Jay told us that “30 is the new 20”.  Well, Ms. Andrew’s want’s you to know that “B*tch is the New Black”.

The Washingtonpost.com interviewed the author of a new relationship book coming out, and like 6 people sent me the link.  Helena Andrews talks about “B*tch is the New Black” and recants horror stories of being a single black female in Washington, D.C. and how this unleashes a mean streak in one too many females.

What was more interesting was my younger brother’s IM

LilBro: “You have got to read this article on the Washingtonpost.com.”
SBM: *virtual eye roll* “Like 5 people sent it to me. I think I’m going to boycott it.”
LB: “No man. It has changed my life and the way I think about women and dating.”
SBM: “I thought I was the one who brought about that kind of change in your life.”
LB: “LMAO. Just read it”
SBM: *pauses to read article* “Ok … done”
LB: “And …”
SBM: “I want the time I just wasted back. Not a thing in there I didn’t already know. I think one of the girls in the article I used to date.”
LB: “Well sorry all knowing one.”
SBM: “You’re forgiven.”

There are guys in DC that still haven’t been introduced to the tramatizing, drama-prone, perpetually lonely, money-making, angry black woman … really?  I guess some guys (me) just have all the luck.

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I am here to proudly proclaim and agree with the female author of this book.  The Happy “Strong Independent Black Woman” is a hoax.  It’s not impossible … some women pull it off … but most … don’t.  They hide a lot of pain under a tough exterior and are often too hard and too mean to those around them.  They are labeled as “b*tches”, called stuck-up, and mocked by their happier and bunned up counterparts.

I guess I should define this woman a little more … right?

She is mean: As the author says, these women use the “b*tch” mask to get through the day.

She is successful: It’s almost ironic that these women accomplish so much, but can often live miserable existences.  Good school, good job, good money … but still not happy.

She is chronically single: Rarely are they ever “dating seriously”, but short-lived “relationships” and FwBs galore.

She is boughie: Never really been able to define why boughieness runs through all of these lonely individuals, but I guess when you have a lot of disposable income and no one but yourself to spend it on, it creates a taste for the finer things in life.

Now … this might sounds weird … but you know … I feel bad for these women.  I honestly feel bad for them.

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And that is because … they are undateable and 90% of men know it.

I’ve dated more than one woman who falls into this category (I am happy to say that my current girlfriend exhibits none of these characteristics) and it’s always ended badly.  It’s frustrating, it’s annoying, and the only thing satisfying is the backshots.  Their unhappiness is infectious.

So, what’s to be done about these women?  They are good, successful, smart, and accomplished.  They represent what we want our children to achieve.  We can’t count them out yet.

I’m no expert (I just play one on a blog), but I am the smartest motherf*r round these parts am a black man who loves black women and has some theories (as always).  Two things I think will help every sister afflicted …

Stop being so strong

I understand every day at work someone will test you.  I understand society has a system that is meant to keep you docile and under-achieving.  And I understand you have to work harder than 3/4 of your counterparts to get the same thing … but damn … leave that sh* in the boardroom.  Men like to be … well … men.  We are strong and authoritative and blah blah blah … all the things that women “hate”, but gets you wet in the right places.  Two big swinging d*cks don’t mix … so please get soft and cuddly around us.  If you don’t know how … learn … asap.

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Expand your horizons

This one … this is gonna be hard … but you need to hear it.  There aren’t enough professional black men for every professional black women!  A lot of us “professionals” don’t need a professional woman … so 1/3 to 2/3 of the guys are gone already, and that is on top of the general shortage (black women achieve more than us men … period).  Stop thinking that a woman CEO needs a CEO husband … and once you start looking for something real rather than something that looks real good on paper … you might f* around and be happy.

I am one man … one mind … one opinion.  What do you think?  What is the cure for these women?  What will help bring happiness into their life and get people to stop joining b*tch and black?  Or are Ms. Andrews and I off … is there even a problem?

– SBM aka Mr. Let em know aka Strong Black Man aka “You would be cute … if you only smiled”

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