There’s a funny irony when you’re a writer who enjoys writing about relationships and dating.

How could someone with all these wide perspectives still be a “single black male?” I’ve always thought that if you’re in the business of sharing perspective then it’s all good. Like Charles Barkley says, “There are no experts, only God is an expert.” It’s a question I’ve gotten many times over the six years I have been doing this writing thing. At least I haven’t been  single for six years. For the last couple of years though, that’s been my middle name -Single! It’s fun, it’s pretty stress free.  But it also happens to be a side effect of knowing what you want and being patient enough for the right situations to come your way.

As many single men know, it’s often thought that we have many “hoes.”

Those Instagram jokes aren’t always too far from the truth. After all, most jokes are jokes because we can relate to them. A lot of guys don’t have a truck load of hoes. Some of us may have had a few at a time but time passes and your goals become more refined. While I’m on the subject please excuse my use of the word “hoes.” I’m simply following the colloquial rhetoric that’s used in these scenarios.  To be honest, during the time that you are single you begin to think if there are any things that you need to change.

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During the period of time that I have been single I have dated many, and been involved with some. I have had a couple real prospects in the process. Sometimes the chemistry fell off. Other times people may have stopped contact with no explanation for it. The list can go on. The bottom line is that sometimes things sincerely do not work out. It could be bad luck, I happen to just think that’s it’s a part of the process. We take different routes to get to the end goal. It’s just like how we approach life in other ways. There’s certain circumstances we all have to figure out to find what we desire.

With that said I started thinking that there may be some things hindering my quest of finding Ms. Right. I actually think some of my reasons may coincide with a lot of you all.

Work- I’m realizing over the last few months that my job is becoming increasingly difficult. My 9-5 mentally drains me almost on a daily basis. I’m admittedly frustrated with it and looking to leave. That fatigue I’m experiencing affects so much around me. This could also lead to my next point.

Putting Myself Out There- I’m twenty-six years old and I don’t fear commitment not one bit. I have a clear idea of the kind of woman i think I can be committed to and I’m confident that I’ll know who she is once I vibe with her. But my struggle comes with putting myself in places where that can happen. As I just mentioned, I’m more exhausted daily than I have ever been. My weekends are now reserved for furthering my other passions. This includes getting my upcoming podcast off of the ground along other endeavors that has taken up my time after work. Even if those tasks didn’t exist, sometimes my body just wants to rest. I recognize this and also recognize what comes with that. I think a great thing for me to do would be to hit more after work happy hours. I’m just so dog tired at 5  p.m. that it seems impossible to do with vigor.

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This might sound like a couple of excuses. Maybe they are; it depends on who thinks so. What I can say is that these are some areas where I fall short. I’m open to making a concerted effort to change these things. If time is lacking maybe I need to make time. These could be reasons as to why I haven’t found that right one as yet.

I wrote this today to ask you all if you have ever asked yourself if you fall short somewhere?

We write (talk) so much about our ideals and what we’re seeking. It could be something within ourselves that we need to tweak. I’m not talking about tweaking for the sake of conformity. I’m talking about tweaking because you feel there are some genuine changes to be made. I’m going to try my darnedest to switch a couple of things up. We’ll see how the shots fall. But I do think it’s important to be introspective at times and do some self diagnostics. These were just two of  ways in which I think I may be hindering myself. There might be even more. You guys ever been in this situation? Do you all take the time to see if it really is you and not them? Let’s talk about.

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These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS