altoidsLately, I’ve been gettin’ a lot of my blog fuel from previous posts and comments. I made reference in a post on Three Ways to Take It to the concept of the Strong Black Man and the Strong Black Woman. As I was scribing that post, I thought about how we’re always talkin’ about findin’ that “Strong” person to hold us down through good times and bad. I think it’s absolutely critical to desire a person like that when we’re considering a long term relationship.

Nobody wants to date a chump, wimp, sissy, insecure ass, feeble, debilitating, wack, lame, insecure individual…unless they’re all of those things themselves. I like ’em Strong, but why is it that Black people need to place the term Strong before the gender to differentiate the person from anybody else that is resilient and has their ish together? I’ve noticed that we’re the only group that needs to throw this word around. It kinda irks me. On top of this, the meaning and image that comes to mind when we reference this “Strong” individual changes depending on who you ask.

A Strong Black Man can be the minimum 6 foot dude that looks like he’s chiseled out of stone and lets off an abundance of swagger testosterone and comes home from work glistening with the sweat of a hard day’s labor. He can be that single father raising his kid while the mother is off somewhere dealing with her issues or engaging in activity that is nothin’ short of unproductive (i.e. drugs, sleeping around, partyin’ extra hard).

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The Strong Black Man can be the intelligent brotha’ with the not-too-thick glasses that wears a suit to work, earns a good paycheck, and comes home to rub his woman’s feet after a long day at the office. He can be the dude that will turn into a beast whenever someone speaks or interacts in a fashion that he perceives negatively toward his woman. He can be the human orgasm machine. Regardless of how you look at it, the Strong Black Man is usually a positive description of one of us that some percentage of women desire. That’s great isn’t it? I think this is generally accepted across the races, though it’s something that only really matters to Black women.

But what about the Strong Black Woman? From what I’ve gathered through many a conversation, it isn’t always a good image. To the Caucasian boss who can’t break with the long held stereotypes and deep-seeded racist tendencies in his head, she could be perceived as a woman that he doesn’t want to deal with daily because the term comes across as being…well…a b*tch. I certainly don’t think that, but we’ve all heard the stories of the successful ambitious Black woman being limited in opportunities solely because her personality is too…well…”Strong”. The Strong Black Woman can be the ride or die chick that stands by her man regardless of what type of mess he got himself into as long as it isn’t another woman. Then again, we’ve all seen the woman who has stood behind her man even after she knows he’s done some real dirt. No need to give examples. You already know exactly what I’m talkin’ about.

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But even to Black men, the concept of the Strong Black Women can bring some negative connotations. Some of us hear the term and immediately think attitude and an excessive desire to proclaim one’s independence. We’ll think of coming home to someone with a “take no sh*t” attitude that’s gonna’ give us a hard time even when we don’t feel like we’re doing anything wrong. And perhaps the most infuriating thing of all to Black women is the man that opts to date elsewhere because he “can’t deal” with a Strong Black sista’. I’m not sure who to blame for this misconception; but then again, is it really a misconception? I think that lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Regardless, I’ll never truly understand why we need to preface a good Black person with the term “Strong” as if we’re expected to not have our sh*t together. Actually, I think I just answered my own question. Maybe we need to start just expecting more of each other in general. I don’t care what the statistics say about us. I honestly believe there’s a lot more good brothas out there than people think. All the other races can classify each other without prefacing them with a word like Strong, so maybe we should do the same thing. Just some food for thought.

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Chiseled & Polished,

slim jackson