**** Admin Note ****
As this is a holiday week, and many of you aren’t even at work or taking the time to read this little note … we are taking it easy here at SBM. The staff have been grinding extra hard all year long, and we deserve a little vacation. For this week, each writer will be choosing a throwback post for your enjoyment (because you do need something to do). So, grab some eggnog and enjoy.
– SBM
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SBM: “So, I know you want me to come up stairs with you.”
Pretty Young Thang: “You know I can’t do that. Let’s end this night on a positive note.”
SBM: “If you let me come up, I promise it will be very positive.”
PYT: “It’s only our second date, and your not the type of guy I would take upstairs like that.”
SBM: “What does that mean? We’ve been having fun. I know your feeling me.”
PYT: *giggles* “Damn, you could tell? Yeah, it’s obvious I’m feeling you. You’re one of the better guys I’ve met in months. You really are ‘a good black man’.”
SBM: “I’m lost. What’s the problem? We’re adults right?”
PYT: *giggles* “Yeah, we’re grown. And yeah, It’s not that I don’t want to, but your too good. You’re someone I want to take to my mom, not my bedroom.”
SBM: “OK …” *blank stare* “So, because you like me and I’m nice and a potential husband, we can’t ‘enjoy each other'”.
PYT: “Exactly.”
SBM: “So if you were attracted to me, but I didn’t have any redeemable qualities, and I lived with my mom … I could go upstairs and get in your dirty dug out?”
PYT: “Exactly.”
SBM: “*$%&#@&!(*@!!!”
Oh yes … this is no joke. This is the curse of the Good Black Man and has afflicted me before.
I have been told by many women that men they’re interested in can be placed into one of two categories. This category will define the rules of engagement for the entire courtship.
Potential Husband
This is your typical “good black man”. He has a good job, a good education, knows how to treat a woman and has all the characteristics of a good husband. He is nice and a gentleman. This is the guy that every girl hopes to find and is happy when they find him. Within the Black community, he is becoming a rare commodity and sort of an endangered species, but we are still around if you look. When he is found, a woman feels the need to act a certain way. She doesn’t want to get thrown into the crazy, scuttlebutt, or jump off category … so she handles herself accordingly.
Potential FwB
This guy is the 20% in the 80/20 rule. He is attractive, mildly entertaining, and can sling pipe. He lacks most redeeming qualities as a man and it hard for most “professional” women to take him seriously, but he can serve a purpose.
We’re all adults here. Most of us are getting dug out or doing the digging. Most of us have either had friends with benefits, jump offs, or solid relationships that “go there”. But as a man, I was shocked to be told to my face that I was denied entry (the above example is based on real life … with a few changes) because I was too qualified for the goods this early.
Nuts …
I mean, when you think about it, it does makes sense. She was right, had she let me get it too easy I wouldn’t have been able to take her seriously. I hate to admit it, and I might get my card revoked at for putting out secrets, but I don’t want it if I don’t have to put in a little bit of work. It’s the same reason I can’t take most chics are the club seriously …
But still … I wanted to get in them guts.
And regardless, who wants to hear that their being turned down because they are too good? Who wants to know that the thing that makes you great is the same thing that is sending you home alone. It kind of makes you want to throw away that suit, grab a wifebeater, and give up your office to go to the mail room.
So, the curse of the Good Black Man will continue to strike. One day, just maybe, it will change.
Feel me? Am I making this all up? My women, do you do this? Ever not given it up in the hopes of getting more? Fellas, war stories?
– SBM aka Mr. Too Good aka I works for mine
One million percent true. #thatisall
Yeah, this is the truth. I've been told by a few women the very same. It's nonsensical to me b/c most women when they are ready to settle down can't find a suitable man. Well, that's what I hear a lot of women say.
Y'see that's the thing. Most black women act irresponsible until they're ready to settle down. I blame this on the shattered 'family structure' of the black community.
Well, it depends on the kind of woman the man in question is going after. It definitely pays if you're a refined, and educated black man. Game recognizes game. Leave the hood chics for the black male hoodies, cos they know how to handle them better. Sadly, a lot of those hoodie females have big behinds, that every black man – irrespective of our social, and educational status- craves for.
why are you downplaying the value of females in the "hood"? having student loans and an overpriced mortagage doesnt make you better than someone who pays cash to go to community college.
maye it isnt the butt. maybe its the common sense of african american females that attracts all males to them. maybe its bc if she can handle a thug she IS handling a man. maybe the high siddity types fantasize about women like her and are too proud to admit it.
besides…professional women dont clook, clean, iron your shirts, and if they get a promotion YOURE suddenly the housekeeper. played.
You sound bitter. The fact that I went to YALE UNIVERSITY doesn't make me any better than anyone who tried to go to school. It's the "mentality" that I speak of, here.. not "community college".
thats my point exactly. your mentality is that you think youre better than the next guy bc you went to college. youre not. the guy at the bottom of the totem pole is ten times the man youll ever be.
youre jealous bc he has all the desirable traits. youre insecure so you beat up on him to knick away at his confidence in that. you want his woman but keep dreaming. take the caps off and get over yourself.
@merry e-life:
I don't know of any bona-fide "hood chics" that go to college or even want to go to college -> period.
"hood" is a mentality. It has nothing to do with social-economic status. Those with "hood" mentality relate to each other better.
@Merry E-Life
1. I think your contribution to the article was nothing short of inspiring… You motivated me to work a little harder when it comes to my dating life
2. What is your blog/twitter if you have any…
That being said… If KYLE doesn't have the balls to say it, I will…
I think I am better than the typical "hood" black male that pervades most inner cities… But my reasoning is simple…
– I don't knock up females indiscriminately…
– I take pride in treating women well, even when they don't VALUE being treated well…
– I am honest as much as possible & am very relentless on myself when I show a lack of integrity…
"Hoodrats" think I am the most unattractive black male of the species (for now, that will change in a few months)
But I must admit I like the T&A & I like the passion that these women exude… I don't take them seriously because like the Bad Boy… They are internally & externally destructive over the long-term
But to finish, I have no problem saying I feel better than a person who gets more women than I do (or the women I want) but isn't a man of substance… And I don't give a **** who thinks less of me…
Thanks
@ meteor
i dont have a twitter or blog but if it was genuine, thanks for the compliment.
and im glad you can admit you think youre better and why bc it allows for honest conversation. i have more respect for ppl who can admit stuff like that then someone who denies it. so lets take this apart…
what youre saying is you like the passion and spirit of women in the hood but you think on a long term basis youll run into trouble for it and hit some rough patches. thats understandable. a lot of the time having any bit of fight in you or a strong spirit in todays world starts a lot of conflict instead of ppl banding behind the strength. would you rather lack passion or put up with a little trouble to maintain it?
you know youre better than a boy who knocks girls up and uses them, disrespects them and treats them badly bc you would never do that. completely understandable and i agree with you. any respectful male that prefers to respect and take care of a female is better than one who doesnt. so if guys in the hood treated females like that wouldnt you be just like them? wouldnt that make you better than city dudes who sleep around using girls for their bodies and sammich making skills?
since you like the passion and spirit and ferver of females in the hood, what do you think THEY would consider a man of substance?
oh wait. my mistake. that reply was to adonis*.
*I've never been this jobless in a while*. Merry e-life. I do not wish to have any hood man's hood chic in my possession. Neither do I think I am better than the next guy who didn't go to college. On what grounds did you infer from any of my premises that I felt that way, other than the stated fact that I went to YALE? {Fallacy of Circumstantial Ad Hominem}. Nothing is more refreshing than a down-to-earth person from an elite institution. You'll love me if you get to know me.. All you need do is.. get to know me.. 🙂
riiight. if you saw a mechanics wife cooking for him and kissing his neck while he ate, cleaning his house while he was at work, rubbing his back and kissing his shoulders when he came in from a hard days labor you would be sniffling on the inside talkin bout some "i want HER love!"
and to answer your question its bc youre condescending and you dont even realize it. like i told you, its in your mentality. the way you spoke about ppl in the hood was like youre better youre than them. theyre booties and hoodies to you instead of strong men and women educated through the hardships of life.
and you might be down to earth. you deflated AND asked me a question so there might be hope. i dunno. well see.
i dont have a twitter or blog but if it was genuine, thanks for the compliment.
I was being genuine to the core…
and im glad you can admit you think youre better and why bc it allows for honest conversation. i have more respect for ppl who can admit stuff like that then someone who denies it. so lets take this apart…
Honesty Is Guaranteed With Me
what youre saying is you like the passion and spirit of women in the hood but you think on a long term basis youll run into trouble for it and hit some rough patches. thats understandable. a lot of the time having any bit of fight in you or a strong spirit in todays world starts a lot of conflict instead of ppl banding behind the strength. would you rather lack passion or put up with a little trouble to maintain it?
That is a slippery slope… Three Points
– If It is a “little trouble” then of course… But as I said Internally & externally destructive is a no-go “Avoid The Unhappy & Unlucky” By Robert Greene “48 Laws Of Power”
– I have tolerance for passionate people who know how to temper their passion… If there is no off switch or if she is undisciplined in tempering her passion (mature), then eventually she will wear me out over time… hence the long-term… Plus
– If I promote honesty, maturity & I am straightforward with my needs (communication) I am more likely to get a long term prospect in a passionate girl (my responsibility), obviously I set the tone of the relationship as a man
you know youre better than a boy who knocks girls up and uses them, disrespects them and treats them badly bc you would never do that. completely understandable and i agree with you. any respectful male that prefers to respect and take care of a female is better than one who doesnt. so if guys in the hood treated females like that wouldnt you be just like them?
Totally agree… The hood man is very attractive to a lot of women (professional & hood…)… But like the passionate hood girl… he can leaves women with irreparable damage (baby, horrible attitude about guys)… And then she expects me to pick up the pieces (which depending on her energy & beauty,
& g**d p*ssyI’ll MAY consider)wouldnt that make you better than city dudes who sleep around using girls for their bodies and sammich making skills?
I guess using women is funny to me… I assuming that you are talking about the guy who is dishonest about his intentions with a female… that is not me
But when I meet females I have a very strong expectation that we will be romping and she will be serving me hand & foot (because I expect myself to be the BEST thing for her since sliced bread) sammichs of the finest quality
since you like the passion and spirit and ferver of females in the hood, what do you think THEY would consider a man of substance?
I LOVE this question… MOST people VALUE substance, even hood women… however… as I explained before, a lot of women in general don’t value being treated well or intelligence in a black man (specifically young black women), … or will go as far to disrespect a man who respects them & value when a man abuses them (gives them something to complain about)… I think a lot of women value, men with high social status in relation to her, feeling strong emotions for man (positive or negative), a STRONG MASCULINE PRESENCE and fantastic sex over being treated well… and older women value substance (the opposite word I use is FLASHY, or STYLE) & this goes for women of all races, more or less to some degree, but you see the extreme in the black community
That is a slippery slope… Three Points
– If It is a “little trouble” then of course… But as I said Internally & externally destructive is a no-go “Avoid The Unhappy & Unlucky” By Robert Greene “48 Laws Of Power”
i loved that book! i did a vanity report on it when a couple years back and it was a very interesting read. id say anyone who isnt passionate or puts your flame out is unhappy and unlucky. to me THATS destructive. malcolm x was jailed and killed for his passion and that's as destructive as you can get but he was still passionate. he went to war with ppl who stifled and oppressed he and his ppl though.
– I have tolerance for passionate people who know how to temper their passion… If there is no off switch or if she is undisciplined in tempering her passion (mature), then eventually she will wear me out over time… hence the long-term…
lol. i had to learn the whole tempering my passion thing. im a reformed hood chick and its funny cuz i learned to develop an on/off switch cuz i met a guy you have similar qualities to. HE wore ME out though. i mean yeah hes exhausted and tapped out but it was necessary to get me to the point to be respectful and considerate yet fiery in all the right ways. we found a balance. i exhaust my temper and spirit by changing our community but when im with him all that is deaded and im submissive.
I assuming that you are talking about the guy who is dishonest about his intentions with a female… that is not me But when I meet females I have a very strong expectation that we will be romping and she will be serving me hand & foot (because I expect myself to be the BEST thing for her since sliced bread) sammichs of the finest quality
lol. youre right. hes exhausted with charlie horses, theres no more lunch meat, all his business is taken care of by the time he gets off from work specifically bc he loves me and proved it for well over a year courting me. from the female perspective guys like you get AAALLLL the goodies and AAAALLLL the best qualities a woman has to offer bc you put in the work and prove yourselves worthy. no games. no dishonesty. no usury.
MOST people VALUE substance, even hood women…however… as I explained before, a lot of women in general don’t value being treated well…I think a lot of women value, men with high social status in relation to her, feeling strong emotions for man (positive or negative), a STRONG MASCULINE PRESENCE and fantastic sex over being treated well…
a strong, masculine presence IS substance to hood women. they want YOU. they desire YOU. they want you to be a man in the traditional, animalistic sense of the word bc of the fire and passion and love they have for you. THATS the emotion of true love. getting there is where women fail a lot of the time. they go for the clowns who truly only want sex and booty and get completely disrespected in the process. they give up on the good guy bc it requires respect and obedience, making a genuine change and putting in an extensive effort to work through insecurities and fear to be with him. like you said, guys get tired and especially if shes a strong willed girl. to value someone is to work for them and females need to check themselves.
i loved that book! i did a vanity report on it when a couple years back and it was a very interesting read. id say anyone who isnt passionate or puts your flame out is unhappy and unlucky. to me THATS destructive. malcolm x was jailed and killed for his passion and that's as destructive as you can get but he was still passionate. he went to war with ppl who stifled and oppressed he and his ppl though.
Alright, again even with passion, it HAS to be disciplined
Malcolm knew what he was signing up for… In order for real change to happen of THAT magnitude, blood needs to br spilled… Look up any revolution and you will see death everywhere…
Death has a way of magnifying legacies or movements… so Malcolm didn't die in vain…
My problem with people with passion or better yet pride & passion, is that when they assert themselves, the timing is wrong (Master The Art Of Timing – Robert Greene), nobody benefits, and they end up in a worse situation… (There is a lot of people in the hood who DIE for nothing, just another casualty)…
I don’t like uneffectiveness, be strategic with your passion, make it count…
Alright, again even with passion, it HAS to be disciplined
agreed.
Malcolm knew what he was signing up for… In order for real change to happen of THAT magnitude, blood needs to br spilled… Look up any revolution and you will see death everywhere…
-passes out from excitement- exactly! he knew what he was getting into trouble included but he made a difference. he created change. he opened doors and held on to what he loved. the bloodshed is inevitable and the fights and conflict generated is on such a massive level you have to be completely engulfed in what youre doing and know what youre fighting for. revolution comes at a high cost so what kind of ppl have the fight and spirit to wage such a battle?
Death has a way of magnifying legacies or movements… so Malcolm didn’t die in vain…
agreed. youre only important when someone kills you for it. youre only a legend when no one realizes youre dead.
My problem with people with passion or better yet pride & passion, is that when they assert themselves, the timing is wrong (Master The Art Of Timing – Robert Greene), nobody benefits, and they end up in a worse situation… (There is a lot of people in the hood who DIE for nothing, just another casualty)…
I don’t like uneffectiveness, be strategic with your passion, make it count…
agreed. ppl need a point in the right direction and a cause to get behind which takes effective leadership. someone who has mastered passion, timing, and strategy. that way anyone who follows will live purposefully and their sacrifice will be of the utmost significance to the world. giving ppl in the hood that kind of leadership and dedication with a good strategy would cause a domino effect. the entire earth would fall to them.
Kyle, I agree with you. I will say though that seemingly Black hood chics have more social mobility than Black male hood guys. There are plenty of Black hood chics with not only undergrad degrees but also graduate and professional degrees. But, that's another conversation 🙂
"seemingly black hood chics have more social mobility…there are plenty with…degrees"
thats an interesting statement. what do you think is inherent to black women in the hood that allows them to move up and down the social structure like that?
to have that kind of ability makes you a gem to any man who wifes you up bc you can go to pretty much any territory and handle his business for him. it doesnt work the opposite way. if you take a professional female and put her in the hood shed be eaten alive. what do you think is inherent to them that makes it difficult for professional girls to transition like that?
Well, I think that those Black people from the lower socioeconomic strata are more encouraging of Black female academic achievement rather than that of Black males. Who criticizes Black females for achieving academically? No one. Now, Black males on the other hand are outcasted by many of their male peers for academic achievement and to a certain degree they are outcasted by Black females until these females reach a certain age/maturity. When Chris Rock joked about Black folks giving more props to ex-cons than college graduates he was talking about Black male ex-cons and college graduates not females.
Also, women as a whole have a easier time adapting to modern teaching techniques as females are not as rambunctious by nature. And, there is a noted institutional racism factor that disproportionately places Black male students in special ed. classes and that disproportionately suspends and expels Black males from school.
Also, I really don't think it's anything that is inherent in Black women from the hood that allows them to move up and down the social ladder, but rather, white society finds Black women to be less of a threat than Black men especially dark skin Black men.
White men control their communities and the western world right now and they want to subjugate those they perceive as their enemies and they just don't perceive Black women to be a serious threat if a threat at all.
so pretty much youll never say anything positive about women from the hood and youll avoid my second question entirely. gotcha!
"if you take a professional female and put her in the hood shed be eaten alive. what do you think is inherent to them that makes it difficult for professional girls to transition like that?"
yeah. this simply isn't true.
@ poli
notice how that was a question and you didnt answer it. why did you even bother to speak if thats all the feedback you can muster?
I agree with you, but here is what it comes down to IMO…
Those Hood chicks or "Hoodrats" with college degrees were willing to make the necessary adjustments to get that degree…
But when I define "Hood" in my vocabulary, These meanings come to mind
1. A person who is in lower socioeconomic location
2. Someone who speaks Ebonics… & doesn't speak proper English
3. Someone who rarely controls their emotions when crisis hits (lashes out at the first sign of someone doin something he or she doesn't life)
4. Someone who has low self esteem
5. Someone who is unwilling to make the necessary adjustments and is Socially immobile & only can connect & RELATE with fellow "hood" peers
6. Someone who is unwilling to move up in society
And when I think of hood people my mind goes immediate to black men & women, so that is just conditioning on my part
More important though… is that "hood" people are usually not willing to make adjustments to assimilate into society… And "Hood" chicks with degrees are willing to do that…
But I see where the issues thickens
You have alot of people from the "Hood" who get degrees but they have a mentality that they still mess with the "Hood" lifestyle…
For the women, they still want to mess with thugs…
@ adonis
i LOVE it when ppl actually answer questions!! man. it opens up so many avenues of communication. wooh hooo! but anyway…
i think what you said is pretty much the mentality of society in general. its exactly what i was getting at. all that stuff is pretty spot on about ppl in the hood but where i differ from most ppl is that i dont see it as a negative.
"A person who is in lower socioeconomic location"
um. so? that means they dont have a whole bunch of unecessary bills bills to pay and can live simple, affordable lives.
"Someone who speaks Ebonics… & doesn’t speak proper English"
spanish ppl speak spanish around spanish ppl. ppl from the south have southern accents. its pretty much the same thing. hood ppl dont speak perfect english bc theyre not english…theyre minorities in the hood.
"Someone who rarely controls their emotions when crisis hits (lashes out at the first sign of someone doin something he or she doesn’t life)"
self expression is the healthiest thing you will ever experience. its the freedom to be honest about who you are, what you feel, and what youre going through. these ppl are always in crisis. they HAVE to vent. they dont have cookie cutter, clean cut, silver spoon lifestyle. its hard. its rough. they need an outlet and if you come around talkin smack or being rude and disrespecting them of course they get rowdy. life is hard enough without someone purposefully egging them on.
4. Someone who has low self esteem
to me letting ppl use you, never standing up for yourself, never speaking on what you feel, hiding behind appearances and makeup and sex = low self esteem. im not sure i understand why you think ppl in the hood have low self esteem. care to elaborate?
"Someone who is unwilling to make the necessary adjustments and is Socially immobile & only can connect & RELATE with fellow “hood” peers"
why is that a bad thing? ppl who work for microsoft relate to microsoft workers. corporate americans stick together. bankers hang with bankers. maybe they dont move up the social structure bc no one can relate to them and its frustrating. why go to a place where you cant connect with ppl?
"Someone who is unwilling to move up in society"
if you didnt get along with certain ppl, they made fun of you constantly, they thought you were the scum of the earth, you cant connect to them, you guys have nothing in common, and you see them as weak, broken spirited ppl would you really want to be apart of that society? or would you try to show them different which would start a lot of conflict and arguments?
@Merry E-Life
i LOVE it when ppl actually answer questions!! man. it opens up so many avenues of communication. wooh hooo! but anyway…
i think what you said is pretty much the mentality of society in general. its exactly what i was getting at. all that stuff is pretty spot on about ppl in the hood but where i differ from most ppl is that i dont see it as a negative.
"A person who is in lower socioeconomic location"
um. so? that means they dont have a whole bunch of unecessary bills bills to pay and can live simple, affordable lives.
This is about inheritance… It is not about being frugal… most people who come from more affluent situations don’t live in the projects… and to some degree it is not that unfortunate persons fault that they live in an lower socioeconomic location/situation… But to clarify there is ignorance in both communities, rich or poor… just different ignorances…
But there are certain behaviors unique to people who don’t have money & live in the projects
"Someone who speaks Ebonics… & doesn’t speak proper English"
spanish ppl speak spanish around spanish ppl. ppl from the south have southern accents. its pretty much the same thing. hood ppl dont speak perfect english bc theyre not english…theyre minorities in the hood.
GREAT POINT… I love ebonics… I’ll go so far to say that I will tell another human male that I love the way he speaks (being that I speak proper english)
I simply believe that hood people should take up proper English as a second language, just I am willing learn ebonic and thirty other languages (ebonics is an official recognize language)
That goes back to being flexible & making adjustments
"Someone who rarely controls their emotions when crisis hits (lashes out at the first sign of someone doin something he or she doesn’t life)"
self expression is the healthiest thing you will ever experience. its the freedom to be honest about who you are, what you feel, and what youre going through. these ppl are always in crisis. they HAVE to vent. they dont have cookie cutter, clean cut, silver spoon lifestyle. its hard. its rough. they need an outlet and if you come around talkin smack or being rude and disrespecting them of course they get rowdy. life is hard enough without someone purposefully egging them on.
And I respect the fact that they go through a lot already… I think either I have to be double sensitive to that…
However because of a lack of emotional control, a lot of these people do a lot more harm then good in the society we live in…
4. Someone who has low self esteem
to me letting ppl use you, never standing up for yourself, never speaking on what you feel, hiding behind appearances and makeup and sex = low self esteem. im not sure i understand why you think ppl in the hood have low self esteem. care to elaborate?
From my point of view… I see an inferiority complex… which in turn creates ENVY “Of all the disorders of the soul, envy is the only one no one confesses to.” ~Plutarch
the most common example I can give you is just me speaking proper English, and seeming more intelligent (as you pointed out being intelligence can come off as aristocratic, snobbish, nose in the air, etc…) can turn that on… And I have either be quiet or not say ANYTHING of substance…
To be honest I don’t think I am better than most people in most situations because of inheritance, and then what we do with our inheritance
"Someone who is unwilling to make the necessary adjustments and is Socially immobile & only can connect & RELATE with fellow “hood” peers"
why is that a bad thing? ppl who work for microsoft relate to microsoft workers. corporate americans stick together. bankers hang with bankers. maybe they dont move up the social structure bc no one can relate to them and its frustrating. why go to a place where you cant connect with ppl?
I don’t like it when I cannot communicate with a certain group of people, most people are fine with being mobile to one group…
"Someone who is unwilling to move up in society"
if you didnt get along with certain ppl, they made fun of you constantly, they thought you were the scum of the earth, you cant connect to them, you guys have nothing in common, and you see them as weak, broken spirited ppl would you really want to be apart of that society? or would you try to show them different which would start a lot of conflict and arguments?
Good point, no response
My overall point is that we live in America (at least I believe the people who post here)… a white system that wasn’t created & maintained BY US, FOR US…
The hood person (I believe) and any other person who is unwilling to adjust, be flexible, compromise to a point… will sooner or later PERISH
“The illiterate of the 21st century
will not be those who cannot read & write,
but those who cannot learn, unlearn, & relearn.”
…Alvin Toffler
Thanks
@Kam: man… you could start all kinda ish on that topic. I know too many. Smh. #tragic. Maybe its just my state though… *crosses fingers*
"…but I don’t want it if I don’t have to put in a little bit of work."
We know this and because you are a good man we want you to want us. So we are not doing that just yet.
And all you could do was give it up to a thug? SMH
Wow! Did I say anything about a thug?
The scenario above transcends socio-economic boundaries. This is not a 'hood' mentality but what women know about men reactions to their actions.
I misunderstood you. My apologies.
I don't agree with the "I don't want it if I don't put in a little bit of work" theory. If we're two adults who are feeling each other and want to have sex, then we should. Period.
A woman doing premeditated $h!t to "make me work" or make me "want" her sounds like some young chic manipulation, mind games stuff. . .
. . .especially, if there are dudes she is not feeling as much that get it without having to "want" them. . .
Well I am not really considering the situation where one would give it too a man if he were not a 'good man' because that's not me. I'm at an age where he wouldnt get much consideration at all. I already know his type.
But no… I'm not going to jump in the bed with you because I'm feeling you. If you have a real interest you can wait. We both can.
"Well I am not really considering the situation where one would give it too a man if he were not a ‘good man’ because that’s not me. I’m at an age where he wouldnt get much consideration at all. I already know his type."
I genuinely applaud you for this ^^^ personal philosophy because it shows good judgment.
However, my response was to this post:
"We know this and because you are a good man we want you to want us. So we are not doing that just yet."
This post sounds like: "I'm going to make you wait so that you'll want me more." I may be misunderstanding it, but that seems like game-playing to me.
Im curious as to what the process of making the good man want a particular woman consist of?
I can't speak for all, but if I get it too easy it does make me wonder a little bit. If you can "feel me" to the point that you are ready to sleep with me really early on (1st date), then I can't help but think how many other guys were you "feeling" that quick.
BTW … the above story is not a literal translation of what happened to me and what she said.
********First, let me commend you on the blog, bruh. I recently came across it and have been digging through the archives…lots of interesting writing, man. . .**********
Maybe you've just come across a more chaste breed of women in your life than I have. The women I am around have given a$$ to a number of random dudes in their lives (she was out of town, he visiting from out of town, he was famous, because all the women at her office wanted him so she decided to GET him, etc). And these are tailored suit wearin', advanced-degree havin', foreign car drivin' chicks. . .
I say that to say, if them dudes didn't have to work, I ain't gone work. As for how many other dudes she's felt early in the going, that's more a question of her judgment as a woman-which I determine by how she's managing her life and the content of her interaction with me.
We could wait 3 months before we have sex, then 2 months later I can discover that she's been sexin' 2 other dudes for the 3 months she had me "putting in a little bit of work." I'll pass on that and so should that hypothetical brotha in story. . .
“It’s only our second date, and your not the type of guy I would take upstairs like that.”…You’re someone I want to take to my mom, not my bedroom.”…Their is a hidden agenda in this statement! First lets start by saying that everyone has a good side when they choose to use it. A good black man is considered a gentleman. A man who respects a woman period. He most likely lack a little social skills(the swagger is water down). And mostly not attracted to a submissive woman. They fall for "Divas and Gold Diggers" But, this is just a misunderstanding between two people who want to get laid…Men, have to learn woman from a different angle. When a woman knows your making moves for the pu**y. You give them power automatically to control the moment, And woman need a couple things from a man to spark a fire to get freaky with a good man on a second date. ..“So, because you like me and I’m nice and a potential husband, we can’t ‘enjoy each other’”. This statement is lacking so much swagg it's not a panty droppa! He should hit her with a statement that would hold her interest and change her mind about letting him go home.He was a nice guy that wasn't smooth on the lip service. He was too predictable and not spontanious enough to create a tingle if you know what I mean. So, base on that action of being a submissive man. He didn't get the panties!
Yeah…no.
This is where things get really tricky. You say the good man is lacking whatever swagger that women may be looking for. In this situation you say that the man was lacking a "panty dropper". So if I'm understanding you, you want the so called good man to dig into his primitive side and do what it takes to get the draws? Isn't this what turns women off from the "bad men"? All they want is sex right? So a good man has to act like a bad man for women to find him appropriately attractive? Yeah that makes negative sense.
“So, because you like me and I’m nice and a potential husband, we can’t ‘enjoy each other"
This statement is pretty much impossible to let slide if you are dating someone and things are going well. The urge to get understanding in this matter is necessary at this point to a man.
Someone just asked me what do I mean by a pantydroppa line…lol well I have a bestfriend from grade school and I have watched him grow into a good black man.He has all the qualities and money that a woman would want. And he can slang the pipe. One of his ex- girlfriends came to me and asked me "why, didn't you hook up with him?" And I had to laugh and say.."The same reason you broke up with him!" He was too much of a gentleman to the point where he wouldn't say nothing MANISH…lol I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. See some men feel its wrong to say things like "Baby, I know you feeling me, come straddle me so you can really feel me!" And when a woman really likes a man, statements like that are not considered disrespect.It's just a Manish way of teling her she is sexy and he wants to bone! Real women like that and take advantage of the desire.Other women who are unsure of themselves and who they are as a person. We call it "DC" …It means D***Control. She will control a mans desire to want her if he lack the swagg shes looking for! My bestfriend he has enough swagg to get a beautiful woman, but he could never get the panties on a second date. He's not Manish in areas that would make the panties wet!Playing it safe all the time lacks adventure and creativity. Which is not a turn on for most woman.
So, you sayin' that because ol' boy in the example didn't say some overtly sexual $hit to a chick he's probably spent a total of four hours with, he ain't man enough (swagged out enough) to get the as$?
D@mn. . .
I have heard my female acquaintances and co-workers dog dudes out and not give up da as$ because a dude came with some sex talk TOO early. . .
Different strokes, I guess. . .
. . . ol’ boy in the example didn’t say some overtly sexual $hit to a chick he’s probably spent a total of four hours with . . .
yeah, if they haven't spent more than 4 hours together, they probably shouldn't be sexing just yet in the first place.
@realwoman What you said is Hood and classless. And seems to be the problem with our culture as a whole. I admittedly have gotten in the panties on the first date by having what you call “swagg” (who uses that word any more?). But I call it disrespectful. I started getting bored with dating because it was too easy and the fact that all I had to do was be a bit disrespectful, turned me off to the types of women who think that “Swagg” is a grown up adult concept. I call that a hood mentality.
Okay soooo I have mixed feelings about this post… First of all, chik shouldn't have even gotten into that convo about you not being the "type" to take upstairs right away. She showed all her cards immediately. Women don't know how to NOT talk sometimes. Second, can u blame a chik for trying to straighten up her act, "handle herself accordingly" to catch a good guy? That's a part of the game. Dudes do it too… And third, if dude is trying to get In ya panties off rip (no matter how good he is…he's still a man) then that means he's not gonna wife ya ass up anytime soon no matter if he smashes, the ussy is great and u cook him a five star meal. Us Women tend to enjoy overlooking the obvious and end up playing ourselves. Now if u ask me, if I was attracted to you and we were on the same page I woulda taken ya ass up stairs…life is too short and the sex probably would have been off the chain. But that's just me. Lol
can someone explain to me why the attractive, somewhat entertaining, attentive with affection guy is the 20%?
until then i think women need to stop hoing themselves around and start looking at the deeper things about a guy. why are you taking the D when you can be getting to know him? isnt he just as valuable a human being as the college boy?
youll get to know the guy who makes money but you wont get to know the one who only has himself to offer you? golddiggers!
Woman do look for the deeper things about a guy. The problem is the guys are hoing themselves not allowing us to get close enough to get attached. Men are greedy, they only say they want a woman as a wife or be in love. But, the dog in them will never let them stay faithful! Even the good guys cheat! Some women go into Diva mode and get selfish and only get want they want, until she finds someone who is Real about love. Men set the tone on how woman respond to dating. If there was more faithful men, then your comment wouldn't exsit. Real Talk!lol
Sorry to break up you all's little man bashing party but I just have to come into the room screaming…
THIS IS BOOLSHEEEET!
@ animate
im not apart of the 'angry black female stepping on a brothers toes bc *i* dont know how to act' club but i do have a membership in the 'brothers are good when treated as such' committee. i agree, the comment SHE made was bs.
@ real woman
you sound bitter. and just bc a guy offers the D doesnt mean you have to take it. you have to actually TRY to get to close to him b4 you go around calling ppl names. if hes used to girls thinking about him sexually its gonna take a long time and a lot of effort to get him to open up.
but not really. cuz if youre a real woman a guy opens up to scoop you up and if more females looked at brothers in that light than more of them would be faithful. stop blaming dudes and take personal responsibility.
and someone answer my question.
I'm appreciating the candidness of the explanations here… thx ladies. Good choice for a repost SBM. *e-dap*
I've played all the roles of a Black man before and i'll tell you right now, the good Black man outdoes everyone.
Basically all SBM has to do is get his stable rolling. I know mad dudes who will take a chick out and do the dating, courting and woo'ing, without going for the kill until she's like, "Why won't he have sex with me? I think he gay." While they are just growing their plant, they got a plethora of other plants they're f*cking.
Jay: Where you at my dude?
Chris: Dropping this shorty off, took her to Oya.
Jay: Oh it's mad h*es in here right now, we at Shadow.
Chris: Yeah, i'm on my way, just got to get her inside. Don't want her to seem rushed.
This is like #everydayb. And once a Black women finds a man she deems "good" heck she ain't even got to be Black though, SHE WON'T LET HIM GO UNTIL THE BUFFALO BILLS WIN THE SUPER BOWL.
And that is why good Black men kill.
(Reference: DC Dating Scene)
I tip my hat to this! This is nothing but the truth!!
So basically he is doing the same thing the woman in the scenario is doing… Playing a role so he can get the results he desires.
*Easy is an adjective used to describe a woman with the sexual morals of a man* ………
Not easy… Well then thats the whole point… A woman had to play this game because of guys like you who love labels.
Well, speaking from the point of view of someone relatively new to the game, the problem is that people fail to realize that men and women think differently. A woman will hold her love box from someone that she wants to keep around for a while in order to create a sense of respect. However if she doesn't do that with all men then her methodology needs to be re-evaluated. I may not know much as I am only 17 years of age, but from what I can tell, there are some things from which men and women never mature. (this being one of them)
Sad but I know for sure that it's the way any women think. I'll admit that I was one of them when I was younger. 2011 is my year to start taking my sisters to the mat on this issue. I'd like to think those who put an invisible shield between them and the *good* men are young and not as experienced but some older women are just as immature in their thought process.
So you are saying a woman in this situation should just go with the flow and sleep with the 'good man'. What do you think will be the outcome?
Can it be worse than the alternative? Why not?
The alternative is we get to know each other better before becoming intimate. So yes its a better decision.
The alternative is I allow this 'good man' a chance to actually know me before 'knowing me'.
Kema, I think the 'alternative' Kamala meant was the -'No Future Ambition' gun carrying thug.
I'm starting to wonder if you had a woman leave you for a thug? You mad?
So I should let a 'good man' do me on the second date. Well with him being a good man I would assume he understands why I'm not doing that. If not… he probably wasnt that good. Oh well… no loss. Its not like I slept with him or anything.
No, I should've added more to my comment.
I'm referring to the belief that "good" Black men don't exist, especially by women who've played out this example scenario time and again. Then years later they wonder why they end up in dead end relationships with worthless dudes who have no desire to do anything else with them other than the mattress mambo. This is a multi-layered issue, but I'm straight up tired of all the whining and complaining when a woman fails to mature to the point of understanding and appreciating character along with the superficial attributes.
THANK YOU Melzie… I'm glad I am not the only one who sees this…
The woman gives RAY RAY & POOKIE all the leeway, gets played out (and makes a baby with) that "Thug" and expects a man like me to pick up the pieces… & complains there are no good men around
To be frank, I am very unforgiving to that circumstance… some women never learn
Melzie, it happens all the time and I hope you stick with your resolution for 2011 because the whole business is bassackwards as he11…and, only a woman will be able to effectively check another woman on these shenanigans…
Why keep the guy who you're interested in and who respects you all dry-balled and takin' cold-showers, while the dude who you don't give a $hit about and who doesn't give a $hit about you gets to twist you all up and knock the pu$$y out park?
**smh**
EUMU, I agree with you. But, then again, I'm a guy.
Ok. A question for the ladies. Have you had or heard of a "good man" sticking around and working with or starting a relationship with a woman who told him he was too good of a man, i.e., husband material to get the panties soon after they started dating?
The above scenario is made up (at least I hope so). A woman would not tell you she is doing this. Just like a man is not going to say that he lost a llittle respect when he "got it that easy'.
These are just the rules of engagement.
if you have to tell a guy youre not giving it up he isnt a good man.
the good ones are too busy showing you thats not what hes after for you to even have a thought like that cross your mind. the good ones make you feel like theyre after your core value so they can make you their wife. they work to bring it out of you. you hold out so they can make you more valuable and then your thought process becomes "what am i going to turn this mans future into."
thats why behind every successful man theres a woman with her eyes stuck in the roll back position.
the good ones are too busy showing you thats not what hes after for you to even have a thought like that cross your mind
Pay attention women…
@Merry e-life, I like that in you! You are a chit starter! I seen you comment on other blogs you like to debate.
Well, you got the right one…I love you girl!lol Your like the type of female that straddles the fence. Your a woman with nothing but guy friends and don't get along with other women. You feel you understand men, so you go into defense on their behalf like "TRY to get to close to him b4 you go around calling ppl names. if hes used to girls thinking about him sexually its gonna take a long time and a lot of effort to get him to open up." Your 2 cents is lacking the sense, i think it maybe common!…Woman are thought of sexually all the time, so what we don't deserve the time and effort to get to know the person before the nana. Self-check you said"you have to actually TRY to get to close to him b4 you go around calling ppl names. But, this is you too"youll get to know the guy who makes money but you wont get to know the one who only has himself to offer you? golddiggers! Wow, so touchy on the name calling!lol I said"Some women go into Diva mode and get selfish and only get want they want, until she finds someone who is Real about love. Men set the tone on how woman respond to dating. If there was more faithful men, then your comment wouldn’t exsit.Oh, your comment that I was responding to was"start looking at the deeper things about a guy. why are you taking the D when you can be getting to know him? Women do want to get to know him. But men don't give a woman a chance to, when he has list of other woman to see. That's why I was commenting about being faithful. You took it somewhere over the rainbow!lol It's all good, you can't expect much from a woman who dosn't like it rough!lol
Longest run on sentence ever.
how are you gonna try and go hard on me by re phrasing the comments i made to you?
"youre used to getting your attention from guys bc youre a good fuck buddy yet you want true love." clearly i know youre a fence straddler so its good you can admit it.
"youre a woman with only guy friends who doesnt get along with other women and goes on the defense for guys." yes. i DID just say im not a part of the male bashing club but i urge little girls to take personal responsiblity for fucking up with good men. no. they dont like it bc the truth hurts.
thank you for clarifying that now sit down and shut up ho, with your hurt ass feelings. if i were a dude id drop it off in your draws and make you walk home in a new york blizzard to fix my sandwhich. like thanks sweetheart heres a penny for your worth now bring my change back with my turkey and cheese.
its sad that i just made like 5 comments talking about how to become a stronger, more valuable female and how a real man treats a woman and you took away "youre a diva who only hangs out with guys" from it.
why dont you take some notes and quit bitching.
While extremely true, I think it serves as a great filter.. She basically let you know that she was a go-er.. So from that point forward, regardless of how long it takes her to let you smang that thang (smash it and bang..lol), you know that she is a go-er trying to get chose by posing as a wholesome woman (acting fake). Thus, this disqualifies her from consideration for a relationship. NO GUY wants to get laughed at for wifing a "reformed jump-off".. In the elegant words of Project Pat, "Don't save her."
right. im so tired of females calling themselves a woman bc they play video games and give great head. tf? youre a ho! real women are looking at those girls sideways and laughing at the distorted views they have.
girls can be reformed so as long as they learn to listen and humble themselves. youd have to be a special kinda dude to wife up someone like that.
like, a really, really, REALLY good man on some godsend type stuff to try and save a girl like that. guys who do it need to be appreciated more and females need to show more thankfulness.
"NO GUY wants to get laughed at for wifing a “reformed jump-off”.. In the elegant words of Project Pat, “Don’t save her." "
but aren't we all?
isn't one man's wife, another dude's jump-off?
why are we dudes so scared of saving chicks? Aint that our role?
wow. that was romantic…
i think it is a mans role to step in a girls life with a savior mentality. its how shes guided into maturity and a sense of value. crossing that threshold with a good one is every girls dream we just have to be confident enough to let it happen.
@ Marry e-life this was the nicest thing I ever herd a mature woman say:"thank you for clarifying that now sit down and shut up ho, with your hurt ass feelings. if i were a dude id drop it off in your draws and make you walk home in a new york blizzard to fix my sandwhich. like thanks sweetheart heres a penny for your worth now bring my change back with my turkey and cheese." Now, my rebuddle: Let's highlight the real ish in your statement above. If you were a dude you drop it off in my draws and make me walk home in the blizzard…LOL Look shemale, if you had a chance to put a strap on and make an attempt to drop (nothing) you still couldn't put in work .Come out the closet itch, you want a D***and you think you know women. You can't stand us, because your are attracted to us. And you feeling a little rejected.Dig deep baby, you can't show a woman or girl anything, you have start with self first. You read what you wanted and not what I was saying. There is no way should of came back with that response. I see you don't play fair.Thats why I like you, your not a leader. You talk a good game.But, you really don't know how to play. Its shows your so judgmental and defensive. You must control like 98% of your relationship. How many times your husband has to take it in the ass, before you let him be the Man in the relationship. Bet, its like pulling teeth to get you to make him a sandwich!lol By the way I know my ass is sweet, so thank you for following in your storm to get some meat!lol
sorry. im not even going to bother reading your paragraph about how youre in denial about being a ho. your opinions arent important…
because youre a ho.
what you think about yourself isnt important….
because youre a ho.
its not what ppl call you its what you answer to. i made a statement about women and you had nothing to say. i made a statement about fuck buddies and you learned to speak up for yourself.
It's funny you tell me I'm condescending, yet you're here exchanging words with your fellow women over trivial issues.
*Win through your actions. Never through arguments*
get your childsplay ass argument out of here. dont try to stick your nose in a conversation im having with someone else bc you got fried.
dont try to find something wrong with me to justify the fact that youre condescending to good women and insecure around real men. accept it. change it. correct the issue.
fuck outta here.
smfh @ my inability to stay pissy at someone.
im sorry i snapped on you. it annoys me when ppl jump in my conversations but i think i heard what you were trying to tell me.
is your concern im being hypocritical bc i called her a ho?
You fried me? lol
I let you be. It'd be totally pointless and insipid of me to engage in unproductive arguments that would be belittling to my status.
Notice how I haven't used any profane words to address you, my darling.
you sound like youre holding your nose when you talk dont you?
@ merry D-life"made like 5 comments talking about how to become a stronger, more valuable female and how a real man treats a woman " I am sorry i must missed the note where you where talking about how to become a stronger female . I only saw the one when you where calling them golddiggers…But, I am glad i missed the BS, because you turned out to be rude and nasty and with a lot of personal issues with women.I have a smile on my face,because I have crazy,stupid humor! I laugh at people who pick fight with strangers. I see you can't take back what you dish out! I am sorry, if i hurt your feelings and you felt the need to be manish and nasty to me …ooh that sounds sexy! But, anyway i thought it was friendly fire of opinions. I will find someone else that can handle a real debate. You to serious, you need your husband to bust that gut. So, you can live a little. Tighty!
merry e-life
Comment:
sorry. im not even going to bother reading your paragraph about how youre in denial about being a ho. your opinions arent important…
because youre a ho.
what you think about yourself isnt important….
because youre a ho.
its not what ppl call you its what you answer to. i made a statement about women and you had nothing to say. i made a statement about fuck buddies and you learned to speak up for yourself….
calling me a ho, shows, you got issues, you do know this right? I responded when you talked about women period. That's why i got your attention in the first place.Itch stay focus! I don't care if you call me a ho or a fuck buddy. The point is you allow a complete stranger make you be on some RaRa ish! But, yet you want preach about being a valuable woman. Your comments are a front of who you trying to be and your not. I haven't read anything that is work taking a note. I think you should sit down and read all this from the start and see where you went wrong and give me my apology like a real woman, like myself and squash it! I made a comment about the post and you took personal lashes at me. And now I addressed it ,I had fun with it, and I am done with it. Now, we on some other stuff. You still attacking me. You must like me! Well I love u Babe! smooches!
@merry e- life:-ur blog name is an irony in itself.u do not sound merry,u sound bitchy and angry.
@SBM I have a few questions…"if I get it too easy it makes me wonder a little bit" but you would still smash right? And if ur answer is yes, doesn't that make you just as bad?
Yes, I am just as bad.
And if she decides that I am moving too fast, or that I am only interested in s*x and decides to stop talking to me, I can't fault her.
Homies, let me break it down. This is like DLC (DownLoad Content) for a game on PS3 or Xbox.
See, when you have people that will put in work for whatever you offer (i.e. a good man), you want to make them pay to maximize your profits. So Comcast (a woman) will put out DLC for a fee since they know they're people around would would be happy to pay. Taking advantage of the "good"-ness of a good man.
It's about maximizing their returns. At the same time, be an a*sshole and panties drop. #nolie.
Thank You Meteor… I Co-Sign Reluctantly
I don’t know of any bona-fide “hood chics” that go to college or even want to go to college -> period.
“hood” is a mentality. It has nothing to do with social-economic status. Those with “hood” mentality relate to each other"
I can't agree with that statement entirely!
I am a lady with hood tendancies that I know how to use when the situation warrants them. i also feel that yes people of all like minds can relate but to act out or carry oneself in a HoodRat fashion is tasteless. I also feel like we are all complex individuals so to say a bonafide hood chick has no desire to go to college is false! a hoodrat yes I agree but just hood in general does not mean that they don't desire higher education! i know plenty of hood folks that have degrees and i know plenty of non hood people who hate school!
@ meteor and ownlee
well, lets take this apart. what exactly does being "hood" mean? theres so much negativity around that word but what is the actual mentality of ppl in rougher places?
"i know plenty of non hood ppl who dont want to go to school"
right. so why then is it okay to label ppl in the hood lazy, ppl with no ambition, or low class bc they dont want to go and choose not to? whats the mentality of ppl who dont want to go to college, see no point in going, but do it anyway?
I am a lady with hood tendancies that I know how to use when the situation warrants them.
See, this where your argument failed. Those with "hood mentality" wouldn't care about tempering their actions according to the situation. "hood mentality" is self-destructive and people destructive. So what if you "act hood" when someone make you mad, that doesn't mean you have "hood mentality."
Personally, I don't know any hood chics that desire higher education. I didn't say they weren't capable. That's just my personal experience by asking those individuals. Problem? Moreover, they want to stay in the "hood" forever. #nolie
I didn't say that not striving for education embodies "hood mentality."
Lawd…I wish for this curse. I must say I only get the opposite of the 'Good Black Man'.
GBM…apply here.
Signed,
Berry Chill
I'll keep that in mind… This post really moves me at a very deep level… I wish I got in when the fireworks started… Goodnight
@merry e life: why are you adressing me in this blog?? I don't fuck wit you like dat cuz you a fkn clown! stay tryna sound analytical yet at the same time make no damn since and then sprinkle a few fake ass wannabe diss statements when nobody agrees with WTF you talkn bout. had I known they let loser ass broads like you pop shit on this blog I would have continued to stay in the shadows and never offered my opinions. i really could care less about "taking apart"what the meaning of hood is
because like I stated earlier I don't fuck wit ya
kid! You telling Kyle not to stick his nose in your conversation is crazy since you been fake
double dutching your own clown ass comments
in all unnecessarily when wasn't nobody checking for your whackass. go away! your blowing me,and not the way I like:/
lmfao @ you waiting all day to talk to me and all you could come up with was that clown ass comment. your comment was piggybacked off a conversation that *i* started you are DYING to talk to me. panties all wet and twisted up. smfh.
you know what a wack diss is? when ppl are completely comfortable telling you that shit was wack. you know when you hit a nerve? when ppl lurk in the shadows for 9-15 hours trying figure out how to approach you.
@meteor, there are plenty of people with a "hood mentality" that are not self destructive! I know plenty of people that self destruct with food addiction, drug/alcohol abuse, reckless sexual escapades, poor choice in relationship partners! I mean the list goes on and on. that being said, formal education is by no means a free pass to a stress free or perfect life! look at JayZ he's got a hood mentality but he isn't getting caught up like let's say T.I. who is a perfect example of a male hoodrat! I cant agree that a hood mentality is guaranteed failure in life.
what embodies hood mentality? you made the comment about hood chicks not wanting an education and then said hood people relate with each other. so of course I would gather from those statements that : not striving for education embodies a hood mentality! Those with "hood mentalities" WOULD care about tempering their actions if it meant that they would achieve their desired goal in a situation with another individual! that's called being about yours and knowing how to play the game of life. only an immature idiot is going to act one way all the time at the risk of not progressing in life just to hold onto their "hood pass"
and lastly how did my "argument fail"? i simply stated who I am and how I react! I specifically stated that i have hood "tendencies" I never said I had a hood mentality.
I also said I can't agree with your statement "ENTIRELY" meaning some of it I felt and some of it I didn't. i cant fail an argument if i wasn't arguing. what i did was comment.
true, women are never considered a threat. only an annoyance or a deterrent. no matter the ethnicity.
@SBM sooo a "good" guy can smash on the first date, but a "good" girl can't smash on the first date? And isn't the definition of a "good" guy or girl a bit subjective? On a unrelated note: Does a big booty cancel out a ugly face? For example, I could be out with my homeboi and sometimes he will make the comment, "she ain't cute but she got a fat ass!…. I'd hit." Are guys joking when they say that or do I need new friends?
bitch bye! there was an hour or so rime lapse from when you posted your gibber jabber to when I responded! stop tryna sound important and my lurking in the shadows was adressed a few days ago due to me being a new commenter on this blog! not lurking around tryna figure out what to say to your idiot ass:/ i guess you didn't get that comment i made to you a few days ago in regards to you saying you would punch somebody im the face if it were a real conversation because they chose to talk to you!
yeah go back and read it clown! I called you a
clown then and yesterday and I'll Say it Again:
CLOWN! yep I sound like I'm holding my nose when I talk and you know why cuz your
personality stinks bitch! I can smell it thru the
damn phone. I can tell your an angry fat broad
that no decent man is checking for or a damn
tranny! either way get your ass outta here don't you have a gym to hit or a dick to tuck?!?!
rofl. youre a new commenter so youre trying to make a name for yourself by taking on the big dog. im the most important person on this site to you and everyone else bc you need me to make a name for yourself. i see you though.
if you had a hood mentality youd be smart enough to stick with someone with the same viewpoints as you but no. youre too busy fighting a losing battle.
hows about instead of attacking me you just be my back up little one? chime in on my conversations with positive feedback and build on my points then we can talk…
since you obviously have a crush on my dominance.
Merry E-Life and OwnLeeEue:
Can you two please stop? I understand that you both feel a certain way, but if you go back to before you guys came on this blog there was an atmosphere that you've ruined by arguing back and forth. (1) The cursing is not cool man, if you keep that up, we won't have this venue to converse, (2) Discourse is good, but only when it comes from thoughts and opinions based on the topics of the post, insults and slander are childish and unbecoming of two intelligent people, (3) Stop it because as an admin of this site, I would like to give everyone the chance to respond to comments, and think about how it looks when you walk in on an argument? You leave the room because you don't want to be bothered. Whether one side has a valid point or not.
I'm asking you politely, please stop. This site was not made for the type of communication you've been having. You do not have to agree, but agree to dsiagree before spending a WHOLE day going back and forth, it appears someone just wants to have the last word.
The end, you don't need to respond to this. Your silence let's me know that you are in agreement that the conversation is not productive and not welcomed.
poor lonely sad little shemale! is this the only place you can get attention?? make a name for myself??? I have a life sweetums, I only bothered commenting to you because you ruined the whole aura of this blog by coming on here fake threatening and starting shit with well educated down to earth people. points can only be built upon when they have a ground to stand
on. unfortunately your lame have no friends no
one to hold you at night and this is where you try
to shine! on a fuckn blog! what a sack a shit
ass bitch you are,smh. "Big Dog" "Most Important person on this site" you keep playing yourself with each and every comment! who the fuck calls themselves a "big dog"??? oh that's who, a fat lonely bitch!! and what kinda lame ass bitch strives to be the "Most important
person on this site"?? oh that's who Merry E-Life
a loser with no real social skills! I saw that your
spirit was weak and lonely so being the kind hearted person that i am I reached out and gave you what you needed and desired: Attention. I hope your satisfied, but I have to go now. there are people of substance and sincerity that I must connect with.Trust me: as soon as self respect, intelligence and class goes on sale I will be sure to cop you a lifetime subscription, don't worry I
got you boo!
#BetterLateThanNever
Good Evening… This topic sets my SOUL on FIRE… My background
22, Black Male, NYC, Rarely Travel, No Degree, But Educated, Played The Good Guy For 1 Year Too Many, Upgrading My Bad Boy Game At The Moment
By The way @SBM, she told me I was “too perfect”, not “too good” and that was at 15 Years of age… So, I go Super Saiyan when I hear that dashing piece of ignorance
Obviously this issue pervades all races & cultures… But what makes it unique to Black Men, we are the only species of Men where being Educated is not cool… A large percentage of Young Black Women think you are “corny” & “white”… They want you after they have the baby & get dragged through the mud by “RAY RAY” or “POOKIE”… Simply put I do NOT want to be any woman’s second option… especialy if I am going to pour my time, energy, & resources into one particular black woman (Black Women are #1 on my DATING Options)…
its really simple:
men want women for the booty ( dont front like you wanna be friends).
men try to get booty (either by being honest up front or by devious say-whatever-she-needs-to-hear to tear walls and panties down)
if girl gives up booty, she gets categorized and will never be considered wife material. ok. maybe not never. but RARELY.
if she doesn't, she's being manipulative, childish, isnt acting like a grown up (this gets my blood pressure high btw) and he either keeps trying cuz she's a challenge, or drops her faster than (insert witty analogy here).
either way.. we ladies know that while we're more than just our bodies, its sometimes the only leverage we have and the only thing keeping you around long enough to find out that we have a personality to match.
dammed if we do. dammed if we dont.
call it the curse of wanting a good black man. for more than just one night. (word to luther).
Co-Sign… I don't have a response for this… SO I won't FRONT… 🙂
@GP + Adonis..
I dont know if I should be 100% depressed that 2 dudes have cosigned so emphatically..
*cries salty tears
*searches for a white dude. <–I kid!! I dont know how to quit y'all..
@Keisha Brown You make a good point… women have this age-old complaint that there are no good men… But I rarely find females who really connect with men well… or at least put an effort to understand their men on a DEEP level…
And I am out here thinking that there are all these good eligible women… (Boy Was I Wrong)…
IMO, I just think women have to be consistent, are you someone who let's everybody in… or do you make every man wait… Then a least you have a leg to stand on (integrity)…
Most women I run into don't know how or don't want to be feminine & female…
Not most females… alot of the females I am physically attracted to (clarification)
@Adonis
I understand what you are saying. I think at the end of the day, we dont spend enough time putting ourselves in the other sides shoes (mine are hot and sexy)
Im a woman. (not on a horse though..lol). I have a body that men seem to be attracted to. I have football knowledge, can read a recipe book and other attributes that allegedly make me catch.
I've done the whole..let me hide what I really want, let me take what I really want and now am a grown woman with little patience for the games we still play unfortunately who KNOWS what I really want. And with my newfound blog knowledge am CLEAR in COMMUNICATING what it is what I am hoping for.
And yet..still for so many dudes, my CLEAR message is going in one ear and out the other. They pay lip service to about respecting me.. and STAY trying to get the panties or an invite over to my house.
The problem is, times have changed. There used to be a line that we didnt cross, and things that only freaks and 'bad/hood/whatever' chicks did. Now everyone wants to show that they can rival (insert pron star here) by sending xrated pics. Meaning now..dudes are going to stay asking for these kinds of pics. And if you dont submit, you get: why not, we're grown, why you acting all shy, why you acting brand new. Since when does grown automatically equal pics of my pink friday?? Because Im not bragging about my head game, means Im a tease/prude? GTFOH. Even worse, if I do flirt with you because I find you attractive.. I am beholden by law, congress and a bible verse to prove and back it up or you'll be onto the next one.
Im tired of being constantly tested, and yet when I try to have some standards, having them ridiculed or thrown back in my face.
Even worse, Im tired of having to always be putting up a fight. And being penalized for when I decide to let my guard down and let you in. So I let you phuck me. And? That means I have no morals or respect for myself? Im not worthy of trying to date? I cant just be a human being with sexual wants and needs that I wanted you to fulfill?
Im human. I have wants and needs like everyone else. When I see girls doing the least and getting the most (word to Max)…it can be frustrating. Its no different than the 'nice guy' who sees chicks going after the thugs/a$$holes.
At the end of the day, life is not fair. Some nice people finish last. Bad things happen to good people. As a reasonably cute, smart girl.. I am not entitled to anything on earth but the name I was given. As a good black man.. neither are you.
The sooner we stop with the games and the tests..the better we'll all be.
Good response… As soon as I stop enjoying "Diary" by Alicia Keys… I will post an enlightened response…
I think I cried to this song a while back #Just a few tears
BTW, testing is ESSENTIAL for dating… women test me all the time and although I hate it, there really would be no other way for them to feel me out… And I always ut the ball in a woman's court to mess up the interaction between us (leaving nothing to chance)… So, I am not surprise or mad when men test for what they want, it is sometimes a conflict of interest
Cool… Forgive my viewpoint, but I think this is easier solved in theory…
Three books I love on the subject on Seducing Men (well four, but you are getting three for now)
"Art Of Seduction" By Robert Greene
"Why Men Love Bitches" By Sherry Argov
"The Rules" By Ellen Fein
That's up to you if you want to read them… Here is my take…
To find a deep, intimate, satisfying relationship with the partner is difficult, but possible… Being proactive is the solution for people where love doesn't fall into their lap
First, you have to become a whole human being… emotionally mature, healthy boundaries, a modicum of intelligence, and something else that I cannot remember…
But I am assuming that you are going for a particular type of male… And not a one particular man (One-itis)
You have to figure out what type of female attracts that male, and model her (even if she is what you perceive to be a b*tch…), as long as it doesn't compromise your values…
If I ever plan to get married (when I turn 275), I believe that with that particular female, I would at least wait four months before I wear her out in the bedroom for the first time (I need to see if we could be the best of friends first)…
So, even though guys give you a hard time about not being a slut…
sending pics & all that other stuff you will be sending me in 5 minutes 😉It is in your best interests to put a spiget on the booty until you are certain that the relationship is going where YOU want it to go…What do you think…?
And even life isn't FAIR, I think that it is refreshing with hard work & self-discipline… you are going to get the life you want…
I WOULD TAKE IT TO THE POINT OF BEFRIENDING THE B*TCH AND HANG OUT WITH HER TO GET THE SECRETS
You said it yourself, life is not fair… you don't have to be a b*itch, but you at least have to have the capacity to be one…
@Adonis..
Yes, testing is essential for dating. But the problem is.. many men use something so important (sex) as the test. And sometimes, its a no-win kind of test. This post is about a woman who didnt want to have sex with dude on 2nd date because she wants to keep herself in the wife-lane and not get relegated to sidepiece-lane. And what about if you should be coming at me..when my hormones are ranging and I want you back just as bad. If I give in..then I've lost..
And it sucks.
People need to learn balance.
Me giving it up to YOU on the (insert #) date does not always mean that I've done that in the past. Me making you wait doesn't always mean that Im virtuous and wife material either.
Any problems to do with the unpredictable nature of dating will only ever be solved in theory. But it doesn't hurt to communicate.
To reply to some specific points you made:
"I am assuming that you are going for a particular type of male… And not a one particular man (One-itis)" And you would be assuming incorrectly. The only thing that all recent men in my life have in common is that they are black and live in the same city as me (and all also seem to have children which is interesting)
"You have to figure out what type of female attracts that male, and model her (even if she is what you perceive to be a b*tch…), as long as it doesn’t compromise your values" Asking me to change my personality to find a man is unrealistic. I can change my behavior, but not the essence of me. Plus who is to say that those kinds of changes would be long-term? What if I revert back to the old me? Its no different than that 'nice guy' trying to emulate the 'bad boy' so that he can get more pu$$y. It might get him what he wants short term.. but chances are he'll go back to who/what he used to be..and still lose in the end. Thus starting this vicious cycle of..oh woe is me.. I did everything I was supposed to do and I still lost.
"If I ever plan to get married (when I turn 275), I believe that with that particular female, I would at least wait four months before I wear her out in the bedroom for the first time" I think if you meet your future wife, it wont go according to some pre-ordained plan. I also think it's funny (and an example of one of many dating double standards) that you have an idea in your head of the # of months that you won't sleep with a woman that you want to wife up..and yet..when women do it..
(wishes I could find the Very Smart Brothas post on the 90-day rule).
"It is in your best interests to put a spiget on the booty until you are certain that the relationship is going where YOU want it to go…" Like I said.. both sides are sometimes dammed if they do, dammed if they dont. I can do everything right, but if the mans intention is to get the booty by any means necessary (which might mean..swindling until the panties drop). Show of hands from ladies who waited x amount of time before getting biblical with a dude..and he ups and disappears within 1-2 days/weeks later…
Each person has to weigh their own breaking points of being guarded and being open. Each person also has to be truly honest with themselves about who they are and what they want.
@ keisha brown
do you mind if i join your conversation with adonis?
@Merry E-Life
#OverridingKeisha LOL
Absolutely you can join this conversation…
Your contribution is welcomed
@merry e-life..
LOL. of course!!
@ adonis
right? i actually thought (i shouldve asked adonis) after i posted that lol. thanks for for the warm welcome though!
it sounds to me like keishas developing confidence in herself while shes making the transition from young lady to woman. shes developing a healthy sense of esteem, value, and self worth and having confidence in herself to maintain those things. the problem shes talking about is that the men around her are pressuring her into sex, or doing sexual things and shes tired of ppl throwing her under the bus for being strong and not giving into it. is that right keisha?
and i think youre a self confident guy that sees women on a deeper level than just their bodies or appearances or anything shallow like that. you seem genuinely attentive. like a good leader cuz you provide a lot of feedback and suggestions bc you actually listen to whats being said to you. i think your problem is the kind of women you like dont really go for that. they like the aggressive, straight forward, primal type dudes.
my suggestion…keep being yourself. respectful, attentive, a good leader and if theyre still not diggin it tell them 'oh well. get used to it or bounce'…and walk away. its what she wants, youre still being yourself, AND shell chase after you if she cares. you just gotta slowly put her in line and itll work out.
and i think youre a self confident guy that sees women on a deeper level than just their bodies or appearances or anything shallow like that. you seem genuinely attentive. like a good leader cuz you provide a lot of feedback and suggestions bc you actually listen to whats being said to you. i think your problem is the kind of women you like dont really go for that. they like the aggressive, straight forward, primal type dudes.
my suggestion…keep being yourself. respectful, attentive, a good leader and if theyre still not diggin it tell them ‘oh well. get used to it or bounce’…and walk away. its what she wants, youre still being yourself, AND shell chase after you if she cares. you just gotta slowly put her in line and itll work out.
@Merry E-Life, @Keisha Brown
This is definitely what I am trying to communicate to Keisha, but I will try to communicate it better
50th Law by 50 Cent & Robert Greene
“The public is never wrong. When people don’t respond to what you do, they’re telling you something loud and clear. You’re just not listening.” – 50 Cent
In 50’s book he talked about connect with his fanbase, and to stay in touch with THEIR desires that is why he created a social networking site on thisis50.com (unintended plug-in)
I treat the women I am attracted to, like a business to a degree… I am not CHANGING my personality and what makes me, ME… I am only improving or adding to it to attract the women I want…
I am uncompromising on the stuff I really believe in, and compromising on the stuff that I need to do to attract the women I am attracted to…
I love women in this order
1. Black Women (preferably American & English Speaking)
2. French Women
3. White Women
4. Latin Women
5. Asian Women
Black women in general I have the most issues with as far as dating, but I refuse to give up on them because I think that they will bring me the most satisfaction…
there was a time where I thought their issues were my fault (I was half wrong), but then I realized that alot of black women havwe to change some of their
bullsh*tways, and I just have to make a few key adjustmentsMOST ISSUES/HIGH REWARD
Thanks
@ Keisha: i'm a guy, and I gotta co-sign your entire comment #1hunnid. #blunthonesty *throws on Kevlar vest for breaking man law*…
Yep. This here is almost the story of my life.
@ Keisha: I could kiss you for that last post…
@GP..
lol. well as you can see..my lip gloss be poppin!! 😉
Yes it is! I'm lovin it
McDonald'sand I'm so thrilled that your lips are chocolate. Love my chocolate sistahs!@GP:
LOL. nice.
Happy New Year.
@Merry E-Life
I am trying to keep up with you but you are a heavy hitter
Thanks
I will respond
@Merry E-Life
Excuse my poor editing, it will get better
I am going 1000MPH now
thanks! its cuz my baby brings the best out of me with all that spirit he has.
me too! i had to shave like 45 paragraphs off that last comment so its all good. im sure theres typos all over the place im just so excited! i finally get to talk to someone about deeper things without beining argued with or ridiculed and its feels really good. its like FINALLY!
thanks! its cuz my baby brings the best out of me with all that spirit he has.
He better step it up… Adonis is definitely nipping at his heels… good for him
me too! i had to shave like 45 paragraphs off that last comment so its all good. im sure theres typos all over the place im just so excited! i finally get to talk to someone about deeper things without beining argued with or ridiculed and its feels really good. its like FINALLY!
Your welcome… Honesty is one of those traits that you have to cultivate and it is not accepted or given ENOUGH… so, it is what it is
lmao. yeah im definitely trying not to flirt…
Wow, SBM.
It's clear that some folks on here have a little too much time on their hands during the Holiday break.
Maybe the next post should be something like 10 things you can do before the new year thtat doesn't include fighting with strangers online.
IJS
Too bad. You all have a good thing going on here.
excellent post. Ne'er knew this, regards for letting me know.
How "good" is the man if he is trying to smash on the 1st and 2nd date?????????
I don't do this. But the reason why women do this is the same reason that men will not push sex on a female they really like and want to take their time getting to know because she has "wifey" potential.
b/c of "popular belief" that a man, or woman won't respect you if you sleep with them too soon, if a woman really likes you and considers you "husbandy" material then she will want u to respect her to the utmost. In order to garner that respect she feels like no matter how much she wants to, she cannot sleep with you, otherwise u will look at her as any other "hoe" and she won't be "special" in your eyes. If the woman doesn't think your "husbandy" material and doesn't want you to put a ring on it cause she is not feeling u like that, then she could care less what u think of her, hence she will be more likely to give it up to a sexy scrub, than a future husband.