I'd like a 5th of this, please.

In America today there is a shortage of one of the most prized commodities on the market and that is Successful Black Men. Allow me to clarify, successful single Black men. With that said, being a part of this fraternity of extraordinary men is not easy, but I’m a proud member and newly elected Secretary of Public Relations. I would like to begin by issuing the following press release:

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Dear Black women,

Given the shortage of successful Black men in America, the following guidelines have been drafted, proposed and ratified to the Rules of Engagement of Dating for Black women desiring to pursue deeper connections with Black men.

1) Women will now be required to ask men for their numbers, call them first and pay for the first date.

To be perfectly honest with you, there’s no reason why successful Black women come a dime a dozen and you can’t find a dozen successful Black men in a major city, yet we are breaking our necks to go out on dates with you. We should be getting in the club for free. Successful Black men free all night! Also, I think women should call us. “Call us first” does not include using Voicemail forwarding to try and throw the god for a loop. You call until we pick up. All is fair in love and war.

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2) When a successful Black man does not reach out to you, or call you, please interpret the following:

a. He’s playing hard to get – He is not responsible for making it easy for you. Some women think that just because they show a brother a little attention we should drop everything we are doing and start trying to wife them down. You forget, according to these rules that’s par for the course.

b. You’re not the only one trying to make the team – Every good player knows that you have to field interest from several different teams before making a decision. I can’t spend all my time with one team at the neglect of my other suitors. Therefore, do not assume that you are the one and only unless you are told you are the one and only. (This piece of advice will take every woman, of every color, far in life.)

c. He’s waiting for you to prove to me that you are a priority – Women will swear up and down they are not calling some guy or asking him out because that’s his responsibility. Well, under the new regulation, the roles are reversed and women will be responsible for proving their worth. Alicia Keys said a real man knows a real woman’s worth. That’s true, but you women are hard to find, so prove it.

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By order and decree of the World Alliance of Successful Men, in association with the Successful Black Men of America, we announce these rules to you. Since, we still hold the power in this country, we are taking a page from our Honorary Brother Obama, we don’t really need your input to pass this legislation. Thanks for your continued support.

With Regards,

Dr. J
Secretary of Public Relations

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We will now take comments from the SBM massive. To keep it 1-hunnit with you all, more Black men feel this way than you think. We find it so hard to believe that we have worked so hard to be successful and become the crème of the crop only to find out that we need to break our necks for Black women. One of the biggest criticisms of Black women is their independent attitude, or the fact that they act like they don’t need a man. Well let’s keep it real for a second, you need me, much more than I need you. I’m begging for an argument on why I’m wrong.