Technically, it is Black History Month…

**Admin Note – SingleBlackMale.org is all over today, if you are in the D.C. area, Dr. J will be at Park at 14th today for Happy Hour, the event is free before 10PM, details here: https://singleblackmale.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/TheBlogSpot_II.jpg.  For those of you in the NYC area, Slim Jackson is at Turtle Bay, intersection of 52 and 2nd from 9-12! Say “Slim Jackson” at the door to get 1/2 off all drinks!  Enjoy and thank y’all for the support!**

I read an article earlier this week about how people whom are addicted to internet p*rn were losing their sex drive.  I didn’t know how to take this article.  It was put best by my former neighbor, “I watch p*rn like women watch wedding shows … all day on Sunday.”  Really where do most men learn most things about sex?  Trust me it is not by trial by error.  This article sought to bring out some things that were very interesting as well.  They talked about how an addiction to internet adult film stars leads to men who fascinate about having sex with those women when having sex with their partners.  They even told a story of a man who rushes home from work to masturbate to internet p*rn before his wife came home.  Moreover, once she arrived at home, he was no longer in the mood.

I beg to differ.  Some of the best things I do in the bedroom I learned on some of these internet sites.  But there are other ways that people can learn how to be better in bed, and also have a greater sex life.  One of the first things I learned from working in a high-end consulting firm was, The Matrix Approach.  The Matrix Approach is the idea that you will not just use the best idea to solve a problem, but several ideas to solve a problem, attacking the problems from all sides to create a thorough solution.  Therefore, that’s my recommendation to anyone looking to have a great sex life.

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Internet P*rn.  The pornography industry grosses nearly $100 billion a year.  To put that in perspective people spend more money on this industry than; Facebook, Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo, Apple and Netflix make combined.  With that said, obviously it’s “showing” people something.  My advice is don’t take what you see on the internet too seriously.  Keep in mind that it takes a certain type of person to go into the adult film business … your wife may not be down for that.  But you can at least take away a few new moves in the bedroom, at least, that awkward position you’ve been trying to get her in.  It’s a video tutorial!

Online and Print Reading Material.  There is a wealth of information on the internet and in books.  There are authors who dedicate their entire careers to improving your sex life.  They can tell you everything from how to get a woman in the mood to how to make her squirt.  Public Service Announcement: The data suggests that many women would rather you not go down on them because you have no clue what you are doing.  Pick up a book.  I learned 75% of what I know about the land down under from websites and an episode of Friends.

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Talk To People.  The worst thing you can do after you have sex with a person is to just sit there and stare at the ceiling.  At a minimum talk to your partner about your sex life.  But your friends can also be a great source of how to improve as well.  How many women have had a conversation with their girls about something they tried that drove their man wild?  Men don’t really do this, but what we do is tell tall tales of what happened in the sack.  If you scrape off a little of the luster, you can take away a few tips.

Have sex regularly.  Has anyone here read the book Outliers?  If you haven’t check out what Gladwell has to say about the 10,000 hour rule.  Basically he states that nobody reaches the professional ranks without putting in 10,000 hours of practice at their craft.  That’s the equivalent of 20 hours a week for ten years.  With that said, one of the best ways to improve your sex life is by having sex.  In my opinion, have it as often as possible.  I know some of you women struggle with the ability to do that because of access and monthly cycles, but do what you have to do.  Most sexually active individuals know what’s it’s like to have a person who hasn’t had any in a while, or you can tell they don’t have a lot of experience doing.  It’s not nice.

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I’m advising you to use several different strategies to improve your sex life.  Try The Matrix Approach, don’t just use one approach.  The one thing I’ll definitely advise you against, is thinking that you are Jon Blaze.  There’s always room for improvement.  Most people continue to be wack at bedroom activities because they refuse to seek out ways to be better.  Even if you think you’re Dionysus himself, you can always learn something new.  As I’ve stated before, you have to approach your sex life like game day; practice, watch film and study, scrimmage and have a walk-through, once you’ve done your homework, you’re ready to win a championship.

What are some ways that you’ve been able to improve your sex life?  Any secrets that you have that you’d like to share?  I’m all eyes.  If you don’t have anything to share, I’ll just go back to watching reality shows … on the internet … with people and no clothes on.