Q: When it comes to first dates, some men think they are entitled to physical action. On the other hand, some men don’t mind spending money on women just for their company (and sometimes those women think the fact that the man is spending money on them means he’s into them when it may not.) Ex: A friend of a coworker was asked to go away for a weekend with a guy and he paid for everything and when they got home she thought his gesture meant they were exclusively dating or moving toward that when in reality he just wanted to spend time with a woman for the weekend — all expenses paid.
I wrote about a related issue in my previous post, Can Most Men Really Afford a Girlfriend? But for the sake of argument, let’s assume the man we’re discussing today can afford to have a girlfriend or several girlfriends. This leaves three outstanding questions when it comes to this scenario. Why is it that: 1) Some men think they are entitled to physical action based on the amount of money they spend; and 2) Some men don’t mind spending money on women; and finally, what do men expect from women when they do spend cash?
1. Some men think they are entitled to physical action from women.
Well, some men expect physical action from women because some men are idiots. You can’t change the habits or expectations of idiots, so I’m going to ignore this subgroup of men, and I suggest you do the same.
There is another sub-group of men who don’t expect anything from women, but they also don’t have an unlimited pool of money to spend – on women or in life in general. This shouldn’t be news to anyone, but money has value. In most circumstances, spending money has a return on investment. Whether you like it or not, if a man is spending money on you, he is investing in you and the future. Some women might argue their quality time, wonderful personalities, engaging conversations, and physical company should be more than enough to make a man feel content to spend any amount of money to enjoy these intangibles. That sounds nice and all, but these women are wrong.
If you were right, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, women wouldn’t make asinine statements like, “If you can’t afford to date, you shouldn’t date,” and “$200 date” (or $2,000 dates if you bout that life) debates wouldn’t erupt on Twitter every week.
I can no more blame a woman for being offended that a man would expect something from her after spending “X” amount of money than I can blame a man for feeling offended that he didn’t receive anything after spending “X” amount of money. Honestly, both parties are to blame. If you’re a man who thinks a woman owes you something because you spend money on her, maybe you shouldn’t spend money on women or you should go on cheap/free first dates. Conversely, if you’re the type of woman who doesn’t want a man to assume you owe him something because he spent money on you, maybe you shouldn’t let men pay for dates in full or you should only accept cheap/free first dates.
Ladies, I know what you’re thinking…
2. Some men don’t mind spending money on women.
There is only one type of man who doesn’t mind spending money on women: the type of man who can afford to spend money on women. If going on a date doesn’t affect your bottom line, of course you’ll have far less emotions vested in how much or little a date costs. When you have money to blow, you don’t care if a date costs $20, $200, or $2,000. It is what it is.
Men who watch how much money they spend on a first date are the same type of men who worry about how much money they spend on everything in life. I’m not saying these men are broke or the opposite of them is a rich man. I’m simply saying the type of man who watches every dollar that enters and leaves his bank account isn’t going to change just because he’s on a date. That’s his personality. On the other hand, the type of man who doesn’t mind spending money on you is likely the type of man that doesn’t mind spending money, period.
Let me be clear, a man who doesn’t mind spending money isn’t the equivalent of a man who is rich or good with money. We all know people who spend money like water, yet somehow can’t afford to consistently pay their water bill. [Read the rest at MadameNoire]