He is so fearful of being labeled a bad guy by you, your family, or your friends that he rather mislead you than accept this title. Since he never cheats physically, he avoids drawing accusations from you and eases his own subconscious. However, he mentally and emotionally gets a head start on checking out of the relationship before you in order to make his own transition easier.
After the formal “break-up,” he will still make love to you. Sure, you told him you can handle it but you’re lying. He knows, through sex, you are trying to lure him back or at minimum, keep him around. Regardless, he still has sex with you because he places his best interests before yours.
He feasts on your emotional and physical sacrifices until he is gorged but offers you nothing of substance in return. He leaves you feeling empty. He’s honest without ever telling the truth. He doesn’t lie, but he tells you what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear. For instance, when you ask if there is a future for you in his life he gives you an ambiguous response when he knows the clear answer is no. He uses you like a pit stop between serious courtships with other women but assures you his future is with you.
He uses your hope to keep you paralyzed while he uses the fact that you’ll always be there for him to propel himself forward. You’re left waiting, often in vain, as he gives the love you long for to other women until one of those women finally becomes his wife. Even in marriage, given the chance, he continues to let you believe there may be a future for you two if things don’t work out. Deep down both of you know this day will never come because, unfortunately, you were never anything more than his backup plan.
An excerpt from a song by Alicia Keys, Lesson Learned, summarizes the “Good Guy” experience:
You give it one more chance
Just like the time before
But he already knows you’d give a hundred more
Until that night in bed
You wake up in a sweat
You’re racing to the door
Can’t take it anymore…
5. The Man: He performs the most taken-for-granted act there is: He tells you the truth.
Some men will never be The Man because it is the hardest break-up. The Man doesn’t bullshit a woman. He doesn’t wait until he has a backup relationship. He knows you are worth more than a callous text message. Out of respect, he chooses to tell you in person. He is not cruel but he doesn’t lie. If he realizes the relationship is not heading in the direction you both agreed to he tells you.
The hardest part is the responsibility. The Man must step up and end the relationship even if she thinks it can be salvaged if he knows in his heart it cannot. When things get emotionally heated – and they will – he cannot engage in the same hurtful rhetoric she uses on him. Emotion, pride, and defense may make her attack and seek to inflame the same response in him. He knows that in order for her to cope she might need to hate him temporarily or forever.
Her friends, by obligation, must take her side; and make him out to be the bad guy. The Man does not manipulate her emotions to save face like The Good Guy. He puts his pride and ego aside because he realizes it’s not about him.
Even in a break-up, a man does what is best for the woman even if that means putting her needs before his own. He must look into her tear-filled eyes and continue to tell the truth. If there is no future for the relationship when she asks, he responds “No” and does not waver. He doesn’t encourage false hope. The Man realizes that just because she will settle for a part of him rather than none of him does not mean she doesn’t deserve a man who will give her his all.
The Man’s burden is the most difficult. It’s possible all he will have left to comfort himself is the knowledge that he told the truth. Having remained faithful in principle and in practice during their relationship, he will have to start over…alone.
This is why most men never use this technique, preferring combinations of the above rather than ever shouldering the full responsibility of being a man. They know being the man she wants is easy. Being the man she needs is difficult. Given the choice to end the relationship with a falsely glorified Good Guy or live long enough to see himself labeled a villain, he chooses villainy if it will benefit the woman he cares about more. A real man recognizes that she deserves happiness even if he is not the man to inspire it.
Did you enjoy the perspective offered in this article? Check out our homepage for more candid content from the SBM team.
Gentlemen, how accurate do you find these categories? Have you used these break-up strategies before? Why did you choose a particular strategy? Are there any we missed?
Ladies, have you dealt with men who fall into these categories? Recognizing that breaking up is never easy, which type of man and delivery would you prefer? Do women use these same methods on men?
I had a feeling that we would largely agree. I'm glad you've pointed out the fact that the Houdini is disrespectful, because a lot of men have expressed otherwise on this very blog. The Good Guy is definitely a misnomer, because more often than not, women are not even under the impression that he has their best interest at heart, nor is he motivated by the idea of being painted as a good guy rather than a villain. Most friends of the woman would be quick to call him a villain, so it's all really a matter of him taking advantage of her vulnerability. Sometimes, he actually does experience inner conflict due to his own emotional attachment, but he's still very much aware that there's no future.
Give me a #5 anyday. Then again, I'm sure that's what most women would say. Truth be told, some of us are not the greatest at this breakup game either.
My bad, completely skipped over the questions part
I've dealt with a variation of the Houdini, but it was temporary. We endured many a drama in our time, but are now good friends. Women actually pull the Houdini on men with whom they were involved in serious relationships. At a point, they stop caring and just want it to end without them having that awkward conversation. Some may still care, but will nonetheless engage in avoidance behaviour. They may have overlapping circles, but they'll find ways to actively avoid the guy until he finally gives up. The Tiger Woods occurs as well. Instead of ending it, they'll entertain advances from other men. It could start with emotional cheating and then work its way up to the physical arena.
I'm curious Naija, what do you think would lead a woman to use the Houdini approach? Could it be the fact that she's with The Good Guy and doesn't want to make herself appear to be the villain or is it something else entirely?
My recent post Scratch My Back & I’ll Scratch Yours: Is Support an Even Exchange?
As much as women call it deplorable when a guy isn't able to "man up" and do the right thing, a lot of them don't want to deal with the breakup conversation or anything that goes with it, either. Sometimes they may send a text saying it's over, but they won't be available to take any questions. Or they'll entertain limited text conversations while ignoring calls & requests for in-person discussion. They'll avoid any outings where they may encounter him. Basically, go into hiding until he seems to have at least partially given up. It doesn't have to do with appearing to be a villain, because even the majority of women who engage in this behaviour will admit that it's not right. They know it'll paint them in a bad light, especially if they were with a great boyfriend who deserves much better.
Wow! That's saying a lot. You just opened my eyes to a few things. Thanks!
My recent post Show Sum Luv for Candi
I will note, however, that this is more prevalent in cases where the guy tends towards the clingy end of the scale. It's a more likely scenario when they know he will not let go without a fight. But it makes sense, because that's part of what guys in general seek to avoid as well. Everything would be easier if people could simply go "I think we should break up" "Oh…alright, then. It's been real. See you around." However, those who are emotionally invested will have questions and tears, and are generally adamant that both parties could make it work if they only tried.
smh, wtf. I accidentally hit enter twice, hence those incomplete entries. I think the "Good Guy" is the least likely when women have truly checked out from a relationship. Perhaps I should speak only for myself, but I have little to gain from engaging in coital activities with a man in whom I'm no longer emotionally vested. In fact, I stand to lose a lot, as stringing someone along would only be worse in the long run. Once I no longer have feelings for you, I no longer want to kiss you. If I no longer want to kiss you, I will have little desire to do anything else with you…including dealing with your attachment to me. It would eventually become annoying.
I have delt with and also been the Houdini, the Good Guy (Girl) and The Man (Woman). Because I have done the Houdini I understand it, call it being a coward or what have you but it works. The Good Guy or Girl is more difficult because you have to emotionally detach yourself and then if you are done emotionally it is hard being there physically, but The Man or Woman usually in my expeince brings arguments and whys and when we break up with a man usually threats. My theory whatever works as long as you can get out.
Dang and I wonder why I am still single…so on second thought don’t listen to me.
Sadly, My girlfriend and me broke up a month ago. yeah.. i'm young ,handsome,lonely and still hurting.i may be in need of someone to love..still..My friends told me about cougarkissing_ C0M and i got curious about it.. they met their girlfriends there.,It's the best place to meet a older girlfriend . i cant risk myself..So i got a usename(Qcdude) there in order to find a new girlfriend .Is it wrong?Jessica Simpson is fighting the battle of the post-baby bulge, a process she says is slower than she expected.
Nailed it to a T! Even though I cut up when you were asking questions for this, I fall more into The Man type….. even though I have had moments where I played Good Guy. Choosing the path of The Man as you pointed out can be extremely difficult & it comes with a considerable amount of risk, but you can look at yourself in the mirror afterwards & it allows you to possibly continue a friendship with that ex one day.
I had an ex that was at her annual training when things fell apart, but I waited until she had come back home from across the country so that we could handle things in person. We are still friends to this day & have gone back to our close friendship that we had before we entered into a relationship. Not quite as close actually due to her having gotten married this year, which I back off even on a friendship level when a female friend of mines enters int a relationship or marriage.
From the greatest risk comes the greatest reward, be a man & take the path of a man in a break up.
I'm with you on this one. More likely than not I'll just keep it 100 and tell her how it is and how I'm feeling. Yet, there have been times when I slipped into The Good Guy role. It just depended on the situation and how I chose to play it.
I do agree that handling a break up like The Man leaves you feeling a lot more firm in your decision and it makes the aftermath far more manageable. Even though some people scream that women can't handle the truth, I'm more inclined to believe that they can. In fact, I believe they would prefer a man be straight with them, instead of dangling their feelings like a yo-yo. At the same time, I do understand that it all comes down to the individual.
My recent post Scratch My Back & I’ll Scratch Yours: Is Support an Even Exchange?
"Even though some people scream that women can't handle the truth, I'm more inclined to believe that they can. In fact, I believe they would prefer a man be straight with them, instead of dangling their feelings like a yo-yo."
ABSOLUTELY!!!! Couldn't have said it better myself.
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Julie Deshields.
I’M SPEECHLESS. Four thumbs up for this one.
yep
This might be a perfect post.
My recent post Pondering Intensity
Back in fifth grade I had a Houdini. It wasn't much of a relationship but we had the boyfriend girlfriend titles. He was in another class so I didn't see much of him. Anyway, I got a haircut and he stopped talking to me at recess. I finally heard through the grapevine that he didn't want me to be his girlfriend anymore because of that haircut. Smh, that coward! lol I would've preferred the Man but ah I forgive him I guess. Dr J had on his site one time that a gentleman would just go ahead and break up when he decided he didn't want to be with her anymore. Something like that. Anyway, I agree. Anything else is just cowardice.
Krystllyght does 5th grade when you were 10 yrs old really count????? lol I'm just sayin……..
LMAO Breebree, I realized that but that's all I've got!
Yeah, when you get married young, those pre-teen/teen relationships are all the stories you have to analyze and share, lol…
I feel you, Krys, lol…I was with you till I re-entered the single life…so I completely understand, lol.
lol thanks chica!
lol……lucky you krystl….I wish that was all I had…..
*whispers* you really don't
krystll I know I would've handled heartbreak and rejection much better in highschool than now as a grown woman… I'm much more sensitive now.
I see. And why do you think you're more sensitive now? Do you think it's because of your breakups?
Sidenote: I have two other "break ups" but nothing awful so…
krystl I'm more sensitive now because I've grown since becoming "grown" and learned a hell of a lot about love and relationships. I've been through more heartache and heartbreak. So yes it's because of the breakups I experienced as a grown woman because I took them more seriously. Hope that makes sense…..good question btw.
Breebree, dont underestimate the influence of the youthful "puppy love" relationships. Maybe, as cyniccaloptmst81 points out, it's because my X married young too, but she told me this story of how I MESSED HER ALL THE WAY UP (for awhile) and we dated when we were like 14. I'm like "but I was 14" she was like "THAT AINT NO EXCUSE!" Here I am 15 years later genuinely feeling guilty about the situation and apologizing. Mind you, that's all she ever wanted. An apology and an acknowledgement that I hurt her feelings – whether it was 10 years or 100 years ago. lol
Women be remembering, bro…women be remembering.
My recent post Guest Blog: You Can’t Write This Stuff
lol We do be remembering don't we?
Now that I fully cosign on…..I forgive but don't forget sh**!
Duly noted Wis and Krystll. For me though grade school and highschool crushes were not that big of a deal. Maybe cause I wasn't that serious about my life when I was young. Young, not dumb but thought I knew most everything but didn't know much of nothing. I took a lot for granted in my teen years cause a lot came fairly easy.
I did have a steady boyfriend at 17, (actually I had 2), but I was the "playa." I had 2 boys that really loved and cared about me and treated me great and I could've cared less about them.
I realized how wrong I was to do them so badly once I was grown. Years late and hundreds of dollars short. "sighs wistfully"
Thanks for sharing your stint in villainy. Do you think this is why you're more sensitive now?
lmao @ "stint in villainy" Krystl you have such a way with word…….*smile*
Yes I think once I became grown and took life and love and relationships more seriously I did become more sensitive to heartbreak and heartache. Plus I was never really "in love" until I was a grown woman. Both the guys I was with at 17 were wonderful guys and treated me great but I didn't know what i had in them, didn't appreciate them and totally took them for granted…..hey what did I know…I was only 17….(shouldn't be an excuse, but thats my story krystl and I'm sticking to it.!)
Hey at least you grew up since then and you realize the folly in that life. And like you said you've grown. That's all pluses in my book.
Yes I have lived and learned krystl…
Very true. I had my first boyfriend at 15 and although we are friends now it was very hard to get there due to some issues we had back then. There was a lot of my resentment on my side and he tells me now sometimes he feels like he's still trying to live it down. He played a major role considering he was my only boyfriend until sophomore year of college.
My recent post Love: Myths & Misconceptions
Lmaooooo *No comment*
Heeeeeey Top! I haven't spoken to you on here in a minute. How's it goin bro?
Yeah i've haven't been on SBM much lately, but i've been excellent. Got an online radio show that i've been doing weekly for about 3 months now and i'm bout to be an academic coach for Arlington school district. Aside from that, I've been applying to jobs to get up out of Indy (preferably DC), so hopefully i hear something back about that soon. How have u been?
Whoa sounds like you're doing big things! Congrats and *daps* on all of that! I don't really have anything new to report but I'm excellent too. Got a link to that radio show?
You on fb? I post the links on my page every week … you can listen live or listen to the recordings.
I'm not on fb. 🙁
http://tobtr.com/s/2492477
That was our Neo-Soul/R&B episode 2 weeks ago.
It's crazy having a voice to go with the avi! I see you trying to get your Billy D on!
Ha .. Not quite. I was the first person to talk just in case you didn't know … I didn't say my name.
At first I was wondering but somebody else addressed you by Top so I figured it out. I didn't get to listen to the whole thing but I enjoyed the music. Good luck with all of that though.
Krystl your not on fb……….we must put you on immediately…..Oh but wait..your married right……never mind…..stay off fb it can ruin perfectly good relationships……
lol I used to be on it so I already know but I'm cool, I just realized that all of the people who really needed to contact me have my number so….. yeah.
The good guy was the last guy I dated to the T! this was a great article. 🙂
You know what, I prepped myself for this post, but then I reread the good guy part and my visceral/instinctual response was that this ninja should be water boarded until his eyes bleed. But then again that's just me, in my emotions, or whatever. And that's all I'm going to say about that [forest gump].
My recent post My Boo
OUCH! The Good Guy hurt you that much? I know what 'he' does isn't fair…but dang! lol
My recent post Scratch My Back & I’ll Scratch Yours: Is Support an Even Exchange?
I don't think guys understand just how much psychological and emotional damage that kind of an arrangement can inflict on a woman, particularly if it is enduring.
I suppose not. Most time we just chalk it up to a woman being bitter and unable to let go of the past. Perhaps there is more to it than that. Once again you've left me thinking.
My recent post Show Sum Luv for Candi
Unfortunately they don't have a clue Naija……and/or if they do some could give a frogs fat azz……….
Omg girl I’m coin through the good guy thing right now n yes it has caused me to think I’ve gone mad! No lie. Ive become emotionally physically and mentally drained from living in a constant state of limbo. What makes it worse is he is still in love w me and wants to be with me one day and the next when he is with his boys he needs space n treats me like a burden, like I waste his breath, ya feel me. Then he is right back to sweeping me off my feet and saying everything right n treating me like a queen. I know he is checking out but I’ve never loved like this and need him. Its literally the most heartbreaking way to do somebody. I WOULDN’T RECOMMEND TREATING ANYBODY THIS WAY…. NOT EVEN THE WORST PERSON YOU KNOW. In the end this way will cause the smartest and strongest of woman to fall completely apart….
Indicative of WIM’s great writing style, he continually has me over-sharing in order to not be lumped into a category, while at the same time pulling out my hair as I run on the treadmill striving to be a better me because of the reflections his posts induce. That’s neither here no there, but I felt it needed to be said.
Do you know what is inherently, fundamentally, formatively wrong with The Good Guy? Even after the relationship ends, you don’t feel like he was wrong in his decision not to choose you a) because he keeps coming back for minute (and tender) moments b) because he will say you’re so great, but just not enough.
Do you want to turn a good woman into a maniac? Tell her that perfectly wrapped gift basket of her love is missing a few items and thus cannot be appreciated.
And even after you tell him for good to leave you alone, he still has the ability to creep up in your memory or idle conversation leaving you to wonder at the scared faces of metro riders while black streaks of mascara run down your face from your silent sobbing when you think you’re “over it”. That this man can move on in milliseconds while you’re left wondering/questioning if any part of your love is good enough for anyone. If you’re ever going to be brave enough to give the next man ( a potential good one) the same fragmented pieces of yourself that embody a woman who’s willing and wanting to contribute to your happiness (and hopefully receive your love in return).
Here you are vacillating in a pool of tepid emotions trying to reestablish your foundation, when here this negro goes and contacts you again. This slimy, slithering, salope de merde, who you refuse to believe can be so callous, cold, contacts you AGAIN!
Your left wondering if you made the right decision, until finally you write him a love letter in closing: to give him a last chance before deleting all memories (paper and electronic) in hopes of starting over. This letter is perhaps the best piece of poetic justification of your feelings you have ever written; in essence you’ve captured of your heartbeat on the inked pages, bleeding blue blood of beautiful.
Do you think this son-of-a-biscuit eater responds? Nope! Perfectly sculpted butterfly wings once marred by human hands can never fly again, I sincerely hope that doesn’t happen to me.
@UP4Dsn, I hope this explains my water-boarding comment. I’m not proud of it, but it is what it is.
GIRL YES!! You're correct. The good guy is actually the asshole. He's worse than the Houdini because after a few self-loathing-filled text messages/emails/voicemail messages, you get it and you move on. Not to say you don't scour faces and thing, "just let me see him ONE more time"… I disgress. The Good Guy is like HERPES! He comes back unexpectedly and ruins your love-life. Asshole.
Clearly, I've experienced the Good Guy. 😉
Preach JustLissen…..I feel "Another Sad Love Song" coming on……..
Great comment @JustLissen. Here's the other side: When a man breaks-up with "you" (any woman) she also has a certain level of responsibility to recognize her worth. In other words, just because he does not recognize how great you are or "wifey material" you are does not mean another man will not. I know there is this expectation that men should leave you alone if they can't give you what you want BUT there should be an equal expectation that you should not put up with a man that is not giving you what you want. As I said in another comment, the worst part about The Good Guy is he can only exist if enabled. Rarely, less he is a stalker, can a man exist in your life – good, bad or indifferent – unless you allow him too.
Sucks, but that's real. And this message applies to both men and women. IJS.
My recent post A One Woman Man
@JustLissen-As I was reading the good guy description, I was wondering was he talking about my flea bag of an ex. These fools should be water boarded and have there testicles pinched with nail clippers.
My 1 dilemma with that Good Guy being completely looked down upon is that sometimes he plays the role of The Man & she still tries to use sex to hold on to him. I have had 3 ex's where it was definitely known that we were over, but then they essentially threw themselves at me….. well until I found someone worth dating again, I was willing to settle for cost-free sexual therapy.
Even at that point I was constantly informing that this was nothing more than sex & for them not to think of a relationship re-forming out of this. Worked out pretty well for them, considering that the immediate relationship after me each 1 of them found love & became either married or is now engaged.
This wasn't me intentionally playing the Good Guy, but that's simply how I feel things turned out even with my The Man treatment being given out. At a certain point, it no longer was my responsibility to save the damsel & she had to save herself….. which made her stronger in the end when she did things herself.
This is a very good point you raise. At some point, we have to be strong enough to move on regardless of what GG does. You have to value your heart and sanity enough to guard them preciously.
I like that…..Men teach us how to treat ourselves based on how they treat us. I’ve learned my greatest lessons through pain. I cherish Mr. Wrong. I’ve also been Mrs. Wrong which absolutely seem to turn some men all the way on. I must have it straight no chaser! Tell me straight up! I’m a big girl! I learned from Men: if you don’t want me, I sure don’t want you AT ALL! Thats an easy out! I cut them emotions off at the root! I get confused with the game playing (i gotta get it together). I’ve found my worth in being treated like the gum on the bottom of his beat up shoes….I love this article
I was waiting for this!!!
The comments today are going to be very interesting..
*GrabsaCupofHotCoca-n-LeansBackinChaise*
I’m glad you said the Hudini was disrespectful. I’ve heard some men try to say they just couldn’t tell her so they just disappear but that’s bs. I think men also use this tactic so they can come back and forth in a women’s life for sex. Disappear for 2 weeks then hit her with that “hey” text then the cycle continues all over again.
I think once you start having sex with a woman you should be man enough to at least give her a phone call to say “hey i think we should just be friends or this isn’t working out”. Of course it might be hard but that’s what grownups do.
The Good Guy: He’s just as bad. It’s not that he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings; he’s just enjoying the benefits you’re still giving him. Even though he knows it’s over between you two, he doesn’t have anything else solid lined up so he goes to you to get sexed, feed and nurtured. Maybe he feels a little bad but trust he doesn’t feel bad enough to tell you the truth. But once he finds someone else don’t worry about seeing him at your door again.
The Cheater: This is how come once a man cheats I know I can’t stay. Cause in my head I will always think he cheated b/c this is not where he wants to be.
This post was above and beyond what I was expecting – had me waving a church fan from beginning to end.
"He’s honest without ever telling the truth. " <— this is one of the most FRUSTRATING things I have ever had to deal with. I get so angry when I run into people like this (both men and women) because there's an underlying assumption that I'm simple-minded, and that's insulting.
"A real man recognizes that she deserves happiness even if he is not the man to inspire it." Co-signing this a million times. And adding that women should understand that they deserve happiness with the man who inspires it. In other words, don't settle/hang on to a relationship for fear you won't find someone who really complements and completes you. It's scary…and a lot of us choose to be unhappy with someone over being alone out of fear, but that unhappiness only begets hurt.
" this right here —->A real man recognizes that she deserves happiness even if he is not the man to inspire it." Co-signing this a million times. And adding that women should understand that they deserve happiness "
We all want the man break up but some of us cant handly that we rather hold on to a piece than let go and respect a man for putting our happiness infront of his own and not dragging us around until he finds someone new. We all play a part in our own demise, the top four ppl usually stay in our lives taking our feelings through the dump b/c we let them. I've seen some women get more mad at the man break up then the the other break up's when in reality it should be the oter way around.
women should understand that they deserve happiness with the man who inspires it. In other words, don't settle/hang on to a relationship for fear you won't find someone who really complements and completes you. It's scary…and a lot of us choose to be unhappy with someone over being alone out of fear, but that unhappiness only begets hurt.
Co-sign x infinity. I know a number of women that place the responsibility of defining their worth/happiness upon a man (or several men), which, I guess, is not a bad thing (not that I would recommend it). This, however, only works out if you only run into good men. To clarify, one man can play all of the roles described above. Arguably, The Good Guy cannot even exist unless he is enabled by a woman, which is why men tend to argue a man can only treat you how you let him and women tend to argue that men should do right by them regardless. Gets back to that whole "do onto others…" debate.
My recent post A One Woman Man
I have a friend in this group of young ladies I met through my female best friend that fit right into defining her worth/happiness through a man. We have never really been friends really, but yet I keep her around on facebook simply because I feel she needs a positive force in her life to keep her from doing something horrible one day.
She is always talking about how she isn't this or isn't that & that she gives up, all based upon how others treat her & especially the men in her life. I am constantly telling her that she is beautiful & that having a boyfriend that doesn't recognize that doesn't change the fact. I tell her that she needs to remove all the negativity from her life & learn to love herself first & foremost before she can enter into a comfortable & healthy relationship because otherwise she will always judge her own worth off the opinion of a man.
I don't think I've ever encountered "The Man" , geesh even though that is the best way to break up with someone, I think that way would definitly hurt me the most.
The techniques also apply to woman as well, I've been the "The Good Girl" and "The Illusionist", I'm a punk when it comes to breaking up.
I am so proud of being a Man.. I recently broke with ex face to face jut like described above. It was the most glorious intense moment of the relationship. I dropped even thought I love her, yet I was still a man and look at her eyes all the time understanding that it was the end. The final closure was my Wish to hope she finds another person better than me, *I doubt it* then I wished good luck and walked away from her.
This woman will remember me forever, just like I will never forget this moment,, but i am a Man.
I've been broken up with about three times. I've only been in one relationship. how does that work? You're asking the wrong person. I digress; yes, I've dealt with two illusionists and one "good guy." And the good guy f*cked me up on dating for a good year and a half, because I felt like I couldn't trust anyone anymore if such a nice person, a decent person, would end up treating me, politely, as though I didn't matter at all.
The Illusionists always seemed to want to make it my fault…while asking me to take them back. O.o? In any case, they would be there, not be there, and get upset when after awhile I didn't care, or after a few days of the wish-wash I told them I needed more or would leave.
I would prefer a manly break up; it'll hurt like a sum b*tch, but if a man respects what we had, respects me as a person or knows anything about me he would be honest and tell me it wasn't working or that he wasn't happy. It'll hurt, especially if it's one-sided, but it's better that than wasting your time on someone you don't want, or someone who doesn't want you.
My recent post Musing 6
"And the good guy f*cked me up on dating for a good year and a half, because I felt like I couldn't trust anyone anymore if such a nice person, a decent person, would end up treating me, politely, as though I didn't matter at all. "
This is me! This is so me…
My recent post My Boo
*hums church music* Guuuurl……..I know, I know. I usually get the good guy or Houdini. Houdini, I can handle, because I usually don’t care after a couple weeks. He never gave enough if himself for me to get too invested. But the good guy? Hunt his ass down and string him up. A menace. And his need yo be seen as a good guy is so much greater than his concern for your feelings. Sometimes my only weapon is making sure he knows that I and all my friends know what a manipulating bastard he is. That seems to sting him some.
I believe this post will open old wounds and fuel some insecurities today, lol…smh.
I've only been dumped by one guy…who happened to be my first love ('95-'99). He did a combo of #1 & #2…except that I'm certain he respected me. He just didn't know, as a teen, how to tell me that he wasn't who I thought he was. He knew I would have never dated him had I known he was a hoodlum, smh…which he was. But, that's not what he showed me. I ran into him in '04 after I had my baby…and he pulled a picture of me from his wallet. So, I know he loved me. But, he knew that I'd never accept his truth. I know all this cause we actually had a "closure" conversation back in '08.
"I believe this post will open old wounds and fuel some insecurities today, lol…smh. "
Definitely
Unfortunately, my break-up style is a "The Good Gal" and "The Woman" combo…minus the "I still sleep with you and toy with your emotions" part…add "I wait until I have a few potential back-up relationships"…and minus the "Having remained faithful in principle and in practice during their relationship, he will have to start over…alone" part. The principle gets a little muddy…
*hangs head in shame*
And that write up made it sound so bad. I ain't that bad. But, this >>> Since he never cheats physically, he avoids drawing accusation from you and eases his own subconscious. However, he mentally and emotionally gets a head start on checking out of the relationship before you in order to make his own transition easier.<<<is all me!!!
Dang he pulled out your picture? That's some Lifetime Original Movie material.
Yeah, gurl…
I've been told my love life would make good TV or a good book. The randomest things happen to me, I swear…
I'm never involved in anything simplistic or normal. Its exhausting…yet, strangely enough, interesting, lol.
6. Jennifer Aniston – Get a new chick in principle and then peace out on the chick.
7. He waits… – People very rarely realize that a girlfriend is not a wife, but some men do. They will in their mind say to themselves, this is cool for now, but not long term. They will stay with a chick as a girlfriend, but when he's ready to move to the next level he leaves her behind like Lot's wife.
My recent post My First Blog (The Final post on The Book of Jackson)
Damn i’ve done both of these too….how do i get women smh lol
6) Yes, I think most guys do this, set up something new before getting all the way out of the other relationship.
7) This why women start putting pressure on men to take it to the next level when they've been together for a while. I understand everyman might not see me as his future wife and that’s fine. But you won’t sit here and use me and have me passing up on other good men who see this in me b/c you haven’t found what you’re looking for yet. Again he should just be a man say I don’t see you in my future 5 yrs from now and continue his search. But that would be to much like right and mean he wouldn’t have the convenience of the benefits he gets from you as a gf.
8) the act up- Instead of calling it quits he acts a fool until you “break up” with him
Or you could keep trying to win the game until the 4th quarter end. The pressure is the worst move a woman can use. A man does it totally different. A chick tells us, she wants to be friends, that's just the End of the 1st Quarter. A chick tells us, she's talking to someone, that's just Halftime. A chick tells us, she got a boyfriend, End of 3rd Quarter. Once she's engaged, it's TEBOW TIME!!!! 4th Quarter baby!
My recent post My First Blog (The Final post on The Book of Jackson)
Good point with #7 J. Although I don't think that's less of a break-up technique than… *drum roll* … it is about this post I'm going to drop on them in the future about the Girlfriend aka 'The Main Chick' versus the Wife.
The permanent Girlfriend path versus the Wife path is sort of like a job versus a career. Tragically, only a few people will get that analogy.
MESSAGE!
My recent post A One Woman Man
"The permanent Girlfriend path versus the Wife path is sort of like a job versus a career"
*NodsHead* I get it.
Looking forward to the post.
I dont understand how men (or women for that matter), can do something like "#7"….how can you spend time and give the impression that you are building a stronger connection with someone just for the sake of something to do?
That is so true! I have always said this and men would try to "convince" me that marriage is just a piece of paper. It isn't. And most men absolutely know that.
All of them with the exception of number 5 are blatantly selfish and disrespectful. In the past I've had to yank the truth out of my ex's forcefully and/or catch them cheating. They were big time denyers. I absolutely want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
I really feel for married couples who go through this. When you marry a person you absolutely owe it to them to tell the truth.
Based on Tiger Woods reasons for cheating on his wife I can see why he wouldn't be honest with her. According to him because of his fame and fortune he felt entitled to do whatever the hell he wanted to do.
However, he handled that entire situation in the most piss poor manner. I get why she was so angry and hurt that she tried to whup his azz wit his own golf clubs.
To answer the question do women do any of these…..yes. When I was younger, especially in college, I gave guys excuses as to why I couldn't date them. It was always "I'm not from here and don't plan on living here and don't want to do a long distance relationship so it would never work."
At any rate, honesty is always the best policy.
"However, he handled that entire situation in the most piss poor manner. I get why she was so angry and hurt that she tried to whup his azz wit his own golf clubs."
Guuuurrrrrrrl…they'd still be trying to pry the golf clubs from my kung fu grip! I'da been all the way locked up for a very long time, lol…
lmao…I know thats right cynical……..And it was so publicly embarrassing for her. Damn shame.
Ya know, I'm still having a hard time swallowing that she DID NOT know… Where was her female GUT INTUITION, I'm sorry I think she knew maybe not about all of them but at least 1 or 2.
But she got her millons in the end though –she good
GirlSixx I think it's possible she didn't know because she wasn't really there with him when he was away playing in major golf tournaments. It's possible she loved and trusted him and believed what he said…….we tend to do that when we really love, adore, and care about someone.
I typically suspect in a short time when a man is cheating because in the back of my mind I'm just waiting patiently for the "ball to drop" which is not necessarily a good thing.
Bree has some trust issues with the men-folk.
or if she did know she brushed it off and made excuses like most of us do from time to time.
I think Tiger got away with his "indiscretions" scott free until he got greedy and the women he dealt with got greedy. He had waaaaay too many women than he could handle and they wanted more "hush money/"
I’ve pretty much been in all 5 situations (6 if you text breakup, she had some frequent cryer miles, i have no regrets lol). More often than not i played the good guy, i even broke up with girls made em feel like THEY did it and played the card whenever she dared asked where we stood “you only get one shot” -Slim Shady. However i’ve learned that thats shows a lack of personal responsibility on my part and since been straight forward about my feelings and intentions, lying and manipulation is way too exhausting.
"…lying and manipulation is way too exhausting."
Can you make a button of that? Pass it around? Maybe a pamphlet?
My recent post Musing 6
LMBO @ "frequent cryer mile, i have no regrets lol"…
Oh and Stupid fight: “Why you got ninjas liking your FB pics, im done”
Cracking Up!!!!
Tristan…. You ain't right!!!
That's too funny!!! I used to do that when I was younger.
The feeling you get the moment you know you have to break up with your mate <<<<<<<<<<<
Anyways, all relationships aren't created equal and therefore different strategies work best depending on the situation. Being "The Man" and breaking up with someone you never really were in a relationship sometimes is a bit forced and extra, especially if it's understood that you two are on different pages. Sitting her down and rubbing it in her face isn't necessarily the best look.
The first time i broke up with a woman (Freshman year in HS), i called her and said this isn't going to work blah blah blah. Easily the hardest thing i've ever done up until that point. Since then it's become easier and easier to simply be The Man and metaphorically rip her heart out her chest and eat it with a steak knife and fork and a napkin on my lap.
Clearly The Man tactic seems best, ladies don't be so quick to say that's what you want because although it seems good on paper, take a seat and picture that metaphor i just hit you with. Some guys (including me before) get off on being sternly ice cold while you crumble in front of them.
So ladies, ask yourself; can you handle that emotional turmoil, which more than likely will hurt for much longer than it may seem and inexplicably be in the back of your mind drawing you back to him despite the breakup?
The intial blow will probably knock us off our feet but I think once we take everything in we will heel a lot better and stronger. I rather have that then you coming back and forth into my life for another 6 months and making it even worse.
All good points Top.
I'm going to share a personal story later about how a woman broke-up with me using a combination of The Good Woman and The Woman after I view a few more comments. Anyway, here's the thing I didn't cover in the post: Most men can play all roles described above. In fact, most men will over their lifetime. What's really crucial to point out here is the fact that most men are fully intent on playing The Man role but because men are human, and therefore inherently weak, they often fall into The Good Guy role on accident because the woman they're trying to break-up with is holding onto him just as hard – if not harder than – he is trying to push her away.
My recent post A One Woman Man
Considering my comment and admission above, I can't wait to read this…
Agreed. I shall be awaiting this story.
I've grown more and more against The Good Guy role since my college days. My freshman/sophomore year, you couldn't tell me nothing about being The Good Guy. Nowadays, being assertive is soooo much more redeeming than being passive and manipulative. Cut to the chase. But i've noticed i'm a bit tooo non-sensical and curt in my responses lately. I need to work on that. Being a jerk isn't redeeming either.
"I need to work on that. Being a jerk isn't redeeming either."
I'm glad you realize that. The point isn't to inflict more pain than the breakup in and of itself will. Have a heart, will ya?
Idk … It's been questioned whether or not I do.
Co-Signed, I actually mentioned this happening in a reply up above! We ended up quitting the sex when she realized I wasn't putting too much feeling into it since there was no relationship tied to it. She wanted the sex & the passion, but the passion for me was gone because I was no longer interested in a relationship….. so she ended that ordeal & chose the smarter path of being alone rather than settling for part of me, thus relieving me of the title of Good Guy after attempting to be The Man.
Because I can say that I wouldn't have ended our sexual partnering until someone else came into the picture, being human & inherently weak to the thoughts of the wrong brain.
Question Wis…..does holding on to him hurt or help the woman?
What about men who end up staying with a woman, but for the wrong reasons?
Like "It's cheaper to keep her."
Not really sure how to answer that. It doesn't hurt if you clearly know where you are in his life. Some women are perfectly fine being a "back up" plan than no plan at all. Like I said in the post, accepting a part of him than none of him. In my opinion, this hurts the woman. But, if you know the truth and he's told you the truth, then it kind of is what it is. Some women are willing to take the risk that he might change his mind, which is possible, even if the odds are low.
My recent post A One Woman Man
"The Man and metaphorically rip her heart out her chest and eat it with a steak knife and fork and a napkin on my lap."
o__O
Ummm. Yeah ya'll can miss me with "The Man" approach especially if we're talking 8 months or more into dating/relationship . I'm sorry but End Scene WILL NOT be pretty.
One helluva visual, right? But ultimately that is exactly what it is. Breaking a woman's heart in a very respectable, concise mannet, while obeying the rules of good etiquette.
Gentlemen, how accurate do you find these categories?
Very.
Have you used these break-up strategies before?
1. The Houdini: Never.
2. The Illusionist: Twice. Although I've never broken up with someone via text. I did break up once over the telephone. I felt like crap afterwards because of the awkward silence and I knew she was crying.
3. The Tiger Woods: Never.
4. The Good Guy: Once. I never had $ex with a woman after we broke up though.
5. The Man: Twice.
Why did you choose a particular strategy?
My true feelings towards a woman usually dictated how I broke up with her. My strategies changed as I got older and had more experience with women. I'll admit the phone break-up experience I had totally changed my approach to breaking up with women. I did care about her, but we were just too different and things wouldn't have worked. When I realized how much I hurt her immediately after I did it, my approach from thereon changed.
Excellent post WIM. Top ten that I've read here.
"When I realized how much I hurt her immediately after I did it, my approach from thereon changed."
Yeah, my last 4/5 combo tactic was horrible. If I have to break up with someone in the future, I pray I have the courage to just do a complete #5. Old habits are hard to break though…
1. the houdini: most of the time
2. illusionist: when they catch on…the rest of the time….gotta love those text they send. and they think im coming back…pfft….GONE!!!!
"Recognizing that breaking up is never easy, which type of man and delivery would you prefer?"
I may be alone right about now on the edge of this cliff but….. I actually prefer "The Houdini" and "The Illusionist" depending on where WE AT in the dating realm, and I tell you why:
If we just starting out and for whatever reason you find that I'm not your cup of tea just get GHOST, lord knows I've done it and still do it — IT HAPPENS, I don't see why I need to explain to you why we won't work, especially if I haven't known you that long, now with that being said after dating a certain length of time I'd love to say that I would prefer "The Man" approach but in reality I don't see my ego handling that too well, nor my fist upside your head…..so the "The Illusionist" would be a man's best bet and the
Cont'd……
reason for that is because I am very good at reading people and pickin up on emotions so if dude starts falling off emotionally and mentally I guarantee you I will pick up on it and start embarking on my mental/emotional exits as well thus forcing one of US to be "The Man/Woman" which by this time is all good because I would have checked out emotionally/mentally already.
I honestly don't think the phone is that bad to break up….as long as it's not on a damn post it, or a voicemail, or the person finding out through other people thats what matters. They need to hear it directly from you.
At least if you can't face the woman tell her over the phone…….that's at the very least the lesser of several evils. Just prepare yourself to answer questions and if you don't know why then say "I don't know why I don't love you or wanna be with you" or play her a song that says how your feeling.
One good song is Donnell Jones "Where I wanna be." I've actually felt just like this and love the words to this song because they are sincerely Honest!
For lazy folks who won't bother to google it yourselves……Words are as follows.
"Where I Wanna Be"
[Verse 1]
just left my baby girl a message
Sayin' I won't be coming home
I'd rather be alone
She doesn't fully understand me
That I'd rather leave than to cheat
If she gives me some time
I can be the man she needs
But there's a lot of lust inside of me
And we've been together since our teenage years
I really don't mean to hurt her, but I need some time
To be alone
[Chorus 1]
But when you love someone
You just don't treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I wanna leave
She's crying her heart to me
How could you let this be?
I just need time to see
Where I wanna be
Where I wanna be…
Sweet little dee-do-dee-dee…
I don't mean to hurt you, baby, oh, no, no…
[Verse 2]
Never did I imagine
That you would play a major part
In a decision that's so hard
Do I leave, do I stay, do I go?
I think about my life and what matters to me the most
Girl, the love that we share is real
But in time your heart will heal
I'm not saying I'm gone
But I have to find what life is like
Without you
[Chorus 1]
Sweet little dee-do-dee-dee…
I don't mean to hurt you, baby
[Chorus 2 x3]
See when you love someone
You just don't treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I wanna leave
She's crying her heart to me
How could you let this be?
And I just need time to see
Where I wanna be
Where I wanna be…
Phone breakup IMO — Hell even a text breakup can be okay depending on where you at in your relationship, but alot of people may not deem it necessary because as you said, that whole list of why's and why not's (questioning) alot of people don't want to deal with that. I know I wouldn't
Girl, No Need to re-write that song — I know it BY HEART, I played that song in my head over and over again and sometimes on stereo when I was contemplating ending my marriage way back in 2000, but was heavily talked out of it by my then husband plus our family and friends.
GirlSixx I've felt that about an ex boyfriend and also know that song by heart and replayed it many many times myself.
I’ve heard that Alicia Keys song a million times…and just “listened” to it in the context of what you said…
I dont have much of a comment. I just know you describe all five very well. However, I happen to be the Man and occasionally the Good Guy. When I break-up I usually offer hard reality and hard d!ck, both offering emotional rollercoasters, but amazing and tear-jerking s3x.
My recent post And Other Coonery: Cupcakes, Stripper Poles, and Jay Walking
What a min? What that what? Isn’t that causing more harm than good? I don’t want you anymore, but here let me give you this long stroke…o_0
I hate all these forms of breaking up, so I just don't date. LOL! I'm j/k…kinda.
Nah, I tend to deal with men who either are straight up about it (which is the way I am, so it's the method I prefer), or disappear. I think disappearing is equally as CLEAR as being straight up about it, though one is for men and the other is for cowards.
I was dealing with THREE "Good Guys" simultaneously. They weren't boyfriends, but friends with what I thought was potential. Turns out, dudes like this know how to make themselves look like they have potential that's just beyond the horizon, waiting to be realized, until you finally realize you're standing still with these dudes and will never reach that fairytale horizon.
Dealt with a cheater one. Unfortunately, that didn't end the relationship. I'm better than that now.
Never dealt with an illusionist. Thank goodness. I wouldn't put up with that. I'd just leave.
Good post. I was tyring to figure out how to put in clear words my thoughts but it's mumbly in my head so excuse how muddle it may sound.
I don't get broken up with often. Mostly b/c I am usually the one doing the break up and its usually over the phone b/c I don't like to break up with someone in person (lowers head in shame) its just nerve racking.
I would prefer the man but he can call me b/c I hate falling to tears in front of anyone. But anyone that's dated me knows all he has to do is start showing signs he don't want to be with me and I almost on queue will deal the final blow. I can't stand I repeat ABSOLUTELY CAN'T STAND being left so I almost always exit stage left before he does. Childhood trauma I can't seem to reconcile.
What are the queues? I honestly do not know. I hate that I feel so ignorant. What are the queues I'm missing? Please tell me. Could you email to me @ reggifine2647@yahoo.com? Please
I think I've experienced some form of all of these – 3 in the same guy LOL.
No matter what – breaking up is just hard.
I despised the Houdini but it was only because I thought I needed some type of closure. I know now that closure for me is if you don't want me I don't want you either.
I think if I'm brutally honest the times its happened I knew it was coming because there are slight and sometimes obvious pattern changes. If they aren't growth changes its not working out………
Great post WIM!
i think you somehow gave me more insight into what i just went through. he did a houdini on me after 3months and ironically just after introducing me as his partner to everyone he knew. well, i like the point 'if there aren't growth changes, then its not working out'… i guess i was oblivious, cos thinking back, there definitely were some signs, just so slight i considered them hiccups.
Bravo WIM!
This is as honest as you can be…every woman kind of deserves to know about this. Well, it’s no secret that I have been guilty of a few if not all break up tactics on this list. This definitely puts things in perspective for me…and I be do my best to be THE MAN instead of Houdini or The Good Guy.
Great post! Thanks for the heads up!
No prob. As an aside, if anyone here (male or female) has not read Jimmy's blog, I highly recommend you check it out: http://personalsfacts.com/.
My recent post Guest Blog: You Can’t Write This Stuff
Aw, two of my favourite..yes, favoUrite (say something!)..bloggers giving each others props and stuff. Such a beautiful thang. *wipes virtual tear*
One tidbit i forgot…the first and only time i was dumped, she hit me with “the woman” (i secretly hate her for doin it over the phone but still). From that moment
1. Song Cry became my all time favorite song, cuz i was too thugged out to listen to real break up songs
2. i vowed never to let a chick beat me to the punch
3. I learned alot about myself as a boyfriend and what i should change.
Thinking bout it now, you’d think i’d start off being that straightforward but hey.
Really great job on this joint WIS.
I've only had two real break-ups. By real break-ups I mean situations where the woman and I were in a stated, committed relationship. Both times, I was a "man" in how I broke up with them. I told them the truth about how I was feeling, or how I wasn't feeling and then I let the chips fall where they may.
Now in non-committed, non-stated relationships, I've used all of the above in ending the situations depending on which I felt best suited the nature and depth of our relationship. Generally speaking, so long as feelings for neither of you have gotten too serious, I think there's nothing wrong with ending a relationship with the same amount of energy and effort it took to start the relationship.
Sir, I personally completely agree with this paragraph: Now in non-committed, non-stated relationships, I've used all of the above in ending the situations depending on which I felt best suited the nature and depth of our relationship. Generally speaking, so long as feelings for neither of you have gotten too serious, I think there's nothing wrong with ending a relationship with the same amount of energy and effort it took to start the relationship.
However, like most things, men/women don't assign the same values. Hell, one might argue they don't even use the same value system, period. Therefore, you have men that think she deserves the #1 and she feels she deserves #5. This story is as old as time…
My recent post A One Woman Man
These categories mane. lol
“Breaking up” for me implies a mutual emotional connection and exclusivity.
The Houdini: Nah.. never did that. Also, I’ve never been in a “relationship” where I didn’t respect the person.
The Illusionist: No. But I had a roommate once whose boyfriend did a ‘text message break up.’ She was furious. Her and one of her friends sat me down and showed my a video/song on youtube called “text message breakup.” They was like, “This is something you should NEVER do!!” intervention style, like I’m the one who did it. lol
The Tiger Woods: Nah. I’ve never cheated on any of my exes. I don’t think guys use this a tactic to breakup though.
The Good Guy: I’ve done this before. yeah…
The Man: This is my current tactic. If I want to end it, I end it. Once I reach the point to end the relationship, there’s nothing you can do, otherwise I would’ve tried to “work it out.” It takes 2 to have a relationship but only one to end it. Having that awkward conversation now won’t give a woman her closure b/c she may still be in shock. Give it a day or two then we can have the closure conversation.
I’ve decided to give the people I “date” (as in not exclusive which means not my girlfriend) the courtesy of giving them an explanation of why I’m no longer interested in a case-by-case manner. Frankly, if I’m not exclusive with you, then it’ll be safe to assume I have ZERO feelings for you. I hate drama and forget being ambiguous b/c she will always round-up if she likes you enough… ALWAYS. She’ll be 4.2 in your life, and she’d round up to 8.
True Story:
Her: I want a relationship with YOU.
Me: I don’t want a relationship right now. *straight face*
Her: I remember you saying that in the beginning. But, when do you think you’ll be ready for one? We have great chemistry and the sex is tha bomb, what do you think we should do?
Me: Given we have different goals, we should stop associating with each other completely. *straight face*
Her: Tha f*ck?!?! Are you saying you don’t feel anything?
Me: That’s exactly what I’m saying. I wish you luck tho.. *smiles*
*** end conversation ***
I’m an a$$hole sometimes. But let me tell you, I’d rather be an a$$hole on purpose than an a$$hole by accident. Being an accidental a$$hole by sugar coating everything and being ambiguous in the name of ‘her feelings’ is a recipe for a crazy woman on your hands. Eff THAT… Who wants to deal with drama from a woman that wasn’t even your ex… not me… not me…
I was with you during the conversation till the last smile, lol. That's what made you the butthole, LOL!
You don't say that then smile. You give the "I really mean it" serious face. Not a smile, MM! Smh…
I say this with respect and a smile cy: eff that…
why not when I meant it? Why act like they just requested the most horrible thing imaginable? Maybe I wasn't upset at that moment… How can I be expected toil over the emotions of a person I have none for? The best anyone can do is be direct, objective and honest. And honestly, she was cool but I didn't want her. I don't fake emotions, caring or consideration. And, I prefer to get it how I live. That's something I respect and expect. I woman can straight up be like: "I don't find you attractive." And I won't go cry in the corner. If I like her, there will be an element of surprise, but shoot, after that it's done. No worries yo…
My recent post How to implement an OODBMS (pt. 1)
LOL…smh.
If you feel good about delivering news that is sure to add a rain cloud to a gal's day, then I guess you have to be true to self, lol…
I'm saying…even the blank emotionless face is less insensitive. You don't care for her in a "lets do this" kinda way? Fine. At least give human concern for her bruised ego…and nix the smile, lol…you at least have that…
C'mon, Son…
"At least give human concern"? What does that even mean? Let's not pretend that everyone on earth does and should care about the ego of another. Me having no concern for her bruised ego is demonstration of me not having any feelings for her. If anything it's an example of my words and actions aligning. I like to leave no doubt. LOL Color me bad then…
My recent post How to implement an OODBMS (pt. 1)
Aww, you know about human concern, MM, lol…
Like when someone trips directly in front of you, human concern will make you reach out to see if you can catch them w/o endangering yourself. Then, knowing they're embarrassed, you hold in your laughter till you pass by, LOL.
Human concern or general consideration…
General consideration is treating people the way you would want to be treated and my approach reflects that. Of course, that doesn't always mean that they really want to be treated that way I want to be treated. lol
How about specific consideration tho? Specifically, I know that by being ambiguous it can lead to some serious emotional scars as well as drama. I appreciate when people tell me the hard news even if it hurts my ego. I get over it and move on with life. Let's not disguise dishonesty with the "for your benefit" attitude like they won't have the strength to continue with life. That's The Good Guy/Woman way of doing things which leads to stabbings. I believe if ya'll can push babies out your v@gin@s, then a little rejection is a breeze. I could be wrong, but probably not… lmao
My recent post How to implement an OODBMS (pt. 1)
"Of course, that doesn't always mean that they really want to be treated that way I want to be treated. lol"
LMBO @ your response! You are a trip…
Good/interesting comment all around but these two points right here, THESE POINTS RIGHT HERE:
It takes 2 to have a relationship but only one to end it.
I've decided to give the people I "date" (as in not exclusive which means not my girlfriend) the courtesy of giving them an explanation of why I'm no longer interested in a case-by-case manner.
My recent post A One Woman Man
Incredibly late to this post and the comments following BUT… Totally with you MM.
"Forget being ambiguous b/c she will always round-up if she likes you enough… ALWAYS. She'll be 4.2 in your life, and she'd round up to 8" –> That is the truth of women. I've been there, and I now realize that I'm definitely guilty of rounding up my level of importance.
Your methods may be harsh, but they're effective and leave no room for doubt as to where we're going (no where) and what we're doing (nothing).
I've only had one break-up and he played parts #2 and #4. I prefer #5 and I asked him to please try that on for size in any of his future break-ups. He gave me that ol BS about trying to soften the blow to me. We were in a long-term relationship, it was going to be earth-shattering regardless. He was really looking out for self. #5 is not going to take away the pain of the end, but it is going to save me from the long analysis of how could I ever have messed with or messed with you seriously for several years only to find out that you so full of B!tchassness. #5 is just two adults realizing it was good then, but it ain't working now. The relationship autopsy results from messing with #4 have long-term personal implications way beyond the relationship ending. I had to re-assess my character judgment skills, which clearly need work.
Co-signed, the whole thing in fact….. I could just as easily say no, but what incentive do I have to do that.
The truth may hurt but it would be nice if men would just tell the truth when they are ready to exit a relationship. Be "The Man"…whether the truth hurts or not. Not being "the man" shows lack of respect and also makes the woman feel like you NEVER ever really cared for her at all–as if the entire relationship was based on a lie.
My recent post Bathsheba is RUTHLESS
So my question to the men is this…….Is there any way possible you could just STOP having sex with women you have no real interest in beyond…..well ………..SEX……..is there?????? (i kinda got a feeling the answer is no but hey a girl can dream right……………………….)
We're so accustomed to being labeled as homosexual if we turn down free (STD-free) sex, I don't expect many of us to stop when placed in that situation….. even if that's not what we had wanted & had even tried to look out for your best interest.
Men have 2 heads & 1 of them is louder than the other, so women shouldn't speak to him if they know what is best.
A good way to look at the occasional existence of the Good Guy is:
Women are looking for love but will mistake lust for love at times! Men are looking for love but will give in to lust along the path to love.
Cosign WIM 100%.
To add, let's not act like women don't want the stick in the first place. Some women rationalize and tell themselves that they've been used when they have sex after a breakup, but they know the relationship is over, they know it's not going to re-materialize, but they still want their walls stretched one last time. Feelings are hurt, but she wanted to have sex, period. That's why many men can go back to their exes during a dry spell.
Actually, I think the majority of women in that kind of a situation use it as a means to an end. The end being an/a final opportunity for intimacy with this man they once cared, and probably still do, for. If it were just about having "sex, period.", a lot of them know at least one other person who's able to get the job done without the emotional hassle. They will likely enjoy the sex, but many of them will also regret it (and know so in advance), and would have avoided it altogether if it were just a physical thing.
I dont know if Im weird but I cannot enjoy sex with someone I dont care about.. Thats why I would still sleep with my ex… 🙁
Yes. But you know what… The problem is that women use that as a spring board into relationships… I've suggested to a couple of women for us not to have sex b/c I view sex like ________. You know her response? She basically said that me assuming she couldn't handle sex came off as me telling her she didn't know what she wanted. Like she wasn't able to make a decision on her own. My rebuttal was that even though everyone has the best intentions, we can't predict how we'll feel in the future. Her response? "Usually men aren't open about their views and whatnot. Given, your honesty this isn't the case. I know the chance I'm taking, and I can't hold you responsible for my decisions." I was like, "Oh aight COOOL den!" lmao What guy wouldn't be…
My recent post How to implement an OODBMS (pt. 1)
one of the realest posts you wrote Wiz!
My recent post 5 Machines to steer clear from at the gym! vol. 1
WIM…where's that comment you promised???? It's dag near 5, lol…come with it already, lol…
LOL. Mannn, work was crazy. I'm going to drop that as a post on my personal site tomorrow
because I procrastinated and dont have anything else to write aboutbecause I think it'll make a better lengthy story than a comment without the full context.I'll link here tomorrow and on Twitter.
Better late than never. Here's the post I promised: http://www.wisdomismisery.com/2011/12/09/wisdom-i…
soooo my x, is numbers 1-4. probably about 4 times over, in the course of 4 years and good number of pseudo breakups . hmmm…:::rethinks ability to make good decisions…:::
i've definitely been all of these except the cheater. the illusionist was always the easiest and i'll be damned if being the man wasn't the most difficult thing to do in my life thus far
I saw this post and damn near laughed. All this stuff said right here can be said of women. I just wonder what you would title that last two.
I wonder if you would title them “The Good Girl” and “The Woman” respectively. I really wonder, with the fluidity we attribute to the female character if there is such a thing such as a “Real Woman”. I suspect that the overwhelming majority of women give their fellow women a pass on integrity, chivalry and class. Seriously, to what standard to we hold women that is the unforgiving equivalent that we hold men?
I challenge someone to answer this question in all seriousness because to many times, especially in this age of the “independent woman”, an idea that has captured the insecurity of an overwhelming number of black and latino women, I have never heard of women being held to the same level of accountability as men when it comes to love, sex and relationships. If that’s because men are held to a higher standard, I just hope you remember that when they ignore your calls for equality.
One.
I dont think men are held to a higher standard.. I look at it as women are more emotional..Im not using that as an excuse, but it is a fact..the majority anyway.. As far as the break ups.. I cant speak for anyone but myself.. I am a very blunt woman, I say what I mean and mean what I say..do I fall short of that at times.. yea.. we all do.. But any break up Ive had, I handle it accordingly..depending on the man and why we are breaking up.
Kick in the pants!!! I have dealt with all of these mofos. I find that the Houdini is the wackest one. My Illusionist relationship is the one that hurt me the most. The Good Guy -we were young. The Man- I understood his reasoning and it made a lot of sense at the rime. I respected the decision. When we git back together he proposed 3 months later. Breaking up is fifficult that is why I always loved the SATC episode when Berger breaks up with her with a damn Post-It!!!
Kick in the pants!!! I have dealt with all of these mofos. I find that the Houdini is the wackest one. My Illusionist relationship is the one that hurt me the most. The Good Guy -we were young. The Man- I understood his reasoning and it made a lot of sense at the time I respected the decision. When we get back together he proposed 3 months later. Breaking up is difficult that is why I always loved the SATC episode when Berger breaks up with her with a damn Post-It!!!
Wow.. All I can say is that I am sure I have ran into all of these types of men. But the good guy is the one Im dealing with now.. This post just hit so close to home and its very accurate. I appreciate honesty in its purest form.. I would rather have "The Man" break up.. The "good guy" breakup im going through with my ex now is driving me halfcrazy.. I love/hate him at the same time.. I know a lot of women can feel me.. This breakup method is the worst to me because it causes a lot of confusion.I try to just keep this guy away but he finds a way to pop up and stay in my life. He gets mad when I tell him I need to be away from him.. HELP!! givens_tierra@yahoo.com ..Im open to all advice!
let him get mad, he is a control freak and not giving you what you need or want, his loss. ditch his controlling ass.
He is not that into you so… Let him go…
Cut all contact with him. It will help you to move on and find someone better.
i agree..all this is true..but av just understood more now….surely i swear in my heart i wont rush into a relationship but once i get a good lady who will understand me..i wont divorce her in anyway..i hate divorce.
My mouth was wide open this entire post; jaw hitting the floor. I don’t know how else to say ‘bravo” without sounding pretentious.
Damn.
DAMN, I’m in the second stage of #4 (minus the leading on part) but i used to break-up with women like that and now i wonder why they’re bitter SMH
well now you know
I have definitely had the 'houdini' twice and 'the man' once. The Houdini's ….are currently still on my list of people i wouldn't piss on if they were on fire. I respect honesty – and I'm not a cheater, so don't have me making up worse case scenarios of your ass being dead somewhere so I can't make moves until you resurface. My ex who took 'the man' approach – we are great , great friends now. He broke up with me in person and we both cried in the middle of a frickin park, and I balled my eyes out all the way home. Hated him for a few months, but i got over it. Now we're so daggone close that we hang out whenever we are in the same area and call to check up on one another. I just respect him a lot more than i did the other two. 🙂
the good guy was right on point. i commend you for your thoughts.
It just behooves me how my fellow ladies hang on so long. I don't care if we had sex, made plans, etc etc. If im not having my needs fulfilled NO ONE IS BEING FULFILLED! I just have no problem cutting you off like you never existed. It's the LEO in me! I put so much love and sincerity in you and you have the AUDACITY to defy me! Mann im O.U.T. Ladies its better men and better options out there. Sisters specifically need to broaden their horizons. The worst thing is the world is to be guarded and closed off. Each man in your life should have a limited resreve of your love. If he gets more beyond that reserve it means that he has replenished it by reciprocating! MY TWO CENTS FAM:)
Great post.
Rejection, Break Ups, Being Fired, Sudden Loss, Embarrassement are all a part of life. You can't avoid them.
Women don't like these feelings and expect men to carry our emotions in a cotton basket. Until we own our feelings, men control us. We leave our entire emotional well being in the hands of a man who may or may not say the affirming words.
Women are needy for men's approval, acknowledgement and acceptance. We are to blame for men's schizoprenic break up behavior. If women could handle breakups like a woman, every man would be FORCED to be "the Man". Instead women want to be given a "you're number 1" sticker hoping that a man will always cherish them. Simply not reality
Please dont put the retarded immature behavior of men on women
It seems like only African-American males pull these kind of BS moves in the name of break up is hard. I have dated people from other cultures and their break up strategy is more like stepping up and being a man. Needless to say I dated my last African-American dude, he pulled a Houdini 3weeks ago. How cowardice and childish….Uuggghhh
Good tips, thanks!
DOPEST BLOG ARTICLE EVER…!!! It actually inspired a GREAT IDEA for a story depicting the eternal struggle between good versus evil. Only in the context its used in here, the VILLAIN is clearly the good guy! #loveIT
I have unknowingly used each before but because I was always the good faithful guy who treated women well, except for one or two occasions, most of my ex's would still give me a smiling hello. The better news is that I learned the right lessons from realizing later on that no matter the technique, the end result is the same…. a good sister with a broken heart. To be honest, the break ups weren't always my fault because not every woman has it all together like so many blogs, magazines and surveys imply. What I am most proud of though, is finally finding a woman who loves me so hard, I never want to be any of those guys again…especially not to her. Very few things in a man's life are as intensely transformational as the love of a good woman….and I am keeping this one for life. Feels so good to be absolutely sure I have found real love.
These categories are pretty accurate, but sometimes there's more overlap between "The Good Guy" and "The Man" than is called out here. Sometimes, a man can tell the truth until there is nothing more to tell, and an otherwise intelligent, desirable woman will still go against what he says, what her friends say and what her head says to try and make what her heart wants work out. Sometimes, the only difference between "The Man" and "The Good Guy" is the ability to turn down, or actively push away affection. Sounds to me like there isn't really any upside to being "The Man".
LOL, should I be laughing? Maybe I shouldn't. But even with men you aren't officially dating, they try this. My thing is, honesty. Men like to boast they are men, what men wouldn't like to be respected by women he dated even if they don't mean much to him? I understand everyone gets afraid, btw I dated the Illusionist also known as the Coward. He was still there, but I felt when he withdrew when I asked what was up, I was told don't make something out of nothing. Just be real and life will be so much easier!!
I am so thankful to ancientijebudespelltemple@gmail.com.I saw his powers in my life , i am thankful for his SPELL. He brought my girl friend back to me. I ignored my girl friend for days and found someone else and started dating her, and shes IM’s me crying her eyes out telling me she is still in love with me and she wants us back together. But I don't know what to do, I love her but I think she is just jealous, I told her to take her time and to think things through and if she wants us back together and I want us back together then it's going to be my choice if I go back to her or not. I wasn't being all sweet to her and when I talked to her I was rude, It worked. She broke up with me, saying she doesn't want a boyfriend and says she will never have time to talk or hang out with me. But now I honestly don't know if she loves me again. After we broke up she said I'll always love you and I would never date any other guy”. I asked her friend to ask her but she says she doesn't care about any more. But I don't think it's true. I miss her so much then i contacted ancientijebudespelltemple@gmail.com to help me then he told me that in the next three days she will be back with me and i waited for the three days. So on the night of the third day she called me on phone telling me that she still love me if we can still be together. Am writing on this to let the world know that ANCIENT IJEBUDE SPELL TEMPLE is powerful and great
Hi My name is Matian just want to share my experience on how i got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 7 years with 3 kids and we lived happily until things started getting bad and we had an arguments and fight it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me and the children cause i loved him with all my heart and didn’t want to loose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to a caster, Ancientijebudespelltemple@gmail.com who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He cast a love spell on him. Within 3 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems around me and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need’s it… You can email him Ancientijebudespelltemple@gmail.com
this article nailed it, and i just realized i got the GOOD GUY.. i have always felt and lied to myself that I have been always an option not a priority.. whenever he comes here in my place for work, he plans everything first with his friends and stay out for the whole evening of the weekend instead of staying with me. i get mad because he only stays here for 10 days and sometimes it gets less. i have been stupid all my life staying with this guy, when i kept ignoring to myself that he is just plainly playing with my emotions.. it’s always been HIM , HIM and HIM!
I appreciate all you have done for myself and my family. My name is harry and after contacting so many fake spell casters that only played with my heart you´d got what I wanted: my family back. Your sincere kindness and thoughtfulness inspires me. You have touched my heart deeply and I will forever be grateful that you got rid of all the negative influences that surrounded my wife and I. Now we are back and my son is very happy again, with his parents together… Thanks ANTOGAI antogaispelltemple@yahoo.com all my gratefulness
Omg im so dealing with the nice guy thts scary
I haven't read anything more accurate to describe the kind of a man I was with. Somehow this article had shed light on the reasons he had acted the way he did . Looking back, I'd probably been wrong about him all along when I thought he was everything I could want.
Well said!
Men want women who are smart enough to cater to a man's needs but dumb enough to ignore her own needs. Men won't give commitment without sex and women won't give sex without commitment.
OK, I think I have a #6 to add to the list. My man treated me like a princess for the first few months. Was a friend, a romantic lover, funny, encouraging – knew exactly how to make me feel great. He also knew my weaknesses and vulnerabilities. All of a sudden, for the past couple of weeks, he's been gradually withholding kindness, acting cold, sporadic one-word texts, and actual insults (very subtle insults). When I would express how it made me feel, he would say I'm too sensitive. I think he wanted me to break up with HIM! So I did. In a text. That was our primary mode of communication. (long-distance relationship – only saw each other twice a month) And his rude and disrespectful behavior was all in texts. Anyway, when I ended it very nicely and honestly – told him I'd noticed he wasn't very nice to me any more and that I didn't like the way it made me feel – I haven't heard from him since. He never acknowledged my message. I feel like he set me up to go away. And I feel very sad, empty and fooled. Sad that he didn't care enough to say anything.
I had something a bit similar… I bet he brought you so up when you first met him… he prob has commitment problems… it was beginning to get real so he couldn't handle it. It's a shitty way for him to treat you, v immature. You had a lucky escape x
mine too, I truly believe when she gets close, he can't handle it. Somethin's broke inside him.he pulled what I call a combo 1. I had to call him cas he "disappeard" (but he did answer the phone). 2. had to ask what's up with not calling? so he came clean, but i know he's planning (or trying to) Tiger Woods. Gave me a bunch of bs basically saying he cared little to nothing, while making up stories bout why it was my fault. don't think it was manipulative or evil. He's just plain wack, apparently i drove him to it, just like all the others. He claims im in same category as all his significant x's which range from horrid to boring to whatever! What a wonderful man to still love so many sub-par women!. I would not call that the nice guy, nor the man. I call it the wack job! Peace be with him amen.
i’ve delt with a guy breaking up with me over txt. he was a jackass just saying, some guys may be able to pull it off but not him. it was my sophomore year of high school and coincidently two days ago.i was sitting in the parking lot in my car waiting for my friend when he texted me, it was after a event i had to work and i was alone and it was night.he told me first that “we need to talk” i replied “k” he said “i am dragging you down” then “i think we need to break up.” i tried to call him to talk and he hung up on me and txted me and said he was at a basket ball game. so i txted him and ask if he would call so i would understand and not over txt. he said he would and ltr, i was at my friends house, i txted cause it was about midnight and asked if the game was over he told me he was almost home and couldn’t talk now. i asked him to call when he could as soon as he could.
he was a jerk just saying, i txted the next day and asked if he was home and he didn’t respond. so i left it and now i have to deal with him at school tomorrow, cause he gets my stuff down for me everyday cause i cant reach it… so it is going to suck
Yeah, that's totally chickenshit for him to break up with you in text and to refuse to talk with you on the phone even. Breakups should happen in person. I'm sorry that he did that to you. I'm sure he's just being really immature. But that doesn't excuse that he did that. It's mean and selfish, especially since you still have to interact with him at school. He's just scared of your reaction. Not yet a Man, still a boy.
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A year later…still the realest sh*t you ever wrote.
well many women nowadays like to cheat so much, and just can't stay with just ONLY ONE MAN ANYMORE like they did years ago. and most of the women were very committed too.
I'm over 30, so I've had quite a few relationships, and I ended most of them myself. In most cases I did so at the point where I was in great pain beacause of the "slow painful death" of the relationship, provided by the partner, and simply felt I've had enough. Recently I became aware of this stage, I know it is going to end soon, but still, it takes me some time until I"m ready. I've stayed in abusive relationships for weeks, knowing I must end it for my sake, but still not being able to do so until the final, biggest harm done to me. And none of those men were willing to make this step, they were never men enough for such a responsable act. I think, by now I've lost all hope to ever enjoy life for more than a few month, followed by the crushing, breaking agony… But I still want to live and I will never give up on finding happiness. Best of luck to anyone who reads this.
you too
Houdini's dont just disappear on jumpoffs and sidechicks.
received breakup text this morning, what a pathetic coward. we were together for 6 years.
That's a great quote, you should end the relationship with the same energy as you put into creating it. I had a man who chased me completely, flew over to see me from another country a number of times, flew me over to meet his mother, and was then due to visit and Christmas and pulled a complete Houdini. It was so bizarre. Before christmas I asked him if he wanted to break up and if he ever did so, that he should let me know, and communicate with me, and then he just left me hanging over Christmas, no contact, nothing, not even a courtesy email – it completely ruined my christmas, so so hurtful to be disrespected like that. So guys, don't pull a Houdini on a girl you were close to. For yourself – your own integrity and honesty, and for her – her piece of mind and sanity, she deserves that communication at least
Got through the first paragraph and decided it was going to be stupid,therefore,read no further.
I met this spell through a friends description and he told me that he help him to get his wife back when another man took her from him and then i decided to try him out and i discover that he is the best and he is very powerful and just yesterday my husband whom i thought will never come back to me came and said to me that he was sorry for leaving me. i now so happy that my desire have been fulfilled. thank to the Dr.Wala of the wildernessofspirit@gmail.com he is so powerful.
You forgot one, The Frustrated Guy – He's been there for her, sacrificed to make her happy but it's never enough because her lonely ass, meddling friends keep telling her that you will hurt her the same way their men have hurt them. She's too busy looking for confirmation of what her busy-body "friends" keep telling her and questioning everything he does to notice that he really loves her and will do anything for her. Finally, Frustrated Guy gets tired of the fights and arguments and becomes The Man. That's when she realizes what a good man she "had" but it too late and because he's moving on. And no ladies, The Frustrated Guy won't be coming back after you realize that your friends were the problem, not your man.
This is an amazing article and much appreciated. However, on the meta-level, I'd love to see a discussion/post on why men (or women) break up at all! It's ego-gratifying, isn't it boys, to be the first one to say 'sayonara'…makes a man feel like a man when he can build himself up with a girl, then ditch the girl, get his freedom back and play the field again, fully expecting to find a better one the next time because he 'deserves' better. And yes, women do this too. All I see, is a lot of 'shopping' going on these days, try one on; if it doesn't fit perfectly, return it, throw it in the trash, or toss it out on the curb.
I see a lot of disrespect, of people not appreciating what they've got. Of not understanding that they, too, are flawed people with difficult-to-love sides of themselves. I can't tell you just how many of my ex-'s have come back around later to tell me, 'geez, didn't know what I had the first time.' Well, yeah, asshole. As has been mentioned in the article, at least a classy breakup will improve the chances of an audience later on when you come back all the wiser.
My favorite one is, one month into the relationship, a guy breaks up with me. His reason? I'm 'too intense'! Does he mean the amazing sex we were having? We hadn't even had a single argument about anything yet! It had been all sunshine and blue skies! That guy came back around years later, trying to be my friend after not only losing me as a girlfriend, but later sabotaging our friendship. But by then, he had 3 children by 3 different women and had done some jail time. His energy had gone all violent and weird. Sorry, buddy.
Damn. I never had it catagorized like this before. Firstly I'm glad I read this…secondly, these break-up methods cover more than just men…woman break up like this too. Being a woman, I can tell you from experience I've used "The Man" method, which I suppose you can transpose into "The Woman" method, which merely would mean the maturity level of the individual…(forgive me, I have a hard time seperating gender, people are either assholes or really good people…or both.) However, that was the last break up I've had. Before than I had a fellow use The Man method, being completely honest with me…which I now appreciate, didn't then because I didn't care…I kinda became The Illusionist/Tiger Woods personish…(emotional cheating.) I used the Illusionist strategy SEVERAL TIMES. But, the last I became a woman as he was only in the Good Guy phase. I think that's the thing that sparked my life in the direction it is in now. (I like this, it's the growth in each individual's maturity in regards to these types of relationships.) Thanks for this!
So basically, "whatever a man does to break up with a women is selfish/bad" is the message of this silly article.
I will love to share my testimony with all viwers because i never thought i would have another chance with my boyfriend, the man i wanted to marry left me for another woman, and when i called him, he never picked my calls,he deleted me on his facebook account and then set the status to having a girlfriend with the other chick. I was devastated. I went to three spell casters before hector and i had really lost hope. i lost a lot of money with them and got no results. so when i came to hector i was really leery of him and didn’t think he could help me. i though it is too good to be true, because all the other spell casters were supposedly good and none of them helped me. i saw the testimonials and read the other testimonials and decided to get the consultation. he said he could help me, but my chances of getting my ex were very low and he didn’t recommend it at all. But i insisted that he at least give me the chance to work with him and try and if it didn’t work, i wouldn’t be upset and i would move on with my life. He agreed. Since he is in jersey and im in nyc, i decided i would go in person to have my spells cast. he is a really sweet and gentle man, when i met him i was really surprised. he looks very young, and i had my doubts whether or not he would be able to help me. But i figured i came all that way and i said i would try so i tried it. He called a spirit to talk with me and do the work, it was a woman spirit and when it came it totally transformed hector’s face. that is when i thought to myself that it might just work. the spirit gave me some advice and did the spells. i had a separation spell and a reunion spell done. the spirit said it would take a while for my ex to leave his new girl but once he did, he would come to me very quickly. She gave me some things to take home and do. I did them, but i was really nervous. i think i messed up a few times and i told t and she said just keep going and i would be fine. so i did. it was like 6 or 7 weeks later and i saw that my ex unblocked me from facebook. I saw he had changed his status again to single. so i was super excited because i took this to mean that he had split up with the other girl. about 10 days after that my ex called me. At first, it was weird between us. he wanted to see me. so i went to meet up with him. he didn’t ask me back then. i got very anxious and told t, and she said to stay calm and everything would turn out okay. So i did the best i could although i was still worried. We met up a few more times after that, and still he didn’t ask me back out. so i got a consultation with hector and he said to expect my ex to ask me back out within two weeks from the consultation. i listened, but i wasn’t sure it would happen. then it was almost 2 weeks later, and i though, damn, hector was wrong. But the next day (there was like 2 days left from it being 2 weeks) my ex called and we got together. He asked me if i would be willing to try our relationship again, which of course i said yes. that was about 3 weeks ago, and so far we have been doing okay, we still have a lot of things to work out, but i am very happy. doctor is the real deal and i am so glad that i found him and i recommend him to anyone who needs help. thank you so much doctor you saved my life?Reply ?you can as well contact him for your on help email jujumanlovespell@gmail.com
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It’s awesome in favor of me to have a site, which is helpful designed for my knowledge. thanks admin
Why in the world can't a woman just say, "so…be gone then." Inconsiderate behavior is all the closure I've ever needed.
Thanks to kalighatspelltemple@yahoo.com for At last my happiness has been restored by a Man named Dr KALIGHAT , my name’s are miss Clara i want every one on this site or forum to join me thank this DR KALIGHAT for what he just did for me and my kids . my story goes like this i was married to my husband for 5 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to Italy for a business trip where he met this prostitute who be witched he to hate me and the kids and love her only so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to Italy for to see that other woman. so i and my kids were now so frustrated and i was just staying with my mum and i was not be treating good because my mama got married to another man when my after my daddy death so the man she got married to was not treating i and my kids well so i was so confuse and i was searching for a way to get my husband back to me and my kids so one day as i was browsing on my computer i saw a testimony about this MAN DR KALIGHAT of kalighatspelltemple@yahoo.com shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me too so i also think of give it a try at first a was scared by when i think of what me and my kids are passing through so i contact him and he told me to stay calm for just two days that my husband shall be restored to me and to my best surprise i received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and i called Dr KALIGHAT and he said your problems are solved my child so this was how i get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from DR KALIGHAT of kalighatspelltemple@yahoo.com i want you all on this forum to join me to say a huge thanks to DR Kalighat and i will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him for help Good bye
So true. I was hurt by #4/#2 for a number of years. I think because he knew about my past and my horrific childhood that he couldn't bring himself to just tell me that he didn't want me. It would years later when I would just ask, "Do you want me?" He would stammer and say "You are a wonderful friend." I said, "Well that is the kiss of death." He went on to say something like "It;s just that I don't want a relationship with anyone at this point in my life." I will always wish that he would have been a #5 because the way he did things caused me to lose so much respect for him. In fact I added him to the pile of the abusers, manipulators, and liars that hurt me growing up. I learned alot from this blog though!
most of the women nowadays are nothing like the real ladies that existed years ago, and today many women are not worth meeting at all to begin with since many of them have such a very bad attitude problem when many of them do think that they are all that. many of the women now want a man with a very large bank account, and with most of the women these days it is all about money. God forbid, if they were to accept a man for who he is today.
I hope men don’t read this article and think any of these is a viable option for breaking up; The Houdini gets off on a crazy chick because that is the one guaranteed way to rattle the most sane and polished women to the point she loses it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s okay to lose it, but how many women can help it? The answer to that question is approximately zero; even old Shakespeare knew this when he was writing Hamlet. Since we all read Hamlet in high school at some point, I figure men are well advised that the “no break up, break up” renders a woman crazy and if he still chooses this method, he also chooses this outcome. He, therefore, should be expected to also accept responsibility for creating a situation men have known for hundreds of years will inspire female insanity.
The “good guy” is a dick, and everyone should know that by now; if she doesn’t know that, she shouldn’t even be dating. She’ll believe his words even tho his actions are I dictate the exact opposite. Poor thing.
We handle it best when it comes straight out, in person, no bullshit. Sure, some will still lose it a little but in he long run what’s most likely to happen is the chick gets pissed off. And when were pissed, we let go.
If a guy uses any of the above chicken shit methods, he’s a drama queen himself and maybe even a narcissist; women should be glad he’s gone. Think of him as the Miata you made payments to your older sister or cousin for and drove around until it was past high time for a new ride and eventually time comes. You love the Miata, have history, memories, but it doesn’t do it for you anymore. Well. If its parked in the driveway, guess what can’t (and won’t even try) to pull in along side.
You forgot The Historian. He's the one who claims he doesn't love her and never did. He tears through her memories as a tornado would through a home. It makes a really nice parting gift as the next year, those memories come up again and she thinks about what a jerk he is. No chance in hell that she will walk back onto that land mine.
I just broke up with him cos of his silence for over months he respond to my text or call but does not call or text and did not reply my breakup meg he been sperated with his wife over a year am abt devorcing her which he assured me der is noway both will be together cos both ar even on different countries
May I state that you should gather all single men that are like you and hook them up? This could be a perfect speech of every father and brother to their female single family members.
The Questions:
Ladies, have you dealt with men who fall into these categories?
I have dealt with all of them. I have been all of them. So that's balanced.
Recognizing that breaking up is never easy, which type of man and delivery would you prefer?
I prefer the Man, because I am the Woman.
Do women use these same methods on men?
Yes. I feel that, just like men, we encourage each other to not take responsibility for our disrespectful behaviour to men that "might" be dogs anyway. This is sad but true. It took years for me to become the Woman. I reckon I met enough guys that were a working process towards becoming the Man.
OOO I have NEVER been Tiger Woods THOUGH!
That’s exactly how my relationship ended with a scorpio guy. The good guy way. But it was great cause he was too good 2 be true. He was always putting his needs first he cheated he drew his self away from the relationship that means he wanted to end it.now he wants to come back now he knows I was a great woman when its 2 late.
An amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my wife back to me.. My name is desmond mark i live in Australia,and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.{ogojidogospirituallovespelltemple@live.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {5}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website {ogojidogospirituallovespelltemple@live.com},if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to the ogojidogolovespell for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{ogojidogospirituallovespelltemple@live.com}
Thanks…
answered 4 days ago by anonymous
Hello my there friend am happy for the great work of Dr ogojidogo
I have been going with this guy for about6 months. He have a good job but his mother had been sick she live out of time. I have been helping him out financial because he going back and for to see about his mother. Everytime I get paid he always want to see me to ask for money. Is something wrong with this relationship or what.
Hi WisdomIsMisery,
I would like to take this opportunity to express my utmost gratitude for having this written. Thank you for sharing an insight on how men functions/thinks in one of the most unanticipated moments in life.
I have been stuck for over 5 years after the disappearance of my first Houdini – my boyfriend of 3 years. I have to admit that I went completely berserk and ballistic (a major turn off, I know). I started playing each and every encounter we had in my mind, over and over again, trying to analyse. Finding out what went wrong. Searching for hints and clues to why he just disappeared.
I eventually got stuck in my own mind games. I felt worthless, I felt ugly, I felt everything a woman should not feel about herself and it really sucked. All because I blamed myself for having him run.
So, I tried to get back up and unstuck myself by getting out there and hopefully moving on. Indeed I met a few other guys *yay* but few weeks or months down the road, they too turned into Houdini *ohh shucks*. I didn't know Magic is suddenly HOT again.
Anyways, it was until today, right now, after reading what you have shared here that I finally understood it clearly. He most probably thinks that I am not worth the hassles, not worth any thought of and not worth any respect. It felt as if a thousand and one bullet shot through my chest at this very moment. It really hurt so bad BUT, it was a wake up call and what I needed.
Knowing that I probably meant nothing to them helped me realize that they too, should mean nothing to me too and that they are disrespectful and mean.
I am only 22. I know that I am young and that I've got a long way ahead of me. I'd probably will continue to meet many Houdini, Illusionists, Tiger Woods and many more heart-breakers out there but your insight has provided me with a layer of protection. At least the next time I get dumped in a disrespectful way (though I hope not), I won't have to blame myself for everything anymore.
So yeah, Thank you so much 🙂 <3
thats what some guys are like..
My recent post here he is! the guy who harassed me.
my name is melina and i want to testify about what this great spell caster did for me. my husband left me 2 years ago and follow another woman and i was angry and went online to seek for advice on how i can win him back. suddenly, i found out a post about a spell caster and i decided to give it a try though i was not fully convinced if it will work out. so i contacted him and he told me he can bring back my husband to me. after he cast the spell for me, 3 days later i received a call from my husband and told me he wants to take me out for a date. that was how he came back to me and we had our 3 baby just 2 weeks ago.contact him now at ozaspelltemple@gmail.com because he is a great spell caster okay
I was married for five years without any child,because of this my husband start acting very strange at home,coming
home lately and not spending time with me any more. and because of this my husband divorce me. So i became very sad
and lost in life because my doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant this really make life so hard for me
and my family.my friend told me about dr.Osaze from the Internet,how he has helped people with this similar problem
that i am going through so i contacted him and explain to him and he cast a spell to bring back my husband and it was
a miracle three days later my husband can back to apologize for all he has done and told me he is fully ready to
support me in any thing i want,few month later i got pregnant and gave birth to twins (boys) i am having a happy
family with the help of dr.Osaze of spirituallove@hotmail. com.Thanks to dr.Osaze for saving my relationship and for
also saving others too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like
me, the great spell caster email address is:spirituallove@hotmail. com
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All men are jerks on diff levels, fact. Guys dnt hve manners or mch respect in general thse days. Girls try to hard dnt demand enuf frm them. ‘Social media’ dsnt help either its all fake&ego. :/
I was searching why men are afraid of women and came across this site and then this post.
This is one of the most insightful reads I’ve had in a while. I always find a man’s point of view refreshing and fascinating.
Thank you. I shall find myself visiting this place again.
What name/label/title do you give a guy who ends things with you but, says "we were on the same page, until you started picking on me"? Basically, he calls it picking when I ask about us and what we're doing or call "this"? Also, when I say to him, we don't get together, meet, do things, etc. 6 weeks of not seeing each other is not dating. He says, he saw it as talking; getting to know one another. {this has been going on for 4 months} Although, he's lying b/c, I mentioned dating in Jan. and he didn't run then. So, I said: "if telling someone what you want or how they make you feel is "picking on", then I guess that's how you see it. I want someone who wants to see me; spend time with me. Be supportive and get to know me in the right way. Vice versa.
What does he say? "I agree"
What the Hell? Who breaks up with someone when you both still want the same things?
THEN, he proceeds to message me Monday and yesterday. Doesn't like it when I don't reply or talk.
When I said to him: "What is it that you want?" HIM: "Wow, why so much hate?"
Why do they continue when, they wanted the break up?
HELP!!!
How do I handle him when I hear back from him again?
PS. what is this called?
Howdy! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give
a quick shout out and say I truly enjoy reading through your blog posts.
Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that
deal with the same subjects? Thanks!
smh, i am a woman and I just tired of women needing "closure" from a man who was just banging them. I needed closure from my fiance after we broke up/ and I did the breaking up after he showed his arse in a major way but I mean a regular dude I am dating , like TAKE A HINT. A man will either verbally or through actions tell you how you feel and you SHOULD respond accordingly. By responding I mean stop entertaining him in anyway. My mom always said " most men will never break up with a woman, and if you keep feeding him, he will keep coming around", by feeding i mean literally and also by giving him your body and time. Human nature is lazy and if they can keep you around until they are tired or something better come around they will, but almost always their words and actions will tell you when they have broken up with you. What I have realized is because a lot of women these days have this disease of living in denial, that the few instances where I GOT a hint real quick and cut dude off he was almost surprised by my response. It's almost expected that you let them drag you till all of it has died, I leave on a high, I am as interested as you are, you not interested well the feeling is mutual baby. and Let me tell the male ego is something else, when you have enough self respect to walk away from "anything that doesn't honor you", they do do a double take and sometimes change of heart, but most of the time by that time I have lost all interest. Respect yourself ladies, and control that danm "Oxytocin" or love hormones that have you all googoo gaga over BOYS!
it might take long to be in a broken relationship but it’s never going to to be forever.i have been living with heartbreak for couple of years now, which wasn’t funny.it caused a lot of loss to me and my mind not been settled. i and my husband got into argument and we had a fight, he was cheating i tried to stop him but all to no avail. after a while, we had to go our different ways but i was hurt because i love him with all my heart and i can’t afford to loose to another lady, fortunately i came across this testimony of a woman online who also battled with a similar issue until she was helped by Dr.Mack. i also had to contacted Dr.Mack for help regarding my Marriage issue. he did what he have to do for me and in less than 4 days my husband was back. he automatically changed to a good man, was faithful and showed me love in a way i never expected, i oblige anyone with similar problem to contact Dr.Mack via email;dr_mack@yahoo. com****
CONTACT……E-MAIL.dr.mack201@gmail. com, i promise you will have your lover back in 3 days, mine came back in 3 days……