***** Admin Note *****
I almost forgot to mention, today is the last day to vote for the Black Weblog Awards.
If you really love us … vote twice, and then go call your cousins and them up!
http://vote.blackweblogawards.com/pick
– SBM
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Mahogany Brown: “So what you doing tonight?”
SBM: “I told my girlfriend that I wanted to try something out on her, so I’m cooking dinner for us.”
MB: “Really? Awwwwww … that’s so sweet!”
SBM: *rolls eyes* “See … I don’t get that. What is sweat about that?”
MB: “A man who cooks for his woman is a rare thing?”
SBM: “I guess … never really understood why its rare. Its a cheap date and a guaranteed panty dropper. It’s how I bagged my first gf.”
MB: “Well SBM … yell it from the mountaintops … and let these reggins (backwards) know!”
I cook.
Not only do I cook just because I’m a cheap a$$ who refuses to eat out all the time to nourish my own body, but I have been cooking for women since my second year in college. I’m not going to sit here and lie, claiming to be the next Gordon Ramsey or Wolfgang Puck, but I can put together a tailored meal that will fill a woman up, and then let me fill her up.
Personally, I don’t understand it. I think your average guy who has lived by himself can cook basic meals. Whether it’s because your bored or because your starving … at some point in your life you need to take a chicken breast, some potatoes, and some type of green vegetable and turn it into a meal. If not even all of that, some pasta, some chicken, and a little bit of Italian dressing.
But, as long as the vast majority of guys continue to ignore this easy and effective means to impress and get beats, then I and my army of chef homeboys will continue to impress and woo with $15 dollar meals. We will continue to make her wetter than Niagara, not with $200 meals that are prepared by the most exclusive of restaurants, but instead with $2 worth of candles, some meat, and a little trial and error. But as with everything, the sell is the biggest thing.
So, to help all you fellow men out there who are looking for a good way to impress that nice lil youngin at your job, or do something nice for your girl that might finally get you some head in the car … take heed as I present:
SBM’s “How to Cook Dinner for a girl … and for her to like it”
1. Figure out what she eats
This whole thing will be a massive #FAIL if you don’t know what she likes, is allergic too, and can’t stand. Ideally, you don’t want to make this obvious and just ask her … but for real … it doesn’t matter. She will probably be so impressed and shocked that you want to cook for her that it will be 100% OK that you ruined the surprise.
2. Make sure it tastes good
So she loves buttermilk biscuits made from scratch. But, unless your that woman for the Popeye’s commercial (why she gotta be a big black Mammy looking person? Are we the only people who eat popeye’s chicken?), then you might not have the skills needed to bust out with something that nice just yet. And if you are willing to take on such a task, practice first. It’s ok if it’s not the greatest thing she has ever eaten (they say it’s the thought that counts … right?), but you don’t want your poor guest to leave your house and have to see boyfriend #2 stop by McDonald’s to silence the stomach rumblings.
3. Ambiance motherf*cker …
Candles are cheap. Setting up your table (or her’s … or your mama’s) is easy. If your really trying to kill the pum pum it, then you need to set a mood. One not-so-well known fact … scented candles can mess up your whole meal. Since food relies heavily on smell, introducing another smell can make things go real bad … real quick. And remember, eating from a football tray as you make her watch the game with you ain’t hot!
4. Serve her
Don’t let her get up. Pour her glass, get her plate, and clear the table. I know I know … at this point it seems like my promise of an easy beat is turning into real work. But really, it’s not. And you don’t have to do this all the time. If it’s your girlfriend, incorporate her into it all and make it fun.
5. Liquor
Wine, champagne, cognac … whatever goes with your food and will get her nice, without her even knowing it.
6. Pick the right place and right time
You got her full, all googly eyed, and liquored up. Too bad mom’s is coming home in 10 minutes and you gotta get the dishes all knocked out. Whenever you do this, make sure you have a sufficient place to get them guts afterword.
So there you have it, SBM’s easy to follow guide to cooking for a woman. If you do everything here, I promise you she will smile and be impressed, unless she’s a b*. If that is the case, then drop her. Any girl who tells you “your just trying to get out of paying for dinner” … turn around at her slowly, look her in the eye, and tell her “b* … kill yo-self”. And then do the Juicy J (of Three 6 Mafia) laugh … and put her out you house.
Are there any proud members of the Chef Homeboy school of cooking and boot knocking? Are there any guys who want to risk they life and call me a simp? Women, am I right?
– SBM aka Black Man in an Apron
Hand-clapping, happy dancing and co-signing!
The first time a man had the table all set, candles winking, music going and pulled out the pot roast with baby carrots and potatoes… well, I felt compelled to show my gratitude repeatedly and with enthusiasm. Fellas, consider the kitchen another room in which putting in work will net you maximum return on investment.
Man… I love reading this blog.
"Wine, champagne, cognac … whatever goes with your food and will get her nice, without her even knowing it." *Err uhhh nuuuuh!* LoL
But honestly men need to get their ish together & act like it's 2009. All that "it's a woman's job" stuff is not working anymore. I must say tho I know quite a few guys that actually do cook for their s/o and dates. It's definitely very impressive, when he KNOWS what he's doing! The gesture is very much appreciated also, esp bc I'm not much of a fan of the cocina (yea, getoverit lol) so I def don't mind just sittin back & watching 🙂 . But there are still plenty of guys stuck in their ways and refuse to touch a pot or pan, sometimes their mamas are to blame. My mother is one of 'em, she completely disapproves of my brothers ever learning to cook. I always try to tell her how crazy she sounds, but she always dismisses the idea like its foolywang! She believes wholeheartedly, that the domestic roles of the household are designated for the women only. That is exactly why I completely stray away from being servile in any way. Hopefully one day when my brothers live on their own they'll learn… maybe (won't hold my breath).
So… in conclusion, men throw them aprons on and get sexy w it ! There's nothing wrong w stepping outside ur box a bit.
U can even throw that apron on w just str8 draws and a pair of Timbs (or bday suit….whatever's most comfy lol) and get it CRAAAAACKIN! Kid-ding! Them just jokes!! Haaahaha 🙂
MC
I grew up as an only child and had parents that, at times, worked 60-70 hr weeks. So, out of necessity, I learned to cook for myself when I was in middle school. Not only for that reason, my parents told that "any man that can cook for himself (and clean) will impress more good women in the long run" and I will never be in a position to "settle for any woman that comes into my life and thinks she can impress with the basics and be a saviour". (Partially why I'm not married now)
No woman has ever had the guts to tell me to my face that cooking is a ploy to hit that. It's also my way of showing I can be practical and don't have to stunt just for us to have a good meal.
you're very right, sweetie. that's all i have to say , really.
Interestingly or not so interestingly enough, most the dudes I know are willing to cook for a chick…but not just so they can submerge their member in her hot abyss. It really is a cost-effective and simple thing to do that just happens to come with other benefits. Word.
I have to cosign this one. Women will remember you cooking something for her long after she forgot the $200 you spent at Mortons, no matter how good that New York Strip and Chocolate Lava cake they had was. You can get a lot of action from cooking for someone. Also, I hate to clean, so in a relationship, it makes for an easy division of responsibilities.
that chocolate lava cake is serious tho
That's a good point. A lot of guys I know don't like to clean after cooking, which is why they don't want to do it. But I have no problem helping to clean if you just made a great dinner for me. Sounds fair enough.
This can work in another way. If you really don't want to cook, do it one time badly and she will never ask you to do it again.
I remember the first time I had to chica over for dinner. She was very thankful..I think the neighbors heard her thankfulness.
I've started following a new axiom: drink and eat at home. I can get the food at the store for cheap and make it myself then go out and have a good time. Same with the liq and beer. I'm tryin to put up coin in 09.
Funny you say "drink and eat at home" because after plunking down the last of my coins to my condo, I don't hit the scene us much as I used to. Women that I've encountered want to "go out" all the friggin time. Whether it's food, fun and friends they always have to be out…
Now I have allowed young ladies to bear witness to my cheesy egg wonderment and breakfast arrays. I have let young ladies experience my seafood steamery and occasionally my patented Turkey or Grilled Chicken Tacos…but that's only if they are reaaaaal special. I have not had an offer from a woman for her to cook me a meal in months that seem like years. I think they ask "can you cook" more often than men do now.
i feel like if you can cook for yourself you can cook for your woman/company (jumpoff?). if your are my woman i'm going to cook for you. i like to cook but i don't often because i usually don't have the time. i'm not going to be going on the food network anytime soon but i think i'm a decent cook.
"1. Figure out what she eats"
this is key. i remember that one time i made baked salmon for an ex. she really appreciated it because i really can't stand the taste or smell of seafood. it wasn't that hard to go to recipe.com and find a simple recipe.
most dudes i know are pretty decent cooks so the logic behind not cooking for a woman at least every blue moon is beyond me.
Speaking as someone who is (in my mind) Kitchen Deficient, i think in 2009, with techology being what it is, there's no reason you can't make something happen. My problem is what i cook taste bland at times and it takes a lot of trial and error to get it to Mama level. I don't thik cookin is hard, finding time for it is another thing alltogether.
Cooking for a date is cost effective and the ambience set can last a long time.
Continue to school these cats SBizzle!
The keys to cookin are:1) that u cant cook on the first date. girls r too suspicious of this. 2) after the second time u cook for her, let her join in too. you'll get to taste the goodies before the meal. 3) use the internets. the internets has it all.
A man who cooks (not just says he knows how, but actually uses his skills) is a requirement for me. It just is. Whatever the mans motivation is, I really don't care.
I can and will cook, but there is no reason for you, a grown man, to sit and starve as you wait for your woman to get home from work, etc [read: lazy/selfish father].
I told my mother the only way I'll marry a man is if he is a chef or at least plays one on the food network 😛
Great post, SBM! The whole men cooking thing isn't really new to me since my dad WAS the cook of the family. My mama
can't cook worth sh*tain't THAT familiar with the kitchen but she does know how to throw down on some peach cobbler. He was a chef in the Navy and that man threw DOWN. Spoiled my mama rotten. That said, I STILL think it's hella sexy when a man can cook. Not so much because of the alleged rarity, but because the road to a woman's heart can be through her stomach as well. A tasty meal can be sexy. It's not anything new that food can be ecstasy.It's funny how some men view cooking as a woman's thang, but that this idea only holds in the kitchen. Once you get outside and get to the grill, the ninja is like, "Naw, baby you don't know what you're doin', lemme handle dis". Um, it's STILL cookin', boo boo!
And with THAT SAID…a man "manning" the grill is VERY sexy as well. 😉
I agree with this! my stepfather is a way better cook than my mom, but now I think I got BOTH OF THEM! LOL. My mom isn't that good with her seasoning, but she's a decent baker…most things I know how to cook well I learned from my stepdad, his best friend was a chef that would come over and fix great things too, and my play uncle is a chef too. I grew up with great men throwing down in the kitchen.
and that grill…yessir! I have no desire to grill, my man can have that. LOL
I must say I am turned on by watching a man in the kitchen…doing any form of labor really
*not so secretly wants a service submissive*
I am not turned on by men cooking. I actually don't like it.
Are you one of those "It's just a cheap date" type of girls? Please say no … because I like you and would hate for that to change …
No. That's not it at all. I'm more traditional. If cooking is going to happen, I'd just rather it be done by me. I'll let him lift stuff, but the kitchen is my turf.
now that's my type of woman!!!!
OMG….I love it when men cook….But I agree that the ambiance is essential to the whole ordeal. I've had a man cook for me while I was at the his house. It was kinda funny and cute watching him struggle in the kitchen and reading the back of boxes…LOL…I was very appreciative, thankful and turned on by the whole thing….It makes a girl feel special…But then we ate on the couch while watching TV, and it ruined the moment a little bit. If only he knew how far a little soft music and dimmed lights could have taken him…
Although the gesture is almost certainly a deal breaker for getting some (depending on the connection) guys, DO NOT let a girl eat too much…Because if I get the itis and my previously flat stomach is now a mini booty doo, you will NOT be getting any…hahaha…So portions should be highly monitered :0) No girl wants to get busy on a super full belly…jus sayin
"Because if I get the itis and my previously flat stomach is now a mini booty doo, you will NOT be getting any…hahaha…"
*DEAD*
So you can't f*ck on a full stomach?
Why is it woman have so many caveats and conditions about sex? I mean … if your horny … you f*ck. Its that simple …
no, you can't. LOL. you need to let your food digest. lmao. and most people get the itis after full courses….
so just make her a salad. that way you can beat after you eat. lol
Absolutely love it. Sure thing to get the goods from me everytime. There's something about a man that can cook that drives me nuts! Whew!
Ok, back to work…
You need to send this out to all your peeps, and tell them to send it out to all their peeps, and those peeps… I digress. Great post, SBM!
Funny. My man is cooking for me tonight. I would much rather cook for him, but it will be interesting to see what he comes up with.
As an only child several of my hobbies include things I do by myself. One of those hobbies is cooking. So maybe Wolfgang Puck doesn't make many dishes I cannot make. However, I don't cook for chicks just to get anywhere with them. Actually it takes a long time for me to cook for a chick, like a LONG time because it's important to me. And i'm really good at it, so i'm not just going to throw down some regular cooking, that's too inadequate for a person with my skill.
IMHO
Let 'em know fam. Works well in my experience…
I usually cosign your post, but this one, NAH.
I don't cook. I can make myself something to eat, as in heat up some frozen chicken tenders and add some salad from that Dole mixed salad bag I buy from the local grocery store chain. As for actually preparing food, HECKS NAW. That's what women are for, lol. I have never, wait, I did make my ex a grilled turkey sandwich once, but other than that, never made a woman anything to eat.
Would be good for game? Sure. But I have NO problem bagging chicks and having them drop panties. $200 on taking them out to eat? LMAO. Yea right. I think the most I've ever spent was $26.84 at Red Lobster and that was pushing it (besides, that girl took me out first). Serve her? wow, you going all out. My chicks set the place at my dining room table or bring the tv tray into the living room.
lastly………I don't drink. Nor will I sit around any woman while she's drinking. I know em' off sober, of I don't knock em' at all.
uhm…glad that works for you?
This is one of those "sounds good" but aint so good when you get older issues. I have to cook, health issues being what they are fa black ppl eff fried food all together. Plus living alone its just more practical. As a result I went from 216 to 160. At an age were most 33 year old men have guts I am gettin my six pk on. I haven't cooked for a women yet mainly cuz I haven't found one that made me wanna do it. Ladies its about if that man is moved to do it for you not just do it to fill in the "did I cook for a women" box.
Its probably not gonna happen anytime soon. Being a native NY'er and dealing with todays women, whom generally speakin in a city like this don't care if any man they date can cook. Their are a million places to eat here and NONE of em are nationwide chain restaurants.This to me is a thing for when married, kids and all that. But what's it to a single woman if the men she dates can cook or not?.
I think a man cooking for me, if it was HIS idea is awesome, but I do prefer to do it myself. It boils down to skills for me-if you can make me dinner, not burn/ruin my dishes, and/or leave the kitchen spotless when its all over then we're good to go. In my kitchen its just easier for me to do the cooking though; I know where everything is and how everything works already (all ovens are not the same). If the guys fails at parts of the process then I'd rather do them myself, but it is nice to be surprised or put out of the kitchen when he has his skill set up.
Oh and f*cking on a full stomach is NEVER good for either party…how about I make you forget you were hungry and then we go cook together afterward (or in the morning)?
I guess I'm a b*! lol.
I want to roll my eyes every time I hear a guy offer this to me. "Cooking" dinner, (e.g. throwing some Ragu on linguine and pouring bagged salad into a bowl) is NOT impressive. Like SBM said, it's a CHEAP, nearly effortless way to get the draws.
Nope. Come harder.
Because I'm a vegetarian, and because even being a vegetarian I have a laundry list things I don't eat, if a dude cooks for me its a big deal. I appreciate that he took the time to prepare for me a meal. I tend to run around soo much that a meal becomes a peach and some peanuts(trying to keep the meabolism stimulated at least) so to have him attempt veggies pasta and such, I'm happy. But I'm surprised that more guys don't cook. My ex cooked for me regularly. That was his thing, he thought he was Chef Boyarnegro. My new friend cooks for me weekly too. I appreciated that he came home from work and was concerned about making sure I ate. I just am amazed that chicks are saying its a cheap date. Never thought about it, but considering we all need to be saving dough, I'd appreciate a dude with enough foresight to say I'll cook save some $ and perhaps spend that cash on something that we'll both enjoy later. Dah well.
I'm with MsSmart on this one… I've been known to say "get out my kitchen" but I also don't do dishes… like ever… unless it's as a gift to him. (and he doesn't cook for me except when absolutely necessary- like working back to back 16 hr shifts or something)
Funny thing is, in both of our parents' homes, the men did the bulk of the cooking. Go figure!