Tomorrow’s post is going to be about my belief that people should no longer feel pressure to marry. I think marriage has it’s place in society but I also think that it’s time that we start accepting other paths to happiness. Before I jump into that tomorrow I want to share a recent post on Elite Daily as a primer to tomorrow’s discussion. Check it out.
Shared income and shared household duties are building stronger marriages. As gender equality rises in your marriage, your odds of getting a divorce can decrease.
A man is no longer burdened by the responsibility of providing for his family, and the woman is no longer resentful for her duties at home. Both are left to explore more passions and purpose, both individually and together.
This new marriage model has contributed to a decreased divorce rate of only 17 percent, but doesn’t it all sound like a big contradiction? A shared-income household is contributing to a decreased rate in divorce, yet men still feel a pressure to have it all together prior to marriage.
That pressure of having it all together is making men who would otherwise be married single and alone. As a dating and relationship coach, that idea makes me sad. Who determines financial stability? He may be chasing a number that doesn’t exist in reality for most.
There has to be a way for couples to contribute to one another and share their responsibilities as a path to growing together. If you’re not exactly where you want to be in your career, but you have a plan, here’s the type of person you may want to consider for a serious relationshipnow, based on the new marriage model:
Has a Career Path: Your possible partner may be working towards a goal, but he or she has a plan to get there and a current steady gig to pay the bills.
Is Educated: The couple with higher education is even less likely to divorce, with an 11 percent rate.
Supportive of Each Other: Your partner has to be supportive of your dreams and aspirations. He or she has to know that, sometimes, achieving financial stability for your future family will come before quality time.
Has Shared Interests: Sharing interests will create a balance for you away from the career chase. Maybe you’re active together, or share an eye for the arts? Getting away from work together and enjoying each other’s company can help strengthen your relationship.
Has Shared Vision In How To Raise Kids: You may not be ready for kids now, but when you are, you want to make sure you share a vision on having kids, how many and how to raise them.
Lives Within Their Means: While you may not be financially stable enough to get married now, you also don’t want to date someone who is creating financial debt that you will have to take on in the future.
With the right partner, you can have the support you need to reach your career goals and have the love, balance and family you seek.
Source: Elite Daily
This is a very interesting read.
Honestly, I don’t think many men’s hesitation to get married has to do with attaining a bank account with a certain amount of zeros.
I personally believe that a lot of men lack an understanding of their predestined God given purpose. As a result, they have this longing within them that they often can’t put into words.
It’s this longing and sometimes a feeling of being unfulfilled that leads quite a few men (myself included) to hesitate when it comes to initiating a relationship, let alone a marriage.
Not fully understanding our purpose in life can weigh on us, both men and women. However, we must reach a point where we recognize that is what is missing and not a certain career or financial achievement.
It’s self discovery that is the key to truly leading a meaningful, fulfilling and purposeful life…for both men and women.
Thanks for sharing this post and I am looking forward to reading your post tomorrow Dr. J. Keep up the amazing work!
I agree with everything Jay mention. I have meet so many men who have been longing to understand their purpose.
Hey Camilla! How’s it going?
Thanks a lot for taking the time out to read my comment. I truly appreciate that.
Yes, there are many men who are still longing to understand their purpose. Even sadder, in some cases, is that there are men who don’t even realize or acknowledge that they have a purpose in life.
I cosign on all of that Jay. Great points.
Wow! You are far too kind Bree. Thank you so much and God bless you!
Dr. J could you provide the source (s) that says divorce is down 17 percent because of shared responsibilities? All that i read says divorces are higher than ever before. In fact, divorces are higher because women have other options from my understanding.
Here you go… http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html?_r=0&abt=0002&abg=1
I agree Darrell. If this were true, then so many celebs, millionaires and people with 6 figure incomes wouldn’t be divorcing.
One thing people forget about is the more wealth you acquire, the more responsibilities your likely to have, and the harder you have to work to maintain that wealth. So the biggest thing that seems to be sacrificed for wealth, and “shared financial responsibilities” is something that nothing can replace….Time.
Also in reality i believe the shared responsibilities on the mens part are more financial. I personally haven’t seen more men doing more cooking and cleaning once they’re married. Many times, depending on her career, if she has kids, and how busy she may be women seriously slack off in taking care of the household responsibilities as well.
Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your personal experience too.
You’re not alone. We’re in the same boat…and there are others in it too, whether they realize it or not.
I totally agree that whether we acknowledge God or not, He is Our Father and Creator and He created each of us with a unique and meaningful purpose.
Like you stated, that longing that many of us experience to know and fulfill our purpose can only be met and satisfied by God.
Similar to you, I’m far from a Bible-thumper, but the peace that I have experienced by living in accordance to God’s Word, will and purpose for my life rivals nothing in this world.
I’m still on the journey to seeking a better understanding of my purpose too. It’s a process, but it’s made so much more peaceful and bearable when we include and acknowledge God’s role in the process.
Continue on your journey!
All other men and women, if you desire to fulfill that longing within you, turn to your Creator. He has all that you need.
God bless you and thank you again for sharing! I truly appreciate it.
I enjoyed this.
I wouldn’t call the pressures or the ‘must haves’ excuses for men. It’s a reality deeply rooted in western civilization socialization. While women have made fervent social strides in the last century, I don’t hear a lot of ‘modern’ women say that men don’t have to be the men of yesteryear. On the contrary, I hear more women exclaim that men aren’t men anymore. Part of that assessment comes from measuring guys by the ‘must haves’ we have been socialized to fundamentally believe we need in order to attract a suitable partner.
I understand you wouldn’t call them excuses, but I would. The reality is generalizations have no room for one on one interactions. Your personal assessment may be deeply rooted in your personal development, but you can’t tell me there aren’t other things in your personal development that you opted out of. I feel men tend to make a long list of excuses because in most cases he’s really not trying to attain the goal list, but looking to have as much fun as possible with as many women as possible.
Women are just fine with sharing expenses with men, creating experiences, and building together. In addition when we women mention men not being very manly it’s more about failure to commit, protect, and accept responsibilities. None are a gauge of your personal accomplishments
I agree that modern economics require both men and women to be “breadwinners”, but your assessment of men making excuses, and pointing out our shortcomings comes off a little like male bashing. I won’t argue that there are many areas where we need to pick up the ‘proverbial’ ball, but we males don’t bear that cross alone. I wish I heard more balance in these conversations coming from both sides. I humbly feel like we spend a lot of energy trying to take each other to task without tasking our own gender. Just my opinion
I am not male bashing. However, I am blunt. How could the word excuse get you so bent out of shape? If I am speaking of my own personal preference why would I task my own gender, the gender that I am incapable of mating with and have no interest in building a relationship with?
As I stated from the very start the fears are the same from both men and women. The struggles of men aren’t so unique that they cannot be understood by women. What wasn’t balanced in that? I am always respectful and have no desire to belittle anyone. I’ve been in relationships with men who have their list of must haves, only to string me along. I’ve seen other women get strung along as well. Trust me I try my best to school as many women as possible about determining what they want in a relationship and never compromising themselves in an effort to attain it. I am a loving and caring person without a bitter bone in my body who will one day have a loving relationship with a man who similarly desires as I do.
I applaud you. I enjoy exchanging viewpoints with you. I actually can see where you’re coming from. It’s sad that the current state of affairs is what it is, but I am slightly hopeful. I to desire the wholeness of a meaningful union, but I am not so optimistic that I will find it. Your view is refreshing and allows some slight rays of light into my philosophical abyss lol. Kudos!
Lol. Enjoy your night.
Ditto, until our next adventure!