches…lol.
I got goose bumps and tears!!! I cant believe this generation is getting ready to be apart of history!! Im with bree, let me vote right now
man u can tell black people threw that party…lol.
Keith Olbermann: "I would love to criticize it. Got anything?"
Chris Matthews: "No"
lmao!!!
Woooohoooo!!!! I can't even…i don't know what to say…everything about them is so perfect.
Well good night all…I have an early morning and a long day. Won't be around to engage in the rants…kind of sad about that. 🙁
….but I will have my PDA so I may be able to sneak a few posts in here and there.
Yes We Can!!
Barack Obama brought it tonight–he addressed all the issues–basically told McCain Bring it on because I'm ready for you. The finish line is ahead–he needs all of us to VOTE to get him across it.
WE CAN'T GO BACK!!!
I'm watching the After Party on TV ONE and that Jesse Jackson is a hater. He can't give Obama his props for nothing. Al Sharpton said he was proud of him and brought his daughters to share in the monumental occasion, but that Jesse–shaking my head and shaking the haters off too.
OMG I cannot believe a BLACK woman called in on CSPAN and said she will vote for McCain because as long as she has a job she can afford five dollar gas and once he becomes president alot of people will lose their jobs so hers will be secure. I wish I knew where she worked. You're not that special you're one day away from joblessness and homelessness just like every damned body else
Jesse Jackson needs to stop the damned foolishness. His trife ass is just mad because he didn't win…but Obama has more class in his pinky toe than Jackson will ever have.
lol…Jesse is still mad we found out he calls us n*ggas behind our backs…ON FOX NEWS of all places!!!!
Martin says: "I have a dream"
Barack responds: "I accept your nomination for the presidency of the United States"
America says: "Yes We Can"
…and good night…a good night indeed.
Jesse is a turncoat and is showing his true colors loud & clear this time
Men’s Poll: Why do you buy women drinks?
A) I am a Simp.
B) She looks like Beyonce.
C) I wanna hit.
D) I wanna holla.
E) Eff that!! I don’t buy drinks!
Ummmm before April 2008…. it wasbecause of A
but hopnestly, now most of the time women buy me drinks or ask me to join them for a drink or the ever so popular line used by the couugars "here sweetie ill get you a refill"
shame I drink cranberry/pineapple which bar never charges me for.
ok heres the latest thing gang. We have fuckin BROOKE SHIELDS on the wall of the Nassau Inn as the only famous woman of princeton. I went into the bar and asked if we could get michelle Obama on the wall since she went here too as undergrad. The bartender laughed, but then wized his ass up and said you have a good point you should write her and see if she wants her picture up.
Im soo writing her a letter! She would be the 2nd woman and first black on the wall.
SBM-let's hit up Stan's they got talk drinks, chicken wangs and mambo sauce. Holla.
Cool HNIC, i didn't know they needed permission to have the pictures up, I am sure she would love to have her picture up there, good luck on making it happen!
ummmm, what's the Nassau Inn?
Nassau Inn is like the inn I go to at princeton. Its the oldest inn for the college and mostly its alumni. there is a wall of fame so every famous princeton grad is up there. as you can imagine its like 70 old white males and brooke shields.
Since Michelle Obama came here, I figure she is successful enough to get her picture up. but one can argue that she is not famous just for marrying a president.
ummmm, i thought u went to Rutgers, and that ur not in school now…but ur always talking about Princeton. am i missing something?
This is why past 25 (now 32) I dont buy drinks. Me and the boys chip in a buy to or three bottles. So if I do strike a convo with a Honey she aint getting nothing…I know yall dont EXPECT a drink and from a stranger?
I do ask upfront if she got a man but that depends on the place we at..a club I am asking quicker than in the public. If she do, I'm jetblue!! Remember I gotta see all night so the quicker I know…good for me.
Besides some of yall love the attention of "having a man" brings, yall just wanna see the dogs mouth agape with enough drool we need Noah and his Arc.
Add in NYC clubs drinks are too expensive to hear "no" ($9-12 a pop and are watered down of course!!!!)
I just rather enjoy the drinks with the fellas, dance wit the ladies and keep it at that. What I dont get is, if a lady dealt with a jerk in a club, why does that influence her at the bookstore to the point she ignores me completely?
..whatever happened to case-by-case or are ALL men alike yada, yada, yada?
Many people say cufflinks are old news, but from experience, they are wrong. Cuff Links definitely will be worn for ages, regardless if they are sported at weddings, special events or simply for a good laugh. Cuff links really do give a formal egde and every single time I gift a pair to a loved one, they think it's the best thing to happen to them since Michael Jackson did the moonwalk.
LoL Funny! I also think that dudes play games. I've had similar situations where, when/if I even remotely thought dude was tryna hit on me, I'd say "I'm sorry, I have a bf."
And guess what dude will say?
"I wasn't even tryna come at you like that".
WHATEVER! Guys will play the role, and tell you whatever they want. As long as they don't end up feeling rejected.
Lesson Learned? Be nice, get your drink, and when they ask, tell them. lol
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