Most times we are always talking about dating and relationships, well today I thought of a change of pace, it’s interrelated because most fights are over women in some form or fashion, however here it is.
Life’s trials and tribulations will bring you into discourse.  You don’t plan for it, but you refuse to go out like a punk.  In my travels, and you’ll find out who I am later, I’ve seen some of the most humble turn into Men of Sparta.  Without further adieu, these are the members of the fight club.
1. The Chair Thrower – He is not going to talk trash, he won’t engage in discourse.  There won’t be any threats, he’s usually semi-quiet within the crew.  He will probably allude to what he is planning before doing so, but no one takes him seriously.  Out of nowhere you will see a chair flying across the room into a crowd.  This is only different from the “one-hitter quitter” because shortly thereafter this act, this chair thrower is going to exit the fight and spectate.  He’s only trying to motivate the masses to get it on.  Best thing to do is to move all furniture beforehand.
2. One-Hitter Quitter – EVERYBODY knows this guy.  He’s the, “Don’t talk about it, be about it guy”.  While you are engaged in discourse with another person, he’s the guy who comes from the back of the crowd and delivers a hay-maker to the opposition.  He then either subsequently gets Crispus Attucks’ed or he finds a way to be on the sideline watching and then reverting to the “kick a dude when he’s down” guy.  Watch this fool, because at times the situation was about to be diffused until this guy messed it all up.  He’s usually short, sometimes he’s fast, he may be a bit of a hot-head, this guy’s testosterone is on HI.
3. The Hot-Head – This is that guy, he’s probably a Cowboy fan, or a Yankee fan, maybe even a Laker fan… He’s always talking ish.  He’s always in some one’s face talking about what he’s going to do.  This guy means nothing at all.  He’s just the hot head.  Usually he rolls with a, “One-Hitter Quitter” just for protection.  You have to watch him though because every now and then he starts to feel himself and goes off on the enemy when flying solo.
4. I’ll kick a dude when he’s down – There are plenty of people who will never start a fight, or hop in if you’re getting your ass whooped.  But if you shall so happen to knock the other person down they will be there in a minute to get a kick or stomp in.  These people are necessary in a fight, but you need to know when to call them in.  What you don’t want them to do is to kick someone when their down, when you were merely trying to diffuse the situation.
5. Katt Williams – This is the guy who during a fight looks for females and exits the location with them.  This is usually the role I play.  Being one of those guys who will tell you straight up beforehand that I’m not fighting, no one ever feels offended.  I remember one time a brawl or melee broke out in a ballroom.  I just found a group of women and went back to my hotel room to have some beverages.
6. “Missing an ear, or not able to f*ck again.” – This is the, “I may not win this fight, but you gon’ remember I was there” guy.  He will resort to anything to have an effect on the fight.  He’s the type of guy who bites someone in the nuts.  He’s the type of guy who scratches and kicks.  This guy must be watched during a fight because he’s also already conceded the loss meaning his only goal is to not go down without a fight.  So even once knocked down he may return to his feet for one last hurrah.
7. The Martial Artist – This is the unsuspecting winner of most fights.  He’s usually quiet, keeps to himself, and doesn’t instigate fights, but he finishes them.  Most of your interactions with this guy will be brief because he will probably chop you in the neck and break your femur before you have a chance to finish talking ish.  If you find yourself in a fight with a martial artist the best thing to do is to repeat loudly, “Chill. Chill. Chill.”
8. The word “gun” can do strange things to a fight – There’s always someone with something in the trunk or glove compartment.  It may be the random guy who always seems to have a shank in his pocket.  Or the guy who knew there would be a fight and kept a gun in the glove compartment.  Maybe it’s the guy who is not afraid to break a corona bottle and get it popping.  And don’t forget about the guy with the box cutter, there’s always one.  These people can cause serious ruckus because not only are the people in the fight now trying to get out the way, the people who was watching the fight are now trying to get away.  And no one knows what’s going on… I’ll give you some prized hood words of advice, when there’s a gun involved in a fight, don’t run the way the opposing team is running, you’ll clearly be caught in crossfire intended for someone else.  Best reaction is sit still figure out what’s going on and then head the other way.
9. What’s up now partnah! – This guy is the person who comes in with the ish talking at the end of the fight.  He usually is short and very excited, however, he had nothing to do with it.  He will probably spark up the recap.  As Andre 3000, “And one nigga done took off his shirt talking bout, now who else wanna f**k with Hollywood Cole?!”  Oh please believe this is the dude who finds a way to take his shirt off.  He walks around with his legs stiff probably screaming to the top of his lungs, “My sh*t’s official!!
Anyway, i’m sure you’ve all seen these guys in the club.  I didn’t miss anyone did I?  Ladies, please share the catfight characters, I know you know them.
– Dr. J