This post originally showed up for the magazine that I write for, Honey Magazine. Every once in awhile, you realize that there are some conepts so important, so key, so monumental … you just gotta beat the point home like a tuesday night jump off drum. Enjoy.
– SBM
I have an unhealthy obsession. It’s something that has plagued me since college. I have spent a lot of time and money trying to quench my thirst and feed my hunger. Sometimes my desire has lead me in the wrong direction, sometimes it has proven difficult, but I am dedicated and in my opinion … it ain’t that bad.
I’m not talking about weed, crack, liquor, p*ssy, or porn gambling (although 4 out of those 5 can make for a fun ass night) … I’m talking about something else … women with advanced degrees.
I have mentioned my fetish for intelligence before and my love of nerdy smart women … but something about that piece of paper makes me want her more. I hate to admit, but me and my lowely pair of Bachelor’s used to have a strict Master’s and up rule. If you hadn’t attended some type of grad school … you could keep the number, stop asking for a drink, and try hollerin at my man … cause I couldn’t use you for more than a quick beat was good.
But here is the kicker … I’m the exception … not the rule.
Since I love women with Master’s, JDs, or MDs (never found me my PhD … but ooohh boy if I had) … I talked about it a lot with my friends. Whenever I was dating someone new, at some point she got talked about with my boys. And #1 or #2 on the “She’s so great” list was …. she has a master’s. And you know what these sorry motherf*cker’s said … “Who gives a f*ck?”
And you know what … they’re right.
After enough first hand experiences to realize that a secondary degree does not equal a fun or good mate, and after being called boughie one too many times, I have given up on my search for a woman with a Master’s, actually … I avoid them like the plague now.
The sad thing, there is a whole army of women out there with advanced degrees or multiple degrees … and their all disillusioned. They come to me asking “why am I single” or telling me “I’m every man’s fantasy … I’m a sexy lawyer” or things like that. Apparently, there is a misconception at every university and college across the nation … getting your MA will help you get an MRS.
Sorry …
There is a plethora of reasons this is true and instead of take up your good time writing them and because I’m too lazy to type them … I’ll just hit you with what I think is the #1 reason.
Men traditionally make the money … so … a woman with time, a caring demeanor and good head is willing to make their man #1 is more important level of education or earning potential.
Basically, we can usually make our own money, so …. the extra earning potential of that extra degree doesn’t matter a whole lot. There is the fact that most educated men want an educated women to talk to … but we all know that you can still be dumb as rocks with a MA or MBA. A Bachelor’s, life experience and a desire to sound intelligent is all that’s needed for a woman to lose the dumb broad (DB) label. I mean … it just doesn’t make most of us want to date you more.
So what was the point of all that … am I talking bad about women with Master’s? Am I pulling a Kanye and trying to get women to give up their PhD dreams?
Naw … of course not. I’m just one Single Black Male who has met one too many women who think they earned 100 “marry me” points by getting a Master’s, Law Degree, Medical Degree, or even that Associates.
Sorry … you earned yourself a degree, a better career, and have helped the entire black race … isn’t that enough? You are a strong black woman who has shown that we as a people are capable of accomplishing great things … but you haven’t proved yourself a better wife, lover, or girlfriend.
Am I right? Two things I need to know: Do other guys feel me? Are you tired of women thinking that earning a degree has earned you an MRS? And … What do my lovely (ya’ll are fine) women think about it? Do you have a girlfriend preaching this nonsense? Are you that friend?
– SBM aka Letting these chics know aka Mr. “Giving the GMAT the bidness”
An advanced degree has never made a woman more attractive to me. I didnt even know women thought that. What an expensive reality check. I dont avoid women with higher degrees as a rule but the amount of debt some have put themselves in to have attained that degree does give me pause sometimes…especially if their earning power isnt substantial either way.
Be's takin a risk… but don't bees a gampling man.
I agree with you wholeheartedly I have a Masters as well and no debt ….Many that come with the degrees have bills and things going on too……pick wisely brothers.
The only women I hear making an issue about their awesome degrees are the women I run into in the blogosphere.
Kingfish gonna get ya – damm. I's just be gots ta know. MMMggllblubb.
Sigh. I know no women who think this and most in my circle are advanced degreed up. No less than four people sent me the MSNBC article on marriage and children eluding high-achieving women: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32379727/ns/health-se…
Maybe getting an advanced degree has nothing to do with being sexy. While I don't have an advanced degree nothing about my education or professional accomplishments has anything to do with being sexy. I can't speak for other women, but my education and my goals are all about fulfilling upon my hopes and dreams. If you think its sexy that's a bonus, if you don't oh well.
I can say that when MY girlfriends talk about getting their masters, JDs or PhDs, it's never in the context of being sexy or attracting a man. In fact some worry that it will make them less attractive b/c so many men have hangups about women earning more or being more "educated" than them. I will say that a HUGE turn off is a man who doesn't appreciate and/or acknowledge the hard work she's put in and/or decides not to date her b/c she has one!
"I will say that a HUGE turn off is a man who doesn’t appreciate and/or acknowledge the hard work she’s put in and/or decides not to date her b/c she has one!"
*nods* It reeks of insecurity.
I completely agree AfroDiva. Certainly not me or my friends pursue higher education in hopes of making ourselves more marketable to the opposite sex. Its a personal goal….heck, I love going to school and hate working. I can do it forever if time and money permitted. Its quite disheartening to know that the higher you go in pursuit of your personal and professional goals the least likely you are in finding a fulfilling relationship due to the fragile male ego… of all the things to get penalized for…
side-note: My cousin just got married to the man she has met in grad school … all hope is not lost I guess.
Wow! A friend and I were having this conversation just the other day. She is currently working on her PhD and brings that up when she talks about the qualities that she wants in a mate and what she has to offer. She talks about a relationship more like it is a business major (in some ways it is), but does not get why her education or success is not a qualifier for being a good mate. Another blog I read brought up some similar points that I love!
http://davidisms.wordpress.com/2009/05/26/why-you…
i dont think having a higher degree or wht not should affect anythn but then again isnt it the same rationale where cos u hv a university degree and the guy has a polytechnic degee or a diploma or even a drop-out but still developed himself to the point of holding intelligent conversations and pulling his own weight where intellectuals are speaking or is it not double standards when u say it should matter for the women but not guys?i think any individual's capacity to be a good wife,girlfriend,mother should not be based on level of education but maturityand compatibilty with her partner.
i dont think i feel a sense of entitlement b/c im working on my MA. i actually feel hesistant to tell people what im doing but i go ahead and let them know b/c it's better than just sharing that im unemployed… i guess i didnt see myself as going for my masters to get a dude b/c it really had nothing to do with getting married. moreso it's i cant do isht with the bachelor's i decided to get without it. but anyway, this was a very interesting take on the issue.
I hate people who wear their education like it's a badge of honor. My main problem with these people is at some point, they lost themselves and individuality…. They have nothing to brag about besides education.
Instead, why not be educated and be interesting???? Every word or phrase really doesn't have to relate to the pontrification of gentrification. (I know that makes no sense. lol)… but it just seems so phony. Who are you trying to impress?
I have to say…I don't really know any women who think this way, SBM. I know some sistahs who have an inflated sense of ego and also have advanced degrees, but they have an inflated ego about everything. I am pursuing my MS now, and my girlfriends who have or are working towards advanced degrees are doing it for themselves. We don't see education as a way to entice men, we see it as a safety net (because let's face it, many of us have given up on the dream Black man sweeping us off our feet and whisking us away to a better lifestyle. Check your stats about Black men in college vs. jail.). Soooo, if and when one of you deigns to grace a Black woman with your presence we'll be ready and beneficial partners. If you never do….we'll still be alright. Lonely, maybe. Broke, stupid and boring? Neva!
P.S. – you may have been a tad bougie with it in your younger years, but your thinking wasn't entirely wrong. All of you SBM's aren't pulling in that quarter mil a year by yourselves ( sorry, but a 6 figure salary in the DMV will only get you one block from the hood). If you don't look at education as an asset in the women you date you're limiting your own potential. Falling in love with the colorful and funny McDonald's cashier and living comfortably is an option open to very successful men. Not knocking the Black man's hustle…but most of you need partners, not dependents.
*singing* No romance without fiiinaaance……..
God Bless your heart for this post! What's funny is I actually do have a close friend who is like this. She definitely puts it out there that she believes her degree puts her on some sort of "man magnet" pedestal, and yet she doesn't understand why men hardly ever flock to her. Now although, of course, she's working to achieve great things and success is the main goal, she does believe that getting that Master's places her on the highest level of the market. But I've had guys she's been interested in and vise versa tell me they think she's uptight and stuffy and her overall personality is just plain wack! It's messed up, esp bc they all generally find her attractive, but her attitude isn't appealing to any guys she's dealt w. She tends to belittle people and tries to size them up (males and females) w her accomplishments and she makes it obvious, which never helps. And I honestly respect her hustle and work ethic, but we're young (22) and while it's great to aim high, she needs to ease up a little on the way she comes across. So I definitely understand where you're coming from, some women need to reevaluate how they come across bc I'm not sure if they don't realize it, but that degree does not make you who you are and absolutely doesn't make you a better spouse. That Master's will not guarantee you a Mister, hun!
Thank you thank you thank you … I was starting to wonder if no one really had friends like this.
The way she is acting doesn't have anything to do with her degree. She is just a stuck up girl. Any achievement for her she will brag about. Having an advance degree does not mean you have to take on a stuck up personality. A person chooses how he/she wants to act–the degree does not choose it for them.
Oh and being an educated smut will get you nowhere either ladies! Hmph!
I can't co-sign on this one. Smuts and one night stands who are actually successful just make for much better situations than their hood-rat counterparts. Rarely are you worried about holes in the condoms, razor blades in the mouth, or knives in the bag.
And for the woman … it got them some great D!
Hmm…I think having a degree is cool …and this next one is about to be cool too.
Do they make me sexier I doubt it…simply because I got that's in law school who'd love to drag me along, but for what? More or less so I could do the same thing without a law degree:
1. Keep the house clean
2. Cook
3. Screw him and look pretty and smile
A degree won't help me keep up with world events to make intelligent conversations either. It just means that I'm smart enough to regurgitate learned information.
K, Thx Bye!
I've seen played this game before. I think it's something younger women do. Particularly those who are the FIRST to achieve in their immediate family. And I'm OK with that. Maybe they'll end up with men who need the woman's income to go from the 5 series to the 7 series. I prefer to focus on my soft skills and my traditionally female skills. Hell if I had to do a dating resume, the degrees would be at the bottom like they on my real resume.
That's where we'll be in about 10 years – a dating resume. Actually, doesn't sound like a bad idea when you get down to it…
Name:
Age:
Marital Status:
Children:
Life Skills:
Occupation:
Religion:
Languages:
Commitment Readiness Level:
Height:
Weight:
Education:
I think eHarmony has already cornered the market on this. But hey, there might be room for a serious competitor.
You forgot measurements, Mental Illness History, number of relationships, number of "partners", and cup size.
I can get down with mental illness history and number of relationships – but I'm not asking for numbers or cup size because I don't want to invite people to lie. Just attach your clean bill of health and a picture of the goods, thank you.
@Anna by cup size … I meant breasts
You're a genius Ms. Smart! I wish more women would work on their soft skills and traditional skills. I live in Washington, DC where a educated black women is a dime a dozen. What is really rare in DC is a women who makes a man feel like a man when she is around
man this post is really on point.
i'm in school now getting my phd and i'm thinking bout getting my jd when i finish up in may. i attend meharry medical college so most of the students here are black women whom already have advanced degrees and if not they are about to be doctors. its women here who might be a 5-6 overall but because they are about to be a doctor they think that automatically bumps them up to 8-9. sorry honey, i'm at the same school you are and because of your attitude you've been bumped down to a 3-4. *shrugs*
"here is the fact that most educated men want an educated women to talk to … but we all know that you can still be dumb as rocks with a MA or MBA."
this part is also true. i would gladly converse with a woman who has a bachelor's degree and can hold a decent conversation versus one who has an advanced degree and has the personality of a jar of mayonnaise.
Ugh. I had to comment.
1. I am an email subscriber to this blog, and maybe I read too many of these black relationship blogs, but this topic is so played out.
2. "their all disillusioned." You are really going to use a generalization to say that all women with an advanced degree are disillusioned? That is simply not true. I really am at a loss as to where you guys meet these i'm-the-bomb-advanced-degreed-women.
3. I can see where a woman thinks that an advanced degree is a bonus point. I think guys of the buppie demographic always say they want a woman who isn't needy – a woman who is an achieving, goal-oriented professional in her own right ("doin' her own thing"). So all these women are lamenting is that they fit that one criteria.
I forgot the 'all' over generalization. I just figured 'all' was used to be dramatic.
Well … first … thanks for commenting. If I got you so riled up you had to come to the site … I'm doing something right.
Honestly, I don't hear this come up a lot. It comes up, but don't know how many times I've read a guy talking about it from this point of view.
Lastly, yes … I over generalize when I write. Its easy to refer to a group and have it generally understood that I mean the majority and not every last one. Really, I meant all degreed women who think they're hot sh*t now … not just every girl with an MA on her resume.
I agree with SBM, I've never read or heard any black males discuss this topic at all (well at least not in a blog and to this extent). I was beginning to think I was the only one who noticed it. As a black female it bothers me also, I've met many, many black females who act this way so I understand where the "all" might've come from (although I knew he didn't mean it literally). I've recently become an email subscriber to this blog a few months ago and so far I think you guys are doing a great job! The topics at hand are on point and you guys' perspective is always chock full o' good laughs! Keep it comin SBM.net
Well I personally feel as though havin a higher degree makes males think dang will she have time for me & her career(where do I as the man in her life fit). I persue my degrees for me & no one else its not about being sexy(cuz I look good everyday *ahem*) Anyhoo its just about me & my hopes dreams & what is important to me.
Well when I finally finish I will have 2 B.A's, 2 Masters, & 1 Ph.D!!!
I don't know any women who do this in real life, yet I always seems to read about it in the blogosphere. I have an advanced degree and while I'm damn proud of it, I never bring it up in casual conversation. I do think the importance of a woman having one depends on location or social circle, though. 85% of my peoples in the DMV have at least 2 degrees, so when one of my boys from that area tells me about a chick, he includes her educational accomplishments right along with her height and weight. With that group the advanced degree is almost like a given or, for some, a prereq.
I also think this matters less the longer one has been out of school. I hear more chatter around it from 20 somethings than I do from 40 somethings.
SBM: ”And #1 or #2 on the “She’s so great” list was …. she has a master’s. And you know what these sorry motherf*cker’s said … “Who gives a f*ck?””
That is the sad truth that a lot of these “educated” sistas don’t understand. They don’t realize their “independence” makes them better to be alone, not better to be with someone. Your degree only means you have more formal education, not that you are more intelligent, and it certainly doesn’t mean you make a better partner. And no, men aren’t afraid or intimidated by their educations, careers, salaries or benefit package. Men just know often the personality of the woman that comes along with those things.
SBM: ” Men traditionally make the money … so … a woman with time, a caring demeanor and
good headis willing to make their man #1 is more important level of education or earning potential.”A salutary piece of advice for the educated woman looking for a man. Men are looking for wives, not co-husbands. If education and income really meant that much, we’d still be living with our roommates from college.
God!!! PREACH, CHUUUUUUUUCH!!!!!!!!!!!
I co-sign this entire comment! VERY well said sir!! Sometimes when I have convos w some of my girlfriends about how 'men ain't shit' I often find myself thinking like a guy and saying to myself…"If I was a ninja I wouldn't f*k w ya either!!" (only to myself of course lol), but I soooo understand where many men are coming from and the more I hang around certain females the more I understand where some men are coming from! Some black women need to step outside of themselves and see what their flaws are as well, I don't think enough women do that.
Women who brag on their academic prowess usually = snooze fest. I've had a few dates where this was supposed to be their biggest selling point. So what they had in degrees they usually lacked in other areas, but I won't get into that this morning.
Don't get me wrong, I like smart women, you know the kind you don't have to give a glossary to after every conversation, but degrees don't equal smart. Degrees = disciplined and competent enough to sit through lectures and write papers, but never has it equaled to high measurements of common sense, femininity and attractiveness. Guys, unlike women, are not taught to look for the woman with the most degrees.
I think you've slightly missed the mark with your assessment that the reason that guys don't want women with degrees is because they can make their own money and thus the earning power of his mate is irrelevant. That's pure BS. I don't know too many folks ballin like THAT to where they would say the income of a lawyer or MBA is a drop in the bucket and they could do without it.
No, the REAL reason, which is where I thought you were going with the male breadwinner thing, is that a woman without an advanced degree is less likely to show you up in that department and you can be Mr. Main Provider without ever having the threat of losing that status. Men place a lot of value in being "the provider" financially, so when that is taken away, then what?? There are other qualities and contributions that men bring to a relationship such that the comparitive earnings shouldn't matter, but the reality is that for many men, losing that role creates a serious case of mind fuckery and ego deflating. So its a case of men positioning themselves to always be on top.
Hmpf (sez the lady lawyer).
See, I can never get with this "fragile male ego" theory. Maybe it's because me and all my friends do have high income girlfriends, but the whole "I need to be running sh*t" mentality never pokes his head. Honestly, I feel likes it's mainly the guys who can't or have trouble providing that need to be reassured that they can.
I went to school with a lot of stupid people. Degress can be status symbols, but isnt a measure of sexiness or intelligence.
Chuuch to this post!
I'm going to play a quick devil's advocate here. I know I've been a founding member of the "degrees don't make you hot shit" school of thought, but I'll take a step back here. I think the reasons that there are so many blogs about this isn't because men , especially accomplished men, don't find intelligence and accomplishment an attractive quality. I, for one, do. And an advanced degree tells me that a woman has ambition, intelligence, and the ability to contribute something (finances, conversation, understanding of the world) to the equation. What it doesn't do is hook a steak up like I like it, suck a good dick, or make a woman a better listener. The reality is there are women of all educational stripes who are self-important douchebags. I know chicks who think pushing a baby Benz and wearing big ass sunglasses makes them entitled to a better quality man, women with tig ol' bitties who think that's their ticket to greatness, and women who have an impressive family name who lord it over people. It's not that education is a turnoff, it's that douchery is a turnoff. So, yeah, non-douchey educated women with fatties, how you doin'?
i'm going to go with this train of thought. well said.
I second that "train of thought." There should be a law against douchery.
Oh, and for the women with advanced degrees suffering from Can't-Find-A-Man-Itis, um, maybe it's not your JD/MBA/MA's fault….maybe it's just you and your sense of entitlement/hang-ups/ridiculous demands/thinkin you're the shyt above all others when we're just women. Be real, be down to earth, be compassionate, be understanding, be all those things that you thought you didn't have to be anymore because you've "made it."
That's the best advice … period.
And that's the type of 5 degreed chic I always went for. The one who was humble about it all and had more to talk about it then that. I actually had a girl once list her Master's as a reason I should make her my girlfriend instead of my FwB … LOL … brings tears to the eyes just thinking about it.
Chuuuuuuuuuuuuch!!!!!!!!!!! I can't co-sign enough on many of these comments today!!!! Thank ya!!!
One thing I should probably clear up is that I don't think there are to many women really going to school just to find a man or get her a better one (maybe a lil bit in undergrad though), but its more of an "after-the-fact" occurrence.
Everyone has had that drunk Single Black Female friend who at some point decides to share her anger about all these "aint-sh*t" negros and why she is single. Almost ALWAYS will she say "and I got a bachelor's/master's/JD too!"
I know I'm not the only one who has been privied to this one.
No you ain't lyin…I can introduce you to a dozen of them!
@Aneisdora:
"There are other qualities and contributions that men bring to a relationship such that the comparitive earnings shouldn’t matter, but the reality is that for many men, losing that role creates a serious case of mind fuckery and ego deflating. So its a case of men positioning themselves to always be on top."
Enlighten me as to the other qualities and contributions? As far as us being on top, isn't that the way it has been for quite sometime? Okay, so now with 30 years of degenerated inter-gender relations, what is the exchange supposed to be? I hear the argument, I don't understand it.
Truth is for advanced careers in the engineering and hard science fields there is no gettin these careers without a advanced degree and same for the soft sciences-after that its all up in the air. You dont need a degree to start a business but it helps to show you did get some knowledge in business. Entertainment is dicey ALL of the Suits are more or less MBA's ironically they then are in charge of dealing with the Talent much of whom from Quentin Tarentino to Snoop clearly have no advanced hell not even high school educations (I would assume Snoop didnt graduate HS either). Yet for the rest of "everyday " people I would say it depends on your industry and your skills upon entering the business. Some of us are Kobe just born because of our parent to get it in (Bill Gates is a huge example ppl cite his "no degree" failing to see his pops was DUMB RICH). The rest of us may have to got school the "whole four years" and then sit there on Draft day hoping we get picked (and we dont got to NYC we go about our where we live and wait for the cell to ring to tell us that the Clippers/Lions drafted us or the Steelers or Lakers-point is we "in the League").
In the end all my boys without degree have ok lives nothing to envy some are admirable. But they are blown away buy what my college educated friends have done. And thats what I was told during "A Different Worlds" hype back in the late 80's. A degree hasnt stop some of the college educated women I have met into making some really lousy (materialistic driven based) choices in men, therefor getting caught up in the same cycle as the Around the Way Girl turned baby mother.
Ok so I can understand the concept…yet i'm still puzzled. I don't think it's about degrees at all. I pursued my education because I had goals I was determined to achieve. It's the ideal behind the education that's intiminating to most. OTHERS tend to think because you did this & that YOU think you have a chip on your shoulder. I believe they are called haters! Why most women with advanced degrees don't have relationships is because they have put soo much time into their career. Besides men like to feel needed. So your degree says to them you don't need me. To boil it all down…it's personal issues and a little bit of ego mixed in. My education doesn't speak for me nor does it announce itself when I walk into a room.
puhLEASE, if fewer women got advanced degrees, then niggas would be complaining about how women are gold-diggers. make up your damn minds.
You missed the point. Men don't have an issue with women with advanced degrees. Men have an issue with women who believe their fecal matter isn't an affront to the olfactory senses because they possess an advanced degree.
Thinking about this a little more, I would argue the opposite. I see more Black men with a sense of entitlement because of their degrees than I do women. Black women with advanced degrees are more common, therefore less special. A Black man with an advanced degree? That bamma thinks he's a unicorn. Generally speaking, of course.
And while I agree with this post, I def agree with your comment. Brothers need to get over themselves also and I definitely tend to see black males do this more often than black females, but it's not always as annoying. What probably makes it more annoying when females do it, is bc it's not a rarity and many of them make it seem like they're some sort of prize. Ummm no sistah, there's many of us…sorry! But I def feel, black men def feel like women will flock to them bc of their degrees, but that's what actually ends up happening, many women run to homeboy as soon as he puts down that graduation cap down. Meh, sad but true…
Ok … I will concede this point (although late. Not sure how I missed it before). Black men with degrees definitely suffer from "I'm the sh*t" now a lot more than our female counterparts …
BUT … There is actually a reason and justification. And I honestly hear black women talking about how a good man needs a degree, more than I hear men talking about it. Many of my kind may be afflicted, but it is plethora of black females who sweat us so hard that has formed these egos.
Plus, traditionally men make the money so this actually makes sense in a traditional sense.
I co-sign all of this. I go to a top ranked institution and what I've noticed amongst many of my female peers is that they think getting a degree will magically attract a brother with a Ph.D. The main problem, though, is that a lot of them want too much, too soon. They expect a guy to wear a 3 piece suit to class every day, have a nice car, pay for expensive dates, gifts, etc….WHILE WE'RE STILL IN SCHOOL. Almost nobody is a baller in college, so they end up disappointed and then get mad when the guys stop checking for them. It's crazy.
Lastly, I think that it basically comes down to priorities. Unfortunately, women don't want to admit that they can't have it all. If you want to be a wife and involved mother (i.e. you don't want your kids raised by daycare/a nanny) then your career will have to take a backseat at some point. Women who solely define themselves by their educational and career accomplishments have a hard time accepting this, and end up losing out in the long run.
More Black women pursue post graduate degrees fact! I'm currently applying to my second MS program and I for one can say that I DO NOT attract any more or less men than other sistahs w/o an advanced degree. The one thing that differentiates us is that I am usually not willing to date someone w/o a BA which is more often the case with the brothers I have come in contact with. I'm 26, and in my age group post grad Black males are not a group I come into contact with regularly and college grads are just stuck on themselves and every other chick they can impress by at least having a degree. The brothers that usually pursue relationships with me (sad) are the 'close to 40 I've been divorced just looking for a Smart young hottie' type and its soooo tired. The fact is obtaining my degree took a lot of work and I am proud that I was able to get it and pursue another one and I am not about to dumb myself down to please anyone. If I have to be alone b/c of this at least I can compete for a salary that will allow me to take care of myself. Not sure what we can do with this but I will say that I am more so open to dating outside of my race than ever before. The real sad thing is that more educated Black women are not having children…I'm young but I'm definitely not holding my breath for marriage or kids….can a post grad sistah just find a boyfriend????
"Sadly" there is a myriad of reasons that us educate black males are often trying to stay single (I'd like to think that trying to change Single Black Male into a household term has nothing to do with it), but my favorite is the "geek to hot" concept. A lot of us got diminished play in school as we worked to pay off loans and had no spare time because of them books.
Then you graduate and have more money and time than you know what to do with … so it's time to catch up to the others and smash with reckless abandonment … but maybe that's just me … and my friends … and a couple of the guys on this site … and …
Word.
Seems you stirred up something over at Black n Bougie
@CPT Callamity "Other qualities/contributions" = Love, friendship, companionship, emotional support, intimacy, empathy, sympathy, kindness, a help mate, someone who shares your goals and values, good parent….NOW do you understand? All those qualities that make for a sustaining relationship BESIDES money. Those are the things that SHOULD matter most, not earning potential.
You're right about SHOULD but they don't. At least, I see fewer and fewer instances except amongst the older folks as to where this is true.
I don't require an Advanced Degree. I guess I basically require she have a Bachelor's. but the reality is I want her to have a similar outlook on life to mine. Not a clone of me – we'd always run out of Captain Crunch – but I want her to have spent 4 years living on a college campus, preferable away from home. Also, it seems like spending 4+ years achieveing higher eductaion tends to make people open to certain types of humor, activities, and tendencies, most of which I'd like my woman to have.
@Anna I have to agree with you. I saw a lot of what we can call "Unicornitis" when I was in undergrad. The thought was "You better put up with my bull ish unless you wanna date a jail bird or one of the dudes on your block girls with degrees are a dime a dozen these days. SMH"
I have an advanced degree and out of all of my close friends I'm the only one so I can't really say I know chicks who think they shyt don't stink because they have one. I know I definitely don't have that thinking. I did recognize that when I was working on my masters when it eventually (becuz it wasnt something i rattled off during introduction) came up that i was pursuing a masters guys became LESS interested. One guy even asked me that after I got my degree will I only date guys with a masters and above. SMH In my experience I've found that it hurts more than helps especially when I was younger. Now at the ripe old age of 26 (LMBO) I find more guys are ok with me having an advanced degree. It doesn't hurt that my soft skills are on point as well. So I may be the exception not the rule.
I'm not saying these holier than thou females don't exist because i've heard before that they do… BUT every chick (dare I say not even the majority) doesn't think they are better marriage material because they have an advanced degree. I just think people need to get to know people beyond what they have on their resume. Don't avoid us like the plague we all aren't uhh… douchbages.
One thing that might explain guys being less interested when they hear MA is the women without them that badmouth ya'll.
Not all, probably not even the majority … but there is a healthy consortium of chickenheads, hood rats, and just all around "haters" who will badmouth a Master's bearing woman as boughie, stuck up, or sudiddy.
Ya'll might wanna clean house a lil too in hindsight.
@ Anna N. – Can't believe all the stats u hear about black men:
"…the age range for college-going males is generally 18 to 24, not the 18 to 55 (and up) range of the jail and prison population. Viewed this way, the ratio of black men in college compared with jail and prison is 4-to-1."
PS – I definitely agree with you here: "If you don’t look at education as an asset in the women you date you’re limiting your own potential." However, a plethora of degrees do not equate to higher earnings. It's up to the individual to put in the work to make that happen…I know some women with a stack of degrees and unemployed.
I can get with that stat, Mike B. Unfortunately, there are still more Black women pursuing higher education than there are Black men. Trust me that I would much rather it be equal.
What I would really love to see on this site is a "Man Up" series. If you've done one I haven't read it yet. I know, I know….you met a few cluckers, hoes, scallawags and snobs while dating. Charge that mess to the game, homie. We're not them.
Please stop trying to tell women how to be women and just figure out how to deal with the one you want to keep.
*exhausted sigh*
I know I might come off as hard some … well … all of the time … don't take my dedication to exposing the worst as ovelooking the amount of good high quality women that are still in existence. Since I'm currently with one, obviously my outlook isn't really that bleek … anymore.
As a 26 year old black male who only has a BA, I don't have a problem with women with advanced degrees. My gf is working on her MS now. I even help her with her work sometimes because honestly put I am smarter than she is. Now I don't see the point of having 3 or 4 advanced degrees. To me that 's just getting into more debt.
my main girl is working on her masters. Almost every girl that I actually like is working on her masters. That doesn't make them any better to me than the next woman. I do appreciate a woman who knows that an education can increase her earning power. Fact is, the more money they make, the more gifts I get……and I will always support that.
I have a (former) friend who is always spouting off how she is fine and has a Master's and doesn't understand why she is single. I think she really thinks that having a Master's makes her a catch, when really her personality is what is lacking.
And let's be real, a Master's degree is no great accomplishment. Nowadays, everyone can get them. They are like Bachelor's degree's back in the day.
SBM, this is off-topic, but can you limit the little "crossed out" phrases/jokes to ONE per post? Moderation is key, bruh!
I swear we're brothers man. I be thinkin' some of the same shit. co-sign.
I’m going to play a quick devil’s advocate here. I know I’ve been a founding member of the “degrees don’t make you hot shit” school of thought, but I’ll take a step back here. I think the reasons that there are so many blogs about this isn’t because men , especially accomplished men, don’t find intelligence and accomplishment an attractive quality. I, for one, do. And an advanced degree tells me that a woman has ambition, intelligence, and the ability to contribute something (finances, conversation, understanding of the world) to the equation. What it doesn’t do is hook a steak up like I like it, suck a good dick, or make a woman a better listener. The reality is there are women of all educational stripes who are self-important douchebags. I know chicks who think pushing a baby Benz and wearing big ass sunglasses makes them entitled to a better quality man, women with tig ol’ bitties who think that’s their ticket to greatness, and women who have an impressive family name who lord it over people. It’s not that education is a turnoff, it’s that douchery is a turnoff. So, yeah, non-douchey educated women with fatties, how you doin’?
Chuuuuuuch
I feel you!
You're right getting an advanced degree doesn't not mean that you will get an MRS. It does mean that you value education, took the time to invest in self, and are a go-getter (at least that's what we can assume). And, if she never learns how love, care and adore for a man – cause you know they don't teach that when you're pursing those advanced degrees – then at least she can cuddle up with her piece of paper.
What? I'm saying, though.
Love the blog:-)
My thought:
Whether I wipe your floors or write your prescriptions. . . I’m the same woman.
It shouldn't matter but most (MOST) highly educated women think it does.
From what I gather its not that it makes them sexy but enhances their worth. Most still need that rude awakening!
Well in this world there are two types of women. Women to depend on men and women who depend on themselves. Now if your a women who depends on herself, education is a stepping stone to get to where you wanna be in life. Your ready to work and school can get you there. Now if your a women who depends on a man to get you where you wanna be in life, education is not warranted or it may be a decoy to pull in a sucker!!! Either way do what is best for you.
I agree with 05girl esp with #3.
signed, the sexy med school student.
All that a man wants is someone to listen to him and be along with him in physical and emotional senses….now tat does not need a degree, does it?
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I have to agree with you here. As a Black woman with not one but TWO Masters from Harvard, I have seen me and my sisters go down the dangerous "Why am I still single?" path without taking the time to think through how we've often buried our more feminine, loving qualities and relied on our masculine qualities to get ahead in corporate America and elite institutions. Those attitudes work great in the workplace, but not so great in the real world. I'm very happy that I have my MBA & MPA, but I have no illusions about it getting me any closer to getting married! Good things my boyfriend is like you, SBM, and loves him an over-educated woman!
I agree with you, SBM. Every woman I've met recently has sidled up to me discussing her educational and/or financial success, which is cool, but when (1) the convo is ONLY about that, and (2) when I sense some amount of entitlement, i.e., "you should be happy to be talking to me because of this degree", then I skate. I usually leave my grad degrees behind on the first date, and just talk about undergrad, cause when I start the grad school discussion things usually get icky.
In this recession, I'm sure Black men would love to have a degreed black honey with a six-figure income. Before I was married, I never had a man tell me that my education was not sexy. Don't listen to the garbage girls, misery loves company!
Natalia,
Only black men date women for their salaries are hanger ons and male gigolos. If she is a great girl and happens to have a six figure income then thats another story.
I agree with you, too!
A degree won't help you get a man. Period. Your personality, ability to love, and care for a man can–but even that can't ensure that you get one or good at loving one once you get one.
BUT….
I am pursing a Master's degree in a male-dominated field, IT, where I also currently work. And not one time has my education made me less attractive or appealing to men in my peer group. Quite the opposite, in fact. The only men that seem to have a problem with an educated woman are usually those that are not. Men who are educated, in MY experience, find it quite attractive.
Aside from the obvious financial rewards, a degree can be a plus (I said can not will). If the woman is already educated when she enters the relationship (or marriage) that's one less thing she has to do before starting a family, for instance. She can then focus her time and energy on her man and family–instead of trying to juggle multiple roles, which benefits the man, the woman and the children, if applicable. Additionally, she's able to add value financially, along with her other valuable traits, provided she has some (lol).
I think the danger and damage is done when a woman–or man, for that matter–places their entire value and self-worth on external achievements, like education and career, instead of his/her most appreciated assets: character, integrity, morals, along with being loving, nurturing, caring and supportive to his/her mate and family.
A degree doesn't make you, it doesn't make a man want you, and doesn't define who you are and the value you can add to the relationships in your life–that goes for both women and men. But there are many men who are secure in who they are and will value a good woman–whether educated or not. 'Nuff Said.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/nosinglemamadrama
Hmmm, A black male who is working on his PH.D told me that there aren't a lot of brothas out there who are doing that so I needed to hold on to him. His arrogance annoyed me and what do I care. I have two masters. I think Black men are just ( if not more) shallow. Maybe Black women discuss thier degrees because it's supposed to be a selling point to our men in a world where we are perpetually single.
I looked via your earlier posts. Good do the job there….
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