We’re back with the latest installment of Single Black Mail! Check out the email from our latest brave reader and my response!

The Email

I was introduced to a guy by a mutual friend who thought we’d be perfect for each other.  Meets all my checklists.  32, single, no kids, owns a house, works as a Sheriff(when we met, now he’s an undercover narc!  Which alone makes me a lil weary, but willing to date), and fun to be around.  (when he’s rarely around*side eye*).  He’s just my type and I am into him.  But he’s not ready for a relationship.  So, of course, I said, “neither am I.”  Playing the “cool” chick (Thanks A LOT SBM!)  We went out to dinner and tx’ed around for a few months and then I put it out there, said I’m attracted to him psychically and basically told him I’m with the intimate relationship, no commitment (as he suggested).  We knew each other for a few months, so I thought it was safe to stop beating around the bush and say “I’m interested!” (i.e. I wana have sex with you and REALLY hope for more from you if I do).

Well, we did just that.  And I didn’t get a call the next day.  I got a text, but not a call.  Then my call wasn’t answered for two days.  And then he called back 2days later, came over, we got it in, and then, unavailable.  I enjoyed the sex.  But the next morning….not so much.  It didn’t feel good to be f**ked and then, well, ignored.  (Even if we are just having relations, we just had relations, pick the damn phone up!) I know he’s busy, hell so am I but I expect people in my life to return my calls, esp if we f’n!  Simply because I don’t ask of a lot of time because I don’t have a lot of time to give.

So, when he finally got around to returning my call, I calmly let him know that the intimate part was cool, but he’s no fun! He’s never available and I don’t feel I could just call and say “let’s hang out” or even a simple “hello” for that matter and he’d answer, let alone return my call.  I told him he’s a great guy, but may not be the great guy for me because he is just not available to date the way I want to date him.  I lost one.

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I feel if I would’ve went with the flow, I’d be forever and always, placed in the jump off category.  And since I really like him, I couldn’t live with that feeling, especially if I ever want him to look at me as anything more. When I told him how I felt, he said nothing.  He just listened. Shouldn’t that be my answer? Then why am I feeling like I said something too premature or shouldn’t have said anything and saw where things went? Shouldn’t a women set a precedence on how to be treated if a man is only going to treat you as you allow them?

I’m 27, single, no kids, own car, crib, etc, great career and I’m not getting any younger.  All I want is act right!  I’m not going to compromise my dignity for good sex.  Should I have just stayed because he’s a good catch and waited it out so see if he eventually gave me more attention?  I guess it all boils down what’s worse: “to say something and wish you hadn’t?  Or to not say something, and wish you did!”  So please, I need the straight no chase answer. HELP.

Sincerely, Confused and wanting more.

The Response

First of all, don’t Blame us for being “the cool chick” lol… We don’t force anyone to apply our musings to real life woman! Glad you paid attention though!

Should I have just stayed because he’s a good catch and waited it out so see if he eventually gave me more attention?

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I think that you answered this question throughout your message to me. Think about it:

1) I enjoyed the sex.  But the next morning….not so much.  It didn’t feel good to be f**ked and then, well, ignored.  (Even if we are just having relations, we just had relations, pick the damn phone up!)

2) I know he’s busy, hell so am I but I expect people in my life to return my calls, esp if we f’n!

3) I told him he’s a great guy, but may not be the great guy for me because he is just not available to date the way I want to date him.

and finally, the nail in the coffin:

I feel if I would’ve went with the flow, I’d be forever and always, placed in the jump off category.  And since I really like him, I couldn’t live with that feeling, especially if I ever want him to look at me as anything more. When I told him how I felt, he said nothing.  He just listened. Shouldn’t that be my answer?

I could’ve told you all of this, but you told it to me! You want it straight, with no chaser well here it is: You don’t need me to confirm what you already know. You told me! this dude either only saw you as a piece of ass, or had some type of significant other in his life (or other women) that he was hiding from you. That’s the ONLY reasons i could see why a man wouldn’t even answer a phone call, or hit you with a ‘respectable text” knowing he got your call and he will get back to you. The only time i might have dodged a call from a chick i just messed with would be because a) I thought she was crazy and i needed an escape or b) the s*x was horrible and I was done. Even then I wouldn’t blatantly ignore a woman. So maybe he’ an @sshole, or ALL OF THE ABOVE!

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At times, we don’t like to lose. We don’t like when situations fail to pan out, when we think that everything is right. The cold truth is that sometimes, this happens! Sometimes sh*t doesn’t work, and there won’t be closure. You just have to be mature enough to recognize it and move on.

Should I have just stayed because he’s a good catch and waited it out so see if he eventually gave me more attention?

How can a dude who won’t even return one phone call from you be a good catch? it takes more than a stat sheet full of positives to make a dude a ‘good catch” that’s why they play the games, because it doesn’t matter how good a team is on paper, that doesn’t mean they’ll still win. Look at the NCAA tournament and you’ll see what I mean.

You’re still young, you have the world ahead of you, and great stats. Work on you as a person and don’t mind those that don’t matter!

So, how was the advice? Should she try to pursue a relationship? What are the pros and cons of this situation? What would you tell her?

And as always, if you want your emails answered hit me directly blogsondemand@streetztalk.net or any writers at sbm@singleblackmale.org

The hit and run struggle is real,

 

 

 

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