So… surprise! It’s me on a day that I’m usually not, but the big homie Slim needed to take a personal day and I decided to step in with a gem for you guys. Anna N., one of my favorite SBM readers said something last week about women who do not like other women and how you all need to just get over that and I truly do agree with her. I can’t tell you how when a woman says, “All my friends are men, I don’t get along with women.” It’s slightly unattractive. Really unattractive, why do I want to date a woman who acts like a man? You feel me?
But the fact remains, women just don’t get along. They don’t like each other, they don’t trust each other, they don’t like their mother, sister, female cousins, daughters, and grandkids. They will inevitably have a falling out, and they are so vindictive they can go years without speaking all because someone smudged your Louboutins on a crazy night at the club. In college I would say, “If there’s a group of women in a group larger than three, before they graduate there will be a shake up.” (Disclaimer: You and your LS’s do not count, boo boo.) Now I’m not a woman, and I don’t profess to have you guys figured out, but the biggest question is… WHY?
And I think I know why.
Women know women because they are women. The sixth sense is truly understanding your gender. And for women they understand their gender better than anyone else. They not only understand their personal self, they understand everyone who is a woman. And for that reason they really don’t like themselves, or their faults, so they don’t trust someone else’s efforts to control their faults. So in fact, I’ll state the following thesis, women who don’t like women, don’t like themselves.
Another reason why women don’t like men is because of good men. Over the weekend while enjoying some day drinking heading towards disaster because it was 90 degrees and I was drinking rum punch on the Waterfront, I told my boy, “Men and women are allergic to relationships for two completely opposite reasons.” Men don’t want to be tied down, and women can’t find anyone worth being tied to. So women are protective of their good men. And since women are looking for good men, they understand that if they have one, or their eyes on one, there’s probably a dirty sock heffer trying to steal him.
Women don’t care what people think and they know that every woman has her opinion on everything, therefore, they don’t like that other woman side eye’ing her all the time. They know that since they have a little hate or “wince” in them, every woman has a little hate or wince in them. They don’t want you to judge them, and they know there is a snagger tooth heffer waiting to say something negative about them.
And last but not least, women do not get along because they don’t have to get along. In life this is true, women don’t really need another woman in their life. They will convince you they don’t need anyone, but follow me for a second… A woman will do perfectly fine by growing up, educating herself, providing for herself, finding a husband, and having some babies. At no point in that is there a reason for her to have a woman in her life. She doesn’t need a best friend, her man will do. And since women don’t like each other, why would she waste her time trying to build a bridge to a place she doesn’t like.
Well, I’m just saying, lol. Anyway, women please break the bank and tell us why you don’t get along. Men, please comment and confirm all men’s suspicion that these women don’t get along. In other words, SBM massive speak on it.
“Though the fans want the feeling of this guy called Slim, But all they got left is this guy called Doc.” Slim will be back next week.


See, I will never understand how a woman can have absolutely no female friends. I mean everyone has issues but to basically write off your whole gender sounds too much like self hate to me.
Often times when I hear another woman say she has no female friends, it is said as if it is something to be proud of. Like not having female friends makes you cool. Well here is a clue: IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU COOL! In fact I think it is quite sad.
I mean how do you not have friends who can relate to you on the most basic level and deal with the same issues you deal with. Male friends are great but they will never fully understand what it means to be a woman.
For me personally, all my close friends are women and I have been friends with most of them since before high school. (I am 26 now.) They are the ones who lift me up and encourage me to be a better me. They have been there for me when I have been at my lowest. I can honestly say that I am a better person for having them in my life. So yea, not havinng female friends is something with which I just cannot relate nor would I ever want to.
As a woman, I can't imagine not having any female friends and I can't imagine being proud of that.
Fellas, if you meet a woman with no female friends and she BOASTS about it, consider that to be a red flag. What kind of red flag? Well, here are a few . . .
The "I'm insecure (and in denial about it)" flag – She doesn't want or can't handle the competition. Anything w/ a vagina is a threat to her. She may have even had female friends once upon a time and ran them off.
The "What I hate about other women, I really hate about myself (and I'm in denial about it)" flag – Ask her why she doesn't have friends of the same sex and I can almost guarantee that whatever her reasons are, they can be applied to her. Ex, "Women are petty" = "I'm petty" or "I don't trust them" = "I can't be trusted." Now, will she admit this? Nope. But, her crazy will come out eventually.
The "who gon check me boo?" flag- She doesn't like female friends b/c every now and then, a real female friend will tell you about yourself. A real female friend will sit you down and tell you that keying RayRay's car may have been fun but the voodoo doll you keep in your panty drawer is a bit too much, lol. She doesn't want anybody trying to check her or try to keep her grounded.
The "all I need is my man and all my man needs is me so he can't have any friends either" flag – self explanatory.
The "all my friends are (straight) men b/c they all secretly want to get in my bed and that makes me feel powerful" flag – Not to be confused with the tomboy that's just "one of the boys" or the girl w/ nothing but gay men friends. No, the only friends she can account for are the straight men that all want to or have hit that. Somebody in this situation is stuck in the friends zone and at some point this will get messy.
The "I don't need nobody" flag- Everybody needs somebody, sometime! She's lying to herself. If she doesn't need anybody, then she'll never need you either. You'll be disposable to her just like everybody else.
I'm not saying that ALL women w/o female companionship are crazy, lol, i'm just saying that you should keep your eyes and ears open if she boasts about it. And no offense to the women w/o female friends . . . I'm sure you have your reasons.
This sums it up. De Nile ain't just a river in Egypt….
Well said…the same a woman should raise a side eye when a man says he has no male friends. Something ain't right in the water–there's a crazy gene somewhere.
SPEAK on it!!
You speak from the Tabernacle and I just hosted a Praise party wth DJ Khaled and friends! LISTENNNNNNNNNNN!
Excellent post!
Yup. You said it all. *running high five*
I realize that us women may not get along too well. We have attitudes. We're overemotional. We're territorial. Yadda yadda blah blah. But any woman who says "I don't have a friend who's a woman" or "I don't get along with women" is wack herself, and is probably a frigidaire herself (ice cold). Yeah I said it.
No way can you justify not having ONE woman in your life to call a friend. I know we're bad sometimes but NOT ONE?? I call boolsheet. Every woman you come across is not Lucifer's sister. Self-hating heffas.
I bet I just pissed off a lotta women reading this. But I mean it. Why can't we all just… get along?
I can only speak for me. I have a wonderful group of female friends. I get along well with them. I can count the times we have had a disagreement or an argument…I can count on them in a pinch situation. We pray together, I can't imagine my life without my female friends…
I don't really get those women who boast about not having any female friends. Women do need other women…because the fact of the matter is, men will come and go out of your life, but your female friends will always be there for you. Now, I realize, there are catty, jealous, women out here who can't maintain close bonds with other women…but I personally don't have any association with these types of women…
Dr J. I have heard of women like this but I don't really think a large majority of women are like this….
"Dirty sock heffer?" LOL you're killing me.
Yeah, the sisterhood is deep. Real deep – most women can attest that there were at least a few times when we've had to lean HARD on our girlfriends.
That's why women who have girlfriends look sideways at woman-haters…despite the drama, cattiness, etc. – women are your roll dogs in the clinch. You're passing up on one of the best resources life hands you.
Immature women might not get along but this post doesn't apply to the majority. That's like me saying all black men have big d…simple not true.
I have female friends but I don't have a lot of them. I have 3 female friends and my sister…that is my click. The reason being is not because I don't get along with women…it has more to do with not having a lot of people around me period.
You have to watch who you call friend. Not everyone should be allowed in your circle.
From what I seen, I think that the women who say they don't have female friends or they don't get along with females is because they fell into that trap of letting everyone in their circle. I have seen so many girls that have new "friends" everyday. Every woman they meet is their friend. They hang with like 15 females and then get surprise if one of them don't act the way the thought.
The male friends I do have are cool to but they can't replace having someone that can fully relate to you which is another woman.
"You have to watch who you call friend. Not everyone should be allowed in your circle."
Well said and very true and I think if more people (not just women) would learn and love this they wouldn't have a reason to "not trust other women" or what have you. My "friends" know who they are. They are more than that to me so I don't really like the word but I digress.
Either way, when you take time to evaluate relationships and your dealings with other people, you learn who is "f" word material and who isn't and when you've got those select few, your life is better for it!
Every time i hear this i just think what if i ran around saying " I dont have any male friends i only hang out with women" Im pretty sure i would get the side eye.It is strange when i meet a women with only male friends. more times than not they are insecure
I'm not one of those women who have no female friends, but I am somewhat jaded when it comes to friendships among females. I’ve been burned too many times by so-called girlfriends in the past. I have a good group now but I can certainly understand the inclination to avoid them.
I think that when women have a good friendship it's an amazing thing. But there are a lot of ways in which female friendships can go left. Let's be honest – some women are catty, jealous, unsupportive, etc. and all of that stuff can eff up a friendship.
Now I know everyone's going to say that you shouldn't befriend women who are like that, and it's true. But let's be honest again and admit that women are great actors and they are really amazing at pretending to be your friend and have your back and all that while secretly praying for your downfall.
By contrast I find that there's a certain…honesty in my friendships with men that I don't often find with my female friends. You can shoot straight with them and they'll shoot straight back. Women have to tread lightly with one another to avoid hurting feelings; women tend not to confront one another when their feelings are hurt. But with men you can just tell them about their parts and go about your business and the next day you're good. For someone like me who is nearly incapable of holding water in my mouth, that’s far more appealing.
I didn't have girlfriends (real true girlfriends) until I was about 21/22..I had sisters (5 of em!) so I didn't feel the need. Now I there is a group of 5 of us that I would go through the fire for. I can understand how a woman can say she doesn't have any female friends…you keep getting burned by folk over and over again you get tired of it and retreat.
The understanding comes with a limit though…if you are just nasty @ss and catty with your dislike of other women….O_o
interesting post. i have had the same girlfriends since i was 9 years old, we all grew up together and to this day they are my closest friends. i have my friends from college but we are all so busy we don't see one another like we would like to. i have a very close gf at work and i'm also close to my sisters.
i will say that i don't normally strike up brand new "friendships", but mostly it's a time issue and it takes time to get to know someone…time to get to know someone is not something that i have a great deal of.
women are alright, men are alright, i have male and female friends. life is good.
LIke I said when I was posting from my phone…immature women might not get along, but a mature woman has female friends.
If a woman tells you she doesn't, you should wonder why–it's not the other women, it's "her" with the issues.
Yes, you should choose your friends carefully. Every one who proclaims to be your friend isn't. God gives us all a spirit of discernment and we should use it when picking our friends.
"If a woman tells you she doesn’t, you should wonder why–it’s not the other women, it’s “her” with the issues."
Yep, the woman that keeps talking about not having female friends because women are (insert whatever catty word) needs to look in the mirror because she is a bad judge of character and needs to start picking her friends wisely or no one wants to deal with her.
You can't be the only great, down to earth, non catty woman alive, there's more out there…seek them out.
As it's been already said…if a woman says she doesn't have any…ANY female friends, there's something clearly wrong in her life. Either she's distrustful, or she's not trustworthy.
I have had the same best female friend since elementary school. She knows where the bodies are buried and vice versa …lol. All the rest? Mere acquaintances. I learned early that everyone doesn't deserve a front row seat to your life.
Happy Tuesday!
I don't think women who don't have female friends should be judged so harshly nor do I think when they say they don't have female friends that they're necessarily bragging about it. This is coming from someone who has a best friend that's a female but doesn't have many other female friends. I am a tomboy but of course I luv being a woman. My problem has been this, you call someone your friend & then you find out she doesn't give a f*ck about you. (My personal experience). These so-called "friends" were in constant competition with me (damn I didn't know I was up against you I thought we were just going to a party smh). Some were also jealous, envious & just down right EVIL. Time & time again I forgave these "friends" for their transgressions because…who wants to be a woman walking around with no girlfriends?! Clearly, women without female friends are being judged (looks at this post & comments). It would be nice to say I had a group of girlfriends but I don't. I'm not making any apologies for not being friends with girls (I haven't sworn them off or anything lol). Its just that through the years as my friends came & went (because I've had to cut there a**es off) if found out that…everyone is NOT your friend. That goes for guys too (especially the ones who are secretly trying to get with you on the low). But when I hang out & talk to my guy friends there's generally no "hating" going on. Everyone is just laid back, trying to have a good time. While my female friends on the other hand, are busy trying to find something negative about what's going on with you (possibly so they can feel better about themselves) & so focused on getting (or keeping their man) that everything else (her homegirls) comes last. And personally, I'm not caught up in nor am I that desperate that having (or not having) a relationship with someone of the opposite sex that its going to determine my level of happiness. So kudos, to those who have solid female relationships but those of us that don't aren't all self-hating, insecure, blah blah blah. Sometimes its just those exact things (insecurity, self-hatred,etc) about other women that make women like me steer clear of those toxic friendships.
I'm with you. I'm not saying that having no female friends is something to brag about, but it's kind of a big leap to assume that it says something about a woman's self esteem if she doesn't have any.
Thank you for this! I was reading all these posts bashing women that don't have female friends and it's really not fair to make assumptions as to the reason why.
I don't have many close female friends. Really only one, and sometimes she's iffy. I don't have anything against other women, I don't think they're all terrible. It's just that, as you get older, people grow apart for one reason or another. People change. There have been feelings of jealousy, resentment and just plain negativity that I have felt from some of my so called "friends". So, I let them go. I have no room for negativity in my life. It just so happened that those friends were women.
My closest friend is a guy and he's been supportive throughout everything. Never judgemental, never catty and never negative. My guy friends have helped me tremendously during my relationships, helping me to see things from the other side.
Do I wish I had more female friends? Sure! But, I've found that you can't force things. New friendships are hard to come by.
I think that most of the posters aren't bashing women who don't have any female friends….we're bashing the women who proclaim proudly that they don't have female friends, "don't hang wit fee-males", "can't stand bytches" etc. I think most of us whittle our circle of friends down to the single digits at some point, but to advertise and down other women just because you have no friends?
We bash women who bash women, lol.
Most of them are indeed just bashing the women that bash women, but there are some comments on here just judging off top based on the number of female friends a woman has.
"but seriously a woman who doesn’t have a lot of same sex friends is highly unattractive. i don’t really care what your reasons are."
-The commenter formerly known as Tunde
I think that this is where there's some confusion as to where the judgement is aimed. As someone who has stated she doesn't have a lot of people (in general) that she calls friend, much less women, it just hits me in the wrong spot. Just sayin…
"We bash women who bash women" bingo! That's all it is lol.
I don't think anyone is passing judgment. People are actually warning people to be cautious–because they should. I've given some examples and there are other examples. Of course everybody who fits the subject of this post isn't going to fit all the things discussed here today.
Any time you meet a new person, you should be observant and proceed with caution until you get to know the person better.
What I take from this post is that there are a small subset of women that ruin the world. They make women do crazy things, they make men do crazy things too. Women are afraid that they are going to judge them or steal their man or jump them in the streets. Men are afraid that they'll wife and she'll secretly have astronomical numbers or she'll try to rob you for your papers or she'll consistently bust the windows out your car. How do we avoid these individuals?
How do you avoid them? When walking down the street…and you see crazy approaching…don't continue walking up to them…cross the street! LOL Sorry…under a lot of stress today. 🙂
"When walking down the street…and you see crazy approaching…don’t continue walking up to them…cross the street!"
ROFLMAO…will have to quote you.
The cold part is the older you get you know these crazy people you just talk yourself out of it. People will generally tell you who they really are its just if you choose to listen.
SPEAK! That's what I'm sayin… you have to listen. You can't get mad b/c you got burned in a friendship, you knew that itchbay was crazy. Crazy people show their true colors if you take heed. I mean crazy is subjective, so if you are crazy then roll w/ crazy… birds of a feather typically flock together. Don't be a swallow in a hen house…
The dirty sock comment got me. Lol. I do think that it's necessary for a woman to have female friends… and having more than one is good b/c we have a lot of emotional ups & downs, and the time when you're having a moment & you only have ONE female friend, if she's having a moment too you may be in it by yourself.
Anywhozers… I have the best group of friends… we went through that whole storming/norming process in college and now we are unshakable. It's funny that you mention the shake up Dr. J, b/c I think the other female groups on campus rejoiced when they thought we were coming to an end. All that process did was make us stronger, but then again you have to know when it's time to leave and when you have something worth perserving… and we had it. There are about 10 of us, but of course we all run in smaller circles w/in the circle. There's no jealousy about it… we understand each other. So what if Shaquanda is closer to Lakimisha then she is to Barita? Doesn't matter.
When you talk about females not getting along… I do think there is a phenom where
1. People don't use discernment when picking their friends. Yes… everyone is not your friend, you can't get mad when you get burned if that heffer was talking about using folks in casual conversation but you assumed that didn't mean you.
2. There are occassions when female groups don't get along. This one here is what you may see. When a 'member' from my group clashes w/ another woman – possibly from another group. You can see the steam rising, the eyes rolling… and a collision in the future. That's always gonna happen. Just b/c the groups personalities are so different.
I'm gonna sum this up w/… I think you were right in a way. Women dont like other women – on occassion – b/c they KNOW women. I know what that heffer is up to… and I don't like it. Sometimes b/c we've tried it ourselves, sometimes b/c someone we know has done it… or simply b/c my 6th sense tells me that b*tch ain't no good.
"I’m gonna sum this up w/… I think you were right in a way. Women dont like other women – on occassion – b/c they KNOW women. I know what that heffer is up to… and I don’t like it. Sometimes b/c we’ve tried it ourselves, sometimes b/c someone we know has done it… or simply b/c my 6th sense tells me that b*tch ain’t no good."
LOL…amen and amen
I agree with Hebrew Princess on that women with few female friends shouldn't be judged so harshly. Everyone has their preferences.
Personally, I LOVE women. LOVE them. You'd think I was a flaming lesbo. I love them, that is because the women I surround myself w/ are phenomenal. The the ones I give the time of day to (whether in the news, in my family, community, school etc), those are the individuals I'll classify as women in my life (every other female/person is welcome to stay in the 'stranger' category). I absolutely adore the men in my life as well, but don't get me wrong, there are plenty of men that ruin it for me, but that wouldn't result in completely avoiding male friendship.
I say birds of a feather flock together and you're more similar to the people you hate than you know. Being a great woman is rare, but it's not impossible and I've met enough to know it's real thing. As a woman, knowing that, how could you want to leave them out of your life?
I'm more concerned about keeping generally fcked up people away from me, never a specific gender. Good post, GREAT question!
Notice how most of the women commenting are like " I got alot women friends, he ain't talking bout me" hmmm.
Now women don't get along with other women because they know how calculating and sneaky they can be it's like a thief trusting another thief.
They fear they're own kind because they know what they're capable of.
I'm always in Aww of some of the stuff women do and the level of detail and extreme the take it to, a man could never come up with some the schemes these B*tches are capable of.
Women are petty about so many things, "she wearing my dress (that was massed produce) she got my purse yada yada, and get pissed, let it F$#% up her whole mood.
(of course no women on this blog are gonna admit it's them, but you know you petty)
I've never in the history of nigadom heard a dude get mad like that fool got on my wht on wth air force ones, all the dues wearing af1's we'd go crazy worrying bout some bs like that.
Dudes usually fall out over two things money & B*tches and we can get over the money but nothing will cause drama faster & bigger between two dudes than a B*tch.
most of these he aint talking about me comments remind me of when a white person says, "i have plenty of black friend, why, 3 of my good friends are black."
"most of these he aint talking about me comments remind me of when a white person says, “i have plenty of black friend, why, 3 of my good friends are black.”
Exactly lol
I don't know many women who would actually get upset over the petty things you are talking about. (I'm beginning to suspect that your love of the word b*tch comes from you knowing too many). Not even my sister (one of the pettiest, shadiest people I know and love) would get into over these reasons.
"They fear they’re own kind because they know what they’re capable of."
If you knew what WE knew, you'd fear us, too.
Then again, I'm convinced you're really Sarah Palin's 3rd cousin once removed and that you're writing in from Planet Bytcheon 5.
From Anna N.
"“They fear they’re own kind because they know what they’re capable of.”
If you knew what WE knew, you’d fear us, too. "
That's one of the most REALEST comments I have read on here and scary too, fellas you heard it from a WOMAN's mouth, see they drop clues just have to pay attention.
Fellas be afraid..very afraid 🙂
"Then again, I’m convinced you’re really Sarah Palin’s 3rd cousin once removed and that you’re writing in from Planet Bytcheon 5."
Anna, I'm ROFLMAO.
Apparently, you're pretty sure about how petty and calculative a woman can be as well. Has this lead you to never want to befriend a woman again? Probably not, me neither. So I can't say he's talking about me when describing the woman with the shortage of female friends because she herself is whack as sh*t.
It comes down to the women making the statement, more than the ones rejecting it.
Real Life Example:
Had a B*tch giving me head, phone rings with weird ringtone (note) she STOPS!
While holding my D in one hand and answers the phone like "hey honey whatcha doin?, nothing just at the bookstore looking at magazines for recipies (note), uh huh, we'll honey I'm not supposed to be on phone in the bookstore but I'll call you on my way home to see if you want anything(note), ok bye love you"
Back to slurping (& swallowing)
GAME!
Fellas pay attention to the notes –
first special ringtone so she know when she needs to answer.
second – looking at recipies, letting they dude know she thinking bout him ( he like yeah my woman cook for me)
third – bring you something on the way home( still thinking about him)
But the main point is that she answered the phone so that he wouldn't get suspicious, hell she answered the phone and it's quiet cause she at the bookstore make sense to me lol.
Fellas – MOST MEN WOULD NOT HAVE ANSWERED THAT DAMN PHONE if they were getting head when ya'll woman call, then when you call back 3 hrs later, we come up with some stupid sounding lie (setting off all types of women alarms) now she gonna check ya phone when you get home or ya cell phone bill for that date & time, now you caught in a lie and etc etc.
Like I said – The B*tches is smart that's why I don't trust em and never underestimate what a B*tch will do, that's why they don't trust each other around their men…. Game recognize game.
That's today lesson you squares – send your paypal payment to "stopactinglikeb*tch@hotmail.com"
P.S. I hope half you dudes aint' tounge kissing ya spouse cause I be F^*king her in da mouth….
Yeah I'm a$$hole lol
"Yeah I’m a$$hole lol"
I'm on to you, Nick. You say sh*t just for the shock value, huh? You want to ruffle all the women's feathers by callin 'em b*tch. You're like the black Howard Stern and I blame the heifer that pissed in your Wheaties.
*picks up mic*
*hears SaneN85's comment*
*looks left, looks right, nods*
*drops mic*
& there you have it.
Nah not for the shock value, people just shocked when I tell the truth, most people sugar coat and beat around the bush being indirect.
I said B*tch cause I want to, I like it and some women don't deserve to be called anything more including their name.
I get the a$$hole comment cause they say "you such a a$$hole, but you're right or you got a point, etc etc, I just laugh and say B*tch you crazy now come here and get naked!
Sane gonna be my first baby mama …
Also nobody has ever pissed in my wheaties lol but if that makes you feel better I'll let you have that thought.
You're a pussycat….MEOW:-)
You're hilarious, Nick. I look forward to your posts. They crack me up.
Lawd,
Please ha mercy upon this, your most wayward yet occasionally correct chile. He know not what he do.
As awkward as delivery of your little gems often is, this is precisely the point that I was making last week when Dr. J tried to claim that men are better at game than women. I'm thinking of that astronaut lady who almost got away with murder because she drove 2 days straight in some Depends. We think of things that men just don't think of. (Some of us) do the things that men wouldn't do to get at someone.
Hell, a good 4% of my thoughts scare the mess out of ME, and I think I'm a pretty good girl.
I will say this, women aren't smarter than me. They also aren't able to be more complex than men or anything like that with any sense of consistency.
What I will say is just like women say they know women, and you guys have some intricate workings that men can't understand or comprehend… please realize that women still have not figured out what most men know how to do and that's "make a $1 out of $0.15."
You got that right. I think that the only way that a man can beat a woman at her own game is to not play along… drives them crazy.
iCoSign #thatisall
global comment:
a lot of people have commented today as if they don't think that women not getting along or not liking one another is not a problem in the black community. and to that, you know and i both know that you are dead wrong. so when i say the majority, you actually know i'm right, it is the majority of women they don't get along. just because you are the exception you cannot turn yourself into the rule.
(i swear we had this conversation when someone said it was okay that they have slept with over 50 guys and they have never had a boyfriend, they've had a trix ran on them, and because they liked it, she was not a h*e.)
also let's keep this in mind. women will be like oh that's my female friend, girlfriend, or roll dog, and then tell their boyfriend. that's my girl, but she is a h*e. THIS, is hilarious to me. women will be like oh that's my girl, we do everything together, but the first second her man is like, oh i seen your girl naomi at happy hour today. she's like, why you chilling with naomi when i'm not around?
plus a question for the women is, would you allow the following situation to transpire?
Example: tammy jenkins lives in a studio apartment, and her best friend, ashley pierre-touissant, from college is moving to town. ashley is having problems finding an apartment from out of town, but needs to start her job on monday. tammy has been dating jeff for about 4 years, jeff has a condo and an extra bedroom. jeff offers to let ashley stay with him in the additional bedroom until she is able to find an apartment.
will you let your friend live with your man on a temporary status?
Jay… I'm sorry but I'ma hafta call you out on that one. If you think that's friendship.. you're DEAD wrong — that's stupidity. I'd give Ashley my studio & I stay w/ Jeff til she gets on her feet. I'm not letting something happen when it doesn't have t.
Tabernacle.
nah i agree with you, that's what i was saying… women will say i have a female friend but they don't trust them
It's not that I don't trust her… I don't trust the situation. There are showers, shared meals… nah playboy. It ain't going down. Maybe I don't trust Jeff. But I trust Ash enough to let her live in my apartment. That's friendship, right?
ima let you live with that explanation about not trusting jeff. a lot of chicks don't trust light skin men and they marry them. but on the real, sometimes women know their men more than they know themselves. it's real, i'll concede that point.
Funny on soo many levels lmaoo
"a lot of people have commented today as if they don’t think that women not getting along or not liking one another is not a problem in the black community. and to that, you know and i both know that you are dead wrong. so when i say the majority, you actually know i’m right, it is the majority of women they don’t get along. just because you are the exception you cannot turn yourself into the rule."
I disagree w/ one little point. White women do it too. To the same degree. You see these reality shows (I know it aint the best example but so what)? White women out there going crazy.
"(i swear we had this conversation when someone said it was okay that they have slept with over 50 guys and they have never had a boyfriend, they’ve had a trix ran on them, and because they liked it, she was not a h*e.)"
IMHO, they are just a h*e that liked it.
"also let’s keep this in mind. women will be like oh that’s my female friend, girlfriend, or roll dog, and then tell their boyfriend. that’s my girl, but she is a h*e. THIS, is hilarious to me. women will be like oh that’s my girl, we do everything together, but the first second her man is like, oh i seen your girl naomi at happy hour today. she’s like, why you chilling with naomi when i’m not around?"
Dudes do this too. You know you got dudes in your squad that just aint sh!t. Prolly aint never gonna be sh!t. I'll tell my girl "that's my man 100 grand but he aint sh!t"
"Example: tammy jenkins lives in a studio apartment, and her best friend, ashley pierre-touissant, from college is moving to town. ashley is having problems finding an apartment from out of town, but needs to start her job on monday. tammy has been dating jeff for about 4 years, jeff has a condo and an extra bedroom. jeff offers to let ashley stay with him in the additional bedroom until she is able to find an apartment.
will you let your friend live with your man on a temporary status?"
I wouldnt let my man's stay at my girl's crib either. You stay in my studio and I'll go stay w/ her.
i agree with everything you said. and i'm not saying it's not a problem in other communities, but i didn't want these women to get the impression that just because bad girls club that we still didn't watch charm school and harlem heights.
And to the rest of your comment… I think you must keep in mind the type of women you have reading this blog. I mean you are not dealing w/ ignant sistas here. We are grown, mature folks who know how to handle our own. And as such, I'm sure most of us deal w/ the same type of womenfolk.
I'm not trying to make myself the rule… I just write about what I know. However, most of us did comment that we know the type of woman of which you speak and I'll even take it a step further and say that most of us, side-eye a woman until we know he true intentions. We just KNOW women… we know how cold and calculating they can be when they seem warm & geniune. Don't call it hate… call it suspicion.
And to the rest of your comment… I think you must keep in mind the type of women you have reading this blog."
i agree with this and I think its been said for many of the posts, but they insist there are chickenhead lurkers that these topics would greatly influence and improve their lives.
Once Again I'll say this…
Thse blogs are written from our experiences, things we've heard/seen. I think a lot of the bloggers on the site write from all perspectives.
I think a lot of women on this site also act as if they dont have friends who exemplify some of these traits or that they dont/havent exemplified this themself!
If we take into account all of you who post onthe site, and you feel "posts aren't representative" we can always let you knwo that Skribit on the left side of the screen is there for post suggestions. Let us know and we can write about it… at least one of us!
Hope that clarifies for any1 who felt that way.
Twin u gonna cuss me out on gchat/bbm aintchu? 🙁
lol
Salt.
I think we have a very diverse reader group. I think that people benefit from the article whether they agree or disagree. I also think that there are lurkers who might need the message, but don't comment. I think that sophistoverated women like having a channel to see other women who agree with them. But don't get it twisted we got some freaks and geeks here. Remember Juniebug or Chocolate Drop or whatever name she wanted to go by? I'm pretty sure none of y'all wanted agree with her and her "racy" comments.
@streetz I don't have no bbm (you siced you got a blackberry now right?) or gchat hate for you. i remember you saying in a past post that the regular commenters don't reflect the actual readers so that one was all for YOU! LOLOL. you know better than I do…
It's not that the posts aren't representative… but you can't call us out on our comments b/c we disagree.
"A lot of people have commented today as if they don’t think that women not getting along or not liking one another is not a problem " – the Doc
Commented being the key word. We know that you are speaking to the SBM Massive as a whole which might include some 'poor self-hating, misguided female-less sistas', but they are apparently lurking…
#imjustsayin
@ Dr. J – please don't bring her up….she's like Beetlejuice, say her name 3 times and she'll appear.
We know y'all like to send messages to your silent majority of *ahem* "ladies"….I'm just wondering when you'll finally stop making skip scop scallywags your audience.
LOL dont be blowin up my BBM newbie status 🙁 lolol..
im lokey hyped doe..
Anna, my bet is that she is lurking as we speak, just waiting for the right time to jump in.
Also, am I the only one who feels like her and a certain commenter who seems to hate women would make a great couple?
@SO FLYY – How did you quote me on something I didn't say?
@Anna N. – Um.. at our Spring Strategy Meeting, CEO Stevie Ain't Got No Jobs AKA SBM gave a great address on the fact that when we don't talk about scally wags you guys, read, agree, and it's 12 comments. We talk about scally wags and next thing you know there's 200 comments on a post. And I think if you look back at the last ten posts on this site, less than half of them are talking about women in a derogatory manner.
"They only know what the single is, and singled that out to be the meaning of what he is about." – Jay-Z
And I use this quote to say that often times the only thing that stands out to you in inflammatory. People will read one of my posts, and latch on to one line and fight to the death over it. Not realizing that I put that line in there just to give you something to disagree with. The posts that we post that are real talk or actually uplifting usually don't jump out at people.
You all should now go and listen to The Bounce – Jay-Z, it sums up this point even more. Moreover, I implore you guys to check out the other blogs that the writers here write on, I think you'd be able to deduct somethings. Look folks this is Comedy Central, mixed with BET Nightly News with Ed Gordon, and 60 Minutes at the same time… it's supposed to make you feel the way you do.
I shall dub this comment, Inside the Blogger's Studio
@Jay
The dear Doc must need glasses…
"Dr.J says: May 4, 2010 at 11:17 am // global comment:
a lot of people have commented today as if they don’t think that women not getting along or not liking one another is not a problem"
it's okay boo… I gotta mans who gets specials on contact lenses.
@SO_FLYY – #BrettFavre, see what happens when a great player stays around too long? Imma go sit my arse down and work on my post for Thursday.
"And to the rest of your comment… I think you must keep in mind the type of women you have reading this blog. I mean you are not dealing w/ ignant sistas here. We are grown, mature folks who know how to handle our own. And as such, I’m sure most of us deal w/ the same type of womenfolk. "
Co-signing that statement.
@ So Flyy: Church.Tabernacle.Mosque. Backwoods snake handling.
Dr. J has a funny way of illustrating his points with totally unrealistic scenarios. Love the names, though. Ole girl would stay with me at my place (studio be dayumed, it's called an air mattress.) If it was an extended stay I would stay with my man and SHE can have my studio. If my man even OFFERED to house my friend first it would be a BIG problem, lol. #howyouknowyouredatingadog
To your other point: I think that what you notice is that GROUPS of women tend to be standoffish with each other. Now that, I have no explanation for. I've experienced it myself – it's like you see another group of girls and your lips just get tight for no reason. One group of women walking past another group in a club is prime time for mean mugging and smug looks. And without fail, once you walk past one of your girls will say, "Hmph. You see those heffas giving us the dirty eye? They don't want none of this." LOL it never fails.
@ Anna N:
Synagogue
— to the 2nd half of ur comment. We must be on point w/ each other today. I said the same thing in my original post. "When a ‘member’ from my group clashes w/ another woman – possibly from another group. You can see the steam rising, the eyes rolling… and a collision in the future. That’s always gonna happen."
Group hating… is what it is. Even w/ sensible women, there is group hate. Lol. And you're right… there is NO explanation.
Uhmmm…Why the hell is Jeff's first thought to share his space with my girl rather than me giving up MY space temporarily? I smell feces.
Exactly, girl.
LMAO @ "I smell feces" – I can't stand you for that!
Haaaaaaaaaaa!
Ok. I initally balked at this situation, but I did something similar back in college. Maybe the college situation makes it ok cause everybody was poor and options were limited.
My LS (I know you said they don't count, but they so do. A bunch of women that you may not otherwise know that you're forced to get a long with? And you still manage to be friends with all of them 6 years later? Yeah, that counts, boo boo 🙂 ).
Anyway, my LS went to study abroad, leaving me and our other roomate in our 3 bedroom apt for a summer. Her boo (now husband) was pledging to be the Bruhs at the time and didn't have a place to stay, (unless you count bouncing from couch to couch). I suggested that he come stay at the apt, in her room. She happily agreed, making me think she Jedi-mind tricked me into suggesting it. He showed up the next day looking scraggly and po'. He stayed in her room (the master, so he had his own bath), took out the trash and killed bugs. I cooked and made sure he and his LBs didn't waste away during the rest of their process. No hanky panky was had and all was well when she returned to the States.
So, my long-winded way of saying this COULD work (I still wouldn't do it though. Homegirl would be at MY house and I'd stay with the boo. Men are simple, why tempt him? Lol).
When ur pledging da bruhz, gineys is the last thing on ur mind. How you gonna give wood when you too busy takin it? #seewhatialmostdidthere? #nothing
#Pause Peyso. LOL…
To be honest, I know cats who smashed their Angels, sweethearts, and sandz while they was online and they was in the cut every night. In fact, it's mad easy to smash your sandz because both of yall are busted and your Dean wants you to bond with your sandz.
#notthatiknowanythingaboutthis
#afewofyouknomyprophytes
#stopsnitchin
#freelul
CHURRCH Peyso..BUT!!! You always find time to give wood…IMO…A** already feel like leather anyways…might as well do something worthwhile LMAO!!!
Totally off topic I know….Carry on…
Having thought about this for a while, I think the reason women have trouble getting along – for long periods of time – boils down to how women view friendship. For some reasons, friendships between women seem to need more maintenance, nurturing, and time than friendships between men and men. Fellas, when's the last time you had a fight or an argument with your male best friend. Doesn't really happen much does it? That's because we don't need much. If I get snuffed, jump in, if I'm about to wife something I shouldn't be wifing, let me know, and if I'm acting out of character, slap me in the face. That's about it.
On the otherhand, women friends seem to fight or argue, or be upset with each other all the time. They're always either fighting, or making up, and when the make up, they rarely apologize. They always just move on. If I don't call my best guy friend back, he's cool, he doesn't take it personal. I'm probably just busy. If a woman doesn't call her best girlfriend back – she's shady and doesn't know how to be a friend. If I have a new lady in my life that I'm feeling causing me to be out of circulation for a few months, my male best friend finds another wingman to sub in till I'm free. If a woman meets a new man and is out of circulation for awhile, to her friends she's forgetting about the people who been there for her for years. Too much energy. Just be friends already, it's not that hard.
To take it a step deeper, I think all this happens because many women expect friendships to be a substitute for other unfulfilled areas of their lives. So, single and lonely substitute a friend. Didn't have a dad, substitute a friend. This is bad because now you're expecting a friend to please you in areas that only a boyfriend or husband, or dad, or new job or God or whatever is really missing in your life can fill. So, when you friend, who's really a substitute for something else, falls short – which she inevitably will – it's the end of the friendship.
@Dr. J …
Ummm did you ask yourself question that same question before you put it out there? Just wondering because although I trust my friend(s) my first inclination would be the obvious…me staying at Jeffs & Tammy staying at my place until she finds her own. I don't even think my friend would feel comfortable staying with my man. But if she's a real friend you should be able to trust her with your man, your money…your life!
I've had a lot of female friends and acquaintances over the years and for a multitude of reasons, I now only consider one of those women to be an actual FRIEND. I still consider most of them acquaintances, but I truly only have one female friend. Frankly, I don't have many friends in general. There are three people in my life who I could put in that category and the rest are either acquaintances or siblings. I'm okay with that. *shrugs*
I'm with the other ladies on here that think women without female friends are being judged too harshly. That's not to say that there aren't women out there who are just out and out proud of not liking females (usually because they think it'll impress the men). There are also women out there who use jealousy as an excuse (eye roll). However, until you know precisely that person's reasons, why judge?
I know that I don't relate to a lot of the women that I know. I'm the single women, with no kids, a full-time job with benefits, going to school, rational, etc. Most of the women that I know (and most I grew up with), are working on their second/third (sometimes fourth) child with their second/third (sometimes fourth) baby daddy. They are more worried about having the flyest shoe on in the club and finding a babysitter than they are about having food in their fridge. They're in abusive relationships because of the D or fear of being single, they are abusive to their SO, they are abandoning those kids with grandparents and having more, they will sell you (and their kids) under the bus for some Oxycontin, etc.
Basically, I don't know a lot of women that I actually have respect for, so how can we be friends? I guess I'm just judgemental, but if I can't take anything you say seriously because you still haven't grown up, how can we be friends? If it makes anyone feel better, most of the men I know haven't grown up either. The fact is that there is a skewed ratio of hot mess to responsible adult in my area.*
*Reason #6,485 that I need to move.
Y'all can judge me all you want, but I'm confident in knowing my reasons for my lack of good friends (in general) and I know it's not because I fall into any of the listed categories.
Girl, I'ma need you to move. Immediately. That mess sounds like the west coast version of the Wire.
P.S. – The UWC has taken notice of the increased pictures and welcomed visitors. Good work, Ambassador. As soon as we can get you a salary you'll get a raise, lol.
Thank you! I'm really trying to keep up and not re-welcome someone though. It's nice to be appreciated :).
Yeah, I know I need to move, but most of my siblings and most of my nieces live here. I'm about 35 minutes outside of Seattle, and I know things would be a little different if I move into the bigger city. However, with my job, school, softball, nieces, etc out here, I just don't want to be driving back and forth all the time. Plus that 35 minutes is probably a $300-500 difference in rent and I'm cheap. Also, I don't really want to live in Seattle either. I'm just afraid of moving across the country or something and just having nobody. I've already moved outta state once and all I had was my (now) ex-husband. No bueno. 🙁 I can handle being alone, I just don't want to.
While it's inconvenient right now, I'll probably make the move to Seattle soon.
i think one of the main reasons women don't get along as well as they could is because many of them don't play sports in their youth
more on this later, but sports teaches you how to cooperate with and appreciate people who you would normally want to throat punch.
I played a lot of sports growing up (still play softball), and I would love to agree with this. However, I just can't.
Most of my old teammates seem completely unaffected by playing sports. I could go into specifics, but they really fit well below.
this is a very interesting theory. but I think Themostinterestingman also made a good point about the expectations women have of friendships, versus men.
I'm a pretty low maintenance friend. It may have a lot to do with being an only child, but I spend a lot of time alone, dont call you every day, and I'm okay with that. but I'm loyal and will drop everything for you in time of need. I expect the same.
environment has a lot to do with it, but also I still stand by the notion that some ppl just need to do better with choosing. As you mature, it is harder to make friends yes, but it should not be harder to identify quality people that enrich your life. if its 1 or if its 11, you should use discernment of who you invite into your life and your business.
^5…it IS harder to make friends the older you become…but you're absolutely right…that should NOT prevent you from recognizing when you're *investing time in a waste of time*
I joined the site so I could upload a picture for my avatar….to no avail. *Le Sigh* Anyway- here's what I think. Women who claim they don't have ANY female friends might be right.
I say this because there are a whole lot of women who THINK they have friends, but they don't.
These women are usually the ones who arrive to the club with their 15 bff's looking a hot ass mess- because no one told them they look a hot ass mess- and end up leaving with some random NFL player and his 5 homeboys unbeknownst to and not even acknowledged by the 15 girls she showed up with. They wait until the next day or two days later to hear from her and plan their next night out. They are not her friends. She doesn't have any friends, unless you count the crabs, and herpes on her vajayjay.
The thing about the house of friendship is that its foundation is made of respect and love. If women are missing either or the two, they won't be friends. Like J said, some women don't respect any other women….I agree. I also think that its because these women don't respect themselves either. You have to know love to give love and vice versa. You also have to respect yourself to respect others.
You also have to give love to receive love….and a lot of women don't understand that. If you say "all women are haters" you're probably a bitch to everyone, and that's why they hate you. Try being nice and opening up a little before you stick your hand out demanding friendship.
Friendships between women are work, but when you invest in them you'll get back strength, encouragement and love that will help you face some of the toughest times you'll go through.
WELCOME!!!!
You can get a picture up by going to Gravatar.com and starting a profile using the email address you use when commenting here.
YAS!!! thank you
"She doesn’t have any friends, unless you count the crabs, and herpes on her vajayjay"
OMG! I just spit out my drink! ROTFLMAO! That was HILARIOUS!
"Disclaimer: You and your LS’s do not count, boo boo."
and even then…#shots
but seriously a woman who doesn't have a lot of same sex friends is highly unattractive. i don't really care what your reasons are. it can't always be every other woman. at some point the reason why you and other women don't get along has to fall in your lap.
the same goes the other way. i'd be very weary of a man who had more women friends than he did male friends.
@SaneN85
"
“but seriously a woman who doesn’t have a lot of same sex friends is highly unattractive. i don’t really care what your reasons are.”
-The commenter formerly known as TundeI think that this is where there’s some confusion as to where the judgement is aimed. As someone who has stated she doesn’t have a lot of people (in general) that she calls friend, much less women, it just hits me in the wrong spot. Just sayin…"
and yes i still stand behind my statement. any woman who tells me that she is proud not to have a lot of same sex friends gets the automatic side-eye from me. if you're situation is circumstantial then that's understandable.
and why i gotta be "the commenter formerly known as Tunde"…why can't i just be MadScientist7? the powers that be stripped me of that user name. lol
In this second comment, you make it clear that you are talking about women who say they are proud not to have female friends. In the previous comment, it appeared to be pointed at women with few female friends in general. There is a big difference in those two statements to me.
Iono, I started to associate the colgate model in your picture with Tunde, so it's a difficult transition to switch that up. I mean, I have a cousin who keeps trying to get me to call him J-Black for years. Uuum, sorry, I know you as John and it's a process to just associate your face with another name. *shrugs*
yeah i wish i could change my name back to Tunde. smh.
…me too. Ah, well. Ima call you Mad…for short. lol.
Queen T, your nickname for him just does not fit with the picture. At All.
For the record, I wasn't bashing women who don't have alot of female friends..just those women who boast on about it….I'm merely saying, check that situation out there may be something to that….I don't have a slew of female friends. I have one friend from Jr highschool that I have remained close to, then there's a college friend, I talk to regularly….some friends have come and gone because of distance, circumstances….nothing real deep. Women have helped me get thru some of the darkest moments in my life…
No, I wouldn't let my friend go stay with my boyfriend. That is just asking for problems..if I don't live there with him, why would I send my girlfriend to live there? She would live with me…or I would make arrangements elsewhere for her….It wouldn't even be about trust..that is just not a good scenario in general.
I do believe that some women can be posessive in a friendship…I lost a really good friend because I started hanging out with my boyfriend more than her..and she couldn't handle it. I am the type of friend, I give you your space, your time with your man/husband, If you don't call me back for a month cool, I'm not gonna sweat you. I expect the same in kind…I have the type of friends that if we don't talk for 6 months when we do re-connect again its like there was never a time lapse…..
I admit there was a time in my life where I have uttered (That’s why I don’t have a lot of female friends) Never realizing until later in life It was not how many females that were in my life but it was the caliber of female friends I had I don’t know why we can question ourselves on why we keep dating dogs But never question why the friends we pick to be in our circle dog us too And just charge it to the game of them being women No just like you can pick a bad man You can also pick bad friends I feel blessed because not all of us can come to either type of self realization
I recently threw a party and found myself feeling good about how many true girls I had in my life You may not need a friend for anything But its nice to know they are there
Haven't read all the comments yet but I do agree with most so far…
'Bout to start class so my contribution thus far is this:
A lot of women end up with this attitude after having been burned by people they shouldn't have been friends with in the first place, and then they attribute the whole catty, jealous blah blah blah thing to all women…kinda like how we choose the wrong men and when it doesn't work we claim all men ain't isht…
Ladies, if your "friend" talks negatively and gossips about the other friends in your circle when you're alone, this is a sign – the info may be juicy and presented in an entertaining way but she's not a good friend and she probably talks about you behind your back too….
If she cheats on her bf or messes around with men she knows are married or in a relationship with no regard, she has issues and if an opportunity with your man presents itself, she may very well take it…
If she breaks the confidence of her other friends/family, you know those convo's that start with "Don't say I said anything but…." she probably won't keep your secrets either…
Bottom line is she may be fun and you may indeed have a lot in common but if her character is sketchy in these areas it's your own fault for allowing her into your life
Whether it's a man or a friend it's important to choose people who in general demonstrate good character and respect for others
This is my first time posting , I always read throught the comments but never needed to. This one I just can't pass by, I am one of those females who has a majority of male friends , not friends with benefits, f-buddy's or whatever but solid friendships, this is no way comes out of a place of insecurity or jealousy, rather I find I have more in common with men that with women forthe most part. That said I do also have girlfriends ( a small but close group)
It's incredibly frustrating to have to defend this , not that the women outlined in this post don't exist but its a generalization
Welcome!! (Feel free to get up a picture)
I think that if you have lurked on here and read through today's comments, then you probably see that most of the commenters are pointing their comments towards women who are proud of not having female friends. At first, I was feeling slightly defensive and offended, but I think they've made their point clear. I'm still thinking that people should bother getting to know a person before deciding that she is shady for not having female friends. For all you know, they probably wish they had more, but haven't found any to relate to and are feeling insecure about it.
Either way, welcome.
Hello!
Now, the key is…you do have some female friends. If you had said, you didn't have any at all that would be different….I have a coupla male friends…but, we don't hang out, but if I call and need them for whatever..they will step up…they're married too..so, I know the boundaries.
I don't think this post is directed at women with female friends, be it two or six, its not about quantity, its about quality…I would like to hear from some women who don't deal with females at all..and are willing to admit it.
Come again,
I just dont have time to read all the comments, very interesting post though…
I love how the SMB posts always have a picture that FITS so well, and today I am still laughing….honey boo in that sparkly get up….WOW.
*sigh* This topic so relevent to me right now. I'm on the verge with my LS…..do I make the herculean effort to try and save her….or do I cut ties to keep her from acting the fool around me and mine? I take loyalty pretty seriously and it feels like I am abandoning her. But keeping her around is hurting me. Might be time to prune the old friendship bush……
I've been there, and done that. I had to finally cut off my best friend (for over a decade). For a long time, I was trying to stay loyal and give the benefit of the doubt, and it took a final act of stealing my favorite pair of J's 🙁 while I was letting her (and her son) stay with me, and then stealing $500 from me. Haven't seen her since although my sis keeps running into her, and she asks her why I won't talk to her*
I think my issues with my sisters have been well documented, and I feel exactly the same with them. So, I'm no person to give advice on this, my sisters still got me on the rope.
*She wasn't always like this, she was the one referenced above with the new Oxy addiction. And, yes I know I need to move.
Before we go home for the day one more thing i wanna ask:
How do women feel about living with their female friends? And what are some issues that can arise? Provide examples.
Thanks.
WHOA!! fully loaded question.. i lived with a friend of mine 4-5 years ago (can't remember).. i will say this.. doing this ONLY works if there's a respect for each other..
the chick would come in my room and jump on my bed wanting to talk AS SOON AS i got home from work (still in work clothes and everything) THEN would write notes to me saying that she thought we'd be close friends etc.. i kindly wrote her back saying, "i'm here to pay 1/2 the rent, not be your circus monkey around to entertain you"
she got the message..
i left that situation thinking i would only live with someone that didn't really know me.. thus respected me, and my space..
OH!! this was BEFORE she moved in her homeless friends, her 2 sisters, and her cousins that lived ACROSS THE STREET! and still expected me to pay 1/2 the rent.. i told her i'd pay 1/6 of the rent.. #nuffsaid
And the floodgates shall be opened… lls. Buckle your seatbelt Jay…
You really don't want to get me started on this one. My roommate situation when I was 18 turned really, really ugly (interesting story for another time).
I currently have a roomate that I wasn't really that close of friends with and we've had no really big issues. Although, I'm rarely home and when I am, I'm in my master bedroom. The only problem I have with her, is that she is not as clean as I'd like her to be and I have to stay on her a** about it. I don't want to be anyone's momma and this is a problem. I've actually been thinking a lot about moving back by myself recently. The only reason I moved in there to begin with was I was sick of coming home to an empty place and it felt safer since I always seem to have perverted/creepy a** neighbors.
@ Sane "My roommate situation when I was 18 turned really, really ugly (interesting story for another time)."
You are FILLED with interesting stories!
A friend lived with me many years ago for a few months..the thing was, I was never really home, I stayed at my SO's alot. I just remember, one time coming home, and seeing she had made spaghetti…and sauce was everywhere..dried up and crusted on the stove, the dishes were piled up in the sink……It's like the pot of spaghetti had exploded in my kitchen…I WAS FURIOUS. She moved out eventually. I never lived with anyone else again…'cept the ex-husband….
Ionno, I guess, It can work. I don't wanna do it..but, if somebody needs me in a pinch type situation for a few months…I'll do it to help them get on their feet…..
Queen T, if this is the worst that you've had to deal with in that arena, consider yourself lucky. Also, my roommate's nasty a** does that all the time. Drives me insane. *pulling hair* (Whoosaw) I learn to deal with it, because I know I can be anal retentive about some things, and there is a middle ground we could be meeting on. Plus, when I was living with the hubby, he did the same ish every time he made Spaghetti (the one thing I miss about him is his Spaghetti). I was willing to clean up after his a**, but even then I had to learn to chill out on my clean freakishness because it irritated him to have me behind him cleaning up.
I would like to say that there's a huge difference between sharing a spot (equal rent, etc,) and letting someone stay with you.
I lived with a group of girlfriends once and will never again.
One used to teef my clothes and stash them at her mother's house.
One of my roommates read my diary and had the nerve to get up in my face about what she saw there.
One refused to give me messages when men called me.
Like I said, never again.
my best friend I lived with as a freshman in college. that was 10 years ago.
I wouldn't do it in my adult life. Not any of my tight girls really. maybe to get on my feet/find my own–no more than 3 mos if I could bare it, and pay them rent.
I think living together could possibly ruin a friendship. and we are all at the point in our lives where we don't really need/want roommates just to have them…
"we are all at the point in our lives where we don’t really need/want roommates just to have them…"
I can't speak for anyone else, but my getting a roommate after living alone for the longest had nothing to do with necessity. I can afford to live on my own, but I was just tired of coming long after dark to an empty a** apartment. It didn't feel warm. Also, why pay full rent for a place I basically only sleep in? I have much better things to spend my money on and have the opportunity to save more. Plus, I have an exit strategy if one is ever needed, and my roommate is fully aware of it. I'll stay in the situation until it no longer is a convenience or I'm 27, whichever is first. *shrugs*
I put need-slash-want. you got a roommate because you wanted one. different strokes for different folks.
Well, I've been very fortunate in the roommate department. I've really only had 2 roomates for a serious amount of time – one is still my bestie (even though she's out on the west coast – see Sane I pressure her to move too). The other roomie…..we're planning our wedding.
And yes, he began simply as a roomate. No one told him to keep trotting to the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Or me to keep feeding him, lol.
Awwww I LOVE that story! How cute!
Don't do it. Friends should not live together.
@Themostinterestingmanintheworld –
"For some reasons, friendships between women seem to need more maintenance, nurturing, and time than friendships between men and men. "
That's EXACTLY why I have 2 really good female friends.
Less drama when you have men as friends. Men are not as judgemental and are not petty. I'm moody and emotional and sometimes I don't want to be bothered with other moody and emotional women. I like straight forward honestly and my male friends give it to me as is.
If I don't call my male friends for any period of time, they are not phased. And most times, I love my male friends advice when I'm dating. My girlfriends will share bad advice and encourage me to continue dating a loser but my male friends who KNOW how men act/think will, in a minute, tell me to drop a dude and then invite me to drink aftewards.lol
Additionally, women need a lot more attention. They want constant phone calls and updates of dating. I'm a private person and I hate being on the phone so it just naturally happened that I have more male friends than female.
Welcome and ish!
I can really relate to your post. Although, most of the women I know are to one extreme or the other. They are either trying to encourage me to give an a**hole yet another chance because I am "too picky" and they think I'll end up alone or that I must be miserable single (some even just want another couple to hang out with her and the SO). Or, they just hate every man you ever mention right off top with no real reason because they don't want to see anyone else happy/happier than they are.
Can I get some unbiased advice, damn?!?
I take my female friends advice about men with a grain of salt…..women, aren't the greatest authorities on men in general….I just take what useful bits of information/advice I can get from my friends,,and pray on it, and use my better judgement based on my own experiences. I don't even really like to offer advice to my friends about men, nine times outta ten, they're going to do what they want to do ANYWAY…..I'd rather go to a blog like this and get some advice on men sometimes rather than consult my female friends….
SHOUT OUT TO:
Streetz, J, Peyso, MadScientist and Cheekz Money, Nick, TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld, Eddie Brock, C-Dub…thanks, for keepin it real for a sista. LOL.
QueenT is in close seconds for my first baby mama!
What's up with CHeeKZy? Acting like he don't love us anymore. 🙁
Yeah, Cheekz has been MIA for a minute…..I'm sure he'll be back soon.
I think Cheekz Money is stackin' his checks for that engagement ring. Probably researching as we type.
LOVE IT!!!
Sane can I get some advice on how to change this damn pic?
Seattle? wtf I heard it's B & W it's neva sunny, why would ya live somewhere like that. Was ya ex husband white only blk person I heard that ever lived up there was Sir Mix A Lot & gary payton.
Come on down to paradise the Dominican Republic.
Nick, you need to go to gravatar.com and make a profile linked to the email address you use when commenting here. I'm gonna assume that you are fine as h*ll to not have been slapped more in real life, so I'm awaiting this picture.
As for Seattle, it rains, but that BS about never being sunny is just wrong. In fact, it's one of the few places that still has four perfect seasons. Also, we have very fresh air because of all the green growing here thanks to the rain. There are a number of reasons I live here, but the main one is my family. This is where my mom lived, so this where most of my family lives. *shrugs* Oh, and yes there are black people out here. Most of them are imports from other places (especially via the Navy), but they're definitely here.
Wondering how in da hell do you change ya pic on this thing?
Sane has the instructions…
Never have & never will (God willing) live with one of my female friends. I see nothing but disaster with that one. You can be the best of friends but the way you each keep a household can be as different as night & day. Hence, disagreements & arguments may arise that may hurt the friendship. I haven't been thru this personally & I plan to avoid the situation at all costs (if nothing but to save the few female friendships I do have lol).
Not sure if this is relevant for this topic, but a few years back one of my married friends was lamenting the fact that since he'd gotten married he noticed not only was he losing touch with male friends from college but also not really making any new ones [not including me].
He pointed out a study that claimed as we get older, it becomes more and more difficult to hold onto to existing friendships and due to circumstances [job, marriage, kids] and develop new ones.
Maybe these women only had time to establish a few close and legitimate friendships in college/grad school, lost touch and really just haven't had time to make any new friends?
Not sure about the rest of you but it takes some time for me to get to know and build a level of trust before I'm deeming you worthy of friendship…
Of course that's relevant and your entire post makes perfect sense.
>:0[
Dagnabit!! Why do all the good ones gotta live in Bumblef*ck, WA??????
Man, y'all are going hard on Seattle today, huh? 🙂
"Not sure about the rest of you but it takes some time for me to get to know and build a level of trust before I’m deeming you worthy of friendship…"
It does take time to cultivate a friendship.
I've never had a lot of female friends. Never really wanted to have female friends. I have maybe about 3 women real friends.I can understand why a women doesn't want women friends. I have two sisters, a mother and aunties.
Women are way too emotional and needy. I'd rather hang with the opposite sex based on the simplness of men. Not wanting to hang out with complex women doesn't me a hoe, immature, or in denial of my own traits. I don't need to get burned, when I've already seen flames. I can observe someones traits without having the same flaws.
I am a women I know women.
I'm not a man; therefore making interesting conversations, debates, relationship help, etc. If I have man problems what the hell can my female friend tell me? She barely maintaining her own relationship. My car break down, my female friend won't be able to diagnosis it. Vise versa. Long comment short it makes sense to me.
To have a friend, you have to be a friend. It's not about how MANY friends you have. A woman or man who boasts about not having friends of the same sex or opposite sex–you should be cautious on dealing with them.
It's not bashing anyone–I haven't gone through all of the comments so someone may have already said this. But here are some reasons why you should be cautious.
1. If said person has no friends and you're their only friend, you will eventually feel like you're being smothered.
2. The person's whole world will evolve around you and it will cause issues when you:
a. Want to do something that doesn't include them.
b. They will be too clingy.
3. If you ever decide to break up with them–higher chance of them being a stalker because you were their world and their only friend.
Okay, you get my drift.
I think I should say this, just because I seen a few comments that reminded me of something about male friends… I can't keep too many male friends because of the amount of gossip tendencies they have, or the lack of depth in conversation.
Men gossip too much, about everything and to me, I just don't get it, so i'm like yeah um.. ok cool whatever.
Some men can only hold conversation about women and sports.
That's wack, so I can't deal.
This post is so cute. Just sayin….
Nice post. Growing up, I did not have many female friends. I had a bad run in with some "friends" in the 5th grade and after that, I felt more comfortable hanging with the guys. I was a tom boy back then but I always had atleast one female friend. The reason why I kept other women at bay was because they were too catty and judgmental. I had and still have no time for foolywang. I'm 24 now and I have two best friends. One male and one female. I now have learned that they both bring a balance that is necessary. I would advise women who "don't like women" to give it a try. Maybe they are finding "friends" in the wrong places or running in the wrong circles. We're all not that bad. lol.
You will have a whole bunch of girls trying to confirm or deny your claims but a woman will tell you straight up…you're a man so women's insider secrets are none of your business.
Sit there and speculate.
I am a Woman who has no female friends .My life stlye ,goals dreams ,values ,and life situation are something the typical female would not be able to relate to.Females want intimacy,being intimit with a female could cost me to much.It has cost me thousands of dollars and has almost cost me my life in the past.They are just to codependant and insecure.They are extremly judjmental,and superficial,all of wich leads to cruelty ,and malicioulness.I was a very kind toddler and child ,but because my hair and cloths were not the way a little girls should be I was treated very viciously by teens and grown women.My mother and sister treated me horribly because I was not like them.Our left side ,our feminie side is our negative side.So I guess I do not like a lot of my own phsicological make wich is why I have worked to get rid of that repulsivenss in addition to resolving childhood mommy and woman issues.I am georgous,and sexy know what to wear,and pick the sharpest hairstyles that fit me.Do to that I attract a lot of female attention. I attract most of the male attention for the same reason.I also know how men think because I was born with and have incorperated a lot of their positive attributes into my pshichi.Haveing no female friends may or maynot be unfortuanate ,its probably that your cut from a different cloth.Woman dont like to grow , explore, and do.They like to chit chat and hug and say awww!
He's right. I hate women, all my friends are guys and I really wish I was a dude too, but I got a good pair of knockers and its done me wonders all my life. So I'll make do. Also, I have a man, and he loves the fact that I'm not uber feminine and bitch about hangnails and split ends. So yeah to each his own, but I cant stand fragile bitches.