"What the f*ck you mean you're out of Sweet & Sour sauce?!"
**On a plane at Washington DC’s Reagan Airport**
Flight Attendant: Sir, we are about to take off.
Mr. Black Man: OK.
Flight Attendant: Well, you are on your laptop.
Mr. Black Man: OK …
Flight Attendant: Well, sir. You have to turn your laptop off and put up your tray table.
Mr. Black Man: All I HAVE TO DO is be black and die!
Flight Attendant: Excuse me sir?
Mr. Black Man: Don’t come over here telling me what to do. I’m in a bad mood and I need to finish this. I will turn off my laptop when I am ready.
Flight Attendant: Sir, there is no need for you to raise your voice. And we cannot take off while you are using that laptop.
Mr. Black Man: That’s bullsh*t. You can take off. Back the f*ck up!
This was influenced by a real flight I was on … *sigh*
There is a common stereotype out there. One that comes up every time I apply for a job, make a presentation, or state my opinion with a little bit of assertiveness. It comes alive when I ask for something firmly, when I refuse to give up on my point, and when I get a little “snappy”. Yes … The Angry Black Man.
I happened to “luck” out and attend a diversity presentation at school about a week or two ago. It was interesting in that they had professional actors play out different scenarios. Of course … one of the characters was black. Apparently Kevin (I was so happy it wasn’t Jamal or Tyrone) was having trouble with the assessment board. His “style” was brought into question, since he was so aggressive. Yes, something about him presenting in the exact same manner as his white counterpart was still more “aggressive”.
But the thing that still bothers me is when we, as black men, we too often live out the stereotype. I feel the spectacle above left some racist guy in the back giggling under his breathe as he muttered “Yes … yes … keep taking your people down”
Now … don’t get me wrong … I ain’t no punk.
Let me just reiterate that too for effect … SBM ain’t no gotdamn punk!
But … I know how to negotiate and be calm. At the end of the day, I am getting mad because I want my way. So, I usually find myself in some weird matrix moment where time literally stops and I am faced with some decision. At this point I am getting mad, because I feel disrespected, I’m not getting the service I expected, or someone looked at me funny. In this single moment of clarity I have three choices.
1. Cower and submit. Basically … punk the f*ck out.
2. Without cursing, sternly restate my point and look for some solution.
3. BURN THE MOTHERF**** DOWN!
I think I have been good about choosing option 2, although they still haven’t found my fingerprints in the ashes of that building.
Sadly … too often I see someone living out option 3. Usually this quickly moves to the police or security getting called, someone getting escorted out, and another story that Becky can tell her friends. And in the end of it all, I bet Dr. King’s spirit somewhere is weeping.
So today, I am calling on a public eradication of Angry Black Men (ABM) moments in any and all circumstances. And as part of the “SBM Society for the Betterment of Black Men and Women Everywhere, we will orchestrate anger management classes, classes in basic negotiating, and a seminar in “How to have Power when you have no Power: Influencing Others”.
Let us make today the last day that we live out the stereotype given to us by others …
– SBM aka The Negotiator aka I always get what I want without a single curse word
The same stereotype goes for women…i've found myself trying not to be the "angry Black woman" in many of my courses in undergrad because i was surrounded by 2520s. It is really difficult when you are trying not to get angry but people repeatedly push your buttons and you don't want to be a simp. It is quite annoying & requires more self regulation than one cares to employ.
I know i'm a ticking time bomb right now because of stress & other things so let me know when those anger management courses start up…and i'll continue to go to yoga in the mean time.
Great post SBM!
Maybe I shouldn't have been the angry black woman for Halloween.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
I had that covered for you -_-
Lmao. I don't have a real comment but I have to laugh. Men are angrier than women and I think that sh*t is so hilarious (the scenario). All I have to do is be black and die. I love it. Nice post SBM. Happy birthday me. 😀
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Enjoy it!
Happy Birfday Sookeh *BC voice*
*does running man* Thank you. 😀 So uhhh Sane, am I still 12?? Lol
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUKEZ!!
Happy Birth-a-Versary!!!!!!
Happy Birthday Youngin'!
I know I'm late to the party BUT I'm off today however I still had to come by on my crackberry
and say HAPPY BIRTHDAY Suki-dukes!
Yours truly.
Booty Pleasures (insider) 😉
n*gga if you mad be mad. if someone disrespects you dey need to learn their lesson. teach it to em and bounce. yall so scared of letting people know you mad because everyone is gonna label you as the "angry black person".
na n*gga. its called self respect.
I agree with you.
I'm going to draw the line at "BURN THE MOTHERF**** DOWN!" lmao…but I agree that you should let people know when they've crossed the line…in a firm but self respecting way. Let them walk away thinking you're an angry black man/woman if they want to…but they'll also know you're not on that okie doke ~ish either.
haha. it only turns into a terrorist attack when frustration builds up but for the most part its just a fight. dats healthy for the internal man.
The problem with this is that many people…men and women…stuggle with doing so with tact. At the end of the day, whether you like it or not you will be judged by how you react and handle things. Get out your feelings and carry yourself like an adult…not a two year old. I like kids, I don't want to work with them though.
Being a bigger, better person is also respectful to self. More people should try it.
i see where you coming from. when you tactful you can get your point across n see the other point of view n express your feelings.
you think thats the most honest form of self expression when you mad as hell though?
yup
As L.Dejean said, the stereotype definitely is applied to both sexes. What is most frustrating and baffling is that *I* now have been made to feel that I should limit my spectrum of emotion because I don't want to seem like the "angry black woman" even in situations that warrant anger. It's a tightrope to walk because some situations deserve anger, but if you choose "the wrong" choice of words or tone, you are branded with that negative label of angry black and female/male even by other members of the black community.
Folks just need to find a balance between acting a fool and getting the point across. We all have our blow up moments but we need to use those when absolutely necessary.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
He he he a "ni**a moment"
lol…right!
When I 1st heard about that stereotype 2 years ago I found that book ''The angry black woman'', it was hilarious.
This concept is picturing black people as dangerous, violent, rude etc… Now whenever a black person is upset, instead of understanding the reason why she/he is mad, people put the blame on bm/bw.
Whenever I went I discover that the black community is always the one that suffers the most, poorest, discriminated, insulted etc… so why can't we be mad ? Bw/bm bashing is all over the internet, medias etc… They are doing a very good job at brainwashing black people and showing others that those are not stereotypes.
What, as a person, I need is RESPECT. Unfortunately we always have to fight for it, or what I do most of the time, I dismiss those who are disrespectful. It sadden me when it comes from black folks though. A couple of weeks ago ugly Becky at work, said that black women are not loving, pretty, sexi… that's why so many caribbean men are with ww. I didn't react, she was talking with a few black men and they were all laughing and agreeing with her. One white guy came to me about it and advised me to talk to her because she is a nice woman. I didn't because she may apologize and say the same thing in her WASP and black friends circle, no need to waste time. I'd rather know when I am dealing with snakes, at least I will be careful not to let it bit me….
Like the book said it's all about how you deliver the message.
Happy Bday !
I agree that historically black people have been caricatured as "angry" and "wild" but that has diminishing influence today especially after the non-violence civil rights movement.
Our troubled past, however, can't be a "get of jail free card".
🙂 thank you
so basically u punkd out. had you been angry and loud about the way you felt it woulda made an impact on her.
I think it's just something people don't know how to handle when they're young. As a twenty-something you should def know how to deal with your emotions in public.
Best is to anticipate AKA don't get in the situation or find a quick/easy way out.
sh!t ain't worth it…
Actually I suffer from the same thing Barack Obama does. Which is not blowing up enough.
There are no good or bad emotions. There is an appropriate time for the full spectrum. As black people we often feel as though we are not allowed to use anger or confrontation.
Eff stereotypes. God gave us the full spectrum of emotion for a reason.
Actually, don't get it twisted Pres. Obama blows up, he just doesn't let you see it. And he also has Rahm. Him telling Rahm to go speak to the media or to anyone is basically him exploding because he knows Rahm will cuss anyone out. But from all the analysis and behind the scenes stories i've read, our President goes ape sh*t sometimes.
"As black people we often feel as though we are not allowed to use anger or confrontation."
ITA! I think that BP will be labeled as angry regardless. For instance, one could be the nicest, most respectful, calmest, kindest, etc. person 364 days a year, but that ONE 365th day that you get angry, you're forever labeled as angry.
I don't care anymore what people think. You're labeled as such for the slightest "upset", so it's their problem not mine.
Most times I'm laid-back,calm and let most things go because I actually don't like confrontation, but if need-be I'll BE that stereotype if I feel I've been blatantly disrespected or disregarded.
In the words of the late, great Tupac: "I ain't a killer, but don't push me."
I would just like to say, I don't know what's worse an angry black man or a stubborn black man.
Like there's, "I'll blow this b*tch up."
and then there's, "I ain't doing sh*t."
Everybody got a stubborn black man in they family who pisses you off to no end. For some of y'all that's yo daddy.
LMAO! Dr. J, you are sooo right!!
It's one of my uncles though.
I think the stubborn one is worse!
I feel that as Black people, we will be seen as angry regardless. Saying NO to someone could be seen as angry depending on the person you are dealing with. I have been 'let go' for speaking up respectfully and so that ish doesn’t work all the time either. I can speak in the most monotone voice and STILL be considered angry because I don't put sugar on my words when standing up for myself.
You have to get angry sometimes. Especially when dealing with stupid people and situations. People WILL take kindness as a weakness and sometimes you have to let a MF know that just because I won't cut you doesn't mean I am a punk! However, you have to be able to do in a way that saves face and will not have you looking foolish after its all said and done.
I am not in the business of people pleasing anymore. I’ll leave that to the naïve people.
Bingo! Eff pleasing people!
thankfully i have a pretty much even-keeled personality. i also have a lot of patience so i rarely lose my temper. sure i get annoyed but i've learned that getting angry usually won't get the effect i desired so there's really no point.
i do think that a lot of people do need anger management classes. you can catch a whole lot more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.
Before I scrolled down further I was hoping that picture would be Waka Flocka.
Bwhahahahaha… WAAAKKKKAAAAAA!! Lol. He would have been so appropriate for this post.
I'm usually pretty calm. But this weekend at the Rally to Restore Sanity in DC after getting pushed/shoulder checked by the 10th person I really had to check myself before issuing out some throat punches. Sometimes remaining calm with that fake 2520 voice can pizz people off even worse than acting up and flipping a table #RHWONJstyle
And to the request for Wakka….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFiPANvxfDg
Short bus shorty was my sh*t. I love it. Ugh (gucci voice)
lmaoo
"all i have to do is be black and die" <– something an African man would say haha
The angry black man… sometimes scary… sometimes oh so irresistibly sexy
When there is a good reason to get angry, you should get angry. Hiding your emotions so white people will think you're some docile little pet is pathetic. Slavery is supposed to be over. Now, I am not a fan of the man or woman who always flies of the handle. But black people in this country are either excessively angry or not angry enough. Honestly, I think the not angry enough is what's keep our community in its current state. Its all about balance. Being passionate about what you believe in is not a bad thing. In fact, it should be encouraged.
Yes Exactly.
Black people tolerate stuff they shouldn't. When stuff is wrong you should get mad and show your anger.
We have been programmed not to do that.
I am the first to admit I am not good at showing anger. It is something I am working on. I usually have to states of mind….everything is cool….or I'm about to kill you if somebody doesn't hold me back. I need to work on showing appropriate anger.
Some people just won't respect you until you show anger.
"Some people just won't respect you until you show anger."
You earn respect by giving respect. When you show anger, all you do is make other people
fear you. People who fear you won't necessarily respect you.
I think black people get angry about the wrong things…most of which only affect them. We lack the community/group togetherness we once had.
Most of my responses are based on experiences in the work place. When thinking about the community, I agree we need to get angrier and effectively channel that anger to get results.
"I think black people get angry about the wrong things"
CO SIGN TILL THE DEATH!
The problem with angry or passionate is that you are getting so hyped you are not a good judge of the situation and than you realize you acted like an ass.. But now you gotta save face so you protect your ignorant position and fall deeper into the hole.
TiffNicky: "I think black people get angry about the wrong things…most of which only affect them. We lack the community/group togetherness we once had."
Imma let you finish…… BUT
FTR; It's not just black people who get angry about the wrong things… let me tell you in my field of work do you know how many times a day I hear someone NON BLACK throw the fcuk and shyte word around AUDIBLY all because OUTLOOK may be slow/down or he can't get the copy machine to work right or HELL he's printing a 300 page Form 8-k and bozo didn't check for paper in the printer. And you know what the outcome/response from collegues usually is??? A CHUCKLE!!! that's it!!!! Nobody is clutching their pearls and gasping in shock/fright or utter disbelief.
It pains me that we have to take extra steps to curb our emotions day to day or attend workshops/seminars read self help books in order to channel our so called ANGER when in fact it's usually for the most part the same kind of anger that could steam from the above scenario but it gets looked at differently because it's coming out of a Sista/Brothas mouth. *smdh*
Exactly!!
One of my white co-workers would have a tantrum at least once a week in 2008 during the election, going on about Obama, getting crazy if anyone said anything positive about Obama or negative about McCain. And yes, he is still employed. If any of the black men in the office showed a quarter of the madness of that man, white women would have reported feeling threatened, and he would have been fired immediately.
Your comment sums up how I feel about the angry black person issue. smh… it is a shame. Problem is, so many of us buy into this nonsense, that when we get in positions of power, we show the same prejudice towards our own.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
OOPS..
Meant to reply under sukey's post.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUKEY!!!!!!! 🙂
thank you!!! ^_^
So, the "All I have to do is be black and die" was (and kind of still is) a regular line in my family. Aunts, uncles, grandparents… everyone utters that. LOL. Especially at extended family functions… man.
It's kind of funny though that the black man is considered angry as a stereotype, yet they don't want to be paired w/ the stereotypical ABW. I just find it interesting.
I never really encountered ABM until high school (the men in my family are very even keeled… almost mellow), and even then I thought it was just lil black boys acting out b/c they wanted to. I never really compared them to the 2520s and found the difference in the reactions to the two until college. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing part of the black gene b/c as a BW, even-keeled or not, I should be able to dig deep sometimes and just go ape sh*t on a motha… but I can't. Or at least I haven't yet… even in some very appropriate situations, I haven't found my ABW voice yet. Le sigh…
Masking anger is one of the key cultural differences between Africans-Americans and European Americans. Unfortunatley to progress in a power structure dominated by Europeans we must adopt less direct, less assertive ways of communicating.
I've always wondered what it would be like to work at Bad Boy or Def Jam because there you have a corporate culture dominated by non-assimilated African-Americans.
you are under estimating how many 2520s work at Def Jam?
Plus people like LA Reid are quite docile for a black person. But there are some moments where the black comes out in many people from what I hear, but its mostly women PMSing from what I hear.
**sidenote** I do not want to work for most black woman. I have heard of good black female bosses. I heard my cousins are good bosses. but from what I have had THEY ARE TERRIBLE**
Working for black women is like coming home to that mother who got the call from teacher before you got home.
Only a few have I encountered where it was somewhat pleasant. The coolest bosses have always been white dom lesbian women for some reason…
LOL, you know that's interesting.
The black female managers (I don't like the term boss) I've had have been good. They actually would stand up for the staff and I appreciated that. They were sticklers, yes, but fair.
BUT, my father has a horrible BW as his manager. Horrible, she goes out of her way to mess my father…I'm getting mad thinking about it (yes, I'm a Daddy's girl). AND, one of my good friends said one his superiors in the military was a BW and she made their lives miserable.
The best managerse I've had have been BM, actually, followed closely by WM, BW, then WW (I'm gonna reserve comment on the last group out of respect for the other readers).
Funny…
But I beg to differ on this comment, or should I just say Maybe you were one of the lucky ones… #bmmtongueOut
🙂
But I've had two BW bosses over the years and I loved them both they were both sweethearts and EXTREMLY generous might I add BUT they both had one little caveat that use to work my last nerve. They had this habit of waiting until 4pm or later and then decide it was time to start GRINDING which meant I got stuck past quitting time. *FML*
#ThatMessUsedtoSingedMyEyelashesOff
But other than that they were cool to work with.
Had WW bosses too, NO PROBLEMS maybe it's my demeanor.. *shrug*
Nah I was referring to the old Def Jam run by Russell Simmons when he was a real hood dude. That's why I stressed "non-assimilated." Like Diddy or Master P. Someone who brings African-American culture and communications style into the board room. Most African-American CEOs have fully adopted European culture.
My BEST boss was a BW followed by a WM and Eygptian Male :). That WW I had…Lord knows I would have shanked her.
"That WW I had…Lord knows I would have shanked her."
I said I'd reserve comment, but you made one. Thanks!
LOL!!! I had to. The stress that women put me under. I wish her nothing but success…in another field without any direct reports because she was the worst. And easily intimidated so she'd lash out.
Had she mentioned my deceased nephew again I would have caught a case. Real talk.
Thank you all. *curtsies*
Happy Birthday, sweetie!! Don't do anything I did when I turned 21… lol.
Does that mean I get to misbehave?? O_O
Misbehave a little… just a little. lol.
Naw, make it a birthday to remember. Just don't do anything illegal, and if you do, don't get arrested.
I can't believe some of these comments. Angry is an emotion, and acting emotional is never the best way to resolve a situation. We are encouraging men to act like b!tches.. that is what you are doing when you get angry, you are b!tching.
Plan and simple you get more honey Bees with honey. The one exception to the rule is telephone customer service, with those people its better to just get mad off the rip and start cursing than you will get those drop calls removed from your cell phone bill. I lose my temper, but that is b/c I am literally working with people I dont respect. But I dont get angry, I get smart.
I dont respect Mad, I respect fair. So I am not going to show respect to an idiot who just yells out random facts that have no logical place in an arguement. How is being in a bad mood a reason for fighting for respect? One of the keys to our civil rights was from non violence, not getting mad and gaining sympathy. Every ninja is a black panther these days…..
Thank you. I try to coach my associates on this daily…black and white. Emotions are just that. As a black woman, I'm more concerned with those of black people because I see how few are within my org. BUT, I've also seen why. Many of the one's we have here act a plum fool when challenged. They need to learn how to affectively communicate. That does not equal elevated tones, throwing things, cursing, etc. That gets you labelled a fool. But "them" and ME.
I agree. People have to effectively learn how to communicate our emotions. However, more often than not, black people, especially professional, corporate black people, keep things inside instead of speaking out about blatant disrespect or unfair treatment, and this is usually to our own detriment.
Definitely agree with your last statement. I think some of it is due to the fear of being labeled ABM or ABW. I've struggled with this but have mentors that have coached me on best practices, documentation, etc. I think in general we (black people) need to use each other as resources and help each other navigate the professional world. I'm not afraid to ask for help or to give it. I want you to soar!
There is a difference in being an ABM and passionate.
That's all I'm going to say. Nobody says sh*t when other races speak passionately about something. Yep…I'm passionate.
I say it all the time. Esp with Immigrants (working in NY, I deal with a ton).
I watch as foreigners struggle with working with women. I watch as people bring their politics or religion into the office and wonder why they never get promoted.
Look, you owe it to yourself to be the most loved person that you can be. You want your co-workers to like to talk to you. Being passionate or loud or assertive might have its place, however are you being efficient. If the only person who is benefiting from your passion is you, why would I want to hire you?
I work in Construction… I embrace the Angry Black Male stereotype in all of its God Given glory.
I rather be the angry negro than the punk negro, and while there may be a fine line b/t the two.. I err on the side of caution..
I once blew up at this YT who straight disrespected me (and the guy is a consultant on MY project). My happy-go-luck a$$ went off in a professional construction appropriate manner( cursing and physical threats) and word got around to tread lightly around the Young ABM.
My Italian boss gave me a dap and said good job.
Yeah, tell me anger doesn't have a place in the job. I had this chick come UP to my desk and pushed my chair like I was some flunky! After the supervisor came in and saw us standing eye to eye, he realized that he had to stand up for the office and let her go. This chick was a terrorist in heels.
I tried to be nice at first, but after two months of seeing everybody walk on eggshells around her, I was like OH HELL NAW! I guess she noticed I wasn't going to be easy to get rid of (mind you she had gotten 3 people fired in less than 3 months before me).
However, she had no idea that I would not go down without a fight. You gotta do whatcha gotta do. There are some people out there that are miserable and they will stop at nothing to make you the same.
I don't do passive aggressive—you know up front what I'm about. No job, school or other place is worth losing your dignity—-because people can and will test you!
Someone up thread said it best; you can only push someone so many times before he/she push back. Some Mf’s deserve to be smacked.
I think labeling someone as the angry black man/women takes the blame away from the person/people who obviously keep doing annoying actions.
Instead of saying I should stop punching at said angry person in the eyebrows people just saying he's just angry not at all taking responsibility to their actions that lead to that anger.
Now I see why so many Black Men smoke weed…
and why Black Men + Henessey = fights 5/10 times.
lol
TIme and place ppl!
Let's face it: labeling a Black person (man or woman) as "angry" is a tried and true workplace strategy for some White people, especially if they are threatened by your education level/success/position in the company. You have to protect your neck at all times – this may mean keeping quiet and documenting it via email. It also pays to be cool with someone in HR. It also helps to "use your words". Some folks loooove to push your buttons because they want to see you act a dang monkey. But tantrums are for kids – they have them because they aren't fully able to communicate their feelings. Don't give someone the satisfaction of making you melt down. #whenkeepingitrealgoeswrong
Is he REALLY being eradicated? Because I feel like I run into him (or his white counterpoint) everytime I try to establish a sexual boundary. Because of this I wind being ANGRY BLACK BI$#%. Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud of who I am as a black women(unapologetically). But much of you all see in us is a result of our encounters with the above mentioned black man. In other words, I'M TIRED OF YOU ALL TAKING THAT CRAP OUT ON ME!!!!! Believe it not black women are not the enemy (including me). The majority of us (including me) want to see you do well in life.
sadly this angry black thing is also on us women.
ive been dealing with some issues with a former friend, who recently went off on me, deleted me, called me all sorts of things etc. etc. all without me saying a word.
i believe its more powerful to speak from a place of logic as opposed to a place of anger. the person will never take you seriously. i operate this way with friends and customer service situations. it works 8/10.
people can call it being passive, being a wussy (replace the w with a p) – but i have nothing to prove by yelling and cussing and nothing to gain.