The f*?
Double Standards are everywhere!
I mean … some of them really suck … some of them are helpful … some of them just …well, don’t make sense. Most of the people that complain about double standards benefit from some of them simultaneaously.
Double Standards are everywhere when it come to the sexes. There are things that a guy can do that are just not acceptable for a female. There are things a woman can do that are unbecoming for a man. Let’s take some time to focus on the later.
*break* (for those of you unclear about what a double standard is)
A double standard refers to one class of entities being treated differently from another class of entities, and implies an unfair or unjustified differentiation. Double standards can be applied to many entities including people, groups, and concepts.
cite: wikipedia
So, as a public service to all of those soft, simping, lame, punk sumb*tchin misinformed males,
SBM presents the Double Standard guide for men
aka … sh*t she can get away with that you can’t.
Crying
I think this goes without saying. Sure if your parent dies, someone kills your dog, you get kicked in the balls, or someone throws sand directly in your eyes (the eyebrows and eyelids don’t count) … then let the tears fly, but otherwise … man up! Your just not allowed to cry. Bambi’s mom got shot … man up! Your girl just left you … man up! You caught your best friend giving your wife the “bidness” … get the shotgun because its time for someone to die, then man up!
Tongue Rings
I polled the world on tongue rings many years ago, and there is one thing well agreed upon fact: men don’t wear tongue rings. If they do … they duck sick don’t appreciate the company of women. I don’t care if its a stud, hoop, or a spinning glow in the dark piece, it does not belong in the mouth of a man. On women it can be sexy, implies good fellatio head kissing, but sadly there are some warped men who didn’t get the memo.
Temper Tantrum
Men get mad … that’s our right under the law (as long as no one gets hurt)! But, to b!tch, moan, complain, or generally make a pouty face is not flying. While its annoying as hell when a woman does this and may be grounds for instant dismissal, it’s expected and understood. Women can get mad, make all kinds of faces, I wouldn’t even be shocked if she held her breath until her face turned blue (wtf are ya … 5?) but for a man, it’s … unbecoming.
Touching a stranger of the opposite sex
Ever been in a club, supermarket, or church and just had someone randomly grab or rub your chest, ass, side, or other sensitive area. If you are a guy, you turned around thinking “who is looking to come home with me!” If you are a woman, you thought “who is fiting to get stabbed!” Women can touch, rub, grope, stroke, jerk whatever they want on a man and be well recieved (unless she looks like she got mushed in the face as a baby), but a guy will get stabbed arrested. Don’t do it to yourself!
Kissing someone of the same sex
I really don’t even feel like wasting time elaborating on this one, but let me make it clear. Two women kissing = sexy. Two guys kissing = vomit! And I’m not just saying this as a heterosexual male, women have told me they rather see lesbian porn than gay porn. Two women are just soft, gentle and beautiful. I’ve never seen two men kiss, but I imagine some weird fight for dominance.
Talking about masturbation
Just like same sex kissing, with women its this sensual and erotic moment and with guys its just this dirty yet daily act. Its like comparing a ballet to the dutty wine. Talk about it around other guys, “no homo” moment. If she is talking about methods, toys, shower heads, and time …sexy as f*.
Putting anything in or near your anus
Ok … I’m really not gonna explain this.
I hope this PSA helps your average b!tch ass n***a soft guy.
– SBM aka B* N* Deterrent aka Simp Slayer
Was I the only person that was happy Bambi's mother died as a kid? I swear I always felt like "Bish, that's what you get for naming your SON Bambi!" No one else… no one…. Bueller… ok then.
wait… Bambi is a dude?
Learn something new everyday
Did you not see the part when him and his friends discover females?
I didn't know that either.
LOL, i've never even seen Bambi i knew he was a dude. Didn't someone call him Little Prince in the movie? I always remember hearing that in the commercials for the dvd
You need counseling.
@TWIsM im super late and the only comment I read so far was yours. You sir….were not the only one who felt that way about Bambis mom. I didn't quite GET that he was a boy until I was grown. I don't remember much of the movie, but I remember being sure Bambi was a girl and being judged for laughing when mom was shot. Terrible I know.
I'm sorry, but once you are no longer a toddler, temper tantrums are no longer okay regardless of it you're a male or female.
Touching strangers of the opposite sex? This has never been a problem for me. When I used to live in Georgia the only way I use to ask money to move was to grab them by their waist and move them aside while saying excuse me. I have yet to be to slapped or cursed it. I even do it on the subways in NYC and nothing has happened. Maybe I've gotten a side-eye at worst.
I have no idea why two guys would talk about masturbation though. Can't really do much except perform a singular motion.
"I’m sorry, but once you are no longer a toddler, temper tantrums are no longer okay regardless of it you’re a male or female."
Word.
Yea guys touch w/o permission all the time, esp in the club. I must shamingly admit, however, my reaction to the touch is usually determined by his attractiveness.
At best, the cut-eye I give him may not be as potent. I don't care how attractive a guy is, he would be best to keep his hands to himself unless he's lightly touching my arm/hand trying to get my attention. Even at that, it should be a last resort kind of deal for when the music was too loud for me to hear his "Excuse me…".
Well usually it's disguised as a manuevering mechanism: touching my hip or the small of my back while he tries to get through a crowded club. I'm not "ok" with it, but I'm even less ok with it if it's some homely looking-character doing it. But that rarely happens. Usually only the cute ones are cocky enough to pull a move like that.
True dat (walks away embarrassed for being shallow)
It rarely happens to me too, but I will say that a lot of aesthetically challenged people do have quite a bit of clout. I see stuff they pull and also hear the stories. Come to think of it, I did once have some idiot make a grab at my behind as I walked by. He was no Flava Flav, but he definitely wasn't a Morris Chestnut either.
um…these were not the double standards i was expecting to hear at all. Most of these are double standards of your (as in men) own creation.
Crying: I think its *bleh* for anyone to cry over nonsense. Even when i get emotional, i choke that ish up unless im in private.
Tongue rings: I honestly think the only reason chicks see tongue rings as queer is because men have overwhelmingly stated that they are. I never thought anything of a dude with a tongue ring until other men said it was ghey. I dated a dude with a tongue ring once and was quite happy reaping the physical benefits that came with the tongue ring- draw your own picture
Temper Tantrums- aren't cute on anyone, man woman or child! And clearly its not ok if you just said they are annoying and/or grounds for instant dismissal.
Touching a stranger- its only ok because you are ok with it lol. If you really wanted to you could press charges and be well within your rights to do so. And men do touch women all the time. It may not be rubbing her bewbs or booty but i can't tell you how many times i've been somewhere and felt a hand linger on the small of my back (or waist or hips) as someone was trying to "pass by" or pretending to inch me outta their way
Kissing someone of the same sex- i've never thought two girls kissing was sexy. That's ya'll lol
Talking about masturbation- me and my female friends don't talk about masturbating and i'd quickly dead the convo if it ever came up because im not interested in what you do in your downtime nor am i looking for pointers in how to enjoy mine lol
Putting anything in/near the anus- isn't cute/cool with me.
I am willing to admit that all the above interpretations could just be me though!
@ Lady Ngo. I totally agree with you about the tongue ring thing. I kind of think it's homo, but I'm not sure why! It doesn't make sense. I mean, I would imagine it would feel good on my lady-parts, just as it would feel good on his man-part. Probably better. So why is it synonymous with fallatio?
Tongue rings are definitely more for working on lady parts than men! Guys with tongue rings are usually exploratory.
I think you misread(/heard?) the tone of the post. It's not a complaint post so much as a PSA to some guys who he feels may need it.
"I dated a dude with a tongue ring once and was quite happy reaping the physical benefits that came with the tongue ring- draw your own picture"
o_O … He prolly now resides in DC or Atlanta … smh
Tongue rings on men … never heard of it … This must be a new n*gga thing.
lol, Dudes have been rocking tongue rings for decades. It's just not necessarily a popular thing.
R.I.P. to them cats.
Am I the only one that no idea what Top is doing in his avi? D@mn tiny pics…
Tying his shoe laces?
Yeah, I think you're right…thanks 😉
Ya welcome!
Yes, lacing the wingtips up.
lol, i doubt it highly. Maybe if it were a funny shape, or multicolored, or something, i'd consider it. But a plain metal (or plastic- i don't really remember) piercing doesn't scream queer to me.
He's haitian, im nigerian- neither of our cultures play that with the homosexuality- so even if he is gay, he's in the closet thats in the closet lol. I doubt he'd do something that he thought would make people question him cuz that can literally turn into a life or death situation real quick
you right about that in regards to "NIGER CULTURE" …
As Chris Rock said on "No $ex in the Champagne Room",
If a girl has a pierced tongue, she'll probably suck your d!ck.
If a guy has a pierced tongue, he'll probably suck your d!ck.
LOL!
RIP Gerald Levert…
Come on!!! Again, this seems totally self-imposed homophobia. WHY is this gay? MEN, do you really think that little ball wouldn't feel good on a woman's "slit"? WHY do you think it's just for men???
It's ghey because we say it is.
Your response sounds like someone saying stimulating your prostate isn't ghey if a woman is doing it because it purportedly feels good with all the nerve endings or whatever cockamamie excuse they give. Maybe a man with a tongue ring isn't technically "ghey", but we declared it unacceptable, just like a woman's finger in a man's rectum, men carrying manbags/purses and other androgynous ratchetness that people are trying to make acceptable.
Man law.
*SMH. I agree that any anal play is ghey. A man having a tongue ring to stimulate his woman's slit is not the same thing as saying a woman stimulating a man's anus is okay just because she's a woman. The act in and of itself is ghey. How can something that pleases the V be considered ghey? And "because we said so" is not a reason!
@Hugh Jazz
Fun with history. Long before it was normalized in pr0n getting a bj was almost always considered an act of homosexuality since antiquity.
AJ, I don't know who's pleasuring you, but I certainly don't need a tongue ring to dehydrate a woman while dining.
Question, although I'm not sure if I want to open this can of worms: if a woman is inserting the finger, how can it be ghey? I'm saying it is not only the act, it's ghey because societal standards says certain things are ghey. Or specifically, man law. Men have agreed the ring is ghey. We have spoken, and it is therefore law!
Malik: "Fun with history. Long before it was normalized in pr0n getting a bj was almost always considered an act of homosexuality since antiquity."
Well I guess I'm more of a flamer than Johnny Storm. No head is a dealbreaker.
"Malik: “Fun with history. Long before it was normalized in pr0n getting a bj was almost always considered an act of homosexuality since antiquity.”
Well I guess I’m more of a flamer than Johnny Storm. No head is a dealbreaker."
This message has been sanctioned and approved by Top5DOA!
Abuse
"There is NO reason for a man to ever hit a woman" or even throw a drink in her face *basketball wives*
Yet if a woman hits a man, he had to do SOMETHING to deserve it. Even elevated levels of abuse such as cutting off a man's penis, throwing hot grits, etc….it's always looked at as "what did he do to deserve it?"
Yet no matter how crazy, abusive, disrespectful, etc a woman acts *rihanna*….there is NO reason to hit a woman.
I for one call bulls#!t….and I'm an advocate of the "Hit a B&#%h back" movement. Even little 11 year old boys learn the rules of the world when they act out of pocket and get that ass whooped by another kid…..so if lil pre-puberty boys can learn this lesson….why are grown ass women /exempt from bearing the full consequences of acting out of pocket?
Hell they even joked about the guy getting his penis cut off on CBS's The Talk….doubt they'd joke about a woman getting her clitoris mutilated…that'd be a "Serious" show about domestic violence. Yet woman to man violence is always seen as a joke….and is pretty much a staple in film via the slap to the face, or crotch kick/punch.
In the words of Clay Davis…"Sheeeeeeeit". I could have written this one. But hell, I guess it was needed.
That last one though…that whole part should be in bold. I kicked like a mule, which was followed by an ex-gf saying "Why'd you kick me in the titty? I was only trying to stimulate your prostate." The hell? Unless you've got a "D" and "R" in front of your name, I don't need you to even say the word "prostate".
I'm over two women kissing. It's sexy, but 9 times out of 10, it's all about trying to be the center of attention. I'm not mad at that, but I want the attention on me. Yeah, I said it.
Also, you should add "gossiping" to this list. What's up with dudes talking about their friends behind their back? Meow, homie.
"Also, you should add “gossiping” to this list. What’s up with dudes talking about their friends behind their back? Meow, homie."
This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Also, you should add “gossiping” to this list. What’s up with dudes talking about their friends behind their back? Meow, homie."
Like you don't do this?!!! o__o Stopit!!!!!!
Everybody gossips
I don't think the vastmajority off dudes gossip.If dudes don't like each other they normally don't interact.If a friend is doing something simpish one or all of the members of that circle will confront him. The issue might be discussed without him around to decide the best course of action, but everything said will be brought to him. Talking about any dude behind his back, especially in the presence of females, is a violation of man law.
Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We don't gossip.
Maaaaaan please! Ya'll just call it pillow talk! Tellin all your boys secrets after your tanks are emptied!
Talking about women with the homies doesnt fall under the category of gossip? <<<—sincere question! lol
"Maaaaaan please! Ya’ll just call it pillow talk! Tellin all your boys secrets after your tanks are emptied!"
@Star
Say That!!!!
If men are sitting around talking (and in some cases, lying) about women they've slept with, it's not gossip. It's bragging. (By the way men, if you're almost 30 and still doing this, put down the Henny and go back to sipping Capri Suns.) Boys talk, men do. #simpleasthat
Gossiping on the other hand is when dudes are talking about other dudes behind their back. I think the kids nowadays call it "hating on someone" now. It's catty, and it's not a good look.
"(unless she looks like she got mushed in the face as a baby)"
Omg I'm dying here! Lmao
Crying- doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you
Tongue rings- I thought those went out of style a long time ago
Temper tantrum- agree with the above posters, unless it's role play
Touching a stranger of the opposite sex- Idk about this one. Like you said it depends on how attractive the reciever finds the grabber to be. I know a couple who got married and before they knew each other the guy grabbed her a$$. That's how he made his attraction known.
Kissing someone of the same sex- agree two men doing this its just not cute, no offense to my ghey friends. I don't want to witness two women doing this either but I'd probably cringe less. I'd participate if the situation were right I guess.
Talking about masturbation- this is funny because I was just talking to a friend about masturbation on saturday.
Putting anything in or near your anus- idk I've seen adult footage where dudes were enjoying girls tossing their salads, does that count? I ain't trying to go there anyway doe. I do think it's hilarious that y'all are always trying to get back there on your women though.
"Temper tantrum- agree with the above posters, unless it's role play"
que? You miss me on that one
Really?
Example 1: You're wearing your catholic school girl outfit. You go to a make believe catholic college so it's not weird. Anyway, you do something that gets you in trouble so the professor assigns you to detention. You throw a tantrum "but I don't want to go to detention!" He tells you to shut the f*ck up before he has to spank you. You don't shut the f*ck up and instead go in harder by stamping your feet and crossing your arms and sticking your tongue out at him. He comes over and bends you over and spanks you while pounding it. He keeps telling you to shut the f*ck up but you don't because you want him to go in harder…..
School girl outfit not your thing?
Example 2: You're wrestling with your boo (like on wisdomismisery.com today— heeeelarious), he gets a little rough. Instead of jumping on him like a banshee like the chick in his story. You smack him a little bit rough too and you cry "why can't you be gentle?" He says "gentle?", then he gently pounds you. This is a subtler form of tantrums but a tantrum no less.
Example 3: I want this new couch (this is the current situation in our house) I see in the store but my hubby says no to it because it's expensive, looking around, seeing nobody else, I smell the opportunity in the air so I lean back on said couch I kick my feet up and down (revealing that I'm not wearing any panties under this here skirt) and shout but "I want it soooo bad!" He says "I've got something you can have" and he pounds you on the couch in the middle of the store. Now you have to buy it. The end.
These are all pretty corny but you should get my drift.
You can turn just about anything into something sexual even temper tantrums.
Uh Huh… ::pours a glass of wine hidden under my desk::
Tell me more…I didn't quite clearly get them. Anymore examples?
::Fills up glass to brim::
Lmao sorry D but my creative juices for the day are all gone. If you're into that sort of talk though you can head over to max-logic.com on nasty fridays or to nwso.net on wet wednesdays. The most recent one was a doozy.
While I was in the shower a few minutes ago though and the hot water trickled down from my long curly black hair onto my soapy and slippery firm double ds, I started thinking about a scene in a movie where a dude had a tantrum and he wound up getting some from his girl. Remember boyz in the hood? Cuba was so worked up over his friend dying that he was crying and tantrumming (don't think that's a word, but there's two things from the list) and punching the air and nia long gave him some. That's not role playing (well it was a movie) but it's something I thought about while I was in there running my soapy hands all over my standard issue (remember dr j's post?) and in between my velvety soft thighs….. *sigh* that calgon bottle takes me away every time I tell ya.
LOL! @ DeKeLa ….but for real, though…anymore examples?? 🙂
I'm bout to go read's WIM's write up, but from what you described I remember reading his TL on twitter when he was talking about this. Had me weak! I think I retweeted most of that story..comedy.
Im with them… you trying to make it nasty friday over here too?
Lmao @ Kema, not at all but I did get a little carried away. It's because I'm recovering from oral surgery and I'm chexually frustrated. We could only think of a couple positions that avoid causing anymore pain to my face. Lol kema you crack me up!
Lmao @ Larry, like I said to D. I'm fresh out of creative juices. This is why I don't blog. You keep posting pics like that and a woman might get inspired though.
Umm miss lyght you just made me a lil moist, and im a guy, that ish aint suppose to happen…lol
@SD really? And I thought I was being tame.
yea umm @Larry and @SD…
Y'all cool and all, but umm BACK THE FCUK OFF…. I'm officially making krystllyght my e-crush/boo.
Thanks,
Management
So making pouty faces is not okay for men? Does Streetz know about this? Because he has a pout that can't be beat!
Streetz is a cutie AND he has dimples so he gets a pass.
You know he's gonna get you for that, right? lol
Men cry…even if they deny it and only do it in the midnight hour when they're alone. And it's OK…crying is just another expression of your state of mind…no different than yelling when you're angry…laughing when you're happy etc. When "stuck" you'll bleed…just like the rest of us with blood running through our veins. 😉
Happy Friday to ya!
I haven't cried since 2001.
Suuuuuuuuure.
Lol … For real … The rush of emotion surrounding the event back then i have yet to duplicate. I think my tear ducts don't work nor does my heart. I tried to cry at my grandfather's funeral and during Passion of The Christ cuz i thought it was appropriate and i should, but nothing.
I really wish i was emotionally capable of doing so when appropriate.
I didn't cry at my grandmother's funeral or during Passion of the Christ, but my tear ducts are fully functional even though you'd be hardpressed to catch me shedding tears. No need trying to force 'em, just don't hold them back when you do feel compelled to cry.
Maaaaaaaan, I had to just cover my eyes through most of Passion. The movies I cried a lot over were Rollerball and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
Denial is a path that leads directly into a brick wall…at 100mph. LOL j/k dear…I'll take your word for it. 🙂
He probably does it in the dark…
Or in the shower.
Actually I lied … I cried yesterday when i saw Deelishis's camera pic on Twitter.
( ,-_-)
Lol What was wrong with it? I didn't see it.
Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
@Krystllyght
Her azz (and i literally mean her azz) brought tears to my eyes … I took a 15 min break at work and dreamt.
@Top oh I see. Isn't that what they call the onion booty? You look at it and it makes you cry?
This is true.
What?! I cry on demand==> 25 and NEVER gotten a speeding ticket (although I get pulled over ALL the time).
*knocks on wood and cries*
lmao. Why do you have me trying to picture Top5 bustin' some sniffles to get out of a ticket?
No tickets?!?!?!?!?!?!
* heads to the bathroom to practice *
Exactly….
I gotta disagree. I never thought of men crying as a thing men do. I've never seen a male cry in my family and I'm not a cryer myself. It's called "being in control of your emotions". I'm a firm believer and follower of Stoicism.
Just out of curiosity, why does crying mean you are not *in control of your emotions*? When we laugh…or yell while rooting for your favorite sports team is that not *being in control of your emotions* as well?
Its that thought right there that makes people say women are more emotional. As if cyring is the only the only way to show an emotion.
So no… men are in control of their crying… not always their emotion. I've never seen a woman get so mad that she practically breaks her hand hitting a wall or another hard object.
I've only seen my husband cry twice in eleven years. Both times I was crying. If your girl is crying, does it make you want to cry?
@Kema
"So no… men are in control of their crying… not always their emotion. I’ve never seen a woman get so mad that she practically breaks her hand hitting a wall or another hard object."
PREACH. i told my brother once, i much rather you break down and cry than break down and bust a lamp, a hole in the door, and your knuckles on the dang brick wall cause you're so "in control of your emotions" you can't cry. O_O
that ish just can't be healthy. ole violent arse men. lol
A man rooting for his team or laughing…those are actions that are controlled. No one blurts out a root for their team that wasn't on purpose lol.
Note to self: do not drink anything while reading this site. You never know when someone will say or do something that will make you laugh and spew coffee over your desk, narrowly missing your keyboard.. Like WIM posting that picture of the sissy-soft dude sobbing with one hand over his eye. That was hilarious and disturbing at the same time.
You should've posted the funniest cry ever … I shall do so for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh9YYoN3v6M
HILARITY!!!
You wrong for that link man! that's some funny shit right there..lol
Hahaha! Hilarious!
Those crying while eating vids are funny too!
Can I add pierced nipples to the list? On a woman – hawt. On a man – time to hastily refasten your clothing and exit stage left.
lol…that was funny!
I had a boyfriend w/ a pierced tongue… never noticed too much b/c a silver or clear ball was all you'd get from him. I <3 that piercing. I wonder if he still has it… *goes to find old cell*
LMBO @ this picture!!!!!!
I had to say that before reading the post…lol!
man-tears are sexy to me. depending on what he's crying about. it will get thou rapedeth. lol
i also think this whole men shouldn't cry thing is contributing to the heart attack and early death rate of men. lol. it's extreme, but seriously. yall will rather something gnaw and eat away at your insides than just let it out, feel better, and move on. it's insane to me.
icant with a man with a tongue-ring, that's just… yeah. no.
temper tantrums and whining from a man… unsexy. i do both of these sometimes though. lol
i think the same sex kissing is akin to me preferring to go to a stripclub for men than one for women if i just had to go to one. women are just neatly packaged, and men swanging and such is just … awkward if you're not making sexytime.
dyed hair is another. i'd side eye him extremely so.
"man-tears are sexy to me. depending on what he’s crying about. it will get thou rapedeth. lol"
Me, you, and Brandy from Boyz in the Hood are on the exact same page with this one, LMBO!
Cuba Gooding Jr.'s cry in Boyz in the Hood was #Top5
So basically if a guy was whining and crying at the same time (BKA cryin n' dying), it'll just cancel out on your sexiness meter? Something like TO+Keith Sweat? Dancing in the rain, let it burn, type mess? lmao
LOL yeah whine+cry= no bueno.
sincerity +cry + that sexy jaw clench thing men do… =raped! lol
Men wearing Jeggings.. O___o
Who said your dingleberries imprint was the HOTNESS?
Not Sexy at All!!!
G6 you slayed me with that!
wassa jegging?
I'm gonna say you're prob better off WITHOUT the visual, lol.
I don't think you wanna know…
I think you're right..lol
Men are wearing Jeggings?!?!????? But WHY?!?!?????
I guess the skinny jeans aren't no longer tight enough. *lol*
I've read a few comments so far and the theme I'm seeing from the women is "I wouldn't do that" or "I don't think that's appropriate for a woman, either" or "It's ok for a man to do this, nothing wrong with it".
In my opinion these double standard examples aren't a matter of who should or shouldn't do what, but more or less what's seen as socially acceptable by the general population at large. In other words each example is more expected to be a casual norm for a female than for a man. I'm not saying all women should or actually do any of these things, but if you see a woman cry during a very high intense emotional situation for the most part no one is going to look at them side-ways or say "woman up".
To verify the accuracies of these double standards I say apply the "Celebrity/Entertainment" test. (it's a very un-scientific method, fyi). For example Chris Brown broke down crying on stage a couple years ago, Jon Boehner was caught shedding more than a few tears and recently Drake ,allegedly, sang a cover Destiny's Child song….all were slammed for their actions! However, when that one woman went on YouTube and did that rendition of "Look at Me Now" singing and rapping all the male parts she was praised.
Same thing with famous Hollywood starlets who get caught smooching other females in the club…sure it's a bit of news but that kind of behavior isn't surprising. Catch Brad Pitt tonguing down some dude names Otis in the club sh!t will hit the fan. Just not accetable for the guy to be casual kissing another dude…but Snooki gets a pass.
This test isn't 100% full-proof, but the committee (of one) says it's the best we have. 🙂
Can't say it much better than that.
Fair enough. By the way, I realized when you gave in to e-dollas and peer pressure that I had no clue the Larry w/ the abs and the Larry w/ the face were the same person. I guess I never paid attention to the name and thought you were a new poster. I was wondering where I was hiding when the apparently much-sought-after picture was up.
"when you gave in to e-dollas and peer pressure…"
Girl that's just the power of the SBMettes crew at work. Roll with us homie, lol.
LMAO @ your recruiting
"Roll with us homie, lol"
lol I think Ima do just that. +1 for the SBMettes.
Lord…Larry's avi *church fans myself*
I'll add:
– Wearing flip-flops with your outfit when you aren't at the beach or pool
– Piercings in both ears
– Arched/trimmed eyebrows
– Nail polish
– Penciled in eyebrows
– Carry purses… (a manbag???? really???)
– Using "Girrrrrrrrl", "Chile Please", or "POW" in a sentence
– Tatoo on the calf or ankle
– Shop solely at H&M
– Wear capris
Let me stop….I could do this all day, lol. ALL DAY!!!!
Co-sign. You are allowed to trim hair in the middle of your eyebrows though.
Murse (man purse)- they're doing it over in Italy lol we ain't ready in the US doe.
Girl, I hate to tell you this…but…
THE MURSE IS IN THE STATES!
Hollywood stars are getting OC (outta control) with it…
I mean…if you're gay doing this stuff, DO YOU, BOO-BOO. But, if you're parading around as a straight man, this mess is just unacceptable! LOL…
I mean…if you’re gay doing this stuff, DO YOU, BOO-BOO. But, if you’re parading around as a straight man, this mess is just unacceptable! LOL…
Pretty much speaks for itself.
I guess I haven't seen enough murses. *shrugs*
Can a dude save himself if it resembles a briefcase or laptop bag?
– Piercings in both ears
Nah…. I find that sexy on certain dudes, (bad boys)
I'm not a super Will Smith fan…
* ducks and runs *
Love the guy for what he does…but meeting him randomly on the street all blockbusterless would not make my heart skip a beat, lol. He's def attractive…but he's not enough to make me overlook that one.
Will Smith?? who said anything about him..
LOL
Maybe I should have said street dudes.
My bad, LMBO! Forgive me…
"Bad Boys" took me straight to the movie, LOL…
lol
WHAT in the!?!? Girl get your eyes checked! Exhibit A (fellas, you might wanna skip this one, but do what you want #NoDoubleStandard) –> http://bit.ly/qsBqBI
"I’m not a super Will Smith fan…"
>gasp< What? That's blasphemous chile!
I know, I know, lol. Love him as an actor/family man…
Some attraction malfunction within, I'm sure, lol. He's cute…attractive. But, he's not on my Celebrity crush list. That list does include Idris, Columbus Short, Brian White, "The Best Man" Morris (he delivered another acceptable, rapeable man cry in that movie), and others though, lol…
@ Cynicaloptimist81
Please back up off my man Morris, I am his next wife thank you!
Lol
Idris is on my list too along with Taye, Michael Ealy, Reggie Bush, Method Man, Mila Kunis and Ryan Gosling. Sometimes Antonio Banderas.
Morris used to be on my list until I realized he resembles a cousin with that high azz bart simpson forehead. Ruins it.
Krys, you canNOT hate on Morris' forehead and then list Taye Diggs, lol. He's bald now but with hair????…that hairline with his forehead is NOT WINNING! Mr. Chestnut's hairline is WINNING!!!!
Actually, don't like Morris…that way I'll only have to e-beef with QueenBinthestreets over him, LOL…
And no you did not slide a chick in that list, LOL… I ain't crushin on no females, lol. #youcanhavethat But, I'll co-sign Ryan and add Bradley Cooper (sober though, gotta be clean, lol)…
Taye knew to just shave it off instead of holding onto it for dear life, that's why he's winning over Morris. Plus Morris really does kind of look like my cuz. I had to google Bradley Cooper, yeah he's pretty cute. He gets an honorable mention on my list and hey, Mila Kunis could get it right along with Eva Mendes.
Morris with a barts simpson forehead???? Who are you looking at?
I can co-sign on Reggis Bush off that list too….BLESS IT and that twinkle in his eye makes me think he might be nasty 😉
But I have to no-sign with you ladies on Idris Elba…he looks "To Catch a Predator-ish"
as for as white meat Im pretty much only rockin with Marky Mark Wahlberg
Hol up, hol up, hol up, hol up, hol up, hol up, hol up, hol up, hol up
Did Queen just disrespect Idris?!!!! Bwhahaha! How you gonna say he looks "To Catch A Predator-ish"?!!!! I'm DONE with you!!!
I was watching Takers yesterday and that man's walk…hmmm mmm mmm!!!! *shivers*
The whole ensemble in Takers was delightful…especially my boo boo stank stank T.I.
Don't you disrespect T.I. Queen….I let Idris slide…but don't talk bad about the Kang, lol
I'll pass on Reggie, lol. He's got the Usher Raymond head/hairline problem…the hairline is too close to his eyebrows for my taste…and his head is too round. Nice body, great smile…attractive…cute…but he doesn't make "my list".
I'm not mad at anybody who prefers to leave Idris with me, lol! Thankya!
Mark can get an honorable mention from me, lol…depends on the picture I'm looking at. He doesn't always send me over the moon, lol…
@CO I see it now. Morris done desensitized you to a misplaced hairline. Reggie's hairline is where it's actually supposed to be hon. It's okay boo you ain't know.
Oh I forgot about Mark Wahlberg (how that happen?). *pets kitty & tells her calm down girl"
Now @ CO maybe we can do some bargaining here, you keep Idris and I'll take my husband Morris. you can't have them both lol
@ LaLa Im sorry but Idris looks like somebody's granddad iCant!
T.I ehhhh…but Im not really attracted to him but I will say that his swag is sexy. I do like the way he carries his self. he is so suave-like.
I cant do Usher, SN: I think Usher and Chili should just get back together they were prefect!
"Oh I forgot about Mark Wahlberg (how that happen?). *pets kitty & tells her calm down girl” "
LOL!! @ krystllyght So we can agree on that…I would so drop down and get my eagle on for that
@Queen
You're killing me! I don't even like Macaroni Tony's (old dudes)! Idris don't look like a granddaddy. You're gonna have me e-stalk pictures of him.
I LOVE T.I. His accent…and like you said, his swag. I adore that little yellow man.
Yeah, ya'll can keep Usher. Him (yes him) look like a Treasure Troll. Him and Chili do need to get back together.
@Lala girl TI is cute and I like his accent too but he's a bit scrawny. If I had the chance I'd take it but I'd promptly make him a steak and bacon sammich with extra mayo right after, you know, to fatten him up just a little bit. And now that you say it, Usher does have that treasure troll look, he can sang to me though, so he's back in. We'll do it in the dark so I don't have to see his face.
Oh yeah, I have to mention Tyrese and Omar Epps out of duty. If you mash their faces together, they resemble my hubby.
@krystl
T.I. is on the scrawny side…but I like thin dudes…so I wouldn't bulk him up too much. LOL @ Ursher being in cause he can sing…I can dig it though!!!
Oh.My.God He DOES look like a Treasure Troll! I knew it was something but I couldnt put my finger on it, you placed it girl!
But I have to I'll accept T.I as a mention…
Am I the only one who finds Fabolous semi-do-able? Maybe its the lyrics,maybe its the lips 🙂
@Queen
Nah, that Brooklyn boy F.A. (bolous) could get it too!
Oh, and my skate boarding boo Terry Kennedy *nods* yup
All of ya need to WATCHOUT.
This ain't MTO.
@Queen, Fab? He do got some nice sized lips. I'd let him munch but not hunch. I guess that's a different list.
@krstllyght YES TYRESE!…….Omar meehhhhh! Imma have to substitute Omar for Michael Jai White (from Why did I get married) Remember that scene when he and Angela were fighting in the bed….. *sigh
I'll throw in D.Wade……
I would like to throw Top5DOA in that mix too Lol
what is MTO?
"Am I the only one who finds Fabolous semi-do-able?"
It's the chip tooth — he can get it after 3AM.
I DO NOT get the D.Wade appeal. Son doesn't do it for me. Like at all.
@QueenB Sad i know this … Media Take Out
@GirlSixx
F.A. is that cute hood dude. The well dressed dude from the projects who's not the cutest, but has an appeal to him.
Also for me, he's #TeamSkinny dudes and is funny as sh*t on Twitter. Type of dude that would make the perfect homie, lover, friend
@Queen Mto is mediatakeout.com
Michael Jai White is another on my eat it but not beat it list. He might break me girl. Top would be on there but he took down that lips pic.
@ Top5DOA Oh…..yeeeeeeaa I don't read stuff like that. This is the only blog I visit
lips picture…lips picture…? I cant recall…Im going to have to investigate I just liked his previous avi. Men in suits always do it for me
LOL @ Krys. Girl, I'm sensitive cause I got my own forehead issues, LMBO. #teamfivehead
I'm less concerned about the size of the forehead itself and more concerned with how it blends with the rest of the facial features. Besides, I can't have one and hate, lol…
Idris don't look like anybody's Grandfather, LOL…don't make me get catty bout this slander, Queen, lol. And speaking of Grandfathers, I guess @Lala can't appreciate my love for Sean Connery (best looking old man ever…EVER!!!!!).
TI is the very definition of swag to me. Wouldn't make my list on looks alone (cute, but a bit rat-ish, imo)…but swag just seals the deal. #teamTI
And Tyrese has been WINNING since "Always Coca Cola, yeah… (tyrese smile)"… *swoons* And Omar Epps used to be my teenage crush. I left him in the 90's…but he gets honorable mention for nostalgia's sake, lol.
Fab never made it to my radar…#yallcanhavehimtoo
@cynical, nah…Sean Connery is a fine Macaroni Tony!!! I'm partial to Young Thundercats, but that old man is timeless.
I don't get the D. Wade thing either…and I'm not sure why but Mike Jai seems corny to me.
@Lala – Humor is a total aphrodisiac for me. So I can understand how you got "Caught Up!" #usher in Fabulous, lol…
@CO I can understand that but if y'all had kids (by accident of course) they'd be #teamtenhead!
Sean Connery though? Lmao idk about that. I'd let him tell me a freaky story, him and Morgan Freeman. Lol but the only old guy I can get with is Clooney. *le sigh*
Oh my husband had Omar eyes and Tyrese smile and head shape.
LOL @ Krys! Genetics can be a tricky thing…skip one and slam others. I'll chance it, lol…
Clooney over Sean?!?!?! #idontwannaplaynomore LOL
Forget about all these guys ya'll mentioned… Just give me a guy that resembles black Jesus.
You're killing me Kema!
How'd I forget to co-sign the Method Man mention?! I'm slippin! Slippin and trippin…
Method Man (minus the fronts) was my second rap crush…(LL Cool J was my first…I still have my "Yo MTV Raps" card with his picture on it, LOL…I retired that crush though). "Tical" was the first rap CD and remains the only rap CD I've ever purchased with my own money…purchased on the strength of his fine-ness, LOL. *swoon*
One time for the Wu. Tang. Wu. Tang…. #ilovethe90s
Remember when I was talking about the great female readership of this site and the ability to take a thread over that has nothing to do with the topic oh so long ago? (see:yesterday) .
^^^^^^^^^^^ Case in Point, LOL! To be fair the men are guilty of this too, but this thread right here has to be up there for the record of longest off topic. Kudos. 😉 (I kid, I kid)
lol @ Larry. I know, right? I was just chuckling as the email notifications were rolling through.
Btw, ladies, I'm surprised no one mentioned Boris Kodjoe.
You're right @NS, I can't believe I forgot Boris! *swoon*
@Larry, idk what to tell you, this thread had a kind of it's own.
*mind
All these are against the Man Laws … Accepted.
Chad Ochocinco made "Chile Please" one of the more popular catch phrases in 2009 I believe. Then again, he changed his last name to Ochocinco (think it's back to Johnson now, though) so the level of credibility may be tarnished a bit, lol.
I bought my wool winter coat at an H&M in Chicago last winter…and some gloves. The only things I have ever bought from there, though. (I swear, lol)
Man, I be seeing dudes in the barbershop getting these sharp arches or stars carved in their eyebrows every once in a blue moon and I just smh…like when did that become hot? Neva! I see a lot of dudes penciling in beards and stuff, though…not sure how I feel about that…I'm pretty indifferent I think. *shrugs*
A penciled-in beard? Haaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaa!
I saw a dude with a TATTED on beard once in Macy's. I just couldn't believe my eyes!
Larry, its perfectly fine to buy a shirt here or a coat there from H&M. But, the majority of that stuff is a bit too fitted for the hetero man, lol. You can find some nice stuff there though so def browse around…
And I'm down with the begin or spay stuff for as long as its not too think…looking like you attached it to your head/face.
And I should have added…sideburns trimmed to a dagger-like point all swirled and stuff, lol. That's way to pretty, lol…
I meant…bigen, oops, lol
I Blame Rick Ross.
ok H&M? ummmm hmmmmmm ummmmmm ok Larry… Ima give u a pass as well..LOL
Penciled in beards? Flag on the play, automatic ejection! I didn't think penciled in eyebrows looked good on women, but a man penciling in anything is automatic Man Card revocation.
Dude it's real out there, man. I seen it mostly when a guy has the facial hair grown out, but can't just grow hair to make it connect all the way, so they use the bigen to fill in gaps or just make it
darker overall. *shrugs*
LOL so yeah…
i've dated a man who lived in flip flops. the heavy duty American Eagle kind, but yeah… flip flops.
i've picked out mad clothes from H&M for bfs and male friends.
I've dated two men with both ears pierced
and my last had a manbag/briefcase sort of thing that he snuck snacks into the movies with if my purse was full. lmbooo. it looked more like a tote or briefcase of sorts though, and that's really the only time he used it.
all of these don't seem side-eye worthy to me. they were very manly men. lol. …but i've been told i'm different.
lol +1…always wanted a bf like that 🙂
"i’ve picked out mad clothes from H&M for bfs and male friends."
Me too! But, over a span of time, lol. I'll do a shirts, suit vests, sweaters, jackets/coats & blazers…hardly ever pants of any kind. I also pick through ExpressMen the same way. If I'm helping a man do a closet overhaul, my first stop is Macy's…on a sale day with coupons, lol.
If it can fit a laptop and paperwork, it's cool. If it's too small for that… * side-eye *
LOL…
H&M, Express are two goto spots for me. Also Five Four in LA. THey're stuff is poppin and low key.
I dont really through the flag on piercings in both ears (although i only have 1). When you get extra piercings in ur ear… iown know. U better be a hippy or something!
I had 2 earrings back when i was in college 5-6 years ago, but let it go after a year or so.
We're off Express.
J. Crew, Banana Republic, Cole Haan, Bachrach.
Fellas, make an Esquire or GQ Style Guide move. Thank Me Later.
@ Top5DOA
Express and Banana Republic… Umm Same Difference Homie
"Express and Banana Republic… Umm Same Difference Homie"
Smh … Not at all sweetheart … Not at all … Quality differences … Plus Express doesn't even sell french cuffed dress shirts. In the last 2 months, i've had to throw about 4 Express dress shirts away due to seam tears.
@Top & GirlSixx
The difference is budget!!! Or…just how a dude prioritizes his money. @Top, I know gear is in your top 3 priority-wise, lol…so I can see you putting extra dollars to the wardrobe budget. I don't necessarily see the average man doing that though. I tried to get my bf to buy a $50 sweater from Macy's and I was NOT successful, lol…I loved that sweater. But, he dropped like $400 on a radar detector though!!!!!! *eyeroll* lol
A dress shirt in BR is $80 … smh … My bread has been deep sea diving as of late and needs to come up for some air, but when i do drop bread on the wardrobe I like quality and the look … Unluckily for me, it just happens to be expensive.
But the Esquire style guide i have, which is the epitome of COLD, shows cats with dress shirts around the $400 mark, pants around the same and jackets starting around a rack. When my bread gets all the way live, I will be unstoppable, but until then i just dream.
@CO I can't even get my dude to wear a sweater or even spend over 25 on a shirt! But he's gung-ho about buying gadgets too. *man-logic*
@Top, I see you over there!
@Top5DOA
well yeah of course. the average un-fashion conscious man isn't spending all that on clothes though. especially if he's not single. lol. i tend to date pretty fashion conscious men though. so i'm well aware of how much yall can spend on clothes. O_O not i. i will never ever drop more than 200-300 on a pair of shoes or jeans. ever. lol.
@Krys I feel like some of my logic must have been switched with a man cause I dont want to spend that much on clothes either. But I do like gadgets.
@Kema I'm not a big spender on clothes or gadgets *glances at recently purchased xbox kinect* but he can spend thirty dollars on a shirt sometimes. By all means, live within your means but gosh thirty dollars on a shirt ain't gonna break you. He wears a lot of khakis to work but he's always complaining about them, the way they hang or fade or something. Spring for some better made ones then. Smh.
I call that a Renaissance Man.
Love it!!
Wearing flip-flops with your outfit when you aren’t at the beach or pool
2520s stay doing this. There are some of them that I have YET to see them in any real shoes. During undergrad, most would wear SUITS with FLIP-FLOPS (during the winter too), like that ish was the thing to do. The habitual flip-floppers to me dress like they're on campus near their dorm. People actually go through life like that… 30s and ish. Walk around looking like they just rolled out of bed or off the couch… ALL THE TIME. That's a no-no to me regardless of gender or race.
Asked this lady once: "When do you actually wear real clothes?"
Let me add the obvious:
*Men who wear skinny jeans or WORSE 'meggings' (man leggings)…google it it's true…I saw a man wearing them at a grocery store one time this summer!
Any man who wears these "meggings" deserve to be castrated. That way, the unsuspecting world won't have to see his junk while wearing them.
Lol @ Hugh Jazz but "real men" wear leggings! j/k
Lol it was disturbing…I did see all his stuff with one glance. Even though there wasnt much to see.
I thought skinny jeans were bad enough until I saw that nonsense. Then I was "like dang us women cant have nothing to ourselves!"
I'll be honest, I never heard of these…meggings…before. I just don't see someone wearing them. In which we can now add an addition item to the list.
Women can wear biker shorts/leggings/etc. Men most certainly can not.
Ewww! I had never heard of them before either and had to look it up.
http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2009/08/the_latest…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIJOIvmsWeE&fe…
lol Those dudes are silly. Cracked me up.
Lmaooo @ the last scene
Agree…
Although, I had a situation where a male friend did cry in front of me…awkward. tru
But dayum he was fine. Sigh! he gets a pass 😉
What kinda f*ckery is this "meggings" foolishness and men wearing jeggings?!!!!
Anywho, men can't get a way w/ "tramp stamps" or Sisqo-esque tattoos like a tribal sun around the navel
I don't like colored contacts period…but on a dude…no bueno
Yes the meggings I saw on a man CLEARLY liked other boys…but it was too disturbing!
sisqo-esque tattos? How about Sisqo-esque HAIR! This blonde hair on men trend is terrible inmy opinion
People still wear colored contacts in 2011??
This and a dude singing "Enter the Dragon." naw bruh. lmao
LOL but I used to crush on Sisqo SO HARD back in the day. I had his pictures all over my locker and folders!
@MeteorMan
LMAOOOOO!!!! "Ya'll n*ggas gonna make me unleash the dragon!"
@Queen o_O WHAT?!!!! Put yourself in the nearest corner!!! SISQO?!!!! Ewwwww! You need a card of some type revoked! Bet you was imagining yourself as Mya in the "All About Me" video, eh?
LOL…
Alright now, leave Baltimore's own alone! #teamdruhill #bmorefolife
@ LaLa
Lol I couldnt help it! I just KNEW we were going to get married! I used to watch "Sisqo's Shakedown" faithfully!!
Do you remember that?
LaLa with the save, lol….cause I can't believe I left colored contacts off my list!!!!!!
You know I got you! I agreed w/ all of your list
@Queen, I know a couple of colored contact folks…and LOL @ the Sisqo-esque hair…Breezy hurt my heart w/ that 🙁
smh…..I could never take a man seriously who approached me with colored contacts, or dyed hair, even black outs make me raise an eyebrow…
@Queen
I HATE black outs! I mostly see them on butch lesbians now :/
*RaisesHand*
What's a black out?
…the bigen color on the scalp to make the hair look super full.
It's cool when it looks natural…a light dusting. But, mad people are going crazy with it…getting it too dark and too thick.
My brother wears colored contacts. lol!
*hard blink and blank stare*
lol
+1
Hey they are brown so they dont look weird. idk!! I swear ya'll wont let a guy do anything.
NOPE … Don't matter!!!
Dudes that wear color contacts listen to Drake's Marvin's Room every night before they go to bed.
Let the SBMettes know if you need us…we're available for interventions…A&E style, LOL…
A man with a tramp-stamp? o___O
#NoNotNowNotEva!!!!!
I don't believe that any and all anal play (on a dude) is automatically gay. If you think about it, a large number of guys still believe that any guy who considers anal – period – is gay, whereas a lot of guys are cool with it as long as it's geared towards the female. There are some questionable things, of course (ex: a dude taking a liking to dildo insertion), but I don't know that I'd find it questionable if a dude enjoyed getting his salad tossed. I wouldn't be willing to do it, but to me it's akin to a guy realizing that he actually enjoys getting his nipples suckled and played with, and that the act isn't reserved solely for women. I surprised the hell out of someone with that discovery once, and he was shocked.
I agree! But then again silly old me thinks that the only thing gay is being chexual with a member of the same chex.
"If you think about it, a large number of guys still believe that any guy who considers anal – period – is gay, whereas a lot of guys are cool with it as long as it’s geared towards the female."
"but I don’t know that I’d find it questionable if a dude enjoyed getting his salad tossed."
Girl!!!! These mens up in here frontin. *lmao* I ain't buying it.
Fronting about what? Personally I do think it's gay. There is too much on a woman to love on to be wanting her backdoor. (and everybody has a backdoor) The last thing I want to have a craving for booty, literally.
As far as getting a salad tossed, that's a no fly zone. If somebody even thinks about "surprising" me, they're getting punched. Maybe I'm conservative,but oh well.
"As far as getting a salad tossed, that’s a no fly zone. If somebody even thinks about “surprising” me, they’re getting punched"
Okay. *sideye*
lol
NaijaSweetz, you always make points on points on points.
@ Kema: I won't even lie, there are some things that will definitely get a side-eye from me. However, I think a lot of guys need to chill on the "no homo" tip.
@Girl6: lol Truuuust me. One of my exes is supposedly of the "anything anal = gay" mindset, but there was one conversation we had that seemed to have him second-guessing, and I swear he was seriously entertaining the thought.
lol @ Krystl. Gracias
Exactly…..!!!!
*sideyeLOL*
DEATH TO TONGUE RINGS FOR MEN!!!
and Death to men who spend more time in the mirror and picking out clothes than I do!
Raiding dudes homes, removing them (with gloves of course) by force, throwing them in the streets, setting them on fire type deaths???? LOL!!!
NO!!!! I once knew a man with a vibrating tongue ring. I thought I was in love for a sec…
*record scratch*
A vibrating tongue ring??? How is it powered??? How do you turn it on and off???
You know what…ne'mind.
#icant
Hmm, i'll be back
"Women can touch, rub, grope, stroke, jerk whatever they want on a man and be well recieved (unless she looks like she got mushed in the face as a baby),"
Soooooo true! lmao
Pretty much…
Wow, you're a trip….
Seriously? My comment has been in moderation for 11hrs? Seriously?
Lmaooooo Dayum son
Girlsixx
Just because some of these new breeds get down like that doesn't mean I do. That's their business, gay as it is. Lol A**holes are out of bounds for me, no negotiations there.
Not sure if it was saidb4…but star tattoos on guys aint cute… kinda suspect :-/