I read a tweet recently that said “too many people get being in love confused with being comfortable.”
There are some times where I’ll scroll down my timeline and one liners will stop me in my tracks. That tweet was one of them. Everything I will say in this post I pretty much thought of within minutes of reading that quote. There should be a clear distinction made here. We could all be better off being reminded of this from time to time.
We’re creatures of habit.
It is natural to become comfortable in our relationships, or situationships. When you love someone, comfort and love can become synonymous. It can be synonymous in your thought process, but in reality it isn’t synonymous at all. To be specific, when I mention being comfortable, I’m referring to being complacent. You should absolutely be comfortable with who you’re with. Being complacent with your partner is detrimental.
Love is an emotion and it’s also a verb.
Love and complacency can’t coexist for long. They always clash. How many times have you asked someone why they’re still with someone even when they’re not happy? They usually say they love their partner. When this is said, I’m quite sure one of the participants in the relationship aren’t being an active member. Love elicits action. Think of how you are when you’re in love. All you want to do is make your partner happy. You’d like to make their day easier, see them smile, etc.
Love elicits action.
This action should be mutual. Too many people stay in shitty situations because they’re comfortable. No acts of love are present anymore. Some people stay in these relationships for fear of starting over. People aren’t willing to be vulnerable to rejection again. To that point, I say you have a decision to make.
You can always choose to stay in a lackluster relationship. I would like to challenge you to not live life simply going through the motions. When you’re in love, you should feel the most alive. If you’re not excited to be with who you’re with, and they don’t bring you the vitality you deserve, then you need to end things. Life is short. That means we need to minimize our disappointments and miscues.
Being complacent will leave you feeling unfulfilled.
You don’t deserve that. What we all deserve is to be able to smile til our face hurts as often as possible. There are too many other things in life that leave us bogged down, your his or her should not be one of them.
Today, I challenge you to be the love you’d like to feel. Challenge your partner to do the same. If they’re not with, then tell them you have two words for them… I’m out. Take control of your life and happiness because it’s really all you’ve got.
These are my words and I make no apologies.
DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM : “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS
“Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) http://viralstatus.com/category/kahlilhaywood/
Comfort is a gift and a curse, you want to be comfortable with the person you’re with but both parties should have the understanding that there’s growth that’s needed. Its hard to change when you dont necessarily have to.
That was intense but so straight to the point. Appreciated the words.
Damn this makes me think I've never been in love b/c I never do any of this….
Lol I was just thinking the same thing :/
True That
Damn Pops its easier said than done to say "Im Out" when your married with kids. And every divorce I've personally known about has taken at least a year. Unless you live close to family or have friends u can stay with at a moments or a 2nd home to live in you cannot realistically just up and move.
The other thing to be mindful of is when your in a relationship you should not be selfish, and it's not all about you. I agree nobody should stay in harmful relationships that are detrimental to your health, however, it takes time to move out and move on.
Tristian also made a good point – "Its hard to change when you dont necessarily have to." Most times things are done out of necessity. So if certain things aren't required of you or your partner in the relationship then most people assume that they aren't wanted, needed and necessary. It's a 2 way street. You would be surprised at the number of people who never open their mouths and speak up and say what they want and need to be happy and fulfilled.
I get the premise of the topic, but the reality is no relationship is always perfect everyday and sh** happens. ijs.
Being comfortable is not an option in life period, because anything and anyone can disappoint you. Relationship wise, becoming comfortable can be the cause of your emotional demise. In a way it is being needy. Not to sound paranoid but at any given moment this person can cheat on you, break up with you, or simply disappear so I say, love your partner unconditionally but don't become too attached. Life constantly evolves and attachment is only going to hurt you in the long run. It is what it is.
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Yeah. My parents been together for 40 years and they are pretty comfortable. My mommy calls it, "just coasting." But I think it's so cute when my daddy takes my mama on a date to a spot he got a Groupon for. That's Black love…
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Yeah, good words
My recent post Men With Kids Need Not Apply: Why I Prefer To Date Men Who Don’t Have Children
Sigh 20 years and neither one of us wants to be the first to say good-bye
It's hard to say good-bye those memoires get in my way. Everytime find the nerve to say I'm leaving
I think there is a fine line between the two. its hard to know when that line has been crossed but isn't that where talking to your partner comes into play ask each other what do they think. is there something bugging them you started to do or stopped doing? if you're still spending time together and enjoying it then you're still on the right side of the line. I think each couple have there own line.
Hi,,,,, I now see marriage as a trap lived with my husband for 54 yrs was very comfortable in my marriage every thing seemed so perfect we had kids and grandkids to the world we were a perfect couple … till I found my hubby was having affairs and had been for many years in fact had a child with another women I felt used he hide behind me,,,, after he died I found so much evidence of several women including escorts .. plus the last thing he said on his death bed was calling out for an other women ,,, beware of a comfortable marriage they are not what they seem ..I would never marry or even live with someone bad choice ../