One complaint that I always hear from women is “Men only think about one thing: S*X!” I let y’all rock for a minute with this fallacy, but it’s a new year, so I wanted to give a P.S.A: Men DO think about things other than s*x! Maybe you can’t see it, but it’s evident! Don’t believe me? OK. Here are a few examples:
Sports – Men think about sports on a minute wise basis. Football (US & World) consumes men across the globe with premiere matches, rivalries, and great action. Las Vegas will tell you that the point spreads and betting never see a slow day. We love to play these sports, compete and win! It’s a primal urge within us, but one that cannot be denied. For all you women who are throwing me the almighty side-eye, have some halftime humpin and I bet you slow clap this paragraph!
$$$ – Cash rules everything around me. Well, not really, but it is important. Whether it’s bills, 401k, savings, gambling, raises/bonuses, mortgages, or any other aspect of monetary value, it will be on our mind. Men have a natural drive to be protectors and take care of family. Money is one thing you will need and is important (and I don’t want to get into a philosophical debate on this, I’m talking basic necessity). It’s stressful as hell, but women tell me there’s nothing sexier than a fiscally responsible man, so are you thinking about chex while he’s thinking bout checks? Hmm…
Success – If you know me, or know my writing and online persona, you know that ultimate success is always on my mind . No one aspires to be a failure, at least not outwardly. We want to excel in our profession. We want to solve puzzles, beat those video games, be your best lover, best father, best brother. We want to have a legacy, and be known as a winner. We have constant reminders in our lives that someone may do something better than us, and we want to be better than that! Some men can let this consume them, but competition is at the essence of the male genome.
Family – This may not be every man, but it should. Not just associated with blood. You’re close friends, associates, anybody who you consider an integral part of your life. When you go through it, so do we. Illness, death, issues, we all carry that with us because we want to make it better and sometimes we’re helpless. Other times, we’re holding family down and taking L’s ourselves (definitely a future blog).These types of things weigh on a man’s mind, and we may not articulate it much because men don’t do that, but this is on our mind.
Final word about s*x: We all think about it, men are just more demonstrative, while woman claim to be more discreet. Men enjoy talking about s*x. It excites us. It intrigues us. At times we can hold a conversation on a s*xual topic and not even know. I had a hour long twitter debate about Cinemax after dark vs. HBO after dark… on a Sunday. Do NOT judge me, it was early and the thought just popped into my head so I discussed it!. Also, We do think about slappin skins: we need an escape sometimes you know? It a natural aspect of being a human! Unless you’re a Visitor, or a Shaolin Monk, I don’t see how people can not have naughty thoughts cross their mind in some way, shape or form daily. Ladies, let’s stop using this crutch and excuses about male cognitive patterns to derive a hypothesis for a correlation between words and actions. Some men are just @ssholes, because they are, not because they think about s*x!
Men – anything else we think about other than the horizontal polka?
Women, do you see where I’m coming from… I mean do you get my perspective? Why/Why not?
Coed Confidential is must see TV!
Ok, but like, what…77% of the time you're thinking about sex? Is that fair? lol
trust me, I'm not judging.Let's simply examine your post…you gave 4 points. Four other things that men think about outside of sex, four universal things that most men will cosign that take up a lot of their nonsexual thoughts, yes? Love, three of your four points referenced sex. IJS.
– "It’s a primal urge within us…have some halftime humpin and I bet you slow clap this paragraph!"
– "It’s stressful as hell, but women tell me there’s nothing sexier than a fiscally responsible man, so are you thinking about chex while he’s thinking bout checks? Hmm…"
– "We want to…be your best lover…"
We're just animals in the end…it's understandable, let's not fight it… #DiscoveryChannel
Hah! Yes, he was definitely thinking about sex.
I dont think men think of sex that much more than women. Like he mentioned… I think women are just more reserved.
my dude …. you forgot food
He sure did!
Streetz, I have to review you're status as a UFP (Undercover Fat Person). A true foodie would've never left out FOOD!
You're under investigation until further notice.
I love how you and Cheekz didn't though. I thought the same thing! #FoodiesUnite!
I dig this. I believe it, too.
The caption under the cartoon is funny "The moment you get a girl in bed all you think about is s*x." Umm… what else is he thinking about? How much money he's gonna make off winning Fantasy Football?
If I got a dude in bed, I hope I wouldnt be thinking about, oh, how i could lose a couple inches off my waist, what to cook for dinner tomorrow, and why that stank broad was giving me the o_0 at work earlier that day.
I agree w/ cheekz – food should get an honorable mention. in particular meat, anything grilled or stacked high. Men love different combinations of food.
So do I though.
Sports: Chex can be a sport, right? They say it's a good workout.
$$$ – How Carmex-repellant niccas like Gucci Mane GETS chexed.
Success – With great success comes great chex.
Family – What you get when you have chex.
But in all seriousness, yeah thinking about thronx time ain't just a man thang. And it ain't just about men being more open about it (because lots of women are with no apologies), it's more so the different societal reaction to said openness. But, eh, it's the way the world turns. And yeah, chex doesn't make a man an a*shole, an a*shole just uses chex as one of the many ways to show the a*shole that he already is.
I want some cereal…
But in all seriousness, yeah thinking about thronx time ain’t just a man thang.
Amens. Lol. I sometimes think it crosses my conversation w/ the menfolk too often, and I'm leading the discussion! I have to censor myself sometimes b/c I don't want the man in question to think that I ONLY think about chex or all I want him for his chex or even that I want to chex him in the first place.
You know, I'm not even gonna lie…I've been a guilty party in leading the conversation down that chexual road. Not even cuz I wanted chex, it was just something that fascinated me overall.
Crap…can someone please edit my previous comments? I forgot to self-censor. I'm still not completely used to this.
I think when men are younger yes….S*x is number one and then sports is number two and all the rest is equal.
As men mature and enter their 30's and 40's and Family, Success, and Money become more prevalent they move up in their hierarchy of needs. Then I would say $$ is number one and all the rest falls into place.
I agree, it's not that all we think about is sex. It's just that all we think about, that involves women, is sex.
Totally not true. Things I think about when I think about women:
(1) I can see why she's single (Nothing to do with sex)
(2) Why is she so loud?
(3) She's pretty, not my type but pretty.
(4) I wish she would be quiet.
(5) She scares me.
(6) She might take my girl.
The list goes on. I'm not an animal in the wild. Everytime i'm thinking about a woman i'm not thinking about sex. That's messed up what if i'm around family, or even my daughter, lol.
1 – 6 : all reasons you wouldn't want to chex her, therefore thinking about chex indirectly.
BAM! Lol.
Hyperbole Dr. J…
nice play…
Great post. I think a bunch of people said food preferably fried or grilled. I would add spirituality. I think at some level or another guys are concerned with how God or whomever they pray to views their behavior, especially as you get older
Ya forgot Video Games. Y'all serious about those games. lol
not every dude likes video games. i played my brother's ps3 when i was home for break. that was the first time i played a video game in the past 7 or 8 years.
Wow. Thanks for the PSA. Glad to see men are three-dimensional. 🙂
Real talk, this is a very well placed post and much needed. I can't tell you how many times I tell women, "Please stop assuming I want to have sex with you." You know I told a chick once this line ruins every date with a man, maybe not boys, but men: "A lot of men won't date me because they find out i'm not going to f*ck them." I'm like, seriously, i'm trying to figure out if you're even dateable, i'm not thinking about sex.
I learned a long time ago, from positive mentors that a man who operates thinking about sex all the time ruins his chances at success. A real man learns how to have contacts with women without the ultimate goal of sleeping with them. He controls his environment without letting his carnal fallacies control him.
And on the low and also a f*cked up level: Women don't trip about sex because they know they can have it when they want it. Once a man realizes he has this power too, he wins the war.
PS – I've read several articles that say women think about sex the same, if not more than men. So the jury's out. I'm about go watch Sportscenter.
It's unfortunate though…many of us black males have been socialized in direct or indirect ways to place a lot of self-worth on our sexuality. Even if a man is broke, you'll hear him saying something like "I still gets the Pu$$y though!"
One thing I've realized as I finally got out of my sniper mode is that the more I get to know some women without the sexual angle, the more you find out stuff about them. Some of these things aren't necessarily good, but you can definitely get better details when your mind isn't fogged with lust.
As far as what I think about besides sex:
Taking over the world on my computer.
Taking over the highway in my car.
Domination of a small third-world island (with attractive women).
Becoming a cult leader.
Domination of a small third-world island (with attractive women).
Pick up a Bible and tell me that has nothing to do with sex. Don't worry, I've got a hose handy. Pause.
"A real man learns how to have contacts with women without the ultimate goal of sleeping with them. He controls his environment without letting his carnal fallacies control him.
And on the low and also a f*cked up level: Women don’t trip about sex because they know they can have it when they want it. Once a man realizes he has this power too, he wins the war."
the realest thing you ever wrote.
Sex is connected to everything… Everything is sex… whether direct or indirect… Makes life that much more fun
You….LIE!
I've never been one to think that that's all that's on a man's mind. After all, I have more close guy friends than I do gals, and we talk about everything under the sun. With most of the guys I met in school, we spend a lot of time talking about how that school was a gift & curse, particular courses, programs, and our constantly changing plans for the future. At least 90% of the time, though, the subject will pop up. There's only 1 guy with whom I can talk for many hours without it coming up at least once, and that's because we're more like siblings now even though there was once something there on his end.
Dr J: Perhaps you aren't, but there are a lot of men who are. You're right in saying that it's probably not a great first date line, but sometimes the interest is clearly more sexual on one end, and it's better to have it out in the open sooner rather than later. It's not always about a man acting like a horndog; when a man is interested in a woman, there's going to be some sexual interest, and if she feels as though there was no other real basis for the date (they didn't meet elsewhere and lock eyes & brains for hours before exchanging #s), she may think she's playing it safe by laying the cards out there.
I actually speak up before the 1st date, and it's usually because I know exactly what the dude wants, and we're not on the same page. If he gives me room enough to grant him the benefit of a doubt, then he'll find out certain things as a natural progression of our acquaintance.
So basically you waste your time and someone else's time by going on a date that you just know will be pointless?
Pardon me for not going into detail with everything that I type. The only thing I was trying to get across is that others do it during a date, and I do it before it even gets to that point. In other words, so as to waste either party's time, especially mine. Usually, that first date never materializes, and not least because I have very little interest in people whose main interest in me lies within my body.
lol, smh. I meant "so as not to waste either party's time". Way to fudge up my point. #facepalm.
i think about s*x. often. during the course of a day i probably think about that the most. i will not tell a lie. those are just fleeting thoughts though. the things i spend the most energy thinking about are:
~ how to better myself as a person. may sound corny but it's true. i'm constantly thinking about how to improve myself as a whole.
~ music. i listen to music all the time. during the day you can usually catch me with my ear buds in rocking to something. it's only natural that i think about music.
~ sports. especially this time of year. nfl playoffs are about to start. bowl season. college basketball. nba season is starting to take form.
~ relationships with women (outside of s*x). yes i think about relations outside of s*x.
"I learned a long time ago, from positive mentors that a man who operates thinking about sex all the time ruins his chances at success. A real man learns how to have contacts with women without the ultimate goal of sleeping with them. He controls his environment without letting his carnal fallacies control him."
So I've never posted here but this ish is so on point, just had to give it its due. More males and females need positive role models.
Some Additions that may add to the list
-Politics – whether govt, Frat, fam, etc.
– Music – Since my commutes involves NYCT, I have my headphones up loud and dissecting every song for hidden messages and meanings (Even Waka got some subliminals.. #notreally)
– Spirituality I am not religous but myself and most men have some type of sense of right/wrong and of God. Crosses our mind when we weigh life choices
-Sports/Luxury/Fast Cars – I love Cars….enough said
– Watches/Clothing/Accessories – I like looking good, and spend empty head time analyzing other people outfits and fashion trends. Guys do check each other out in that perspective(No Man law broken…right?)
-Sizing Up Threats – May be a NYC/Alpha male thing, but dudes I know have violent thoughts and sometimes discuss them.. maybe I shouldn't share that one…
Math/Science topics – I'm a nerd
"Sizing Up Threats – May be a NYC/Alpha male thing, but dudes I know have violent thoughts and sometimes discuss them.. maybe I shouldn’t share that one…"
This is so a man thing. I was puzzled when I learned that many men walk into a place (i.e. club scene) and immediately start sizing up the competition.
As a woman, I would feel that would make me seem insecure. I used to walk into the club as if I am the only woman there.
A phrase I live by, taught to me by a mentor:
"You'll lose money chasing women, but you'll never lose women chasing money…"
I beg to differ. lol, The Dream's love vs money song just popped into my head:
—————-
(hook)
anything she wanted, i brought it
broke my neck so this girl didn't go without it,
and i can't even hate homie,
i am to blame,
instead of loving you, I was making it rain,
(chorus)
he took my shorty, he took my girl
he took the any and everything out my world,
he took my heart from me, he took my soul
i should've known money couldn't match,
It ain't no match for that.
—————-
Maybe not the golddiggers, but please believe that you will lose some women who matter if your focus is 75% money, 12-15% them, and the rest on other stuff.
Quoting The Dream's simp arse? #fail
It means moreso that focusing your attention on your goals, women will come to you, but when u focus on women, they will flee..
I quoted it because it came to mind. I don't quote only the greatest songs, but then again, I do like some lame songs. The message within is all that mattered as far as my post was concerned.
That's your/your mentor's interpretation, and a valid one, but some people take it at face value and think they're good as long as their eyes are on the almighty dollar.
I guess I have issues because I think about sex all the dayum time. At the grocery store, driving shopping, all the time.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
You think, therefore you are lol…
Dr J.: "I’ve read several articles that say women think about sex the same, if not more than men. So the jury’s out."
This. After all, women are the reason the romance novel industry is doing well.
Things other than $ex I think about on a regular basis (in no particular order): sports, religion, God, philosophy, ecomonics, politics, weightlifting, money, work, helping others, family, music, math and science (I guess my mind is just as sick and twisted as DeKeLa's).
I agree. If you're not having sex you're trying to obtain other things. Shows that we think about more material things and the future. I think the future is only emotional or non-tangible thing we think about as men.
There's NOTHING wrong with thinking bout the ess ee ex! Im just saying that women think thats on our minds 24/7. Well not in the front part, is what Im saying. Geez..lmao
Add shoe, up the s*x quotient, and you've pretty much got all I think about. Does this mean I'm a guy? 🙁
Don't worry. Any thoughts of issuing you a "One of the guys" card were scrapped at the mention of shoes. #noaldo
So basically, I think about a lot of stuff…
No I will not list it all here like I have to qualify my thoughts to prove I think about more than sex… I'm a whole person, I promise you.
This "Only think about sex" thing has a context. Any person knows other people think about random ish. I've seen this applied to mostly the dating context.
Here's something I thought about that isn't sex: Women don't literally mean "only." I know this lady that had the following definition of "always": Anything that happens twice in succession. So basically if you cursed in two sentences back-to-back, in her mind, it equated to you "always" cursing no matter how much you don't curse after the fact.
Let's apply that here.
"only" would mean a majority of guys she dated or almost dated. Even if she only dated 1 guy a certain year and that guy just wanted sex, she is qualified to say "guys only want/think about sex" since her majority of 1 drives it.
C'mon… If women truly thought that men only thought about sex, then either they would adapt or stop dating all together. Essentially, to most women, omitting keys words from a complete thought isn't seen as lying. So what they're really saying is "The guys I've encountered only seem to think about sex."
Women make such outlandish statements out loud to do the following:
1) Gauge the mentality of surrounding males. (actually just to force a reaction)
2) Qualify any negative stances on male behavior or feelings towards past experiences (or to feed current pessimistic views on dating)
3) It's easy to paint a picture of a not-so complex male psyche driven by primal urges.
4) Just to hear themselves talk.
5) Just to hear others agree to what they said.
I was rocking with you 'til you got to the end…we do exaggerate with the "always" and "every time" and "all men" nonsense, but c'mon most of us know it's for the ease of convo and the purpose of venting and not God's honest truth-or you're right, we'd give up! Men do it too.
But where you really went left to me is with your list as to our purpose for making such statements…I'd argue that:
Women make such outlandish statements out loud to do the following:
1) Gauge the mentality of surrounding males Perhaps. As a challenge, hoping that he will be the guy to prove her wrong
2)
Qualify any negative stances on male behavior or feelings towards past experiences (or to feed current pessimistic views on dating)Vent regarding her current dating experience.3) It’s easy to paint a picture of a not-so complex male psyche driven by primal urges.This was my biggest "What in theeee entirety of hell?" moment…YA'LL are the ones always telling us how "simple" you are. How we overthink everything. How men are so easy and women are so impossible to figure out…how we should just be breezy and life would be rainbows and lollipops. So are you simple and easy or not?
4) Just to hear themselves talk. Can't fight you here…sometimes both sexes do this ish…a lot actually…
5) Just to hear others agree to what they said. I can rock with that too…there's comfort in knowing that you aren't the only one that has men that are willing to take all that your body will give, but are not interested in the mind…you wonder sometimes what you are doing wrong, and if your gf that seems to have it all together is having the exact same issues, it can provide some fleeting, shallow comfort.
*throws her 2 pennies in the coffer*
Star, I think we only disagree with #3. And that's ok.
Each sex has a different 'point of simplicity.' What you say goes in the same bucket as men claiming women are over analytical while at the same time calling them illogical. Which makes no sense…
Men are simple in our motivations but complex when dealing with carrying out our actions. We are notorious for making ambiguous statements and actions. Women seem to be simple in their actions but are complex with meanings of any said actions.
Don't believe me? Here's an example:
A women in the midst of relationship turmoil has many conflicting ideas on many of her SO's actions or words. She is able to look her SO in the eye and say, "I'm hurt, but I still love you." -> simple action with everything surrounding the event being analyzed including homie's reaction.
A guy would be more inclined to demonstrate his pain and love conflict via a sequence of ambiguous actions or statements while the entire time either 1) wanting it to end or 2) wanting to fix it.
Ambiguous actions/statements are a defense mechanism. So is "over analyzing."
Never sat and thought about it but you make an excellent point and explanation.
It is completely possible to be over-analytical and illogical simultaneously. The fact that a person is analyzing something they don’t understand is perfectly logical behaviour. However, when the motive behind the analyzation or the method used to analyze said *thing* is of an illogical nature you have created the aforementioned strange yet completely possible combination.
I must be a man *covers face*
Shaolin monks think of sex…my shifu got one of the girls I trained with pregnant *shrugs*
The notion of men in bed always thinking with their little head is as ludicrous as the notiion of women in bed alwasy thinking with their big head… Then again… Can only speak for me… There are times I just want to hold a woman closely while next to her. There are times I want to be held closely by a woman while next to her. There are times I want to talk to and with her. Fck, there are times I want her to talk to and with me. Being with a woman is more than just s*x to me. I see a woman as more than “just p*ssy”, and I expect her to see me as more than “just dck”. Then again, I tend to think of things in terms of connection.