There are several things that men will have to realize women intentionally do and then lie about later. Most men will accept that a girl is naïve or that she is “going through somethings” as a valid excuse for inconsiderate and downright trifling behavior. Most guys need to get it through their thick skulls that their hunch is usually right. Personally, I have one of those flags that goes off in one’s head when something just doesn’t add up. I’ve been asked by several partners, “Jay, why are you so sure?” And I try and tell them, that though I don’t believe that I have some psychic power that allows me to know when someone is lying, it’s just a feeling I get that’s never wrong.

For starters if something is real, you never have to doubt it. If you have to ask yourself, “I wonder what she thinks of me.” Chances are, she doesn’t. If you are wondering why she never calls you or tries to contact you, you don’t have to look for interesting ways to make her call. Chances are she just doesn’t want to talk to you. Some women will tell you, I just don’t call dudes. That’s either a lie, or she’s better off alone. Any woman worth dating knows that courtship and relationships are two way streets and once person cannot get away with always letting the other person do all of the work.

She can only have but so much bad luck. Sometimes you have a girl who tends to reschedule all of your plans because something came up, or she has to stay at work late, or she forgot that she had told someone she would do something for them and can’t get out of it. She’s really just stringing you along for the ride. She’s postponing for a later date when she may or may not decide to take you up on that free meal. Beware of people who can’t say no. There are plenty of women, who lack the ability to tell a guy straight to his face, no I’m not interested, or no I do not want to.

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She picks up her phone when it rings. Say it with me, she picks up her phone when it rings. I want you to keep repeating that until you finish this post. A lot of guys buy the excuse, “I never pick my phone.” No she sees you are calling and she’s staring at the caller ID hoping you leave a message or send a text instead. If you don’t believe me, watch her patterns, while you are hanging out with her, when one of her friends calls, watch how she… picks up the phone. (If a girl merely prefers to talk through text or BBM but is still interested, she will pick up the phone and then say, “Hey, do you mind if we continue over text?”)

She feels sorry for no one but herself. If she tells you that she feels sorry for a guy or an ex-boyfriend and that’s why she allows him to call, or occasionally spends time with him. That’s a lie meant to comfort you and convince you to stay around. No woman does what she does not want to do for someone she doesn’t care deeply for. It’s perfectly natural for a woman to feel deeply for an ex-boyfriend, but that is a sure-tell sign that she is not completely over him and definitely not ready to move on.

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This is a very important point you need to know; if she respects you, she will. You shouldn’t have to tutor a woman on how to respect you or treat you right. You shouldn’t have to remind her that it would be nice if she would call to say good night after a night on the town with her girlfriends so you know she got home safe, and is not enjoying a night of romping around with some chap she met at the bar. You shouldn’t have to remind her that if she has to cancel plans, the time to tell you is in advance, not after you’ve spent the last 30 minutes calling and texting to no response. You shouldn’t have to tell her that it’s not okay for her ex-boyfriend should not be calling her at 11:30PM when you are snuggled up on the couch watching Law & Order together. (Nor, should you have to tell her that she shouldn’t pick up the phone. Or should you have to tell her to ask him not to call that late anymore again.) At the end of the day if she respects you, you won’t have to worry about it.

This is also a very important point; you don’t have to convince her to be with someone she wants to be with. You don’t have to compete for her attention and care if she wants to give it to you. Often times guys find themselves in these situations where a girl is not sure if she wants to be with him, or her ex, or her best friend, or her longstanding crush. This means she doesn’t want to be with you. She’s keeping you around for one of two reasons; she’s indecisive or you’re the fall back plan. As a man, you’ve got to be able to step out on faith and breeze from that situation.

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No games are worth playing by yourself except solitaire and masturbation, therefore, don’t do the same with your love life. If you are trying to figure out if this girl is the one, and what you have to do to get in her graces, trust your gut feeling. If you’ve done your due diligence and she’s not responsive, take the hint. Even a man who has no clue what he’s doing, a respecting young lady can see his intentions and will either point him in the right direction or tell him she’s not interested. There is no woman alive who doesn’t know that some men just don’t get hints. If she seems like a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and you need new glasses, chances are you need to let her go.

Dr. J can now be reached at 1-800-Help-me-J.