male entitlement

Men have a large and difficult burden placed upon us.

We are the ones given the responsibility of “starting the mating process” aka … the holla.

The fact is, most s*xual encounters, marriages, and relationships all started when a guy decided to make a move and let his intentions be known. There are some forward-thinking women, but they aren’t doing numbers.

What this means is that the entire process of going from stranger to interested is managed by men. It’s just a burden that we take on to keep people moving forward and multiplying (survival of humanity really). Ya’ll birth the children, we’ll birth the conversations.

So, just as carrying a baby entitles you to the respect of all other people and the best gifts on parent-related holidays, we get something too. Our responsibility in managing the approach means that we get an important entitlement:

Men are entitled to try to “talk” to you at anytime, anyplace, anywhere … period.

I say this because we need to spend a lot of time searching for the right person. If you limit our ability to talk to you when you’re walking down the street, or mash our cart into yours while you are shopping for carrots, or to come up and put our arm around you at the club, we won’t make quota. Then, we would spend our lives searching for, instead of finding the right one and signing up for a life of commitment. Then we would all just be single guys trying to holla (irony!)

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Please, I am kindly asking, great women of SBM … please don’t knock any man for attempting to get to know you.

I will be the first to say with this entitlement comes some rules. I do think that all men should:

  • Lose Gracefully. If you don’t get the number, no punching, names, or throwing rocks (literally and figuratively). It happens, keep it moving
  • Know When To Quit. Steve Urkel and family matters messed up a lot of guys. The thought that continuing to talk to and stalk a girl for 7 years was normal and OK, because in the end you would get together. It’s not.
  • Be Respectful. I remember when I other people would yell “hey you wit the phat ass. lemme talk to you.” I’m not saying to walk up in a bowtie like Fonzworth Bentley, but we all know the line not to cross.
  • Don’t Cockblock. The end goal is for everyone to get as much as they need. If you don’t have the ability to close, let someone who can step in. Respect.

And with that same note, women I think there are a few things you should do to make sure this whole thing works and everyone leaves satisfied:

  • Decline Politely. If this potential suitor has followed the rules above, there is no reason to do anything but laugh and say “no thanks” or “I’ve got to run”.
  • At Least Hear Him Out. Personally, everyone deserves a chance to impress you. Before making a snap judgement, at least give him a chance to save himself.
  • Don’t Be Mad. If he decides to approach your friend, or decides to end the conversation on his own, let it slide. Not everyone wants you and a little bit of rejection is ok.
  • Don’t Hate. If he wants to talk to your friend after, go ahead and let him (not saying you have to introduce them). I kind of met my wife because of this (long story). Sharing is caring.
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Once we all acknowledge this one little thing that all men get as a birth right, we’ll be on our way to better and happier gender relations. Being happier as a people is all about understanding how to make people happy.

SBM aka “What you mean I can’t talk to you right now!?!” aka Retired