Super Bowl commercials count!

On behalf of men everywhere, the writing staff of SBM would like to inform and remind our female readership that every man in your life will be unavailable mentally and possibly physically starting on February 6th, 2010 and running through February 14, 2010.   This extends past your SO, boo-boo, f*  buddy, fiances and husbands.  Your fathers, brothers, male co-workers, subordinates, superiors, mailmen, milkmen, and even the bum outside your office will be absent minded during this 8 day period.  Your FED EX man may deliver mail from two blocks over to your address.   The annoying guy at work that keeps asking you out will ignore you, and drinks at the club will not be free for the next two weeks.

Please be advised SuperBowl XLIV will be held in Miami, FL on Sunday, February 7th, 2010 promptly at 7pm.  This promises to be a very entertaining championship NFL game and will probably be the most watched event of the year thus far.  As one of the highest anticipated events of each calendar year, preparations are being made during this week to ensure readiness for this event and will intensify beginning on February 6th, prohibiting many men from being available to attend to their duties and responsibilities.  Organization for Super Bowl events may interfere with birthday, anniversary, Valentines Day, and Black History month preparation during this period.  If you receive a pair of Jordan’s, a basketball, or an autographed framed Drew Brees jersey, remember that the it’s thought that counts.

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While the SuperBowl will have been decided by 11pm EST on Sunday, the euphoria of the game is forecasted to last for 5 days, given the magnitude of the of this years game, driven by the fairy tale story of the Saints appearance in the game vs. Peyton Manning’s perceived destined greatness.    Immediately following the end of Superbowl euphoria will be NBA All Star weekend, which commences on Friday February 12th, 2010 and ends on Sunday, February 14th, 2010.  This is also a highly anticipated event, featuring several attractions besides the actual All Star game, including but not limited to, the Skills Challenge, the Rookie Challenge, and the Slam Dunk contest (Shannon Brown got more hops than Samuel Adams).

Normal mental and physical abilities are set to be restored on February 15th at 8pm EST, but times can vary.  During the outage, women are advised to avoid conversations that require depth, involve feelings or are considered non-emergency issues.  Visit www.sbxliv.com/emergency or www.allstarweekend.com/emergency-lists for an approved list of official emergencies.  While physical activity such as shoveling walkways, opening doors and taking out trash will be affected, experts predict that male sexual performance will increase due to their concentration on the upcoming sporting events during coitus.  Attempts and expectations for male productivity during this period can result in increase blood pressure levels, migraine headaches, and chest pains in women ages 18-72.  There is also an increased risk of heart attack, stroke, and homicidal urges can increase.   During this brief period we are asking that women exercise the utmost patience with men, as this phenomenon is out of their control.

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In order to combat a high volume of domestic violence calls, refrain from causing a scene while the man in your life is viewing either of these events.   Alleviate the tension by comprising to record your favorite Sunday evening programming or watch it on the internet when it becomes available the following day.  (I’d give websites that make TV programming available on their websites some free advertising, but they don’t cut checks.)  Any women that value the relationships with the men in their lives are advised to heed this warning and forward on to any other women that they feel may benefit from this information.

The next outage is schedule for March 16-April 5th. (Google it.)

Remember…..I warned you.