Some industries are said to be recession proof, porn and liquor for instance – mofos need a nutt and a buzz no matter what!
I’ve always felt that relationships are easier than being single and not just because of the economic implications. A brother like me likes stability, “routine”, knowing who I’m dealing with et cetera.
But the price of freedom comes at a high premium, especially if your a man and especially if your living in through “the worst economic downturn in a generation.”
First is the cost of appearance. When you are putting yourself on the market there are certain steps that must be taken to make a quality first impression. These include but are not limited to, fresh cut, fresh shave, clean clothes, fresh fitted, clean ride and a gym membership. Now of course money can be saved by doing all these things yourself and not paying anyone for their services, but some dude’s lack the ability or desire to do so. When your in a committed relationship, you can slack on appearance because she knows what your capable of.
The second cost is the cost of encounter. If your lucky, your a member of a networking group or car club who has members that are attractive and have similar interests. If your blessed, you have friends with friends who are attractive and have similar interests. If your neither, you will be spending some cash just to find “her.” Now how much you spend is directly correlated to where you choose to meet people. If you prefer the club or some other social outing, you have the cost of parking followed by cover and any drinks you decide to trick on yourself or the lady of interest. If you
prefer say, the strip club you have all of the a fore mentioned cost plus those of stuffing you cell, gas, electric and half your car note down a g-string. I would be doing a disservice if I failed to account for the cost of gas to get to these places. The online dating approach seems the cheapest as the only cost are registration and paying someone to photoshop your pics.
I’ve always heard that church is a perfect place to meet women. However, its something about her praising the Lord and me undressing her with my eyes that keeps Mr. FAQs from pursuing such avenues.
But if your lucky enough to have someone at home not only do you not feel the need to go out, but even when you do certain cost of tricking are alleviated. For example, buying her enough liquor so she will come home with you since she is already your girl having to burn your gas to pick her up.
So lets say you get the digits … and your ready to make that first step to see where things go. The last, and often the most important fee, is the cost of the first date. I’m a firm believer that first
dates in a non-public location are not acceptable. When picking the location, its best to start with the vibe of the young lady. If she’s a more social person, perhaps a vibrant restaurant with a good bar scene will work. If she’s more reserved, perhaps a museum or art gallery followed by coffee and scones at a café. Either way, you should be familiar with the avg cost of meals and not pick the spot you’ve heard people “talk about” that has $$$$ and no prices on the menu.
If your in a relationship however, going on actual dates can be down played. If she knows you are struggling, she will probably understand if you can’t have steak and lobster every night anymore. If you’ve been together for a while, just looking in each others eyes takes you to another place, no need to even leave the house.
A recession is hands down the worst time to be a single black male. Even if you have money and a job, there’s no security and it means nothing. The notion of casual dating can easily become the difference between enjoying someones company and enjoying your cable/wireless bundle. But you can’t let her know your broke because no matter what you say, “a broke ni**a with ambition is still a broke ni**a”.
So yes “The Relationship”, like porn and liquor, is also recession proof.
Feel me? Ain’t being broke with a gf better than being broke and on “the hunt”? Ladies … thoughts?
lol good one Mr. FAQ. You make a valid point. When it's your girl you can say hey i'm being a little conservative with spending in these economic down times and she'll understand. When you're courting someone the expenses on keeping up your appearence and dating can bankrupt you.
You can work with a guy if he's not tryna spend too much. Say dinner and a stroll in the park or coffee shop afterward volunteer together etc…It doesn't have to be dinner, comedy club, b'way show or all the expensive things in one night. One date with a dude was playing b-ball one on one at his gym and then lunch lol. There are cheaper date ideas. Get creative
this is very good. I do think brothers need help with this and also need to know is this economy don't break the bank trying to impress a woman. just be u. and be creative. creativity shows u care.
"When your in a committed relationship, you can slack on appearance because she knows what your capable of."
I'm not okay with this. LOL.. this will get you LEFT.
Okay, this sounds all good and -ish, BUT being single has its perks too.
1. I don't have to purchase gifts for ANY occasion.
2. I don't have to buy lingerie to keep you engaged, that will stay on my body for less than 5 seconds AND that you prolly won't even look at.
***my attention span won't let me think of anything else right now. Give me a minute. **** 🙂
Yeah have to agree that this single life is not hot in the streets, but it is what it is. Don't get it twisted though, if she wanted nice gifts before she still wants them now. And yeah she might be a little understanding but eventually that goes out the door. No matter what the economy is a man gotta make that money.
I agree that it is harder in general during poor financial times to date but it is far from impossible.
I've been on many "expensive" dates and can't remember a thing about them. The dates I do remember are those that consisted of more than just tossing out a few bills. If a guy is really serious then he can do a whole lot with just a little bit of creativity. If a woman doesn't appreciate that then there is probably going to be alot more she doesn't appreciate down the road so you would be better off without her anyway.
We forgot another alternative: "recession dating".
Folks have all kinds of strategies and alternatives for making and saving money in a downturn…how about for dating?
So, what is recession dating? Solidify f*ck buddy and friends with benefits arrangements in solid verbal contracts. Do not go out on dates – period. It's a recession. Volunteer. Hang out with the fellas. Read a book. Get your Six Sigma or CFA on so you can make more money.
The funny thing about recessions is that although earnings will be down…wall street analysts are projecting a rise in expectations for women.
this is bullsh*t. I spent $100 last night on dinner with no drinks on my girlfriend of 6 months.
I agree with Nicki… you expect us to keep up appearance, so should you. But it's also hard for the single black female as well. Getting our hair done costs more (even though I do my own… cosmetology was good for something), we have to stay on top of pedi and mani's, and our shoe game has to be fierce. These costs are relatively higher for females in the single game. Yea I liked to be wined and dined every now and then but an understandable and economically conscious female would be okay with Chili's or a home cooked meal and a BB movie.
Definitely prefer to be partnered up right now.
Late but better late than never. I agree with preferring to be partnered up but I'm going to have to disagree with the assumption that ya'll get mani/pedi's and buy expensive shoes to impress men. As long as they're heels we really dont care what the cost is. Shoot they could be from Wal-Mart, as long as you look good in them it's cool. Same thing with purses, we really dont care that your purse says Coach on it and it's not going to determine if we approach you or not. Besides, I just think it sends the man the wrong message when you're rocking new $500 shoes on the regular but aren't willing to spend $20 on us for dinner.
“When your in a committed relationship, you can slack on appearance because she knows what your capable of.”
Now does this mean appearance all around…not just clothes? Because I just read a "Dear Dr. Phil" letter about a woman who went from a size 6 to a size 8 (omg, blasphemy! *eye roll*) and her man called off the engagement because of it. Now what if the stress of this economy kept her eating and the whole in her wallet kept her from renewing her gym membership? And hell, men talk about the disappointment of their wifey gaining weight on them, well, can't they use the economy as
an excusea reason as well?@Cheekie
Last time I checked:
Gym membership: $100 per month
Organic diet: $300 per month
Doing sit-ups at home: priceless
@ Artic Pimp: So true. I haven't had a gym membership in 2 yrs. Put my flight of stairs, exercise band and free weights to good use. And you can also take a run outside. No excuses recession or not.
"The funny thing about recessions is that although earnings will be down…wall street analysts are projecting a rise in expectations for women."
Absolutely. It's like women need materialistic comfort or something. We need to get right…and take a hug so a brother can keep his house and not have live her butt.
@ Jac – I jus figured it was because they could afford the BC
"Feel me? Ain’t being broke with a gf better than being broke and on “the hunt”? Ladies … thoughts?"
Yup!
" agree with Nicki… you expect us to keep up appearance, so should you. But it’s also hard for the single black female as well. Getting our hair done costs more (even though I do my own… cosmetology was good for something), we have to stay on top of pedi and mani’s, and our shoe game has to be fierce. These costs are relatively higher for females in the single game. Yea I liked to be wined and dined every now and then but an understandable and economically conscious female would be okay with Chili’s or a home cooked meal and a BB movie."
MAN!!!! U ain't never lied. Getting hair done for a female is about FOUR TIMES the price for a man to get a hair cut. I'm with you Reign, thank GOD I can do it myself.
@Artic Pimp "Last time I checked:
Gym membership: $100 per month
Organic diet: $300 per month
Doing sit-ups at home: priceless"
Trust, I use free exercise…I don't have a gym membership (lucked out with having an exercise room in my building too! yay!), but I was just throwin' that out there in general terms. Just being devil's advocate. And there is a difference between the rigorous exercise regimen and personal trainer you had at the gym when times were good and some sit-ups at home or a run around the track when times are bad (and let's say you add to fact that you have to grab a second job…where's the time to exercise, etc). There's bound to be SOME effect in terms of weight.
And the eating bit in regards to stress is a whole 'nother thing separate from exercising.
Aside from weight, though, I am interested in finding out if this whole "slack on appearance" would be accepted by men because too many times I've heard complaining about their wifey not dressing sexy anymore and it was the subject of many o' Maury shows before he decided to let paternity tests run his life. Can women use the economy as a reason, too? Especially since — lets be real — the way we look is a more significant factor than the way men look.
@Reign and Nicki
The cosmetology argument is dead on arrival. Do you mean to tell me you would go to work and church looking like Buckwheat with run-down shoes if you stopped going on dates???
Puuhhh-leeaze! O-tay!
If you guys dont knock it off with this recession crap.
Unless you have been randomly laid off or you were in the market and/or your retirement account took a crazy loss, then you are not feeling the recession. Even then, if you have 15-20 years until retirement, your still good cause the market always averages out, if you lost money and you are already in retirement or close, it was your responsibilty to make sure your hard earned money was allocated to low risk investments, Moreover, you should have had an emergency fund/back up plan handy for the unseen event of jobloss or reduced activity/spending in your business. It is not the next man's responsibility to take care of you. Your accountant should have an accountant. If you have a house and you went into the loan properly instead of trying to big time it and get a mansion on shack money, you wouldnt be losing. If you did it the right way and your house is losing value, either sit tight and ride this thing out or move on and take a loss. Real estate bobs and weaves, sometimes you get knocked out, deal with it.
It kills me when cats who barely have an ING orange acct or a credit union/basic savings/checking at a bank yell about the economy. You not even in the market, so what are you yelling about? If you dont have more than a quarter of a million liquid cash stashed than you have nothing to scream about. You not even in the game, hell you not even in the stadium.
The reason people are broke or struggling right now is because of their spending habits. You was broke as hell back in 2005 and you still broke as hell now. Aint nothing changed, except now you have a collective excuse for your irresponsibility. Gas was 4 dollars in 2008, now its 2 dollars. So you actually have a surplus. What are you doing with your money?
If you want to change your bank statements then change your mentality. If your grandparents were relatively broke, and your parents were relatively broke, and now you are, this is not a coincidence, this is a form of heredity. You have inherited bad information. At some point you have to educate yourself and figure out how to change the legacy of your family and start doing different things with the manangement and cultivation of your money and assets.
If you want something different you have to do something different.
Quit blaming the economy for your shortfalls people. Just get your shit together
@ The Business Woman – You mad?
Ha, I have to agree on both sides it's hard being single, getting my hair "did" nails and toes and the occasional wax can tap a sister out! As for the man slacking on his because he is in a relantionship…nope, niet, i don't think so. Men like to have a good looking woman on their arm and so do we women. I don't need a dude to spend lots of money on me, but I do like a creative guy, i'll remember his creativity more so than I'll remember the big expensive date. Hell if you can't get to the gym, buy a Wii Fit, it's working magic for me right now.
@ peyso- you broke?
@ TBW – yep, but I aint mad about it
ROFL!! It's always better to do bad with someone, then to have to deal with it alone.
However!!
I just wanted to point out that even the porn industry is heading to the hill to ask for a bailout, so you never know if relationships will start feeling the hurt to. LOL
@peyso- well at least your honest!
😉
@ The BusinessWoman
250K in the market or not…I am still paying double the price for half a plate of your steak and shrimp with strawberry lemonade while facing the risk of further wealth erosion, downsizing, etc. So, yes, I will retain the right to complain about the recession.
"Unless you have been randomly laid off or you were in the market and/or your retirement account took a crazy loss, then you are not feeling the recession."
Those people you just named counts for a helluva lotta people out there. And EVERYone I know that works with me knows someone who fits in one of those categories. It ain't just about personally experiencing it.
I do want to ask you TBW because it seems like you know your ish, if even the companies who did have their "shit together" are struggling (they're the ones doint the laying off), then how is that not a problem for the rest of us?
For the record, I do co-sign your whole mentality on how it takes YOU to get your stuff together as a theory, though. I'm just not sure if this odd economy can be explained with such black and whiteness.
Ok, sorry, this is turnin' into a whole 'nother discussion. Damn tangent gettin' away from me…
LOL – I must diasagree Mr. FAQ's – This is the perfect time to be cheap and blame it on the recession. My ex was SUPER CHEAP, and his broke ( I mean struggling) ass never wanted to do anything… Not too long ago I blogged about some things you can do on a Budget….take it back to the Old School…parking lot pimping… (well in DC, there aren't any parking lots, but whatver)
http://dcdatingadventures.blogspot.com/2008/11/da…
Amen! Mr. Schiff would also suggest we shift focus to saving money and producing tangible goods. I really like Obama's focus on infrastructure, clean energy, and domestic production. As a country, we need to get very, very serious about domestic production. The Bubble BS Economy is bound to cause Icelandic collapses and the proliferation of more mini-Madoffs.
" Especially since — lets be real — the way we look is a more significant factor than the way men look."
Very good question Cheekie.
"Do you mean to tell me you would go to work and church looking like Buckwheat with run-down shoes if you stopped going on dates???
Puuhhh-leeaze! O-tay!"
@Artic Pimp: that's not what I'm saying at all.. what i'm saying is men STOP WHINING because you have to keep yourself up. We do it, so u should too. And it's not okay to slack just because you are in a relationship.
I'm a "live within your means" type guy and if that comes across as "cheap" to most women…(or should I say "broke") then I'm cool with that. The only solution would be to bust my ass so that I can make ample trickin money or give the illusion that I have dough.
I have very jaded views on this, which is why I tend to stay out of the dating game. Ideally I like going out for a drink every now and again and stuff like taking a walk through the park…however, based on some past experiences, that is not enough sometimes. The only good thing about being single in this recession is that I don't have to ultra-simp and trick on V-day…yaaaaaay!
@DC Dating Adventures
I call bullsh*t! A guy that invited you over his house for a home-cooked meal = creepy rapist & murderer. Especially if its one of the first few dates. Women these days believe that chivalry should be simping and being lean is being mean.
@Arctic Pimp – "A guy that invited you over his house for a home-cooked meal = creepy rapist & murderer."
LMAO! True as hell. A first date must always be PUBLIC. But still, DC Diva's main point was creativity (or the lack thereof). You can get creative in public, too, now. And it doesn't have to be expensive.
@Artic Pimp as a fist date yes, I'd pass, but I was referring to a guy that I would have been on more than a few dates with…and my example was Valentine's Day (the Hallmark Created Holiday on Feb 14th to be exact) and if dude is creative and he wanted to do a first date on a budget. I'm game. In fact, I always suggest shooting pool with "new" guys, because it's cheap, and I don't want him to feel like I "owe" him something at the end of a date…plus I hate sitting across from someone at Dinner having forced conversation…so as a FIRST date, I always throw out other options…Trust that
I know this is off topic slightly, but it’s not just people spending their money unwisely that caused this depression. Reckless spending was a symptom, not the cause.
Most people, many government officials included, didn’t see it coming because they use a Keynesian economic outlook instead of Austrian economics. We have a heavy recession now because the government kept interest rates artificially low in 1996, 2001 and 2003, and caused an artificial boom. That money spills over and causes misallocations, and makes people think money is there that really isn’t. But behind every boom is a bust. In the late nineties, we saw the dot-com bubble, then in the 2000s we saw the stock market bubble, then the real estate bubble, thanks to bank inflation because of cutting rates. Every bubble deflated, as Austrian theory predicted, but the deflation isn’t over. Peter Schiff predicted all of this would happen in his book Crash Proof in 2006, and people thought he was crazy…until it happened.
The recession is real. It will get worse.
@Nicki
Does that mean that’s it’s also not okay to stop giving cookie or [good] head when a woman has been in a relationship for a hot minute?
Well first, the adult entertainment industry is also experiencing the same economic struggles as we are. They’ve just asked for a bailout at the beginning of January, so I don’t think being single is all that bad during a recession, you have more opportunities to save up for when it’s over rather than blowing urself out on a relationship.
It’s not about HOW MUCH you spend, it’s about how you spend it. I’d much rather my guy to cook a romantic dinner, light candles, and have a rose petals leading somewhere in my place on V-day, than him trying to book reservations at a over-cowded loud restaraunt. Guys just aren’t creative anymore….
And there is a difference between being CHEAP and BROKE, AND FINANCIALLY UNSTABLE. Don’t get it twisted.
Everyone be easy and clever in this rough recession….fake it till u make it.
It is a recession…..a good date these days should = some A$$!!!